Say something that makes people laugh out loud. Say something that makes people laugh.

1. I saw a fat girl walking slowly on the treadmill at the gym. I went over to remind her: Girl, you have to go faster, otherwise you won't be able to lose weight. The girl responded aggrievedly: I adjusted it very fast, but it slowed down as soon as I stepped on it!

2. The manager came over in the morning and said to eat breakfast quickly and tell you something after eating! Me: Work is important, you go ahead and I’ll eat later! Manager: The company is laying off employees because of you. You should finish your breakfast so that you have the strength to pack your things. . .

3. I make 2,000 a month and feel that I have reached the peak of my life. I am still single now. I dare not have a girlfriend because I am afraid that my girlfriend will take advantage of my money.

4． It's autumn. I opened my closet and saw that it's time for me to go shopping. I opened my wallet and saw that I'm still young and not cold.

5. A: Brother, can you lend me some money? B: I want to go home and discuss it with my wife. A: Don’t you have a wife? B: So there is no need to discuss!

6. There is only one worry if you are not full, but there are countless worries if you are full.

7. As Lao Wang entered his forties, he felt more and more that his ears were no longer working, so he went to the hospital for treatment. Lao Wang: Doctor, my ears are getting worse and worse. Recently, I can’t even hear my own farts. Doctor: Take this medicine and see if your condition gets better. Lao Wang: Can my ear disease be cured? Doctor: That may not be possible, but it can make your farts louder.

8. People are divided into groups, which is why my lists are so beautiful.

9. I read on the news that a middle-aged man and woman kissed passionately for half an hour on the bus. The passengers couldn't stand it any longer, and they all stepped forward to accuse: Damn, the foreplay is too long, why don't you take off your clothes? We’ve all been on a lot of stops!

10. Stay with me, at least I have more than ten pounds of flesh to love you than others.

11. People who are better than you work harder than you, and you can accept this. But if someone is better than you and works less hard than you, you are confused. Why? Just because you are stupid.

12. I am really lucky and grateful to have known these sincere friends for many years, and their attitude towards me has never changed. For example, there was no Mid-Autumn Festival gift last year, and there is still no Mid-Autumn Festival gift this year.

13. My wife had just given birth to her second child, and I couldn’t go to my friends’ gathering, so I texted back: My second child was too young and couldn’t come. A friend who didn't know the situation called me and said, "Come on, just eat and sing, it won't get in the way." . .

14. Me: Son, what will you buy for your mother when you grow up? Son: House and car. Me: Can’t afford it? Son: I will only burn it for you later. I:. . .

15. I don't like you, like the neighbor who ate Sichuan peppercorns and numbed the next door.

16. If you run up to a boy you like, shyly say that you will be waiting for you on the rooftop after class if you have something to say to you, and then turn around and run away, your chances of success are extremely high. Confess your love on the rooftop. If you are still rejected, you can turn around and run away again. If he pulls you, throw yourself into his arms. If he doesn't pull you, just take out the lock you prepared in advance and lock him up. That's it. He usually gives in.

17. Sleepy in spring, tired in summer, tired in autumn, hibernating, the four seasons are like a dream.

18． The son came home: Dad, I got 50 points in the exam. Dad was angry: Next time you get a low grade, don’t call me dad! The son came back the next day: I'm sorry, brother!

19. It was too cold in winter, and neither of them wanted to get up to make breakfast. My wife said that the outcome would be determined by guessing the game. The two punched at the same time, the wife's fist, and the husband's punch. My husband laughed and said: You lose, get up and make breakfast! My wife said: I punched, but you punched cloth. Did you win? Let me ask you, is the fist bigger or the cloth is bigger? Clothes are made of cloth, can the clothes block the fist? If you don't believe it, you can try it. If your clothes can block my fist, you will win.

My husband stopped smiling and got up silently to cook. A collection of sentences that made people laugh

Excerpts of sentences that made people laugh

1. How far is eternity? You Get away as far as you can!

2. When you encounter a writer’s signature: it may seem like it, but it may not necessarily be the case. I came across a GG signature: Give me a girl and I can create a nation.

3. Ever since I turned into shit, no one has stepped on me anymore.

4. I want to fall in love early, but it’s too late

5. Oh my God! My clothes have lost weight again.

6. During a military parade of a certain unit, the commander walked by with his head held high. Comrades, good commander, good comrades. You have worked hard to serve the people. The comrades are tanned and the commander is even darker.

7. Someone met a friend on the street. When he first asked about his friend's wife, he suddenly remembered that she was dead, so he changed his words and said: Is she still in the original cemetery?

8. A certain man's wife often cheated on her. , and turned a blind eye, a colleague sent a pair of couplets, the first couplet: As long as life goes by, the second couplet: Even if the head is a little green, the horizontal line: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

9. Two little birds saw a hunter aiming at them. One said, you protect the scene and I will call the police!

10. You look very creative and alive. It's your courage; being ugly is not your original intention, it's just God losing his temper; you have to live bravely, without you who will set off the beauty of the donkey!

11. Three little ones in the forest Animals are chatting. Xiaozhu said: Nicknames are popular nowadays, from now on you will call me Xiaozhuzhu. Little Rabbit: Okay, then I’ll call you Little Rabbit. The little chicken looked unhappy: I have something else to do, so I’ll leave first.

12. My dream life: sleeping until I wake up naturally, counting money until my hands cramp. My real life: counting money until I wake up naturally, sleeping until my hands cramp.

13. Being single is painful, and being single for a long time is even more painful. I saw a sow a few days ago, and I thought it was pretty and pretty.

14. Pain is the enjoyment that can only be enjoyed by sober people

15. Don’t compare yourself to me, I am too lazy to compare with you.

16. College is all about learning!

17. I have a blue dragon on my left, a white tiger on my right, and a Mickey Mouse tattoo on my shoulder.

18. Other people’s money is my personal belongings.

19. I can’t sleep for a long time in the morning; I feel sleepy at night!

20. I have been really busy recently, and it is difficult to even get an hour of sleep a day!

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21. Why do you need to sleep for a long time when you are alive? You will sleep forever after death.

22. The inner beauty that men refer to refers to the inside of the body, not the heart.

23. God has given you a pair of wings, so you should be braised

24. What’s the use of a handsome man? Can I swipe credit cards with my face at the bank?

25. They say that men become bad when they are rich, but I have been a good man for more than 20 years!

Appreciation of sentences that make people laugh

1. When arguing with someone, take a step back and the sky will be brighter; when chasing your girlfriend, take a step back and the sky will be empty.

2. It is said that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers.

Looking back, I actually ran around naked for the whole New Year!

3. Looking at a beautiful girl, there is no way to strike up a conversation. I picked up a brick on the side of the road and stepped forward. Classmate, this is what you dropped. Right?

4. In the dark night, I suddenly wanted to study, but when I found the candle, it was already dawn

5. These days I still hang up all day People in QQ have nothing to do except go to work, and they are people who are unloved after get off work

6. From heaven to hell, I passed through the world!

7. On the road to awesomeness , I ran all the way!

8. There is always time and opportunity for things to be done, and excuses for things not to be done.

9. Not only do I have a car, but I also drive my own bike

10. Summer is just not good. When I was poor, I couldn’t even drink the northwest wind

11 . I climbed up to the top of the ladder with great difficulty, but found that the ladder was placed on the wrong wall

12. Facing the crowd in front of me, I had to pass through and be cool. I know you are watching from the side, Quite fake

13. Listen to your words and save me ten books!

14. Brother, can you lower the resolution on your face?

15. If QB is used as a reward in the exam, then the country will become rich and powerful immediately.

Selected sentences that make people laugh

1. When you have no money, eat wild vegetables at home; when you have money, eat wild vegetables in the hotel.

2. The farthest distance in the world is not that we are separated by the sky, but that we are classmates in different rooms.

3. A young girl is valuable, but a young woman is more valuable. If a rich woman is around, both can be thrown away.

4. There are only two things I can’t do in my life: I can’t do this, and I can’t do that.

5. Buying a computer but not having broadband is like having all the food and wine prepared but becoming a monk before eating.

6. Sorry is a kind of sincerity, but it doesn’t matter is a kind of demeanor. If you pay sincerity but don’t get demeanor, it only shows the ignorance and vulgarity of the other party.

7. I thought about the word "especially able to endure hardship", and I did the first one

8. As far as your thoughts go, you can roll as far as you want; as fast as the speed of light, Just roll as fast as you can.

9. You are gold and I am coal. You will shine and I will generate heat. Don't make me angry, or I'll melt you.

10. If God has love, he will also grow old. If man has love, he will die early! A collection of funny sayings that make people laugh

1. I am Jesus’ son Coconut!

2. If a woman pleases herself, she will be beautiful, but if a man pleases himself, he will be poor!

3. There are so many people who despise me, who are you?

4. They have backgrounds, but I only have my back.

5. The real society has ruined my chance to be a good person!

6. Ever since I turned into shit, no one has stepped on me anymore. .

7. There must be a road before the car reaches the mountain, and I can’t stop even if there is a road.

8. WeChat is so awesome that it turns your mobile phone into a walkie-talkie.

9. Even if my heart is the liver and lungs of a donkey, it is enough to feed a dog’s stomach.

10. In front of a beautiful woman: If there is danger, you must save her; if there is no danger, you must save her even if there is danger.

11. Looking at a temple from a distance, and looking at our alma mater from a closer look, there are more than 300 nuns and more than 10,000 monks.

12. Brother lowered his head, not because he was afraid, but because he was looking for bricks.

13. All kinds of little chatter, all kinds of ditties and various tunes.

14. A thousand-mile horse often exists, but a female thousand-mile horse does not often exist.

15. Iron cloth shirt, golden bell cover, Xiao Li flying knife, love bullets are whistling, lovers watch their moves.

16. Heavenly sword, dragon-slaying knife, eight-foot-long snake spear, one general can kill ten thousand bones, and jade belt dragon robe.

17. When the water is extremely clear, there are no fish; when people are extremely humble, they are invincible.

18. There is a male in my family who has grown up and is over 20 years old.

19. The wind is light and the clouds are calm, singing alone, the brows are furrowed and full of melancholy. When you meet a beautiful woman by chance and look at her with eyes, your mind is full of emotions.

20. A big woman cannot be without power for a day, and a little woman cannot be without money for a day!

21. When others praise me, I worry that they don’t praise me enough.

22. You even believe the advertisements. You will be stupid by reading!

23. Brother, you are not lonely, because there is loneliness with you!

24. Those who are not afraid of debt collection are heroes, but those who are afraid of debt are really poor!

25. The sun rises in the east and rains in the west. The teacher is ruthless and I am affectionate.

26. Only after I went to the hospital did I realize that people are more likely to be diagnosed than doctors.

27. I have always had you in my heart, but the proportion has changed.

28. The result of mother-in-law: men become feminized and women become aunts.

29. When drinking with a close friend, you will have a small belly, and if you don’t speculate, there will be more fresh oranges.

30. I am a little narrow-minded, but not lacking; I have a good temper, but not without it!

31. Instead of planting grass for people to lie on, why not plant cactus instead!

32. The road is long and long, so it is better for us to fight it.

33. With your appearance and age, you have already fallen below the issue price.

34. The teacher said: The college entrance examination is coming soon, so if you fall in love early, don’t fight, so as not to affect your mood; if you don’t fall in love early, don’t confess, so as not to be rejected and affect your mood.

35. You have so many pimples on your face that the tractor will overturn if you drive on it.

36. I am a legend, don’t ask which unit I am from.

37. The poor play cars, the rich play watches, and the awesome ones work overtime on the computer.

38. If my brother has good psychological quality, it is as if he has no psychological quality.

39. The words you have said don’t count, the people you like change every day.

40. A big belly is not scary. What is scary is that it is big and empty.

41. God, did you let summer and winter have the same room? What a hell of a weather!

42. You have the nerve to lie, how can I have the nerve not to believe you?

43. Pigs have pig thoughts, and people have human thoughts. If a pig had a human mind, it wouldn't be a pig - it would be Bajie!

44. Question: What do you like about me? Answer: I like you to stay away from me!

45. The so-called puppy love is just supporting someone else’s wife.

46. Don’t buy useless things no matter how cheap they are; don’t rely on people you don’t love no matter how lonely they are.

47. No matter how ugly you are, you can get married, and no matter how beautiful you are, you can be single.

48. People who say good night and go to bed are often still upset half an hour later.

49. A lazy cat pursued a mouse crazily and finally got married. After the marriage, the cat protected the mouse in every possible way. The mouse quickly became fat. The mouse was very moved: My dear, why are you so nice to me? The cat chuckled and said: You will know when you get a little fatter.

50. A roommate, determined to lose weight, vowed in front of all the roommates: I will fight with you about fat. A month passed and I failed to lose weight. I said gently in front of all my roommates: Dear Fatty, you won again this time.

51. The reason why angels can fly is because they take themselves very lightly.

52. Diamonds are forever, but one will go bankrupt!

53. Go your own way and let others take a taxi!

54. The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I used them to roll my eyes.

55. Taking pictures requires seizing the opportunity, and being deliberate will never be good.

56. Baijiahei: If you step on one person during the day, you will not fall asleep; if you step on another person at night, you will sleep soundly.

57. Don’t open the ribbon of a gift. It is full of expectations at first, but it will be corrupted in the end.

58. Think about salary versus salary, forget it, I don’t want to live anymore.

59. Don’t mess with me, or I will make you die in a rhythmic manner.

60. If I don’t hit you, you don’t know that I am both civil and military.

61. You are too short! Let me lend you a telescope so you can see more clearly. Am I not handsome?

62. I want to make a download software called Zier. Because it's so fast that it can't cover your ears.

63. People want to lose weight, reduce waist and butt, why do you have to start with brain cells.

64. Today’s mobile phones and computers are all popular with touch screens. A friend said with emotion: Technology is developing so fast now, maybe one day all TVs will have touch screens. Another friend said: You are stupid! I don’t have a remote control, so I have to walk over and poke it with my finger?

65. Don’t mess with life, or life will mess you up.

66. If this is not love, then I would rather sell cabbage.

67. Some people actually put on blue eye shadow because I have dark circles!

68. If you hang around, you will get annoyed sooner or later.

69. Success is the combination of talents and not being distracted by the Internet.

70. I have three heights, height and intelligence, and I use backgammon!

71. Destiny is responsible for shuffling the cards, but we are the ones playing the cards!

72. My heart is so broken that it feels like dumpling stuffing when I hold it out.

73. I can’t find my tie again. Did you not find the rag yesterday?

74. Look at you! Looking at the back can scare away thousands of troops; turning around can scare away millions of troops.

75. When will the bright moon come? Ask the blue sky for wine and say: Fuck you, I’m so busy, I don’t have time to care about you, just read the weather forecast yourself

76. My body In the Jianghu, but there is no legend about me in the Jianghu.

77. I was very happy when I found two cents. When I picked it up, I saw that it was money from 1992. The money had expired.

78. Your current dream determines your future. In the future, it’s better to sleep for a while!

79. I just registered a user named Dad on a website, and he sent me an email. I was dumbfounded at first when I saw it. It said: Hello Dad, your Username registration successful!

80. If you have to pay taxes when you look in the mirror, I am afraid some women will go bankrupt.

81. I skipped too many classes. One day I wanted to go to class. When I saw the professor, the professor was surprised and said, "I haven't seen you for such a long time and you have grown up so much."

82. Lei Feng did not leave a name for his good deeds, but he recorded everything in his diary.

83. I will definitely not feel anything if I drink a pound of liquor, because I will be dead after drinking half a pound of liquor.

84. Everyone says I am ugly, but in fact I am just not obviously beautiful.

85. If I don’t hit you, you won’t know that I am both civil and military.

86. When I am particularly sleepy, my moral standards are not awakened. Teachers should be careful.

87. There was a match. If I didn’t wash my hair for several days, my scalp would itch and I would be burned to death if I scratched it.

88. My future is not a dream, my future is a nightmare.

89. Hello, the number you dialed has passed away. Please call again in the next life.

90. No matter how ugly you are, you still have to fall in love and talk about the world being filled with love.

91. I fought against fat and almost lost my life.

92. An adult is not comfortable, and being comfortable is not an adult.

93. When I love you, you are a beauty; when I hate you, you are a zombie!

94. There are thousands of Chinese people, if this doesn’t work, let’s change it.

95. You are the wind and I am the sand, you are the leather shoes and I am the brush, if you ignore me I will commit suicide.

96. Showing off wealth is like a peacock spreading its tail. You want to show off your gorgeous appearance, but others see your butthole.

97. As long as we have self-confidence, everything is possible.

98. It’s not my fault that I eat secretly, it’s the loneliness of my mouth.

99. The furthest distance in the world is from Monday to Friday.

100. Since people get tanned, their faces look better, their teeth become whiter, and they no longer blush when drinking alcohol. Those password red envelope copywriting that makes you laugh out loud

Those password red envelope copywriting that makes you laugh out loud (Part 1)

1. I have a background, but I have a background.

2. If you grab the red envelope again, chop your hands off

3. Beard rides a donkey, and the hunchback picks snails. Beard knocks over the hunchback’s snails, and the hunchback drags Beard’s donkey, and Beard goes and beats him The camel that carries the snails, the camel comes to beat the beard of the donkey, the beard beats the camel, the camel beats the beard.

4.烜火xuǎn

5. Red rice bowl, yellow rice bowl, the red rice bowl fills the rice bowl, the yellow rice bowl fills half the rice bowl; the yellow rice bowl fills the rice bowl with half the rice bowl, just like the red rice bowl A full job.

9. The pole is long and the bench is wide. The pole is not as wide as the bench and the bench is not as long as the pole. The pole is tied to the bench, and the bench does not allow the pole to be tied to the bench.

10. Cowherd loves Liu Niang

11. Mix noodles with garlic, mix noodles with garlic, eat garlic noodles as garlic cloves; mix noodles with garlic, mix noodles with garlic, count as eating garlic clove noodles Stir in garlic.

12. Bite milk, drink bread, and carry a leather bag on the train. East and West Street, walking north and south, I saw people biting dogs when I went out. I picked up a dog to hit bricks, but I was afraid that the bricks would bite my hand.

13. 绢王róng

14. I just ate Xiang

15. Thank you, Dad

16. There is a noodle shop The door faces south, and a blue cotton door curtain is hung on the door. If the blue cotton door curtain is removed, the front door faces south; if the blue cotton door curtain is hung, the front door still faces south.

17. 煐火yīng

18. Nianniang, Lianniang, Nianlang, Lianlang

19. There is Cui Thick Legs in front of the mountain, and there is one behind the mountain Cui has thick legs. Two people came to the mountain to compare their legs. I wonder if Cui's legs are thicker than Cui's legs, or Cui's legs are thicker than Cui's legs?

20. Nong's anger made the dragon even angrier. Those password red envelope copywriting that will make you laugh out loud (Part 2)

21. The writing paper is wrapped in thin silver wire, and on the thin silver wire lie 4,444 seemingly dead or immortal beings Small dead lice skin.

22. Xiao Guo drew a red flower, and Xiao Ge drew a yellow flower. Xiao Guo wanted to exchange his red flower for Xiao Ge’s yellow flower, but Xiao Ge exchanged his yellow flower for Xiao Guo’s red flower. flower.

23. Teachers Si, Shi and Shi are with me every day. Teacher Shi taught me to be selfless, Teacher Si gave me spiritual food, Teacher Shi told me to think twice before anything happens, and Teacher Shi gave me the key to knowledge. I am grateful to teachers Shi, Si and Shi Shi.

24. I am ugly and I will grab the first one

25. Eight hundred pacesetters rush to the north slope

26. Coach Lan is a female coach and Coach Lu is a male coach. Coach Lan is not a male coach, and Coach Lu is not a female coach. Lan Nan is the main player in the men's basketball team, and Lu Nan is the main player in the women's basketball team. Coach Lu trains Lan Nan in the men's basketball team, and coach Lan trains Lu Nan in the women's basketball team.

27. There was a good boy who took a piece of drawing paper and came to the stone yard to learn to draw stone lions. Paint a stone lion once a day, and paint a stone lion ten times in ten days.

I painted stone lions time and time again, and painted stone lions every day. The dead lions became "living lions".

28. I am funny

29. Circles, circles, circles, circles. Juanjuan draws circles within circles, and Yuanyuan draws circles within circles. Juanjuan Yuanyuan compares the circles, let’s see whose circle is rounder.

30. The old farmer was angry and made trouble with the old dragon.

31.彳亍chìchu

32. The cowherd is in love with Liu Niang, Liu Niang is in love with beef brisket

33. Benpin bēn

34. Durian milk croissant;

35. The ringing of the school bell is more uneasy than uneasy

36. Green Carp said that his Lu Lili is better than Red Carp’s Li Repeatedly red

37. The crow stood on the back of the black pig and said that the black pig was black. The black pig said that the crow was darker than the black pig. The crow said that its body was blacker than the black pig but its mouth was not black. The black pig listened. Laughing hehehehe.

38. XX I want to give birth to a monkey for you

39. I owe xx five million

40. Duoduo and his brother sat down to share the fruit. My brother asked Duoduo, and Duoduo asked my brother, they all said they wanted to be smaller, and grandma was very happy;