Beg for a joke (refuse a cold joke)

1. Take the subway to work in the morning. It's too crowded There is a very lovely girl next to her. Kawaii is texting. I accidentally took a look and found that she wrote, "There are many people on the bus today, which is very crowded." After a while, I remembered something and laughed to myself. I inadvertently looked back for a while and saw the girl continue to write "there is still an SB standing next to me". . .

2. I went to save money at noon. While waiting in line, a beautiful woman asked me at the back: "Save money?" "Yes!" "I just want to withdraw money. Anyway, if you want to save it, you might as well give it to me without waiting in line. " I thought it made sense, so I gave her the money ~ ~ ~

3. A buddy of Beihang University said: I am calm, and the school is calmer than me. I am calm because I am not afraid of death, and the school is calmer than me because the school is not afraid of death. ...

Five children share a cake, and only three pieces are allowed. How do they divide it equally? Answer: Cut a child to death with one knife, and then cut the cake into four parts with two knives. . .

There is a lot of rain in singles season, and singles on the road want to break their souls. Excuse me, where is my wife? Brother Zeng pointed to Chris Lee!

6. When I was a child, my teacher told me that everyone has a diligent villain and a lazy villain. You hesitate, they fight. Diligent villains often beat lazy villains out of the water in primary school, tied in junior high school, and lazy villains often win in high school. But when I got to the university, I suddenly found that they stopped playing, and that damn diligent little man was killed!

7. It took a class to talk about the difference of usage of "de, de, de", and the Chinese teacher finally asked Xiao Ming to sum it up. Xiao Ming thought for a while and said, "My house needs cleaning."

8. In class, classmate A fell asleep. Suddenly, his cell phone rang. "Report to your majesty, there is a unruly person who asks for an audience. Is it a pick-up or a chop? " Suddenly, the whole class was silent. After that, classmate A's phone was never called by anyone in the class again. ...

9. Once I suddenly thought of going swimming, I bought a pair of cheap swimming trunks in the supermarket, because there was no other color, only red. As a result, I didn't expect the swimming trunks to fade. When I was soaking in the pool, a wisp of red came out of my lower body and rippled in the water ... An uncle swam past me, looked at the red "blood" under me and looked at my bare upper body. For an instant, his expression was very contradictory. ...

10. I heard from a friend that a boy with low emotional intelligence finally met a girl he liked in college. Once a girl was ill, and a boy accompanied her to the infirmary for intravenous drip. Ten minutes passed ... 20 minutes passed ... nothing happened on both sides. Thinking of breaking the silence, the boy asked, "Is it cold?" Girl: "Cold" Boy: "Cold ~ I'll cover it for you?" The girl blushed and whispered "good ~" and then the boy got up. . . . . . . Cover the drip bottle with your hand. . . . . .

1 1. On the bus, a couple met a gangster, the woman was touched by the gangster, and her boyfriend was expressionless. After arriving at the station, my boyfriend pulled the hooligan out of the car, beat him skillfully and left with his girlfriend. Analysis of the reasons for a website's voting. 75% voted "This kid is waiting for his skills to cool down ..."

12. My wife went on a business trip and didn't come back for several days. In the afternoon, she secretly sent me a short message during the meeting: the leader next to me slept like a dead pig, which was so funny. As a result, the telecom problem was sent to my mobile phone in the middle of the night. I almost jumped off a building. ...

13. I remember that a buddy slept in the last row in the evening self-study in high school. I woke up suddenly, and then turned off the lights to sleep. At that time, the whole class looked silly. . .

14. This classmate told her story in middle school. In class, a boy fell asleep at his desk and was found by the teacher. The teacher is very calm: the deskmate cares. Then the washing utensils appeared. . . The deskmate took off his coat and put it on the sleeping boy. . .

15. When I was at school, my deskmate made it specially. Once, he was found sleeping in class by the teacher. The teacher said, XXX, stand up. I woke him up and said that the teacher told you to stand up ~ but he glared at the teacher and refused to stand up. The teacher is anxious: so-and-so! You stand up! He still didn't get up and rolled his eyes at the teacher. . The teacher lost his temper: so-and-so, I can't control you as a student. Go on with your class! I whispered at the bottom: you are really nb! Confronted the teacher ~ so-and-so said: actually, I want to stand up, but my legs are numb. . .

16. At the New Year's Eve, some tables are famous brands, and others can sit at will. Then I heard a woman say, "Go and sit in the front, where there is your memorial tablet." I suddenly collapsed. ...

17. once in the mid-term exam, one of our classmates was arrested by Duan Chang for texting in the toilet, but he refused to give up his comrades anyway. Duan Chang calmly sent a short message on his mobile phone-"Come to the men's room on the second floor to get the answer" ... After that, his comrades came to ........... from all directions and were wiped out. ......

18. A roommate has a special flower and countless girlfriends. One night I asked him, "Why do you like women so much?" He: "I lacked maternal love since I was a child, and my parents were always absent" ~ ~ "What should I do if you lack fatherly love?" This man said the phrase "I have you" that he regretted all his life. Since then, this man has been taken great care of in our dormitory. . .

19. When I was a child, I rode my father's motorcycle to school every day. My father had a hobby at that time, that is, he vomited to the left when the speed reached over 80 per hour. This kind of spit can be completely unaffected by the wind and hit the trees on the roadside perpendicular to the speed direction. It is estimated that if you are hit, you will be slightly injured. On my way to school at a speed of 100, I decided to follow suit. My dad advised me not to throw up blindly. I worked as an intern here. I said, didn't you just throw up? What happened? Say that finish "bah" vomitted an one mouthful. The result was slapped by the oncoming wind. . . Father asked nervously in front: What? I endured nausea and cried: my face was covered ~ ~ ~ My dad said with a sigh of relief: It's a good thing he didn't spit on me. Then there was no paper at hand, so I kept throwing up and speeding to school on my motorcycle. When I arrived, I dried it and came down as soon as I opened it. . . . . .

19. I used to study in junior high school. In that quiet and peaceful classroom, suddenly there came "poof!" The ground farted and the crowd turned around. An elder sister greeted everyone's eyes and said, I let go! Then everyone turned around. Two minutes later, it was "poof!" The timbre is similar. The crowd looked back at the sisters, who looked at us kindly, nodded approvingly and said, You guessed it. . .

20. Chatting with my boyfriend, when it comes to rising, my saliva splashed all over his face. Then instinctively wipe it off by hand. I was a little embarrassed, but I deliberately shifted my focus and pretended to be angry: "What? Don't like me, "he said with a gentleman's smile. "No, wipe it evenly!"

2 1. A girlfriend with very small breasts. We bury her every day. One day, she finally couldn't bear it, yelling at us: "I don't care if my breasts are small, I'll follow my dad, whatever!"

22. triboelectricity, a middle school physics teacher, said in class: We take off our sweaters in winter. The sweater creaked. And lightning. But not in summer. Why? Boy in the back: Because I don't wear sweaters in summer. . .

23. My friend was drunk once. It is said that he was in the toilet, holding the phone in his right hand and pressing his left hand on the mirror, looking affectionately at the "prisoner" in the mirror: Did you eat well? Has the prison been strictly controlled recently? Leave as soon as possible ......

24. Some buses in Hangzhou are relatively high-end, so the glass is rather stuffy. It says: break the glass in an emergency. The temperature has risen these days, and the bus is hot, and there are many people on the bus. The most depressing thing is not knowing that the immoral guy put a silent fart in the car. . . Later, the glass broke. . .

25. One night, my parents came back from playing mahjong. I woke up when they came home, but I was still confused. Suddenly my leg cramps died (I think it is very long), and then I jumped out of bed. At that time, my consciousness was very vague, and I just wanted to take two steps to suppress the feeling of cramp. As a result, I took two steps and felt that I could not persist any longer. I plopped down on my knees in front of my father and gave him a fright. Kneeling down, I felt no cramps, then stood up silently and turned back to my room to sleep. There was not a word in the whole process. I guess my father was petrified at that time.