What cold jokes made you laugh for a long time? What do you share?

What cold jokes made you laugh for a long time? What do you share?

1, "How long have you been in love?" "You seem to be asking my age."

2. Mr. Bao crossed the zebra crossing and he appeared! He left ... he appeared, but he was gone. ...

I cut my hair short yesterday. Because my chest is flat, my male colleague speaks like a man. I cried in grievance. At this time, the courier brother came in and asked me in surprise: What's the matter, why are you crying like a girl?

The Jade Emperor and the Tathagata argued about who was the elder in heaven.

Jade Emperor: I rule heaven.

Tathagata: You were beaten by a monkey.

Jade Emperor: I experienced the disaster of 17500.

Tathagata: You were beaten by a monkey.

Jade Emperor: Can we not talk about monkeys?

Tathagata: Your sister (Yao Ji) was slept by mortals, your daughter (Weaver Girl) was slept by mortals, and so was your niece (three virgins).

Jade Emperor: Let's talk about monkeys.

Tathagata: Being beaten by monkeys.

Jade Emperor: ...

1. When I made a mistake at school, the teacher asked me to call my parents. I said my parents weren't there. Is it okay? The teacher said yes. The next day, I carried my three-year-old brother on my back and embarked on the road of no return.

2. Boys who are nice to only one girl are called warm men, and boys who are nice to all girls are called hot dogs.

What I admire most is the Tang Priest in Journey to the West, who doesn't have to take a bath by himself. Every two episodes, a monster says, boys, wash that monk clean.

That fool stole the beggar's wallet and was seen by the blind. The mute gave a loud roar, which startled the deaf. Camels come forward and lame people fly. The wanted man wants to take him to the public security bureau. Asako said, for my sake, forget it.

5, nothing to listen to other people's own mouth, which is more exciting than watching a blockbuster, you will find that you have done nothing, but played many versions, all of which are big roles.

6. A teacher ran a red light and the traffic police stopped him. The teacher said, please, I'm late for class. Traffic Police: You are a teacher. Thank God, I've been waiting for 20 years. Please write 100 times "Never run a red light again".

7. Male: Outside the Qingshan Building outside the mountain, love and marriage are free. Woman: Wanshui Qian Shan is just idle and in no hurry to make money.

8. Dude, I'm riding home. Xiaodiaodaya.cn suddenly saw a dollar on the road and got off to pick it up. I looked up and found a dollar on the ground in front of me. Until I found five dollars, it was gone. When I turned around, my bike was gone.

9. Teacher: Xiao Ming, remind your deskmate Lily to sleep in class. Xiao Ming: Oh, I see. The next day, just after class, Xiaoming said to Lili: Lili, it's time for you to go to bed! The teacher is afraid that you will forget. Let me remind you.

10, I went to the company to go to the toilet early this morning, and the latch of the toilet door was broken, so I pulled the toilet door. At this time, a very anxious buddy came over and pulled my door directly. Yes, I'm trying. He pulled me out directly, and I got into a fight with him without wiping my ass.

1 1. I missed the bus at work and ran after it. A man riding an electric car shouted, "Come on!" I suddenly felt a warm current in my heart. I just wanted to feel the beauty of the world, and then the man shouted, "Come on, master, don't let this force catch up!" "

12, Wukong: The most painful thing in life is that a gust of wind blows, pigs are there, horses are there, and people are gone! The most painful thing is that another idiot will shout at the top of his voice: big brother! The master was taken away by the devil! To prove your existence, and then stay in a daze.

13, I was playing with my mobile phone in bed, and suddenly I let go of my hand and dropped my mobile phone.

Fortunately, I reacted quickly and rolled aside. It's good. I was not hit by a mobile phone.

The mobile phone lay quietly on the pillow, and I lay quietly on the ground. ...

14. When girls go to worship Buddha, they must remember: no makeup! If it succeeds, the Bodhisattva will protect you, and I'm afraid she won't find you!

15, when seeing a doctor, these three sentences of the doctor can make you feel the ups and downs of life: you are very ill; But it can still be cured; But it costs a lot of money!

16, I suggest you go to bed early and get up early, don't play online games, don't eat midnight snacks, and form good habits.

One day, my little niece came to my house as a guest and was about to have dinner. She suddenly came to me and said, "Uncle, look, there is a short message on your mobile phone to remind you of the account change and make a lot of money." Let's celebrate together tomorrow. Will you invite me to KFC or McDonald's? "

I looked at the toy mobile phone in her hand and suddenly felt that this girl had a gift for cheating when she grew up.

Mr. Wang has a daughter, and hopes that her daughter will grow up and have a good future. So I named my daughter "Salon". The wife said, "Boys become Jackie Chan and girls become Phoenix." Mr. Sha said, "Then call it Shahuang!" The wife said, "My daughter went to Russia to be a czar? I think it is still a domineering name. " The neighbor listened and said, "It's simply called sandstorm, which is very charming.

The county magistrate inspected and wanted to have dinner with the villagers. The villagers said, "You're welcome. The leader uses it first, I'm not busy. At this time of day, I have to feed the dog before I can eat. I am used to it. " The county magistrate was short of breath: "Can you talk?" The herder is sad: "I am used to talking to animals and I don't know how to talk to people."

I can't sleep at midnight. I got up and went to the living room and saw a cockroach. Chatted, put the dissatisfaction with the boss, the view and pressure on life, the pressure of various factors. When I finished smoking, I trampled to death. Who let it know so much!

A buddy gave birth to two sons. The eldest son was named "success" and the youngest son was named "failure". One day, my buddy ran away from home and asked his wife to urge his children to study. A few days later, the buddy went home and asked his wife how the sons were doing their homework. The wife replied, "I learned everything, but I failed. Both of them were 250."

A history exam, the whole class failed, and the teacher was furious: "40 points were given in the blank space, but someone only got 10, 20 points?" Just take all the 10 points to the 20 sub-stations and copy the papers ten times! A student sighed at his deskmate: "That was close, I got 2 1." The deskmate also sighed faintly: "I was also locked up. I got nine points. "

A patient went to see a doctor with a test paper.

The doctor picked up the paper and frowned: it's over, it's over, it's over!

Hearing this, the patient's legs were weak and his heart was broken: I'm only in my early thirties, that's all? Wife and house are 80% new, so they belong to others?

The doctor is still mumbling: it's over, it's over, it's over-I can't see anything without my glasses!

Liu Neng calls 10086 to check the phone bill. "You, you, hello, why, why I,,, I, my phone bill, this is so expensive? "The customer service lady replied," You, you, you, are here. Let's talk. Can we talk cheaper?

Cell phone rings, little sister: "Brother! I just drank a cup of sugar water, and suddenly I thought that my childhood conditions were limited. Every time I drink sugar water, you let me drink more than half first. "

Me: "Who let me be a brother? I should! "

Little sister: "Well! Dude, you've been avoiding me lately. Today, I found the second half is the sweetest! "

Me. . .

1: Today, my mother didn't go to work and planned to go to suguo supermarket to buy some food. Seeing that I had nothing to do with my mobile phone at home dragged me away, I went to the supermarket and saw a beautiful girl hanging around there.

I quickly winked at my mother next to me. I thought we would have a heart.

I didn't expect my mother to lie directly in front of that sister and then shouted loudly, "Oh, you knocked me down, I can't get up, you don't get along with my son, I can't get up!" " Then the whole supermarket looked at me, "I just collapsed!" "

1, it's cold, my husband is looking for a sweater, and my wife says, "I washed it and gave it to my brother." The husband looked for wool trousers again, and the wife said, "I washed them and gave them to my brother when they were small." The husband said angrily, "You might as well wash me for your sister!" "

2. Student: "Teacher, what did you add a word to say?" Teacher: "What to read." The student looked blank: "Teacher, I don't know, so I ask you." Teacher: "What does this word read?" Student: "I really don't know what it says." The teacher just held his horses: "You want to know what it reads, but you don't know what it reads, so it reads." The students still look blank. ...

A group of robbers successfully hijacked an escort car. After returning, a new robber said, "Boss, let's count how much money we robbed." The boss said, "I have no experience." When have you ever counted so much? Just look at the news. " When I turned on the TV, I was dumbfounded: "Today, a robber hijacked the college entrance examination paper ..."

4. "Xiao Ming, what makes you so depressed?"

"Class ..." Xiao Ming took a drag on his cigarette and said slowly.

"Xiao Ming, is that more depressing than class?"

Xiao Ming took a deep breath of his cigarette and said, "Class every day!"

"Xiao Ming, what is more depressing than attending class every day?"

Xiaoming threw the cigarette butt on the ground and trampled it out: "I still fail TM in class every day!" " "

Don't! ! ! ! hahaha

You have to believe that there is still love in the world .....................................................................................................................................................................

Reading a novel, the woman was pregnant for two months and had an accident. The doctor came out and asked the man, "Which should I choose, an adult or a child?" Where should I put it if it is guaranteed?