Jokes suitable for telling on stage in 2022

Jokes suitable for telling on stage in 2022

Jokes suitable for telling on stage in 2022. Only humorous opening remarks can attract my attention most, so I will share these classic opening remarks with you to make you have a good time. Share a paragraph that is suitable for speaking on stage in 2022.

Jokes 1 mistakes suitable for speaking on stage in 2022.

When I went to work in the morning, suddenly a courier came in to send flowers. The recipient is one of our male colleagues! We all think maliciously whether he is gay or not, and whether he is being chased by beautiful women. He was confused for a while with the flowers, and suddenly patted his head and said, "The recipient and the sender fill it backwards!" " "

Judge whether the employee is at work.

1, typing is very light and there is a pause: chatting;

2, the keyboard and mouse are used together and don't stop clicking: playing games;

3. Keep sliding the wheel or the Pagedown key: read the post;

4. Press Refresh /F5 all the time, in the upper part of Weibo;

5, motionless, staring at the screen: watching movies;

6, the expression is sometimes serious, sometimes relaxed: looking at the stock;

7. Hands on the keyboard for a long time: I fell asleep.

Buy a car

A student in a driving class asked the coach after taking the driver's license test, "How am I driving?" Can I ask my father to buy me a car? "

Coach: "Buy more cars!"

Treat hiccups

I have been burping today. I burp and eat. Suddenly, a man with a big head and a big face slapped the table and glared at me for ten seconds. My cold sweat came down. I am definitely no match for him in fighting! My arms are thicker than my legs! Then Big Brother said, "Is Hiccup ready? That's what I used to do. "

For the next generation

My wife wants to buy an iphone4S. I looked at my wife's big belly and said, wife, for the sake of the next generation, shall we save some money and not buy iphone4S? The wife said, well, when will the next generation go on the market?

Female colleagues in acting school

One of my female colleagues is really an acting school: one day several colleagues got together and took them to a restaurant where my wife and I often eat. The boss greeted me and naturally asked, didn't you bring your wife today? I was about to answer when my female colleague slapped the table and shouted, I'm his wife! Then hysterically ask the boss, who is the woman you are talking about? Grab my collar and growl. Who is it? Who the hell is it! The boss silently withdrew from the private room, and the female colleague proudly said that she was waiting for a discount.

When checking out, the boss said, brother, this meal is my treat today. Please explain to your wife.

mandarin

Two people scold each other for squeezing the subway, but they don't know what to scold specifically. Out of curiosity, a buddy said, "Do you quarrel in Mandarin? Let's listen and give you a comment. "

Then a burst of laughter broke out in the carriage and the two stopped arguing.

ask for leave

Xiao Wang wants to go to the class reunion this afternoon, but he doesn't know how to ask the section chief for leave.

I gave advice to Xiao Wang and said, "Just say that I have an old stomachache these two days. Maybe I have an old appendicitis. I have to go to the hospital for a check-up this afternoon. "

Xiao Wang is a little guilty: "Is this ok? I am not wrong! "

I comforted him and said, "Don't worry, the section chief didn't have an operation on appendicitis for a while. He has a personal experience of the pain of this disease. " Hearing this, Xiao Wang went to ask for leave with confidence. After a while, Xiao Wang came back, very depressed: "As soon as the section chief heard that my appendix always hurts, he immediately called the doctor who operated on him and asked me to discuss the afternoon operation ..."

Online shopping is risky.

The boss asked the young female secretary to help with online shopping, and soon, the online shopping was sent to the boss's house. The boss can't help praising the speed and convenience of online shopping. The female secretary said: "No, online shopping is also risky. You don't know, I bought a dress on the same day as you, and I haven't received it yet! "

After two days, the female secretary still didn't receive the dress. When she checked, she found that she had left the wrong address at that time, and now the dress was sent to the boss's house by express delivery.

The next day, the female secretary crustily skin of head asked the boss if she had received her dress.

The boss was silent for a while before saying, "Online shopping is really risky. I explained to my wife all night for that skirt! "

Don't buy it.

Before I come back from other places, I'm going to buy a pair of shoes for my father and call to ask how big his feet are. Just listen to dad saying, "Don't buy it, I have it, don't waste money, don't buy the wrong size 40 ..."

The most precious thing

A beautiful woman posted on the internet: whoever gives me the latest iphone5, I am willing to exchange it with the most precious thing.

Some people were overjoyed to see the post and queued up all night to buy an iphone5.

The beauty took the new mobile phone and handed him an iphone4: "This is my most precious thing."

The second paragraph of the boutique joke:

By the way, help

Once, a bank was robbed. The robbers tied up the bank manager and stuffed the cloth into his mouth.

Before going out, the robber noticed that the bank manager was struggling to speak.

So he stepped forward curiously and took out the cloth stuffed in his mouth.

Panting, the manager begged, "Please take the ledger away, there are 5 million yuan of bad debts in it!" " "

The future husband

A: "My wife often talks about her ex-husband, which is really annoying."

B: "You are very lucky. My wife often talks about her future husband. "

Hit upon a plan/idea in despair.

One day, when the leader was at work, A Niu saw the movement and quickly closed the window.

Turn off Xin Kai, and the QQ game hall will come out; Turn off the game hall and cover the full screen with great wisdom; Turn off the great wisdom, Weibo came out; Turn off Weibo, and the MSN chat window pops up.

Seeing the leader coming in front of him, he decisively pressed the display switch and screamed in pain: "Why is the screen dark?" Boss, you tripped over the power cord of my computer! I didn't save anything I did ... "

The leader was so embarrassed that he quickly fled while apologizing.

Story and ending

You can get 1 13000000 results by typing "story" in the search website.

Enter "ending", but you can only get 44.9 million results.

Obviously, not every story has an ending.

copy homework

Copying homework is actually not called copying homework. Chinese is called learning, mathematics is called analogy, English is called copying, geography is called migration, biology is called copying, physics is called frame of reference, chemistry is called isomers, politics is called seeking common ground while reserving differences, and history is called cultural unity.

divorce

Xiao Wang said to his friend, "I want a divorce. My wife hasn't talked to me for half a month. "

"You have to think about it!" A friend advised him, "such a wife is hard to find now."

Bankrupt. boss

After a big boss went bankrupt, he became an ordinary man without a job.

One day, he saw an advertisement for prison guards and went to apply.

The warden said, "These guys are not easy to manage. Do you think you can do it? "

The big boss replied, "No problem! If you dare to disobey discipline, I will let them all go! "

Merchants' advertisements

A businessman went to my neighborhood to promote sales for ten days. The first day's advertisement is: clearance. The next day's advertisement was: give up what one favours very reluctantly. The advertisement on the third day is: crazy sale, my heart is bleeding! On the fourth day, the advertisement was "crazy sale, the countdown is still six days away ... On the ninth day, the advertisement was:" Final dedication ... bid farewell to the residents in the community with tears! The advertisement on the tenth day is: thank you for inviting us to stay, there are still ten days!

Joke 2 Interceptor Suitable for the 2022 Annual Meeting

In the 1960s, at the launch site of the unmanned spacecraft Gemini II, a radio reporter wrote his broadcast draft in advance. As soon as the countdown before launch was over, the announcer read, "The spaceship has taken off. Giant rockets rose into the blue sky of Florida and flew straight across the Atlantic Ocean. The thunderous roar of the rocket is deafening. "

When he looked up, the huge rocket remained motionless on the launch pad. He had a brainwave and said, "Suddenly, a miracle appeared. Four long metal arms stretched out to grab the rocket and pull it back to the launch pad! " "

Shorten a speech

A speaker came to the podium with a bandage on his chin. After the speech, he explained that he cut his chin because he was absorbed in the speech while shaving.

An audience commented: "Too bad! He should really concentrate on shaving and shorten his speech! "

Where to start?

Speaker: "I only have 10 minutes to speak. I really don't know where to start. "

Audience: "Let's start from the 9th minute!"

Three Indians came to ask their chieftain, "Is it cold this winter?" The director is not sure, but it's hard to say that he doesn't know. He said, "It must be very cold. Everyone should prepare more firewood for the winter. " So everyone went to prepare for chopping wood.

The director is a serious and responsible person. A week later, he ran to the telephone booth to call the National Meteorological Service Center and asked, "Is it cold this winter?" The man at the Meteorological Center said, "It's very cold." The chief breathed a sigh of relief, and when he came back, he informed his men: "Prepare more firewood for the winter." Another week passed, and the chief was a little uneasy. He called the Meteorological Center again and was told, "It's very, very cold." The chief once again informed his people to step up the preparation of firewood. Two weeks later, the chief called again and was told, "It's very, very cold." The chief hurriedly informed his people to pay attention to collecting firewood and make every effort to collect firewood. Three weeks later, the chief officer called again, and the people in the Meteorological Center said in an extremely positive tone: "It is certain that this winter will be the coldest winter in history, because we saw Indians collecting firewood crazily.

Joke 2

Trafficker Zhang met a beautiful woman on the train. Zhang suggested going to a mountain village in Shanxi to experience the farmhouse music after getting off the train. The beauty shyly agreed. There is a family in that village who needs to buy a daughter-in-law This beautiful woman is sure to fetch a good price, and Zhang is flattered. Who knows that after arriving, Zhang was dragged into a black coal mine by several strong men. It turned out that he was sold here as a coolie by beautiful women. ...