Add back how to chat with your ex (how to chat with your ex without obstacles)

Keeping in touch after breaking up may make this relationship, but a little carelessness will destroy it.

Why, because contact is a virtual fantasy, it gives the desperate people an illusion and makes you feel "Ah, we are still in contact, so it must prove that we still have a chance".

I can't bear to expose your cheerful appearance, but I'm afraid that you will be treated as a spare tire and raised as a fish, without knowing that you have someone else in your heart.

Why you might be a spare tire.

You know, he didn't say he would refuse you, but he didn't say he would accept you.

Many people are trapped in the stagnation of the compound, and they feel as if they are stuck somewhere and tired. If they take one step forward, the other party will take a step back and feel that something is wrong. At this time, the other party has changed the indifference of the past and suddenly became enthusiastic.

Many people will have the following psychological activities after getting back together:

"As long as I don't mention getting back together, he will have a good chat with me, but as long as I mention' getting back together', he suddenly gets cold."

"I can't understand him at all. He seems to keep in touch with me all the time, as if there are other opposite sex around him ... "

"He didn't answer any questions directly ..."

.....

This is the interesting thing about keeping in touch with your ex. Both of them are playing dumb, as if they are near and far away, just like the most familiar strangers. Everyone knows each other's purpose, but they dare not make a move.

This will also make many people's classmates actually keep going the same way, confirming each other's presuppositions, deepening ta's misunderstanding of themselves, and some people keep pushing Ta to others, completely unaware of their "selfless dedication".

When such people get back together, they often realize that they are doing the right thing and are the most affectionate, but in the end they find that their obsession and infatuation are ultimately making wedding clothes for others.

Just like many people feel that keeping in touch is like winning the world, that their feelings are still warm, that two people are still the same, and that the other person must still care about himself, so everything is said outside.

Most reunions are in this "false warmth" and gradually lose patience, only to find that this emotional core has long rotted away.

Since he is still willing to contact himself, it proves that you must have some kind of "value" to him, no matter whether this "value" is out of reluctance or really guilty.

And all you have to do is underestimate the "connection" itself. No matter what purpose he contacts you for, it has nothing to do with you. He is him and you are you. He didn't contact you as a gift or pity.

As long as you don't engage in compound taboos in your daily life and keep a relaxed attitude of chatting with him at ordinary times, compound is a natural thing.

Let me see, who else doesn't know these taboos when getting back together:

There are a group of wonderful people who like to touch others with affection and manipulate others with flattery.

Such people often appear in "loveless" families. Neglect and abandonment hurt them. They witnessed the separation and were deeply saddened by it, so it was a complete collapse for them to break up.

The abandoned memory is awakened again. In order to avoid falling into this kind of pain, I will contact each other at that moment and let them come back at all costs. But they don't have excellent means and scheming. They only know one word, and that is love. [ 1]

It sounds like a joke to influence a person who broke up with "love" Because since the other party wants to break up, they just don't want to be bound by this relationship.

This truth is well known to many people, but only the parties will be stupid when facing their predecessors.

I met a girl who wanted to get back together. It really exists like "mother".

She always fills each other's needs with her own brain and asks questions in every possible way. The boy said that he was sleepy at work, so she immediately ordered a cup of milk tea.

The boy said he was bored, and she felt very excited when the opportunity came, so she said, then I'll accompany you.

The boy said he was making a year-end report, but she didn't know what was going on and blurted out, "Why don't I do it for you?" ;

Because the core logic of "please" is: I did it, so you should do it for me.

If you say in good conscience that I can do it, I'm not afraid. Then I beg you not to do this, because it will only make you lose your last chip when you get back together.

When chatting, you could have generously asked him what he was doing and why he wanted to go further and say "I miss you" more.

Why did you say "it's all my fault, it's all my fault" when you could have talked about the problems between two people flatly?

Maybe you blame yourself now, but I want to tell you a truth, no one owes anyone in the relationship, and no one is right or wrong in breaking up. As long as you are still here and he is still here, you are equal.

In front of the predecessors, no one is higher or lower, no one is more active or more passive.

Equality means that you are two clean people now. You can ask him, stand in a high position for a while, say "no", tell your grievances, and tell him what you have always wanted to say happily.

There are also some wonderful people who think they can keep in touch, can't hold back their excitement, insinuate each other's attitude, and constantly hint at the idea of "getting back together."

They have a classic mantra:

"Do you think we still have a chance?"

As soon as this word comes out, it will be cold, embarrassed and regretful.

Do you think he can talk to you a few times, cut his heart a few times, say a few words from his heart and shed tears a few times, and all the dissatisfaction of two people can be resolved? Everything can go back in time? Will he promise you, too

Stop dreaming. How many peanuts did you eat and get so drunk?

Compounding is a two-way street. All misunderstandings will not disappear just because you two have talked a few times. He may become soft-hearted at a certain moment, and when he sees your change, he thinks that the two of them can go on, but the next second he will also think of your condescending attitude, and he will shrink back and change his previous attitude.

This pattern of "closeness-indifference and alienation" will be repeated when you get back together.

He will suddenly not return your message, and you will see a new opposite sex suddenly appear in his circle of friends. These are normal, don't feel flustered.

He is just trying to make mistakes and find someone who is truly trustworthy and trustworthy. You have to give him time, learn to be silent, and learn to infiltrate step by step.

Don't ask, "Do you think we still have a chance?" In other words, "What do you think of me now?"

The difference between these two questions is that the former is a closed question and the latter is an open question. The former stopped after answering "well, yes"/"I don't think so"; But the latter will ask the depths of his soul and let him explore what he thinks of you.

You didn't say "get back together" word for word, but you are slowly guiding him into your thinking world. This is the master.

There is also a person who constantly pursues the feeling of being needed.

When they get back together, they can't control their inner desires. They always think that as long as two people show a "sense of need" when chatting, it means that two people are still possible.

Therefore, I will use the word "demand" to firmly grasp each other and always convey the messages of "I need you", "I care about you very much" and "you are special to me". I am determined to die like a moth.

I was deeply moved myself, but I'm sorry that this information was passed on to the other party, only with a deep sense of control and manipulation.

The two people who broke up at the beginning were thinking about "how to face ta and how not to evoke their painful memories when facing ta", rather than "how to accept ta and how to let him put everything down and accept me".

Face is the basis and premise of acceptance.

If you can't face it, how can you accept it?

What is the difference between facing and accepting?

No requirements, I am by your side, don't ask about the return date, don't ask about the east, don't ask about the results; But acceptance carries profound purpose and expectation. I hope you can respond to me and forgive me.

You can try. If you blindly hope that he can accept you, you will only get endless silence. My countless visitors have experienced this kind of suffering, and they still don't understand why they want to show their hearts to each other, but ta still refuses to do so.

Because they are always full of "needs", this will only make each other more suffocated.

Therefore, I have always said that understanding is more precious than love, silent companionship is more rare than strong integration, and listening is more wonderful than pouring out.

When you get back together, you don't have to say anything at all. If you talk too much, you lose. As long as you stay with him quietly, you can do whatever he says. There is no mystery in the chat process, and he is not digging a hole for you. He just needs someone who can talk to him and let him feel the warmth of his body.

Just when he said, "I think I should take care of myself first in my relationship", many people panicked and came to ask me how to reply. I just feel that they seem to regard their predecessors as interviewers, untouchable and annoying, as if every word of the other party is testing themselves.

When I meet such visitors, I will only reply to them: just chat normally, and someone is "accompanying", which is laying a sense of demand.

There is also a group of people who always like to test "humanity" and "love".

When talking to my predecessor, if ta replies to me one second later, it will be judged as "he doesn't love me";

If ta mentions other girls, it means that he is going to have a new love;

If ta always talks about him, it must mean that I am his spare tire;

Anything happens to their predecessors, which will cause their anxiety and irritability, so in order to resolve this irritability, they will use the "left son" to verify whether the other person's love is faithful.

For example, break through the other side's bottom line, beat the other side's weakness, and attack his economic strength and family background;

Others will completely vent their emotions and rely on their understanding and trust in their predecessors, so they have to "do" things they hate.

All this is nothing more than trying to compete, to win or lose, and to prove that the other party still loves themselves.

But these are useless except to reassure yourself and relieve anxiety.

You two have reached the stage of breaking up. What else do you need to prove, what else is worth covering up and what is worth testing?

If you ask me, the most important thing at this time is to repair the broken "trust" and "intimacy". Find the same topic for two people, control your emotions, rationalize all the past problems, and don't kill each other easily.

Love at this time is hypocritical. Only respect and understanding, tolerance and waiting are true.

Also, when I first got back together, I was full of ambition. After reading several essays, they felt enlightened and full of confidence. As a result, they spent three days fishing and two days drying their nets. Because I was a little unhappy, I lost my temper and didn't want to contact again. They died of old age.

I'm here to remind you of a truth: if you decide to get back together at the beginning, I hope you can give yourself a statement at the end.

Don't be discouraged because the other party refuses to let me go casually, and then refuse to contact him on the pretext of "injured self-esteem", killing all the comforts laid in good faith before and ending everything hastily.

But believe it or not, in a few days, you will be tempted to go back to your ex.

Why bother? Torture yourself. Consume yourself.

So I want to tell you that it is normal and reasonable if you feel disrespected and unloved when you get back together. Because this is the growth and transformation you should experience.

Moreover, the strong resistance of the other party can better explain that he has carved up emotional resources for you. He has already lost.

Don't you want to know how this story will end? Don't you want to know what will happen in the end after you do this?

If you want to know where your story will end, then I advise you not to be arrogant casually. The other person has expressed a little love to you. Don't get carried away. I also want to advise you not to give up casually. I show a little retreat in the direction so that you don't feel tired.

I like to say a word to my visitors: don't lose face.

This sentence is very suitable for people who get back together, and they also need this sentence very much. Unity is a long wait, waiting for a response, waiting for your own flowers to blossom and bear fruit, waiting for everything to return to its proper position.

I always feel that many people's reunion is not lost to their predecessors, but to themselves.

* * * Encourage.

The content of this section comes from my course "The Road to Pleasant Personality Counterattack" ↑ Psychological Test: Test what your ex wants to say to you most.

1. Do you quarrel over trifles when you are together?

Yes, I often feel very tired.

Rarely quarrel over trifles -2

Occasionally, but we can make up soon -3

2. Do you think you are a person who likes self-reflection and is willing to correct mistakes?

Yes -3

Non -4

3.will 3. TA volunteered to tell you about her troubles?

Often say -5

Not so much-4

Will you tell your parents the process of your love?

Every detail, I often spit with my parents -6

Occasionally they will say -5 when they ask.

Almost nothing to say, nothing to say-5

5. How much energy are you willing to spend to get what you want?

Everything is mine, and it is mine after all -7

If you work hard, you may succeed.

Try my best to get everything I want.

6. Did you break up because there was a third party?

Yes. -a

Seventh place

7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?

Yes -d

No-c

The complete version of the test questions and answers can be obtained by private mail.

I'm Chen Yu, an emotional counselor, and I know more than you think. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.