What are the jokes?

My husband is going on a business trip for half a year, and my wife is packing. After that, she handed her husband a pack of condoms affectionately and said, I can't help it outside, remember to bring a condom. My husband said excitedly after listening, I'd better use them because my family is not well off.

Diagnosing a woman's affair is a mystery: absent-minded at work, humiliating her husband when she comes home, leaving her children to study, and often putting more salt in cooking. I often make excuses not to let my husband come. Have sex once every half month, without moaning or moving.

Two dung beetles are discussing the welfare lottery. A said: If I win the lottery, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang and eat enough every day! B said: you are too vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day!

On the morning of their wedding night, the groom woke up to find the bride in tears. Surprised and asked, Honey, why are you crying? The bride cried: How will you live in the future? You used that thing all night, and it has shrunk to nothing! What to do in the future!

An old man went to Gaochao Village to do business by bus. On the way, I asked the waitress: Is the climax here? Attendant: Not yet. After a while, he asked: Has the climax arrived yet? The waiter said, what's the hurry, bad old man I'll scream when the orgasm comes!

My wife didn't go home until the early hours of the morning when she played mahjong. In order not to disturb her husband, she stripped off her clothes in the living room before entering the bedroom. Just when her husband woke up, he was furious: it's too much! You lost everything?

A couple came to the wishing pool. The husband bent down, made a wish and put a coin in the well. My wife also wanted to make a wish, but when she bent down, she accidentally fell into the well. The husband was startled, then smiled and said to himself, how clever he is!

A lady ordered a stir-fried whip flower while eating, and accidentally fell between her legs when picking vegetables. The young lady was shocked: this thing is really amazing! Cooked and chopped, it actually knows the way!

On the bus, a young man saw a beautiful woman with a low collar and spring leaked out. He joked,' It's really a place where peach blossoms bloom.' Hearing this, the beauty lifted her skirt and said,' There is still room for you to have children and raise me!

My son sleeps with his mother every night. Mom said that you grew up, married a daughter-in-law and slept with your mother. Son: Well, mom said, what about your wife? The son said, let her sleep with her father. Dad said excitedly: this child has been sensible since childhood!

The rooster went on a business trip for a month, and when he came back, he heard that quail was old. The rooster became suspicious. Two days later, the hen gave birth to a quail egg, and the rooster was furious. The hen quickly explained, damn, it's premature!

The fox fell in love with the rabbit and invited it to drink beer. The rabbit was drunk, and the fox took the opportunity to rape the rabbit. A few days later, the fox invited the rabbit to drink, and the rabbit said,' Hey! Don't go! Don't go! My ass hurts after drinking beer.

The butcher was caught whoring, fined 4000 yuan and issued a receipt. One day, the butcher and his wife found this receipt, but they only knew 4000 yuan and didn't know the word' whoring'. They asked the butcher: what is a fine of 4000 yuan? The butcher replied: punish me for injecting water into the meat!

One day, a drunk took a taxi home, reached out and stopped a 1 10 patrol car, shouting: Even if you 1 10 km, there is no need to write so big! ! !

A gentleman was drunk and accidentally threw up in the ladies' room. It happened that a woman was urinating, and a gentleman said angrily,' You said you wouldn't drink, why did you pour wine? The woman stopped suddenly, but she didn't expect to hold her breath. You were furious:' Who the fuck opened another bottle! '

Two dwarfs are fooling around. One of them quickly heard' one, two, three, hey, one, two, three, hey …' The next night, A said to B,' You are in good health!' B: I was busy all night and didn't jump on the bed! '

When a gangster broke into a house and raped a woman, he met with fierce resistance. The husband came back from other places and saw his wife being held down by gangsters. He swung a shovel and slapped her angrily. He heard her scold, "damn it, I resisted for a long time and you photographed me with a shovel."

A child found a woman's body by the river, so he called the police and said: A woman by the river was killed, with two big bags on her chest, a knife wound between her legs and a lot of blood. It is estimated that the time of death is too long, and the hair begins to grow at the cut.

A car driver is often punished by the traffic police. He hates the traffic police very much. His wife advised him that we should have a baby and call the traffic police in the future. I will hit him when I am angry. Fuck the traffic police if you don't want to get over it!

An old man took his grandson to take a bath to meet him. The grandson looked at him and asked, why is the hair above white and the hair below black? Grandpa replied: what happened above is nerve-racking, and what happened below is happy!

A female kindergarten teacher led the students to swim, and a hair was accidentally exposed. A student asked, teacher, what is that? The female teacher pulled it out cruelly and said, thread.

A leader visited Jiangyin in the evening and came to the door of the textile factory. There are six red lights hanging at the door: Jiangyin Wool Textile Factory. Only the word "Jiang" is not bright. After reading it, the leader asked with concern, "Are raw materials easy to handle?"

On the bus that day, a beautiful girl suddenly shouted at a gentle white boy: "rogue!" " "It seems that this young man is dishonest. The young man was very wronged and immediately refuted. The two sides began to quarrel.

Later, I heard the girl scold: "You are a big hooligan, and you have been a hooligan since you were a child. Your mother just gave birth to you, so don't forget to look back. " After listening to it, the passengers were silent for a while, and then burst into laughter.

Colleagues shook their heads and said that swearing can be so ugly for the first time. This is really a curse, and no one can beat him. After the boy was scolded, his mouth was open and he couldn't say a word.

After listening to this, we all lamented that this curse is really an eternal curse, probably unprecedented, and it is said that there is really no malicious swearing to fight back.

At this moment, I suddenly heard the man say loudly, "You are the big rascal! You are still in your mother's belly, just go and see your father three times a day! "

Hearing this, everyone fainted.

There are many funny screen names. If you don't laugh, you are strong.

Most patient award: climbing the wall and other almonds.

I've read the award-winning reviews, but it's the first time I've seen them climbing the wall and waiting for others to "make an affair".

Maddest Award: Riding an ox and hitting a traffic policeman

Award-winning comment: Am I speeding? Can you still blame me for the cow? (I missed it)

Most influential award: world CEO

Some people may not understand the award-winning comments, so they should read it like this: WCCEO. Needless to say, the head of the toilet knows this truth.

The status of conferences and awards should be beyond doubt! Plus: the most luxurious office space award.

Most modest award: generally the third in the country.

It is really rare for an award-winning comment not to claim to be the first in the country, but we want to know what standard he got this "third"?

Most innocent toothless award: innocent duckling

You can tell from the award-winning comments that they are innocent little boys. See FLASH version of the three kingdoms for details.

The most boring award: a face of beauty spots!

Award-winning critics want to know the meaning of "quality rather than quantity", just look at her face. In addition, the screen name has cleverly achieved the effect of "counterfeiting will be investigated".

Most learned award: terbium! !

According to the survey, 75% netizens in China don't understand the meaning of this word, but it actually means "depression", so the name of this website won the "most learned award".

Best trick award: the pig has been thinking back and forth.

100% of the prize-winning comments will be won, and there is nothing you can't watch backwards.

Most self-praise: handsome enough to shock the Tathagata/the United Nations/more. ...

The award-winning comments are really bragging about not paying taxes, bragging and playing dumb at the same time. At the same time, there are "Bush/Raul/Little Brother Tang/More ... Praise me for being handsome".

Most elegant award: Let's talk about it after "Day"

Award-winning comments, take a long-term view ......

Most illogical award: African white face

It's a pity that he didn't come to the scene to receive the award. We really want to see white boys in Africa or black people in Taiwan Province Province, who is whiter!

Top prize: Tang Bohu lit mosquito-repellent incense.

Award-winning comments can make fun of the film Dianqiuxiang by Stephen Chow, an outstanding representative of Wu, and point out the central idea: gifted scholars are afraid of mosquitoes, and it is indisputable to win this honor.

Maximum generosity award: I will shoot you not guilty.

Thank Lord Ron for the award-winning comments.

The most obsessed netizen award: selling blood online

In ancient times, there were people who sold their bodies to bury their fathers, but now they sell blood online; A world of filial piety, an e-net.

Most playboy award: chop and change.

Award-winning comments This award is somewhat misunderstood, because this netizen from Japan is not a playboy. His real name is Sasaki, and he is called Sasaki Shiro because he ranks fourth. Unfortunately, his pinyin is not very accurate, so he is misunderstood as a playboy.

The most unforgettable prize: you laugh when I am cheap.

Your personality is so obvious that she knows you are a bitch when she smiles. At the same time, she got the opposite reward: I smiled at the moment you played dumb.

The most vain prize: the poor also stand among the rich.

Award-winning comments are probably like this.

Best Combination Award: Turning Decadence into Magic

Award-winning comments skillfully combine "turning decay into magic" and "turning bones into cotton palms" to create a unique screen name.

Selfishness Award: Please steal from me.

There is no money here, and Wang Er next door has never stolen it.

Best Insight Award: It's too cold to run naked tonight.

Award-winning comments streaking knows how to observe the weather, and the wild people have further developed.

Most Desperate Award: It is a dead end in the end.

The hope of the award-winning comments is that it doesn't matter whether it is there or not. It's like a road on the ground. In fact, there is no road on the ground. If there are more desperate people, it becomes a road.

Most Celebrity Effect Award: Fear of Tile Landing

The originality of the screen name of the award-winning commentary lies not only in its ingenious homonym with the world famous song Pavarotti, but more importantly, it reminds us of a social situation: there are many dangerous houses now, especially those children who go to school in dangerous houses, and they are particularly "afraid of falling".

Pride award: hard work twice a year, hard work for half a year.

Although the award-winning comments are so bow, why not endorse a product? Add a horizontal batch: never stop

Most grievance award: they forced me to be undercover.

It's not my fault that I won the prize. Actually, I'm an actor.

Most Honest Award: Junichiro Koizumi

The punctuation level of the person who won the prize comment is really profound, and I admire him very much. ...

Most patriotic award: Made in China.

Silence is not cowardice, patience is not numbness ... No matter where you die, swear to be the soul of China. How many dreams have been hidden in five thousand years of storms ... to let the world know that we are all from China.

The most outrageous prize: poor monk night tour of brothel

Award-winning critics have only heard of Guan Gong walking in Maicheng at night, which is really short-sighted. Situation: In the dead of night, I didn't want to be lonely, so I went to the first floor to explore, but I didn't know it was extremely dangerous, and because it was a forbidden area, I wanted to break the routine.

Best Walking Dead Award: Walking on the street with your head up.

Award-winning comments are bleak, life is bleak, and nothing is done all day.

Most Special Award: I can't believe I can't register.

According to legend, the award-winning comments were registered in a water forum, but the online names were all occupied, so I thought of registering this name again, and no one really disputed it.

The most ambitious prize: I want a bucket of paste

Award-winning comments have grievances, grievances have rivers and lakes, and people are rivers and lakes! -I hope you work hard.

The most depressing prize: I want to shoot

Award-winning comments have accurately grasped the psychology of monks since ancient times and created modern popular elements, which is really chinese odyssey. Well, monks are not eunuchs after all.

Most Mafia Style Award: Take a knife and carry it away.

By the way, are you carrying people with knives, or are they carrying you with knives, or are you responsible for carrying people? In any case, the name embodies one word: heartless. If people are not ruthless, they will not stand up.