Funny, funny words?

"Ma Yun gave * * * a billion-dollar joke and told it to his wife one day. Then he asked me second-class goods," Do you eat or not? "She was silent for a while, and then said

"Ma Yun gave * * * a billion-dollar joke and told it to his wife one day. Then he asked me second-class goods," Do you eat or not? "She was silent for a while, and then said that bringing home the bacon is a man's business." The following is what I brought, I hope you like it.

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1*** Husband sings to his wife: "Love you for ten thousand years." Wife: "Don't scold yourself, don't think about what can live for 10 thousand years in the world?"

I can't outrun that BMW after all, so I can only watch it go away in the sunset. It's not that my engine is broken, but that my chain has fallen off.

3*** I passed a crossroads that day, and I wanted to fart. There happened to be a man riding a motorcycle, so I wanted to take this opportunity to cover my fart. I didn't know the noise was too loud, so when I put it in gear, the motorcyclist thought it had started and was about to leave. I was embarrassed that time.

I've watched too many football games! I know everything about football. Really? Then tell me, how many holes are there in the football net?

5*** King Kong is a * * * idiot; Have you ever seen a coconut tree grow bananas?

6*** galvanized coffins are certainly more durable, but wooden coffins are good for health.

7*** lovers are house slaves, and those who have houses are jack.

8*** Every day, I circle my calendar. It was not until Sunday that I discovered that my life was an ellipsis.

9*** scolds you at ordinary times. You didn't know you were both civil and military until you hit him.

10*** Every time I'm in a bad mood, I go to chat with the gossip aunt in the community. It usually takes less than ten minutes to know which building is worse than mine, which is very healing.

1 1 * * Today, in the hot spring locker room, a little girl pointed at me and asked her mother, mom, why is this aunt wearing a bra? Didn't you say you can wear it with breasts? Why can she wear it?

12*** Professor Q: What are the similarities between rotten radish and pregnant women? A student replied: it's all caused by bugs. Only get 60 points. Another student got full marks, and the answer was: it was all because he was late.

13*** In junior high school math class, the teacher talked about equation transformation and shouted at the podium with sleeves rolled up: Attention, students! I'm going to change!

The nurse14 * * saw a patient drinking in the ward, so she went over and whispered to him, "Sweetheart!" "The patient smiled and said," baby. "

15*** I saw a penny on the side of the road and was about to bend down to pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. I am the second Olympic Games. Damn it, who threw up so round?

16*** Just kidding. Some people say that girls want to meet men like Sha Qianmo, but all they meet are countless killers! ! ! ! As a man, I must stand up and be fair. None of us men want to meet girls like Hua, but they all spend money! !

17*** One day I heard a woman Khan proudly say to a girl with big breasts: I am proud of my flat breasts, and I make cloth for my country. In the spirit of joking, I said: you are flat-chested, you * * *, and you have posted a big piece of paper, which has deceived countless boys!

18*** One day: Xiaoming cried and said to his father: Dad, someone called me * * *. Dad roared: Then his son is the biggest in the world. Dad asked: Who scolded you? Xiaoming: It's Grandpa!

19*** Today I finally know the disadvantages of watching more jokes. I confess to a girl I have liked for a long time: I like you, be my girlfriend. She said, How long have you been in love with me? I replied shyly, I haven't been there yet, I don't know.

20*** Ideal state: 4G watches videos, 3G watches pictures, and 2G watches paragraphs. Reality: 4G mobile phones use 3G networks to do 2G things, but they can't TM load!

2 1 * * LZ is engaged in the snack business. A lovely girl came to buy something this morning, and finally settled the bill with a ***5 1 My sister asked if 1 yuan could be discarded. I said in a joking spirit that I am handsome, so I don't want it. As a result, the girl silently took out 1 yuan and gave it to me.

22*** I still remember that in the sixth grade of primary school, the math teacher dragged the class, and I didn't dare to make any noise. My stomach hurts all the time, so I ran home after school. As a result, my mother shouted at the door for a few minutes, and I stood still as soon as I opened the door. My mother asked me why I said yes. My mother laughs for a long time and often plays jokes on her friends, not to mention sharpening the knife. It's talking outside.

23*** The prince in the palace went to play among the people! There was a beggar in Lu Yu who found himself very much alike! The prince asked the beggar very contemptuously, "Did your mother ever work as a maid in the palace?" The beggar replied angrily, "no, my mother has never been to the palace, but my father used to be a coachman in the palace!" " "

24*** Me: "Why?" Girlfriend: "Hospital hangs water, stomach bleeding" Me: "Comfort bleeding? *** ! You have to wear a condom when there are thorns on the cucumber. " Girlfriend: "* * * Stop joking in the future, okay?"

I have a friend who likes telling jokes. I once saw a very good joke in Mahua. The first thing I did when I came home was to rush into the room and tell my wife a joke to make her happy. As a result, the wife lying in bed didn't react, and laughter came from one side of the wardrobe.

26*** One day I saw a joke that women don't wear bras in winter, so I wondered and asked my girlfriend: Don't you women wear bras in winter? My girlfriend slapped me without saying anything: Say, which woman did you see without a bra? I replied: jokes. Girlfriend slapped again and said, you are very successful and found a Japanese bitch!

27*** Ma Yun gave * * * a billion-dollar joke and told it to his wife one day, and then asked me, "Do you want to eat?" She was silent for a while, and then said, bringing home the bacon is a man's business.

28*** watching American TV shows is fast forward 1 minute, which has changed. Watching Korean dramas is connected with this event every 10 episode, and watching domestic TV dramas fast forward 10 minutes or this event, and watching Japanese TV dramas is an episode.

29*** Looking at Journey to the West, I found that the four Tang Taoists never took a bath. Why? God replied: every time I am caught by a monster, it is a child who carries and washes behind me. Later, my uncle wanted to eat Tangseng meat, and then he was saved.

30*** A friend fell in love with a goddess and was rejected for the first time. He turned and left. After a few days, the goddess took the initiative to ask him: Why do you only confess once? Why don't you confess a few times? So the friend said, "scraping a thank-you note is enough." Love is the same, there is no need to scrape off the word "thank you for your patronage" before putting it down!

On my birthday, my wife bought me a bottle of ladies' perfume. Of course, the perfume is for her own enjoyment. On my wife's birthday, I bought her a razor that I always wanted. Two days later, my father-in-law got a new razor.

I have known her for almost a year. She doesn't like to talk, just smiles silently at my work. She never complains even if my income is not high. Although all my family are against us being together, I am determined to marry her. But a ruthless fire separated us forever. I vaguely remember her last cry: "Peng!" I am still single today, because I can't find the same paragraph on Taobao.

I live alone. In order to make my family a little angry, I raised some fish. After a long time, I cultivated my feelings and gained some experience. So in order to make my friends live more comfortably, I specially selected it on Taobao and bought a water temperature regulator. After using it, I was really happy to see them swimming around, but I went to the balcony and smoked one.

A woman may like you, but she doesn't love you; She can love you, but she won't marry you; She can marry you, but she can't have children; She can have children, but the children are not yours.

When I was a child, my parents always believed that the ugly duckling would turn into a white swan and then marry a rich woman; One day when I grew up, my father looked at me intently and said earnestly, "son, you'd better study hard."

I think I'm a pervert. I have a hobby of Oedipus, and I like it best. Why else do I miss grandma every time I see the face of our supermarket supervisor?

37*** When I laugh, my smile is full of poet-like bohemian temperament, but behind this bohemian is a delicate and warm emotion. When I am silent, I look up like a pure and graceful girl in the choir and a noble with a deep and elegant head. Yes, I am such a man who perfectly combines various seemingly irreconcilable qualities.

Select:

1* * Go shopping with friends. He was playing with his mobile phone on the road when he met a deaf-mute who asked him for money with a disability certificate. My friend didn't read it carefully and thought it was a leaflet. He left directly with a disability certificate. After a long walk, the deaf-mute shouted, * * * Don't go, don't go.

I wanted to buy snacks when I was a child. I stole 50 yuan from home. After that, I put the remaining forty dollars back. At dinner in the evening, my dad said, who spent our fake money? I must reward him. When I heard it, I shouted, it's me, it's me. I thought it was a good thing! As a result, dad laughed and started pulling the belt!

3*** A friend said: Those who are good-looking and like to eat are called foodies, and those who are not good-looking and like to eat are called gits! Ah. What a painful understanding.

4*** For Xueba, holding a parent-teacher conference is just like celebrating the New Year. For scum like us, holding a parent-teacher conference is like being clear.

If God gives me another chance to be born again, I must choose the Tang Dynasty, so I don't have to learn English or lose weight.

6*** "Do you use your left hand or your right hand to wipe * *" "Right hand" "That's disgusting. I use paper. "

7*** I don't know what it feels like to have thin legs, thin waist, thin hands and thin neck.

8*** I said I had a bad temper, was short and ugly, and certainly no boys liked me. I mean, if I were your own,

9*** I suddenly had the impulse to study, and took a sip of water to calm my nerves. Okay, it's calm now. I was too impulsive just now. Fortunately, I have strong self-control.

10 * * "Doctor, what's wrong with me?" "paralysis above the neck." "Ah, what's wrong?" "brain-dead."

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