Humorous sentences describing abstinence from alcohol

The pledge of abstinence is funny. Dear wife,

Of course, you didn't get drunk for eight games because of your midfield spoiler. Oh, no, thanks to your all-out rescue. After getting drunk, I undressed and made jokes in the street of the hotel many times, made troubles in food stalls and barbecue stalls many times, disturbed people many times in the main road, destroyed many valuable electrical appliances and furniture at home, caused many adverse effects, and even alarmed 11 people, and almost put me in jail. Fortunately, I have you, my dear wife, who never gives up on me. I feel deeply guilty and uneasy about this. Although I have been determined to mend my ways many times, I have repeatedly committed crimes, drunk and drunk, and I promise never to drink again from today! ! But there's no way, we still have many friends. In order to make you live a good life with your baby, we still have to deal with interpersonal relationships, so the following situations are exceptions:

First, if we need to buy someone a drink, we must make a good deal and have a drink!

second, it's a good thing to have relatives and friends at home to have a happy event, so drink it!

third, someone invited you to dinner, which must give face and drink!

Fourth, an old friend invited me to sit for a small get-together. This is a way to catch up with old times, so I need to drink!

fifth, some new friends meet by chance. It's a chance acquaintance, so drink!

Sixth, I have unhappy chores. This is to drown my sorrows by drinking, so I have to drink!

Seventh, some friends are going out for a long trip to start a business. This is a farewell toast, so drink!

Eight, a friend came back from a distant place. This is a welcome, so you have to drink!

nine, I was so drunk yesterday that I was dying. I need to dredge my bones and muscles. I have to drink!

finally, I promise: except for the above nine items, I will never drink again. Please ask my wife to supervise me! ! !