Life is full of confusion and sorrow

Enter the old city at night, with a gentle breeze and cold rain. The street lights look empty and deserted under the yellowish light. It is like an ancient city that has lost all its prosperity. What was once familiar to you has become strange. If it weren't for the familiar "fish" sign on the store, I would have missed my way home. I didn't have a few drinks in the middle of the night, so I felt anxious and took the long and narrow alley to relieve my worries. I startled the native dog next door and kept barking, as if I had done something evil and ran away. How could I be embarrassed?

Walking alone by the moat, I felt the long smoke for the first time. The shops on both sides were closed and they did not operate all night, which was normal. Missing the time would disrupt the routine or delay life. I haven't reflected on myself for a while. In this city, I began to become degenerate and unusual. What became degenerate was the chaos of life, and what was unusual was the ripeness of a certain time.

Life is full of confusion and sorrow. Confusion, career and emotions; worry, present and future. If it weren't for the backlog of all objective factors, I wouldn't be so confused. Writing down this experience can be said to be a process of avoiding it from the bottom of my heart but racking my brains to avoid it. Because I have never felt such pressure except the night before the college entrance examination. Insomnia, excessive dreams, reticence of words, intentional or unintentional speculations around me, gossips from A, B, C and D... the pressure made me almost faint!

When you meet a close friend, a thousand cups of wine is too little, and half a sentence without speculation is too much. I have never been sure of the meaning of alcohol. It is harmful rather than beneficial. This is my sincere conclusion. Therefore, I avoid all social interactions with alcohol as much as possible. The old chef said: "Don't pour me wine! I won't appreciate your hospitality, but it will make you look unreal." Honest people understand, I just try to learn to be a polite and honest person.

Walking on the road of life, confusion exists objectively but cannot be controlled by one's own control. That worry is self-denial; what we should do now and what we should do in the future will have a hundred thousand reasons and a hundred thousand cold jokes. Of course, there are not that many bad jokes. There is only one bad joke: mediocre people bother themselves. Face yourself and others squarely. You have already walked a fraction of the way forward, so don’t deny yourself.

In the middle of the night, I still haven’t slept. Get used to insomnia, get used to silent nights, lying on the bed looking at the ceiling, looking for yourself in the dark night.