Who can tell the funniest joke?

The child wrote a composition about his father. Anyway, that's what I said. Father is very disobedient. He goes to work awake every day, doesn't talk, doesn't even wash his face, and doesn't come back until midnight. I feel that I have been tolerating my father, who makes me worry about this family like Shi Tiesheng's father in the text. Alas, it is too bitter. You have to worry about this family at a young age.

One day when I was brushing my teeth, I saw that I was bleeding. I always feel my chest when I think of the Wulin warrior being injured, then I hum, frown, spit out one mouthful blood and slowly fall down with the wall.

Then, I also want to try my acting skills, just like making a TV series. As a result, my dad thought I was injured and kept shaking me and watching him play 120.

I immediately got up and said I was fine. Then, I was surprised at first, and then I picked up a stick and hit me.

Later, I felt that it was very wrong to use acting skills in the wrong place.

A professional thief stepped on it for a week. I want a family, because he is often away from home. So one night I was going to steal something. As a result, when I opened the door, I found my hands cold when I went in. As a result, the light suddenly turned on and I looked at a middle-aged man. Then I found the police uniform on the sofa and felt that I was too unlucky.

A child just ran away from home because of a quarrel with his parents. As soon as I went out, I took a bus, strolled around and looked at the scenery. I had a good time. Finally, I couldn't find my way home, and my money was running out. I was hungry. Call the police directly, go to the police station for dinner, and send it back for free.

Excuse me, everyone. I was specially invited to talk to you. I'll tell you a little joke about me, hoping to bring you laughter!

Just yesterday, my wife and I went to a grilled fish shop where we often go to eat grilled fish. The business of this shop is good, but its location is a bit remote.

By the way, my stomach was a little upset the day before yesterday. No, I was anxious as soon as the fish came.

Rushed to the bathroom, unfortunately, someone amused themselves in it, so they had to live by strong internal force, and by the way, find out the mobile phone to divert attention!

Many stories are classics only when they are unintentional! No, I waited for seven or eight minutes in the budget for the Great God to come out soon, and a graceful young lady came to the bathroom door and stopped!

I exclaimed in my mind: "Not good! Newcomers are not good! "

The young lady's height 172 and weight are 85. 1 kg. Vaguely, a strong sense of rolling came to me! When the corner of my eye squints at me, I can feel the cold murderous look emanating from my eyes! I was secretly surprised: it was a master!

The door opened quietly, and a young woman came out, stumbling, but full of energy, just like she had just finished practicing the Heart Sutra of a Jade Girl.

On second thought, Miss Xie got into the bathroom lightly! I thought, "I'll go first!" I was forced back to Tian Dan, and I said to myself: I am a seven-foot man and don't care about women!

As the stars move, the time for half a stick of incense has passed. ...

Just when I thought I was possessed, my lower body shook! Scared me out of my wits!

I took out my mobile phone in my trouser pocket and pressed the answer key feebly. The lion roared at Dafa from the other end: "What are you doing! Don't come to dinner yet! Whenever you mess with flowers! "

I have tried my best to answer weakly: "I haven't solved it yet ..."

In the dim sight, I suddenly saw a familiar figure approaching, like a Guanyin bodhisattva coming to my side, and thundered: "It's been half an hour, who's in it, how long!" " ? "

I slightly opened my white and dry lips: "Wife, it's almost fragrant ..."

"Kuang! Moo! Moo! "

The people inside are grounded! Come out here. "

As soon as the lion roared, the door opened!

Little sister is out! However, it seems that it is not over yet! Because I heard her say, "I've been telling you for almost half an hour, and my mobile phone is dying!" " You are still finished! "

I stayed in the dark for a while, and then I saw the stars. I didn't feel stuffy in my chest, and a big mouthful of saliva came out: "bah!" "

But this gentleman said very upright: "Xia, don't stop, go back to the bathroom and go on ..."

My brother and I went to pick up my nephew from junior high school, and saw a beautiful little girl talking to her nephew, but she left without paying any attention, making the little girl almost cry.

After receiving my nephew, ask him what's going on.

He said: don't mention it, she is my classmate and wants to confess to me, but her grades are the second from the bottom, and we are not in the same level.

My brother slapped him on the head: you are the fourth last guy, who is qualified to dislike others' penultimate?

Ha ha ha, I can't stand laughing.

My brother turned around and said, single dog, what are you laughing at? You are worse than a teenager.

I ~ ~

I told a funny story in April 1. At that time, I wanted to hit someone, but I couldn't, and I was still upset.

I wonder if you know the date of April 1 day? I was deeply hurt by this day. This fucking day is called April Fool's Day! ! !

I was fine that day. I stayed at home and played mobile phone with my wife and children. Suddenly I got a call from my best friend, saying that I would go to his house to eat fish at night. I agreed without thinking, and told my wife not to cook at night. My brother asked me to go to his house to eat fish. My wife said yes, I haven't eaten fish for a long time. Today, this fish is just what I want.

At lunch time, my wife and I bought a piece of fruit and ran to a friend's house. I knocked on his door for a long time, but no one answered. I called, didn't I ask us to eat? Why don't I open the door? What's this guy's answer, brother? Today is April 1, which is April Fool's Day. Are you really here? I'm not home, I'm outside! I flew into a rage and went back. You can fool others on your sister's April Fool's Day, but you can't fool your brother! Come here with your wife and girl, and you just play me! And bring his wife home to cook for himself. But it's funny to think about it now. I was very angry at that time.

Have you ever experienced April Fool's Day like me?

When I was a child, I counted down once. I am afraid of being beaten by my father, and then my parents will be soft-hearted when I hear my child admit his mistake and be sincere. So I thought of a trick, pretending to hang myself to scare my dad so that he couldn't bear to hit me. I trotted home after school, tied a rope to the ceiling fan, stood on the stool, put my neck into the circle tied with the rope, and kicked the stool as soon as my father came back. My dad finally came back, but who would have thought that my dad reached out to turn on the ceiling fan before entering the living room on that hot day, and instantly felt his neck tighten and his eyes turned black, so he ... turned with the ceiling fan. (Bring a picture you saw online)

In a remote rural area, Wu Laoer has two sons. The eldest son is tall and big, and the youngest son is thin and weak, like a dwarf.

On this day, the second child heard that there were a group of strippers in town, and he really wanted to see them. But where can I get money to buy a ticket? So he went to the boss to discuss countermeasures.

The second child found the boss and said to him, big brother, I heard that there are a lot of performers in the town, which is really exciting. Let's go and have a look!

The boss said earnestly, little brother, what's there to see? Or I'll lend you my novel.

The second child said, forget it. Your stupid book can no longer meet my spiritual needs. Just say whether to go or not!

The boss said, how much is the ticket? I don't have it!

The second child said: I inquired, five dollars a person. Brother, do something.

The boss said: so expensive? I only have three dollars in my pocket, which is not enough for one person.

The second child said, I only have two pieces in my pocket. We can make enough for one person.

The boss said: I don't think this will work. I'll put you in my crotch and take you out when I get in.

The second said, that's a good idea. In order to watch a performance, I can only grieve myself. Go before it's too late.

At the gate of the people's performance troupe in the town, the two brothers quickly found a place where no one was there and put their second child in.

The second child told the boss, don't just look at yourself, go in and forget me!

The boss said: Look at what you said. I did it for you. Actually, it doesn't matter whether I watch it or not. It's not like I haven't seen it before.

Then I bought a ticket and entered the performance hall.

It didn't take long for the performance to start inside, and there was a sea of people inside, shouting and blowing. The boss managed to squeeze in and the performance reached its climax. Boss was instantly fascinated by the actress on the stage. Looking at her charming posture, the boss's saliva almost flowed out.

Watching, I completely forgot my little brother. Because of the distorted body on the stage, boss also reacted. He saw it and was insane.

Then a gust of wind blew over and he got a cold war. Suddenly, he remembered his brother. He hurriedly carried his brother out, but at this time, his brother had no reaction.

Ah ~ ~ ~ The boss shouted at Tianda: It's all my fault. I suffocated my brother alive.

With the cry of the boss, it attracted many people's attention. People found the dead, panicked and talked about it.

At this time, someone called the police, and soon the police came and blocked the scene. After forensic identification, the second child was killed by a disorderly stick, and it was determined that this was an armed fight.

1. A friend named Wang Yuanshi went to his girlfriend's house for dinner one day. His girlfriend's father asked, Are you Xiao Wang? I felt something was wrong and asked again: Are you Xiaoji? The scene was very embarrassing at one time, and finally my mother-in-law came out to make amends: are you from the foundation? !

2. A colleague is shopping online, and the courier sent a text message when delivering the goods: Hello, the courier has arrived, go downstairs and get it! Colleague: Send it up. Courier: No, there is a charge for going upstairs. The first floor 10 yuan. Colleague: My husband is not at home. Come on up! Express: OK, free! It was signed soon, and finally my colleague received a text message from the courier brother: you are a big man, shameless!

3. In the mobile company, their company sends dm posters, in big letters: charge the phone bill to send a mobile phone, and you can also travel to Japan and South Korea. Is that normal? As a result, this woman's name is Han You ... The male compatriots in the company all said that they should charge the phone bill. It seems that this woman is really famous ~

1. When I was in middle school, I was scolded by the class teacher. I bet my deskmate that if you yell at him in front of the old class, I'll clean it for you for a week. ''

Disgruntled at the same table: we'll see. Today is Tuesday. You can change it next week. ''

The next day after school, the class teacher played football on the court. The deskmate shouted: Miss Li, you are still playing football, damn it! Then I trotted over: your mother's dog ran away and asked you to find it. ''

I bought a new mobile phone for my wife on Valentine's Day. On the way, my wife asked me to pick up my daughter from my mother-in-law's house. As soon as I arrived at my mother-in-law's door, I heard my mother-in-law scolding my grandfather through the door:' You have learned to hide private money, and you can't learn anything from Xiao Zhang (that is, Lao Zi) by drinking and playing chess every day! As soon as I heard this, my brain buzzed. Can this door get in or not? Hesitated for a few seconds, righteously walked in. Give your new mobile phone with both hands: Mom, I hid my private money from my dad, not just to honor your old man? I bought a racket and this mobile phone with my dad the other day!

I wonder if this is right or wrong.

At the beginning of primary school, the teacher asked the students to write a composition reflecting family poverty.

A student wrote: "My family is very poor! Poor father, poor mother, poor driver, poor servant, poor gardener and poor bodyguard! " A cup shop owner said that.

When I was very young! There are two children in my family, I am the second child, and my mother loves me very much! As long as there is food, I will eat it! One day, my mother bought me some snacks and helped me hide them in the closet! Tell me: I put the food in the closet for you, don't tell your big brother! When my eldest brother comes home from school, I run to find my eldest brother and I will say! Brother, brother and mother won't let me tell you where the delicious food is hidden! Then the hand pointed to the past! ! My mother heard it, too Let's take this joke as an example!