Humorous jokes and short stories in grade two

1. While watching the Japanese cartoon "Smart Rest", my father asked his 10-year-old son: Why do you think rest is smart? "Because he has no hair!" "What does hair have to do with wisdom?" "I remember you said that mom has long hair and short knowledge! "2. Son:" What will happen to you if I get the first place in my class? Father: "Then I am really happy!" " "Son:" Dad, don't worry, I won't let you die! ""Dad took his youngest son panting to the top of the mountain. Dad said, "Look, how beautiful the plain under our feet is!" " ""Since the scenery below is good, why should we spend three hours climbing it? Dad. The teacher gave a topic "If I were a millionaire" and asked the students to write a composition. The students wrote and fell into a beautiful fantasy, but John sat still. The teacher asked strangely, "Why don't you write a composition?" John said proudly, "Millionaires don't need to write any composition. They have secretaries. When the teacher attacked the text, he asked Tom, "Your father is only 40 years old this year. How did he participate in the Second World War? " Tom replied, "that's my grandfather." "But the topic of the composition is my dad. "Yes," replied Tom, "it was written by my father. "6. What about Xiao Ming? He will have an exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV in the evening. Xiao Ming's mother asked anxiously, "Have you finished all the books? There will be an exam tomorrow! " Xiao Ming readily replied, "Mom, I finished reading it. "Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming happily:" Good boy, you must do well in the exam tomorrow! ""Xiaoming cried and said, "Mom, I mean,' Mom, I think it's all over.' "Xiao Ming is five years old and can't speak. One day, his mother asked him to learn to speak outside, and Xiao Ming went out. The first place he went to, he saw a house collapse, and a man shouted there: "The building collapsed! The building collapsed! " Xiao Ming will remember it. The second place he went to, he saw two people fighting. One of them said, "Come if you dare!" "Xiao Ming remembered again. In the third place he went, he saw a child beating his grandfather. Grandpa said, "If you hit him again, he won't give you candy!" " "Xiao Ming remembered again. When he got home, his mother asked him, "Xiaoming, what words did you learn?" ! "Xiao Ming said," the building has collapsed! The building collapsed! "Mom hurried downstairs, a look, and the building didn't collapse. Mom came into the room and said, smelly boy, how dare you lie to mom! I want to hit you. " Little Ming Dow: "Dead boy, come and fight if you dare!" Mom hit Xiaoming. Xiao Ming said, "If you hit Grandpa again, Grandpa won't give you candy!" " "Mom is dizzy! He Si had an argument with his neighbor, and He Si rudely scolded each other: "You are a pig!" " "This matter was known by the security officer of the community, so I was fined four 30 yuan. He Si received the ticket, unconvinced: "Last month, I called him a pig. You only fined me 20 yuan. " "Sorry," the security guard said with a wry smile. "The price of pork has gone up recently." 1, Dad, you can save money! ""save what money? Children. " "You don't have to spend money on textbooks for me this year. I have failed. Grandpa said, "Today is my birthday. Grandson asked, "What does birthday mean?" ""Birthday, that is, grandpa was born today. Hearing this, the grandson opened his eyes wide and said, "Wow, how did you grow so big today?" "! After reading his son's report card, the father said, "Look at your grades, I can believe that you didn't cheat in the exam." Son: "It's not that I didn't cheat, it's that I didn't succeed." Xiaoming is always pestering his father to tell him historical stories. Dad: "Good! Once upon a time, there was a frog. . . "Xiao Ming:" Alas! People want to hear historical stories! ! "Dad:" Well, in the Tang Dynasty, there was a frog. . . . . "On a bus in a small town, a little boy of about three or four years old sat in the seat in front of me, and his mother stood side by side with me. Every bus stop will announce, "Please give your seat to the old, the weak and the sick." So the little boy asked his mother, "Mom, what are the weaknesses of the old, the weak and the sick?" Mom thought for a moment and said, "It's mental retardation." So the little boy looked at me for a week, stopped on me, looked at me, and I smiled at him. So he stood up and said, "Uncle, please sit here." A colleague felt itchy on his back at home, so he called his four-or five-year-old son: "Scratch his father's back." The result was tragic: the little guy put a finger on him and said seriously, "Dad, move." We have to make up lessons for 20 days, one day 10 class, and the school charges 200 yuan for making up lessons. The teacher said that there is no such cost-effective make-up lessons, 10 yuan a day, only one class, free morning reading once a day. 1, a group of SB are discussing who 2B in SB is, and everyone is contending to say yes. Finally, someone found the director of the mental hospital. . . The dean said, "Each of you should give it to 300 yuan first." Everyone handed it in, and the dean said, "You all handed it in." 2. 12B Just sitting in front of the doctor, the doctor said: You are sick! 2B Fury: You are fucking sick! The doctor refused to consult. 2B ran to the service desk and said, I'm sick and the doctor won't see me. There are two rabbits outside the toilet door who have been throwing firecrackers into the wall. I saw a man rushing out of it, and the zipper was not pulled. They caught them in the toilet and gave them a good beating. He also scolded: "didn't your parents teach you not to throw firecrackers at people?" How dangerous! " Then he snatched all the thunder from the children's hands, threw it into the cesspit and blew them up. "Look, if you throw it away, you won't be able to blow people up!" 4, the second-hand buddy told me very experienced: One disadvantage of winter is that you wear too much clothes, and you can't fart. They are all around your body and then along the neckline. When I got up this morning and was brushing my teeth, my mother suddenly patted me behind me, vaguely said "Young man, in good shape" and then ran back to my room with a smile and said, "Old man, you lost, my son didn't say I was crazy." Me. . . Almost swallowed toothpaste. . . I didn't buy food yesterday. My husband held a dinner party. I don't want to cook. I wanted to steal a lazy meal and go back to my parents' house to eat. I went home happily, but my mother was happier than me. She saw me and said, "Daughter, you came back just in time. There are some guests at home. You cook dinner and I'll talk to them for a while. " 7. Daughter: "Dad, what is a tsunami?" Dad: "didn't dad take you to see the sea?" "The tsunami is the sea to see us." 8. A few years ago, I took an exam in the examination room, and my father was waiting for me outside. As a result, my father received a short message saying that I was detained with others and quickly remitted the money to an account. Dad calmly replied: "Break off the relationship, I can't afford to lose people with you." 9. Mom: "I remember you like playing with water very much, don't you?" Son: "Yes" Mother: "Then go and wash the dishes!" 10, I will go home for the New Year in ten days. . Grandma wanted me to stay a few more days and said to me, "Call the leader and tell him that your grandfather is seriously ill and can't go back for the time being." The silent grandfather immediately interjected: "You just said that your grandmother died." . . 1 1, the public toilet was full, and finally someone came out. Just as he was about to squat down, he heard an aunt scold at the back: Young people are not sensible and don't give up their seats to old people. The young man said, auntie, this is a public toilet, not a bus! 12, I asked my grandfather how he knew his grandmother. Grandpa bowed his head and thought for a moment and said, "A blind man introduced me ... 13. My classmate works in a bank. One day, he came to an uncle to apply for a card to save money. When he enters the password, he always fails. The classmate told him that the password can't be a six-digit number, and the result is still not good. " After repeated several times, the security guard couldn't stand it any longer. He told uncle that the password could not be straight, and the card was successful.