Funny classic quotations

Funny classic quotations

In normal study, work or life, everyone will inevitably come into contact with quotations. Quotations refer to the records of philosophical and special words, which are generally used in formal style. So what kind of quotations are classics? The following are the funny classic quotations I collected, hoping to help everyone.

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1. I'd rather you hold another woman and miss me than you hold me and miss another woman.

2. There are many on QQ. What penguin have you never seen?

3. The rooster that lays eggs is the fighting chicken in the rooster.

4. I'm not afraid of beautiful women treating me like a pervert, but I'm afraid of ugly women treating me like a rogue.

5, people are not malicious and can't stand steadily! People are not damaged, not standard! People are not bad, they die quickly.

6. You'd better let me kneel on the washboard. Kneeling on the electric heater is unbearable.

7. oh, my god! My clothes have lost weight again.

8. Did the leaves leave because of the pursuit of the wind or the failure of the tree to retain them?

9. Nonsense is the first sentence in interpersonal relationship.

1. Either live well or die quickly.

11. Men study for Ph.D. because of their low IQ, while women study for Ph.D. because of their low EQ.

12. It is not necessarily a monk who burns incense, but a panda!

13. Who says I'm white, thin and beautiful? I'll make good friends with him.

14. People are not smart, and they are bald like others! !

15. If you can't get shit out of one foot, you've pulled it clean!

16. I admire myself very much-I found a girlfriend who broke up for 12 years through Google!

17. The most humiliating thing is to discuss salary with several classmates. I thought they were talking about annual salary, but later I found out that they were all talking about monthly salary ...

18. I won't say anything if I kill you.

19. Nothing that money can solve is a problem.

2. After studying for more than ten years, it's better to mix in kindergarten!

21, even believe in advertisements, you are stupid to read!

22. No matter how hard it is, consider yourself as 25. No matter how hard it is, consider yourself as a double-faced person.

23. Only when we reached the top of the mountain did we find that the wrong road was only a few steps away from the right one.

24. Optimists see opportunities in disasters, while pessimists see disasters in opportunities.

25. Being angry is to punish yourself with other people's mistakes.

26. Without money and power, if I don't treat you better, can you come with me?

27. Go to Baidu on Google.

28. I'd rather have a fight with a wise man than talk to SB!

29. A big woman can't be without power for a day, and a little woman can't be without money for a day!

3, it's not that I don't laugh, and the powder falls off when I smile!

31. Youth is dedicated to the house and middle age to the children.

32. There are two ways to cheat: one is a cheat sheet copied on paper, which may be discovered and the result is to drop out of school; The other is a cheat sheet copied in my head, which can't be found. As a result, I got a scholarship.

33. When she was a child, her parents always believed that the ugly duckling would become a white swan when she was a girl. One day when I grew up, my father looked at her intently, and then said earnestly, "Son, you'd better study hard ..." < P > 34. In high school, the class teacher often enlightened me and said, "There are so many beautiful women crossing the river, now you just need to weave a good net!" After being admitted to Tsinghua, I want to play his glass with a monkey rubber band ...

35. Anyone who kisses wildly in front of the teaching building of the study room in the canteen can't afford a room!

36. After graduation, I had nothing to do, so I went to Massachusetts to dig for oil. Later, it was really dug up, and the oil quality was so good that it didn't need to be purified! Two years later, Mobil oil company sued us, saying that we dug his oil pipeline ...

37. After graduation, we took on a big job and earned 3 thousand after graduation. Take a look at the drawings and build a 4-meter chimney. It's all covered up, and people will take a look and beat me up! Shit, the drawings are upside down, and people are asking me to dig a well ...

38. After four years in college, no girl asked me the way. Today, I drove a BMW back to my alma mater for the first time to do something, and five girls came to ask for directions in a short time ...

39. I always wandered between Niu A and Niu C.

4. I wanted to look at the bright moon, but the bright moon shone on the ditch.

41. I am the most normal among abnormal people and the most abnormal among normal people.

42. Is the blank white?

43. I don't usually dump ugly girls, but you are an exception.

44. There is no rehearsal in life. Every day is a live broadcast.

45. If the son doesn't obey, he can fight properly, or he won't show his majesty. That's the problem with Taiwan.

46, there is no meanest, only meaner.

47. There are two ways to pollute a place: garbage or money!

48. No matter how perfect the figure is, in the eyes of people who don't love her, it is also a kind of material for teasing.

49. A young tree can't become a useful tree without pruning.

5. It may accumulate for a long time, leading to an outbreak; And if it breaks out for a long time, it may lead to collapse.

51. Be respectful to the superior, be overbearing to the inferior, and be discreet to the peers.

52. In a few decades, we will meet again, send them to the crematorium, and all of them will be burned to ashes. There are piles of you and me, and no one knows anyone. All of them will be sent to the countryside to make fertilizer.

53. Take a newspaper to the toilet. I am a scholar.

54. If I want to sweep the floor, I will never brush the dishes. If I want to brush the dishes, I will never sweep the floor. Do both? You treat me like an alien!

55. I will look for you in my next life, because you are the stupidest person except me.

56. When arguing, the difference between a man and a woman is like the difference between a rifle and a machine gun.

57. Grandpa came from his grandson ...

58. Women have countless QQ numbers just to flirt with a man. Men often use a QQ number filled with all kinds of women ...

59. They are not afraid of enemies like tigers, but of teammates like pigs!

6. When the bank charges, it says, "This is in line with international practice." When serving, he said, "We should consider China's national conditions."

61. Don't look for me if there's nothing, and don't look for me if there's anything.

62. Angels can fly because they look down on themselves ...

63. Hugging is really a strange thing. They are so close, but they can't see each other's faces.

64. The house price is getting higher and higher, so there are fewer and fewer good men ...

65. How to give MM an unforgettable birthday? Beat her up first, and then send the house certificate of the most expensive property in Guangzhou, which will be unforgettable and pleasant surprise!

66. After seeing some photos of my girlfriend in college, my wife kept praising me for being lewd. 555 ...

67. I bought a pottery jar of the Western Zhou Dynasty for 8, yuan. Yesterday, I went to the column of Jianbao for identification. The expert seriously said, "Where is this from the Western Zhou Dynasty?" This is from last week! "

68. I can't stand this kind of business-the sign says: Remove, pay and sell! I threw her 5 yuan for a down jacket, but she just didn't sell it. It was too cheating on consumers!

69. When I was young, I was not sensible and often dragged mm to go shopping, resulting in many MM injuries; I don't pull now, but I didn't expect to hurt a lot ...

7. Handsome is useless! In the end, it was eaten by a pawn!

71. No one knows what just happened. I'm used to covering everything up with a smile ...

72. In the days without women, I take pleasure in flirting with men ...

73. Women will give up their careers for their feelings, while men will give up their feelings for their careers. Women will be moved by men who give up their careers for their feelings, but they will stay with men who give up their feelings for their careers!

74. A woman is like a book on the shelf. Although you bought her, she was more or less turned over by several men before you bought it ...

75. Now it seems that movies with an IQ of 3 are the most popular, and 8% of those who like these movies like watching Korean dramas!

76. Today is 3. 14, Pi Festival, so eat pie ~ < P > 77, Korean scholars believe that the Monkey King is actually a Korean fairy, because he used a stick!

78. An employee of Huawei was arrested by the police for prostitution in Matishan, which became the company's annual scandal. Reason for dismissal: going to such a cheap place will make the company lose face!

79. The younger brother described the sanitation of his dormitory-"I don't want to open my eyes when I go back to the dormitory! ! ！”

8. Tsinghua University is also known as "Frog University"-when you talk while eating steamed buns ...

81. When I first entered the university, I was so weak that I didn't even dare to step on an ant. After graduation, I became a ruthless killer. What trained me was those who crawled in my rice bowl and those who flew on the bowl in the canteen ...

82.

83. The goal was scored by the goalkeeper.

84. Praise a female classmate face to face: You are really a lotus flower with clear water! !

85. How did you die? Not poor enough to die.

86. There is a one-yuan coin in the flower bed, but the sign beside the flower bed says, "Step into the flower bed and be fined three yuan!" It's really embarrassing.

87. If you look in the mirror and pay taxes, I'm afraid some women will go bankrupt.

88. A man wants to divorce his wife after making money, while a man can't make money and his wife wants to divorce him.

89. Men are getting more and more busy at work, while women are getting more and more salty in cooking.

9. When a woman says "hate" to you, it shows that she likes you. When a man says "hate" to you, he really hates you.

91. Fall in love no matter how ugly you are, and talk about the world full of love.

92. No matter how bad the relationship between a man and his wife is, his relationship with his mother-in-law is also good. No matter how good the relationship between a woman and her husband is, her relationship with her mother-in-law is also poor.

93. Women are anxious when men don't make money, and women regret when men make money.

94. A man entrusts his girlfriend to his buddy for care, and finally his girlfriend becomes his buddy's wife, and the buddy takes care of it; A woman entrusts her boyfriend to her sisters to take care of her, and as a result, her sisters become her boyfriend's wives, and they can't be her.

95. I can't find my tie again. Didn't you find a rag yesterday?

96. None of the women who participated in the beauty pageant could find a good man, because all the good men were married, such as me.

97. I can't resist smoking at the thought that the motherland is not unified ...

98. If I become emperor, I will make you a prince!

99. Roses are so cheap that you can give them to your wife.

1. As long as the hoe dances well, what corner can't be dug down?

2

1. Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.

2. I want to fall in love early, but it's already late.

3. I only trust two people in this world, one is me and the other is not you.

4. Get out of here as far as your thoughts are!

5. Rogues are not terrible, but they are afraid of being educated.

6. You can't satisfy everyone, because not all people are human!

7. It's not difficult to drive, but there are new people!

8. If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

9. It's a long way to go. I'll go up and down and ask for help.

1. The poor in the family are ugly, 1.49 meters; Primary school culture, rural hukou; There are three broken houses and one acre of thin land; Go online today and recruit girlfriends; On the road of revolution, hand in hand.

11. I thought that if I was invisible, others wouldn't find me. It's useless. A woman like me is as dazzling as a firefly in the dark, no matter where she is.

12. that we wished to fly in heaven, two birds with the wings of one, I would like to be a pig in the same circle!

13. Be proud of missing me and ashamed of ignoring me; Proud of caring for me, ashamed of being cold to me.

14. I planted a girlfriend in spring, and I got a bunch of wives in autumn.

15, love at first sight, then decline, three exhausted.

16. Life is easy. Live, easy. Life is not easy.

17. Goals in life: peasant woman, mountain spring and a little field.

18. The only difference between Superman and me is that I have underwear on.

19. I am in Jianghu, but there is no legend about me in Jianghu.

2. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. In retrospect, I actually ran naked in too many cooks for 19 years!

21. I would rather believe in ghosts than men's broken mouths!

23. Two tigers can't be accommodated in one mountain unless there is a male and a female.

25. The trouble with chocolate is that if you eat it, it will be gone.

26. Don't wait until everyone says you are ugly before you realize that you are really ugly.

27. If my friends can sell them for five dollars each, I can make a small fortune.

28. It's not terrible to have a big belly. What's terrible is that it's big and unexpected.

32. Wizard, please tell the princess that I'm still on my way through difficulties, and there are still snow-capped mountains, rivers, dragons and beautiful women that haven't been killed. Tell her to continue to sleep!

33. Do nothing without care, and do everything without care.

34. The real meaning of the iron rice bowl is not to have food in one place, but to have food everywhere all my life.

35. If eating more fish can make people smarter, then I must have eaten at least one pair of whales

36. Success in life lies not in getting a good deck of cards, but in how to play bad cards well.

37. Give me a woman and I can create a nation!

38. If you don't skin a tree, you will die. People are shameless and invincible in the world.

39. When you were born, you cried and everyone laughed. When you left, you smiled and everyone was crying.

4. When the water is clear, there is no fish, and when people are mean, they are invincible.

41. An expert looks at the doorway, while a layman looks at the sidewalk.

42. I can't play piano, chess, painting and calligraphy, so I'm tired of washing and cooking.

43. Give me a girl and I can create a nation.

44. Maybe it seems to be, but not necessarily.

45. You don't have to count what you have said, but you have to change people you like every day.

46. Hello, is this zg Mobile? This is zg Unicom, and my PHS is broken. Can you send zg Tietong to fix it?

47. God said, Let there be light. I said: No! So we had the night.

48. I pinned KONKA's TV remote control on my waistband and pretended to buy a new NOKIA mobile phone.

49. The night gave me a pair of black eyes, but I rolled my eyes with them.

5. The man riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, but he may be.