Daily funny and humorous jokes

With the development of network technology, humorous jokes are widely spread and deeply welcomed and loved by everyone. The following is the daily funny and humorous jokes I compiled for you. I hope you will like it.

Excerpts of funny and humorous jokes

1. A woman was urinating in the toilet. A drunk man accidentally entered after drinking. Hearing the sound of peeing, he hurriedly said: Don’t come, I really don’t want to. Drink! The woman was so frightened that she didn’t dare to urinate anymore. She couldn’t hold it in and farted. The drunkard said: Damn it! Why did he drink another bottle!

2. Tang Monk went west and met a female demon. Seeing that her breasts were enlarged and her buttocks were fat, she wanted to have sex. When the succubus saw this, she exclaimed: Elder! My little girl may have trouble having sex due to menstruation! After hearing this, the Tang Monk put his hands together and said: Amitabha, the poor monk is here to obtain scriptures!

3. A man was walking through a cemetery late at night when he heard knocking sounds. The more he heard, the more frightened he became. Finally he saw a man carving a tombstone. He breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other party: You almost scared me to death! What are you doing? Answer: They etched my name wrongly, I will change it!

4. A man went to the hospital for a SARS examination. The nurse He pricked his finger with a needle to test his blood. Because there was no cotton for the moment, the nurse dared to put his finger into his mouth in a hurry. The man was obsessed for a long time and then said calmly: Is it possible for me to do another urine test?

5. One day, Dong Zhuo hosted a banquet for Lu Bu, Li Ru and other confidants, with Diao Chan as his companion. To test everyone's loyalty, Zhuo ordered Diao Chan to paint her breasts black. During the dinner, the candle suddenly went out. After the candle came back on, everyone's hands were black, but only his hands were clean. Zhuo Sui rewarded Bu, who laughed and showed his black teeth!

6. On the third day after a new beautiful female secretary came to the company, the manager proudly said to the deputy manager: Last night I discovered that the new secretary was sleeping on the bed He is better at Kung Fu than my wife. The deputy manager echoed: I also think he is better than your wife.

7. Four men were waiting for their wives outside the delivery room. The nurse came out and said congratulations to the first husband. He is a healthy boy. The first husband was very happy to hear this and said that I work in Yili Company! Great. After a while, the nurse came out and said to the second man, "Sir, congratulations on the twins!" The man jumped up and shouted long live, saying that I happened to work at Shuangjian Company. Then he came out for the third time and said to the third man, "Mr. It's amazing that they are triplets. The man was very excited and said, what a coincidence. I work at Mitsubishi. The nurse was just about to go back when she saw the remaining gentleman's face turned blue and asked, "Is he feeling unwell?" The fourth man said no, I just thought that I work at Qixi Company

8. The Beijing-Kowloon Railway was opened to traffic. Farmers along the line stopped to watch. A female passenger in the train threw a used sanitary napkin out of the window and hit a farmer. The farmer peeled off his face and took a look: Damn! This car is so damn fast, even a piece of paper can make your nose bleed!

9. One person was working in the office in the afternoon, and a colleague in front of him ate too much for lunch. The farting sound was so loud that the person couldn't bear it anymore and yelled: "You can't fucking hold it in, fuck." Finally there was a moment of peace. Just when the person was feeling refreshed, he suddenly saw the man in front of him. Si was shaking wildly and asked: "What's wrong with you?" The person replied: "I didn't want to disturb you, so I set it to vibrate."

10. The ant and the elephant got married, but they were not together for a few days. The elephant died, and the ant was very sad. He cried and cursed: My dear, why are you walking ahead of me? I don’t have to do anything else in this life, so I’ll just bury you!

11. A 70-year-old man died due to excessive excitement during sex with a young lady. Her family was dissatisfied and took the young lady to court. The judge asked a medical examiner to conduct an autopsy to find out the cause. The forensic doctor came to the next conclusion after the autopsy: It felt so comfortable!

12. An old man took the bus to Gao Gao Village to do some work. On the way, I asked the waitress: Have you climaxed yet? Waitress: Not yet. After a while, he asked again: Have you reached the climax? The waiter said: What are you anxious about, old man? I will scream when the climax comes!

13. An AIDS patient wrote a couplet before his death: The first couplet is: For Live for ***, die for ***, fight for *** all your life; the second line is: suffer *** losses, be fooled by ***, and eventually die in ***. The horizontal line is: bad luck.

14. A young man saw a beautiful woman on the bus with her collar opened very low, revealing her beauty, and jokingly said: Is this a place where peach blossoms are in full bloom? After hearing this, the beautiful woman lifted up her skirt and said :? Is there a place to give birth to you and raise you?!

15. The gangsters broke into the house** and the woman resisted to the death. When the husband came back from the fields to see his wife, the gangsters held him down and beat him angrily with a shovel. I heard my wife scold: "Damn it, I resisted for a long time, but you slapped me in with a shovel

16. The newlyweds went to Emei Mountain on their honeymoon. The wife was captured by a group of monkeys and was rescued a month later. When the husband was about to give birth, he saw the doctor coming out of the delivery room and asked: Boy or girl? Doctor: I didn’t see clearly. As soon as I came out, I climbed a tree?

17. The manager commented on her article to the secretary: Your above two The dots are very prominent, the middle is flat, and the holes below are huge. Come to my office tonight and I will add one for you.

18. When Shen Congwen chased Zhang Zhaohe, Shen was a teacher and Zhang was a freshman. Shen Congwen was unable to catch up for a long time and claimed to commit suicide. The little girl was so frightened that she went to the principal with a pile of love letters and said: "Look at Mr. Shen, a teacher. He wrote to me. I am writing now, not talking about this kind of thing." "Unexpectedly, the principal told her: "That's okay, he writes very good articles, you can communicate with each other. "? This evil principal is Hu Shi.

19. One day in class, my deskmate secretly played with his mobile phone. He was discovered by the head teacher who was patrolling outside the classroom. The head teacher took out his mobile phone and sent a message: What are you doing? Not paying attention to the class? The classmate replied in confusion: Who are you? The class teacher sent another message: Look out the window. The classmate glanced out the window and replied: Thank you for reminding me, we will talk later, our class teacher is staring outside the window!

20. Background: I have a stomachache today and want to vomit. There is an exam in the afternoon, and the teacher is very open to us. Text: Halfway through the exam, I couldn’t hold back my vomiting and said with concern. What, the question is too disgusting?”

Daily funny and humorous jokes

1. Do your parents say something every time there is an English conversation on TV? He turns to you with an eager face and asks, "Can you understand? Can you understand everything? Can you understand everything without reading the subtitles?"

2. On the company shuttle bus in the morning, I sat next to someone. My colleague snored while she was asleep, which attracted the attention of everyone in the car. I thought it was embarrassing for her, so I pushed her gently, and she murmured: I don’t want my husband anymore, let’s do it tomorrow!

3. I was getting ready to make out with my girlfriend. Since it was the first time for both of us, we felt that we couldn’t let it go like this, so we bought red wine and candles to make the atmosphere very romantic. The two of them drank from each other and drank three cups and two. , I closed my eyes happily and evilly? When I opened my eyes again, it was really dawn!

4. The extracurricular homework assigned by our teacher just now is to let our classmates Sending text messages to scold the unfaithful boyfriend who dumped her

5. What would you do if you met a female nurse who had circumcised you before on a blind date?

6 . When my classmate got married, there was a very funny scene: when the master of ceremonies said that the groom will be invited to enter tonight, when the door opened, he saw a gorgeous waiter serving food standing at the door, chasing the light. He looked innocent.

7. One day, I went to the stage to receive an award on behalf of my company. I stood on the stage feeling proud and proud, enjoying the scenery brought by the flashing lights. Suddenly I noticed someone in the audience. An acquaintance of mine pointed at me, as if to indicate something. I lowered my head and looked at it. No, everything was fine. When I passed the guy's position after stepping down, he whispered something that almost made me laugh. If he fainted on the spot, he would say: “Brother, your pants are unzipped. ”

8. A beautiful girl got on the bus, took out a card and swiped it, and heard a beep sound. Senior card! Everyone in the bus was shocked, looking at her and that girl. Dissatisfied, he said, "What are you watching? Have you never seen Tianshan Child Mother?"

9. I was buying fruit at a fruit stall today and chatting with my colleagues about today's news. The fruit seller asked: Who is Steve Jobs? The colleague said: The apple seller. The aunt said sadly: Alas, the fruit business is not easy to do.

10. I was waiting for the bus at the bus stop in the morning, and there was a man and woman standing next to me, talking affectionately. , the woman suddenly said, "You have well-developed limbs.

The man said, "Don't I have strong limbs?"

11. There is a sign on the lawn of the park, which reads: "It is forbidden to step on the lawn. Violators will be fined one yuan." "A regular visitor to the park found that the fines written on the sign were less than before, so he asked the service staff in the park: "Why has the fine been reduced? Wasn't there a fine of five yuan before?" The service staff: " No one steps on five yuan. ”

12. Spending money is as easy as shit, making money is as hard as eating shit.

13. When I was in high school, the Chinese teacher saw the girl in front of me was sleepy and yelled She answered the question. She stood up without saying a word and stood for two full minutes. The whole class was dead silent. The teacher said helplessly: "Sit down." "After sitting down, I saw this woman lying on the table and immediately fell asleep. When get out of class was over, this woman turned around sleepily and said to me: "I just dreamed that the teacher asked me to answer a question. ”

Today is MM’s birthday. In order to be the first to send blessings, I picked up my phone on time in the early morning and sent a message: Sofa.

14. Look at you, handsome and unrestrained. , romantic and suave, loved by everyone, blooming like a flower, you must be the best among scum and a beast among beasts! And according to observations, you must have lacked calcium since childhood and lacked love when you grew up. Grandma does not love you and uncle does not love you. . The left cheek needs a slap, and the right cheek needs a kick. If a donkey sees a donkey, it will be kicked. If a pig sees a pig, it needs a slap. If you are a walnut, you need a slap. If you are a motorcycle, you need a kick. If you want a wife, It’s a screw, but it needs to be tightened!

15. If one day you meet your ex-lover and his new love on the street, please don’t feel sad! Some people say: “Because our mother has been there since we were young. Teach us to donate old toys to people who are less fortunate than ourselves"

16. Today, the princess kissed the frog, and the frog turned into a prince. The prince knelt down on one knee and said to the princess: "Thank you. I have one more wish for the beautiful and kind princess who saved me. The princess blushed: "Just tell me, I will meet your request." "So, the prince took out another frog from his pocket? Another frog.

17. The deaf man goes to the theater - a feast for the eyes.

18. The one with a lot of homework You can play cards with papers: "Mathematics for children", "I'm good at three Chinese", "I'm good at comprehensive science!" "Sorry", "Sorry", "Sorry", "Three English, I'll run away first"

19. The hardest thing in the world is not diamond, but Conan’s life! It can’t be killed by an explosion. It can’t be killed by the ocean. It can’t be drowned by fire. It can’t be burned by a train. It can’t be killed by a sharp knife. It can’t be choked by thick smoke. It can’t be killed by a fall from a high altitude. It can’t be killed by pinching the neck and drinking wine. He won't die when he's drunk, he won't die from the pain caused by poison, he will crash into a plane, he won't die from gas, he won't die from poison, he won't die from being beaten, he won't die from a machine gun, he won't die from an avalanche, he won't freeze to death? In short, Conan is immortal!

20. When I was a child, my parents took me home. , when we were walking, they held me in the middle, and I sang "A chicken in the left hand, a duck in the right hand?" When my father heard this, he almost slapped me in the mouth. I immediately vomited blood. "There is a toad in the middle, hey, hey, hello~"

Selection of funny and humorous jokes

1. A first-rate teacher relies on his charisma, and a second-rate teacher relies on his charisma. Teachers rely on academics, third-rate teachers rely on answering questions, fourth-rate teachers rely on homework, fifth-rate teachers rely on roll call, and low-level teachers rely on constantly changing roll call methods.

2. A certain man met online, and the other party was a beautiful woman. . Then he went to the room and did what he had to do. Afterwards, he lay down and chatted, and found that she couldn’t answer the questions he had talked about before. After he pressed him again and again, she finally told the truth: “What I talked about with you before was actually My mom!" Just when I was shocked, she went on to say: "I don't want my mom to find a chick! I've had sex with her, and my mom would be too embarrassed to take it!"

3. Latest research by scientists , one hundred men participated in the experiment. After each drank twenty bottles of beer, all of them became extremely talkative but illogical, prone to crying and irritability, behaved impulsively, their driving skills declined, and their weight increased.

Therefore, scientists concluded that beer contains trace amounts of estrogen!

4. The photographer asked Xiaodai how many seconds he needed to prepare. Xiaodai obviously stretched out three fingers, but why did the photographer press the shutter button immediately? ?Because what Xiaodai is holding out is: middle finger, ring finger and little finger, which also means OK!

5. Marriage notice: If you don’t like makeup, save money on makeup, don’t like to cheat, save shopping For money, if you don’t like snacks, you’ll have snack money left over. If you don’t like taking a car, you’ll save money for buying a car. In addition, those who usually like to save money are the best.

6. The girl is twenty-eight years old, and her life is difficult and she is short of money. Today she went online to seek marriage, hoping to find a rich man. Age is not a distance, height is not a gap, and I don’t care if she is fat. I just want to find a rich man. If you have money, I can be with you. If you don't have money, don't contact me.

7. When I was a child, I thought I could save the whole world when I grew up, but when I grew up, I realized that the whole world couldn’t save me?

8. Spending money will make you happy. , living in every corner around me, it hurts to pay utility bills, buy daily necessities, even sending text messages hurts; the joy of making money hurts, rolling back and forth in my blood, my head hurts when I work overtime, and my body is busy with business It hurts, it would be great if the salary was increased!

9. I really want to be a boss, and there is no shortage of money in my hands; the salary is paid daily and monthly, and the method can be changed if you want; the salary is not yet warm, My wife robbed me of most of it; after paying the water, electricity and mortgage, the remaining balance was only a handful; so I tightened my belt and saw you next month’s salary!

10. I didn’t intend to be different, but how could I have outstanding taste?