Is there a program suitable for eight people to perform, or eight jokes? Simple things! speed

Zhuge Liang

Waiters A and B, B and B, etc.

: kill! Kill!

Wei Bing: Kill him! Kill! Kill!

Attendant A: (running up in panic) Report-

Zhuge Liang: Why are you in such a hurry?

Attendant a (

Report report

Zhuge Liang: (slowly) Tell me my title!

Attendant a: report to the prime minister,

Lead 300,000 troops to kill me in Xicheng!

Attendant b: (running up in a panic) report-report to the prime minister and ministers.

The army is less than 55-

Zhuge Liang: Stop stuttering and say it!

Attendant B: Fifty Li.

Attendant: Fifty Li? (Everyone panicked)

Zhuge Liang: What's the panic? Isn't it a small company?

Really?

Attendant A: Prime Minister, 300,000 divisions.

The army is coming. We only have 2500 soldiers. Run!

Zhuge Liang: Don't be impulsive, don't be impulsive, be calm. . .

. . . How many people are left?

Attendant A:2500 people. And they are all old, weak and sick.

A: Prime Minister, let's pack some money and things quickly.

All right.

Zhuge Liang: Accompany! A worthless thing.

Attendant B: Premier, stay in the green hills. Don't be afraid of running out of firewood. Run away

Zhuge Liang: What is my status as Zhuge Liang? Run away at every turn, trying to call me a pig.

A: The same thing this time, Prime Minister. Besides, a gentleman

, or escape.

Zhuge Liang: You two useless losers! I always catch a cold at critical times.

A: But Prime Minister, where do we get soldiers?

Zhuge Liang: Without me?

Attendant b: prime minister,

Come on, run, or it will be too late to leave.

Zhuge Liang: From now on, who dares to mention the word "escape" again?

Attendant: (imploringly) The Prime Minister-

Zhuge Liang: I see! Somebody please. Command, open the city gate, each door has twenty soldiers dressed as civilians, sweeping the floor at the gate.

Attendant A: (doubtfully) Huh? Prime Minister, what are you doing?

Attendant B: Oh, I see. The Prime Minister will open the gate to welcome Sima Yi into the city, and then-

Zhuge Liang: Bah! I knew your boy was unreliable and was not prepared to surrender to Sima Yi.

?

Attendant A: (tearfully) Premier, you didn't ask us to go.

Really? I have it at home.

My mother, my son who just turned one year old, and my wife 15 years old, no, my wife who is 50 years old, my family can't live without me. I can't die.

Attendant b: (sobbing) prime minister, although I am still a

But my family is the tenth. I'm not afraid of death, but I can't break my family.

, I'm sorry commanding his ya.

Zhuge Liang: Are you two still men? Cry like a

For example, is it shameful to lose it? I'm done crying, I'm leaving!

Attendant A: (imploringly) Prime Minister-We don't want to die-

Zhuge Liang: (gently) Well, actually you don't have to be afraid. You don't know wow, Sima Yi.

Very deep. If we open the door so wide, he won't dare to come in. It's called.

Attendant b: love 36

Zhuge Liang: Empty city plan!

Attendant: (thumbs up) tall, really tall!

Zhuge Liang: Less

, still not quick to go!

Attendant a: Sweep the floor. (Several people are sweeping the floor, and their legs are shaking. )

Zhuge Liang: Everybody take your positions, don't visit each other, and shut up.

Ba, don't make any noise, those who disobey orders will be beheaded! Department, Quan Yi slap. Well done, you will be promoted when you come back. If the RMB appreciates, you will be promoted, too! Don't be afraid of death, there is death.

. Also,

Bring my guitar and microphone. K is enough for today.

Attendant: Yes!

Zhuge Liang: (Singing "Alone") "When you are alone, you might as well make yourself a cup.

Let all loneliness become a kind of gentleness, and I wander in it. "

(music,

)

(Sima and his son kill to the door)

Sima Yi: Drive! Finally, today finally. Zhuge Liang, I won't call you Sima Yi if my department cuts you today!

: (whispering) Dad, your department will be called Sima Yi. What's your name?

Sima Yi: Me, I changed my name to Sima Yi! People will kill you, huh? No stopping.

Attendant B: Prime Minister. . . No, my Lord. . . No. . . No. . . All right. . . .

Zhuge Liang: Is it true or not?

Attendant b: no. . . . Sima Yi attacked the city gate!

Zhuge Liang: Relax and calm down.

Sima Yi: (Sifu) Huh? Rumor has it that Zhuge Liang is empty in the city,

I'm exhausted, only old, weak and sick. Why did he open the gate wide and send someone to clean it today? Is the rumor false?

Dad, I think the city is empty and the gate is open. Why don't we kill it and go into town?

Sima Yi: No, no, no, my son Si Mazhao, don't be impulsive. Have you observed it carefully? Zhuge Liang is singing upstairs and someone is sweeping the floor downstairs. There must be a big conspiracy. I wonder what he is singing.

Si Mazhao: Report to Dad! He doesn't sing. He sings in the 1990s.

When I'm alone! Dad, Zhuge Liang's songs are so ugly that I can't stand them. Go to town!

Sima Yi: Slow down, slow down. Watch him play the piano and sing in the city. It's extraordinary! Yes, yes. It's a mess It's a mess

Si Mazhao: So, Dad. . . .

Sima Yi: Wait and see!

Zhuge Liang: (to waiter A) Xiao Jia, go and buy me a pack of cigarettes.

Yes

Attendant A: Hey, I'm coming! (Running downward)

Zhuge Liang: (to waiter B) Xiao B, make me a bowl.

Ok, add some onions, garlic and vinegar. I like sour food.

Attendant b: ok, I'll be right there! (Running downward)

Attendant A: (picks up a cigarette) Premier, here comes the cigarette.

Attendant B: (at the end) Your face, Prime Minister.

(Waiter A lights a cigarette for Zhuge Liang. Waiter b opens a bottle of coke. )

Zhuge Liang: (smoking while drinking coke) Hmm, hmm, hmm! Come on, bring the wine. . .

Attendant A: What? Drinking at this time?

Zhuge Liang: Cut the crap.

W: Boss, they want to drink. . . . It is courage!

Attendant A: My Lord, I'm back. . .

Zhuge Liang: Why is it so slow?

Attendant A: Traffic jam! The traffic is terrible!

Zhuge Liang: You didn't hit anyone!

Sima Yi: (Sifu) What tricks is Zhuge Liang playing? Smoking, drinking coke and drinking are so leisurely! It seems that there is really fraud.

Si Mazhao: Dad, he even sings out of tune. What's the trick?

Sima Yi: Although I don't know music, my father's eyes are always sharp. This way.

, over there.

Plus 1000 degree astigmatism, but dad still found it.

Be calm in the city.

Si Mazhao: Father, I don't think Kong Ming has any soldiers. Why don't we go in there and kill him by surprise?

Sima Yi: I know Zhuge is as timid as a mouse. He hasn't even been in love for three years. How can he open the city gate so easily?

Si Mazhao: Dad, that was years ago. Now his son is one year old.

Sima Yi: Son? If he's a little

His son should be three years old now.

Si Mazhao: You are so suspicious.

Sima Yi: Cut the crap. No, Kong Ming has never been careful in his life, but today he opened the city gate. There must be an ambush. If our troops enter, they will be ambushed. let me think. Is he trying to lead me into the city and wipe out our army in one fell swoop? Wrap me in jiaozi. . .

Zhuge Liang: Who is at the city gate? Where are you?

, coward, coward, who is it? Name it!

Sima Yi: I have the highest martial arts.

Shuai Shuai,

, three southwestern provinces

General Sima Yi also. Sima Yi, male, 55 years old, height 175cm, divorced with one son. With a house and a horse, the income is stable. Handsome and gentle. I want to find a beautiful girl under eighteen.

A gentle and virtuous woman. Please call the hotline or visit the website QQ to contact me. The opportunity is right in front of you. Don't miss it when passing by.

Zhuge Liang: (inwardly cursing) I am Gao! What the hell! Oh, it's Brother Sima, sorry!

Sima Yi: Who are you?

Zhuge Liang: I am Zhuge Liang, Prime Minister of the Shu Army. A foot deep

Just call me Liang Zi.

Sima Yi: Oh, it's an old pig. I've heard a lot about you! Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you!

Zhuge Liang: Shit! Pig, that's Bajie. My name is Kong Ming. Please call me Mingming. General, you have come all the way from Malaoyan. Dare you come up here alone to have a glass of white wine with me and make friends?

Sima Yi: Why not? Zhu Xiao! Ha ha ha ha, I climbed up Zhujiashan all the way, fought a battle and crossed Zhujiashan.

, leap

Wearing yellow clothes

Holding in one's hand

I'm waiting for this moment today. . .

Zhuge Liang: OK, please.

A: We adults are legends.

Who is afraid of you?

W: Our boss is the legendary wine jar. . . .

Zhuge Liang: I am returning the wine demon.

Sima Yi: Then I am alcohol.

Waiter B: Your honor, boss, drink quickly.

Zhuge Liang: lovely little company, come up and have a drink together.

W: My Lord, something seems to be wrong.

W: Boss, be careful.

Ah!

Sima Yi: Well, it's a bit strange to look at his eyes, sometimes flashing and sometimes blurred. (Zhuge Liang) You, come down!

Zhuge Liang: Come up!

Sima Yi: Aren't you afraid?

Zhuge Liang: Hey, I'm afraid of you. I tell you, I traveled all over the country, ran over my leg on the train track, drank the water from the Yangtze River and the Yellow River, and kissed a fool.

Hey, Zhuge Liang, who am I afraid of? Come up if you can!

Sima Yi: Come down.

Zhuge Liang: You come up.

Sima Yi: I won't come up until you come down.

Zhuge Liang: I won't come down until you come up.

Sima Yi: (Cut) Hum!

Zhuge Liang: Since Sima insists on refusing to go to town, I have to present a song for you here.

Absolute lyricism

! (Singing, three people dancing together) Sima Yi across the street looks over, looks over, looks over, the scenery in the city is wonderful, please don't pretend to ignore it; Look at Sima Yi across the street, look at me, look at me, don't be scared by my appearance, in fact, I am also very cute.

Sima Yi: (singing) I'll look around and look up and down. This Zhuge Liang is not simple; I thought and thought, guessed and guessed, and you found that I cheated me into town! Hum, I'm not coming! Come on, come on. Hey, hey, hey, notify the whole army,

Give it to me.-Get out! Brothers, the front team has changed to the back team. Let's go! (below)

Zhuge Liang: Hey, Brother Sima, don't go. Shall we have a party tonight?

Attendant A and Attendant B: (overjoyed) Prime Minister, Sima Yi has left.

Zhuge Liang: Oh, really? (Hands up) Help me up.

(The two help Zhuge Liang up, and Zhuge Liang's legs are shaking. )

Attendant: Premier, you are so handsome!

Zhuge Liang: Don't be infatuated with me.

. . .

(End)

See if it's ok

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