Xi Murongshi misses your mother.

Xi Murong's "Former Mom" instead of "Missing Your Mom".

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Kyle, who will be in the fourth grade after the summer vacation, began to watch Sherlock Holmes these days. You can see him absorbed in reading everywhere. By the wall, in the shade, in the corner of the big sofa chair, my little boy has entered the strange and mysterious world of Sherlock Holmes, and he has no time to pay attention to anyone who has set the edge for him. However, occasionally, he would suddenly call me: "Mom, Mom." He stopped making noise after I answered him. Sometimes I am in another room and I don't hear his call. He will call me louder and louder, with a little anxiety and fear in his voice. When he saw me, he turned around with a smile and went on reading his book without saying a word. I went after him and asked him what he wanted to see me about. He said, "Nothing, just to see if you are here." I can't help laughing, this little boy! He must have been frightened by the plot in the book and refused to disclose it to me, so he had to return to the real world at any time to seek my company. As long as he knows that his mother is by his side, he can bravely follow Holmes to explore again. Therefore, in these hot afternoons, I deliberately found something to walk beside him, feeling very safe in my heart, knowing that my little boy still needs my company, and I am a happy mother. I used to think that my mother didn't love me. That's because I always feel that I am the least worthy of love among the five children. I am not as smart and beautiful as my two sisters, as quiet and submissive as my sister, and I am not the only boy in my family like my brother. I am stubborn and suspicious, and I am really an extra one in this family. However, I really hope my mother can love me. From her, how I long to hear a gentle word and get a gentle caress, and how I hope my mother can hold me tightly in her arms and say to me, "You are my favorite baby." However, my mother has always been a silent woman. As long as I can remember, I have been with my grandmother, and my mother never seems to hug me. She always holds her sister or brother in her arms and smiles at me from a distance. I never seem to get close to her. When I grow up, I sometimes feel unwilling, and I also want to ask my mother some questions indirectly, hoping to get some proof from her to prove that I also have advantages and deserve love. However, my mother always laughs at my strange questions. When I am in a hurry to ask, she will gently scold me: "Fool, I was born, how can I be partial?" I sometimes pester her like a spoiled brat, hoping that she can turn around and give me a hug or a kiss. However, no matter how I pestered her, hinted at her, and even had the cheek to beg her, my mother never gave me any warm response. She always said, "Stop it! Such a big person is not afraid of others laughing at you! " Every time I leave her quietly and retreat to my corner, there will always be a familiar uneasiness and resentment in my heart, which will last for a long time. Until I had a child of my own. In the first few months after the baby was born, I lived with my mother and learned how to take care of the baby. One day, my mother put on a soft hat for my child to keep out the wind, and the pink brim was dotted with tiny flowers, which made my child's face look more like a sweet rose. My mother suddenly smiled: "Rong Rong, come and see, this little guy is exactly the same as when you were a child!" " With that, she held my baby, my sweet and soft baby, in her arms and kissed it several times. I was standing in front of my house and felt badly hurt. For a time, I was sad and happy. What I want so much, what I have been asking for but never satisfied, my mother gave it to me at the beginning! However, why did it take me so many years to know and understand? Why do you want this arrangement? When I tidy up my desk or suitcase, Cier likes to stand by and watch, because sometimes what she likes will come out. If she asked softly, I would probably give it to her. Sometimes it's a Spanish fan, sometimes it's a beautiful notebook, sometimes it's a string of glass beads. When she gets it, she will always be ecstatic. This day, she came to watch the fun again. I'm sorting through those old photo albums. She picked up an enlarged photo and asked me, "Who is this?" "This is mom! I participated in the European dance competition and got the first photo! " "Nonsense! How could it be you? How can you dance with a ribbon? " The dancer in the photo is gracefully waving two long ribbons and standing in the center of the stage. Her face after makeup is three points shy and seven points proud. "It's me! Not long after I went to Belgium, I participated in an international student dance competition organized by the University of Leuven. I am the protagonist, and eight other female students dance with me. We ... "Before the words were finished, her classmates roared forward on bicycles outside the window and shouted her name. The daughter jumped up and answered loudly out of the window: "coming!" Coming! " Then he turned and waved to me and ran out happily. I walked to the door, just to see the back of a group of girls, all from junior high school, but tall and big, riding fast. I still have that picture in my hand. Actually, I still have a lot to say to my daughter. I want to tell her how seriously we rehearsed over and over again, how to take care of each other during the performance, and how the male students were excited to make us a midnight snack and take pictures around us after knowing that they won the first prize. In fact, it was only a small school activity, but because they used the names of China students and won the first prize in more than 20 countries, this group of China students kept close contact and had a very happy evening. I really want to tell my daughter these happy memories, but I have no chance. At the dinner table, she was talking excitedly. There are so many interesting and important things to say between her and her classmates that I can't get a word in. All night, I could only smile at her from a distance. The hukou in Taiwan Province Province could have been warm or heartless. Everyone's dynamics, every move is carefully recorded on it, trivial and lengthy. I have lived in the same place for a long time and there are too many materials, so I will attach some attached pages to the original book. It's troublesome to take them in and out. Our household registration book in Xinbeitou is like that. I miss that now, because the excitement will never come back. A few years ago, my mother often went abroad to visit various places, sometimes staying at my father's house, sometimes staying at my sister's house, and occasionally staying at my brother's house for a few months; If you want to change the procedures for visiting relatives, you can write back and ask me to apply for the transcripts of my previous household registration at the household registration office in Xinbeitou. Every time, you will note at the end of the letter: "Please apply for more points and don't lose them." Because we have all moved out, the house has been resold to others, and all the information about our family has been put away, leaving only one file number. I reported that number when I applied, and the household administration found out the yellowed file and made a copy for me. I can see my old home again, those dear names, and all the tender memories I almost forgot when I came back with those dear names. I think maybe I can understand the feeling that my mother always wants me to submit more report cards. Because her current household registration book is very clean and simple, my mother has been living opposite my house since she returned to China, so there is only one name on the household registration book. Only my mother's name is written in the whole household registration book. After analyzing my illness in detail, the doctor suddenly said to me in a particularly gentle tone, "In any case, it is absolutely impossible for you to bring your old mother back." The doctor is about 60 years old, well dressed, gentle in temperament, and has the unique wisdom and insight of the elderly. After he finished this sentence, there was a very short pause, as if knowing that I should have started crying by this time. However, I was not fooled. I won't be fooled. I didn't let it shed a tear. I won't be fooled easily. In this world, there are some things you can believe. Some things are absolutely unbelievable. Never shed tears. A tear means you believe what he said, and a tear means you admit that the fact cannot be changed. Although my mother had another stroke, since the last severe illness has been overcome and she can stand up again, who can say that she can't recover this time? Who dares to say that I can't get my mother back as strong and happy as before? I bowed coldly to the doctor, thanked him, and then went back to my mother's bed. Mother is in sleep after a stroke and should get better gradually in a few days. After a little better, you can start to do rehabilitation exercises. As long as you remain confident, you should be fine. Father and sisters made long-distance calls and said they would come back to accompany her as soon as possible. I don't think this doctor knows my mother very well, nor does he know her strength and perseverance, so he told me such a wrong conclusion. In the evening, I left the hospital and drove home alone, still thinking about what the doctor said during the day. Suddenly, something flashed through my mind, and I was shocked by this sudden idea. There is nothing wrong with what the doctor said! Old mother, old mother, what the doctor said is not wrong! As the days passed, the old mother changed day by day and never came back! Which is my old mother? Before the second stroke, in Shimen County, where did the white-haired old lady walk step by step with a cane in her left hand? Or earlier, before my first stroke, my husband and I were reunited in Europe and dressed in gorgeous women at a friend's Christmas dinner? Or earlier, standing with the children on the grass in front of Xinbeitou's house, where is the mother who is still charming and smiling? Or earlier, in the photo studio in Nanjing, the young woman with a full-moon baby in her arms, surrounded by her husband and children, smiling at the camera? Or earlier, in the fields of rural Chongqing, she fled the enemy's air raid in a hurry, fearing that she would not scare the children around her and crush the fetus in her womb? Or earlier, earlier, in an old yellowed photo, wearing a long coat with a leather collar and black tweed, standing in the snowy courtyard of Beiping, where is the girl with black and bright eyes? Or earlier, earlier, I just overheard it. On the Mongolian prairie, what about the ten-year-old girl who likes to pick up some pebbles on the riverbed and go home to play? Ex-mom! Ex-mom! Day by day, for the sake of our five children, the former mothers were left behind day by day and never came back! Of course, my mother can recover now, but she can never be the old me. "Mom, mom." On the highway in the middle of the night, I gently called for my mother who smiled gently at me in those years. All the former mothers who can't come back can't help crying alone. The car is driving too fast, and the road is dark!