Urgent! Please support short classic jokes and humorous jokes.

During the Republic of China, Han Fuqu, a warlord, could not write big characters. But when he was the chairman of Shandong Province, he liked to pretend to be gentle and "speak" everywhere. His speech in cheeloo university was a rare article. Ladies and gentlemen, in your place: What's the weather like today? Today is a good day for a speech. The guests are very prosperous, and I really caught a cold. There are quite a few people here today, it seems to be about 8/5. Don't say anything if you come, raise your hand if you don't! Good, everyone is here! Today, my brother called everyone to a training camp. If my brother says something wrong, we should forgive each other. You are cultural people, all college students, middle school students and international students. You rabble are scientific, and you know English in seven or eight countries. Dude, I'm a lout. I don't even know English in China. You all climbed out of the fence, and I climbed out of the gun. Speaking here today really makes me feel proud and grateful. Actually, I'm not qualified to talk to you. It's like casting pearls before swine, which can be said to stand out from the crowd. Not much to say today, let's start with three outlines. I support the Grand Marshal's new life movement, brother. Just one, pedestrians walk on the right, which is really inappropriate. Think about it. Pedestrians walk on the right. Who will leave the left wing? One more thing, brother, I can't figure it out. Foreigners set up embassies in Dongjiaominxiang, and we are short of China. Why don't we build an embassy in China? After all, China people are too weak. The third program, the student basketball match, must be the corruption of the general affairs director. Why is that school so bad? What does it feel like for a dozen people to grab a ball in their underwear? How ugly. Come to my mansion tomorrow to collect some money, buy more balls, and give one to everyone, so as not to argue again. There are no outsiders and no bad guys here today, so I want to tell you three secrets: the first secret can't be told to you for the time being, the second secret is the same as the first one, and the first two points of the third secret have already been mentioned. Today's speech is over, thank you.