Advanced joke

Confess to the goddess: "Please don't refuse me, or I will collapse." Goddess: "Then please line up and leave." Welcome to enjoy the advanced jokes!

Senior joke 1 1. When I got up in the morning, I asked my wife, "Why can't I find my socks?"

The wife took some socks and said, "How did I find all the socks?"

2. It's so cold in winter that the child still sweats when sleeping at night. The mother is worried: "The child seems to be a little calcium deficient."

Dad: "Add another quilt that night."

It's snowing. I wear down jacket, leggings and snow boots to go out. My mother saw it and blamed me: "I wear too little." Go and add a pair of pants. "

I said, "I'm wearing a lot of clothes. It won't be cold."

Mother was very angry: "compared with the upper body, the lower body can't help freezing, so it is right to wear more clothes." When it's cold, everyone stamps their feet. Have you ever seen anyone beat their chest? "

A novice who just got his driver's license met a traffic policeman and waved, and the car ran a long way before stopping. The traffic police asked: Didn't you see you stop?

Answer: I have to cut down one file at a time.

Senior joke 2 1, someone went to a blind date company to find someone.

Company: What kind of girl are you looking for?

Hard working and capable.

Company: Girls nowadays are too lazy to find it.

A: That diligence can be removed.

2. Customer: A bowl of noodle soup.

Waiter: A bowl of noodle soup.

Customer: Change bowls and eat noodles.

Waiter: A bowl of noodles.

The guests will leave after eating noodles.

Attendant: You haven't paid yet.

Customer: How much is it?

Attendant: I didn't pay for the noodles.

Customer: Didn't you exchange noodle soup for noodles?

Attendant: You didn't pay for the noodle soup either?

Customer: I didn't eat noodle soup either!

Senior joke 3 1, the community put four trash cans, vigorously promote garbage classification, everyone actively study and practice classification, and feel that people's quality is improving day by day! ! !

Later, a garbage truck came, emptied all four barrels of garbage and dragged it away.

2. Go home by train! A buddy saw the ticket inspector coming, got up and ran! As a result, several ticket inspectors chased three cars before catching up!

The conductor asked, "Where are the tickets?" ?

He slowly took the ticket out of his pocket!

The conductor said, "Why did you run when you had a ticket?" ?

He said, "I'm willing to run. Do you care?" I didn't ask you to chase me!

3. "Live every day as if it were your last, and life will be wonderful." Say that finish, he turned and picked up the megaphone, "clearance sale, the last day. Full two yuan, full two yuan ... "

I found a magic lamp on the road. After wiping, suddenly the genie of the lamp came out: "Say what you wish."

I thought about it and said excitedly, "I want money that I can never spend."

The genie nodded and said, "This is a wonderful wish. I wish you an early realization, 886! " "Say that finish, the monster disappeared with a bang.

Senior joke 4 1. During class, the teacher woke up a sleeping student and scolded, "Are you coming to class or to sleep?"

Xiao Ming rubbed his eyes and said absently, "Are you here for a lecture or for hypnosis?"

Teacher: Get out. ......

2. One day at school, during class, the teacher asked, "If I gave you a car full of cucumbers, what endorsement would you use to increase sales?"

Xiao Ming stood up and said, "buy me a melon to make you forget him."

The teacher suddenly became furious: get out! ......

3. Teacher: Give an example of how the Internet crushes traditional industries.

Xiaoming: There are no pornographic films on the road. ......

Xiaoming was called to fight by the teacher. Teacher: Call your mother and I'll tell her.

Xiaoming: What did you tell my mother about us? In that case, call your mother and I'll tell her …

Teacher: Get out. ......

In biology class, the teacher talked about the origin of the earth. The teacher said, "The earth was formed for about 4 billion years. Let me briefly talk about the changes in these 4 billion years. "

Xiao Ming: "Teacher, let's talk year after year!" " "

When the teacher scolded him, he immediately said angrily, get out ......

6. The teacher asked: What kind of girls do students like? I hope the students can speak their innermost thoughts, and don't be afraid of anything!

Everyone spoke enthusiastically, some said beautiful, some said sexy, and some said plump.

Xiao Ming stood up and answered, I like being naked!

Teacher: Go home and enjoy it!

Senior joke 5 1, my son discussed with me: "mom, the guests who come to our house for the new year don't always talk about me, save some face for me."

I smiled and said, "You should behave better, too."

The son said, "I must be very good."

I asked, "Then someone will ask you about your grades?"

The son said, "Ask him about the year-end bonus at once and make him speechless."

My husband brought his son back from a special magic show. My son was very excited and said to me, "mom, the program of changing live fish is really wonderful." Uncle threw the fishing rod and caught a fish from our side. I also want to learn magic. "

I smiled: "Do you want to be a fish, too?"

The son said, "I want to be a living person." You said that if I learned this, I would watch TV and my mother would talk again. As soon as I wave my hand, my mother will go to grandma's house. How nice! "

After lunch, everyone sat around the kang to eat melon seeds. Sister-in-law suddenly threw the melon seeds in her hand back into the fruit bowl and said with a smile, "Don't eat them, keep them for yourself. I'm going to Wu Hou's grandmother's house to eat her melon seeds. "

The niece smiled and suggested, "It's obvious that you did it." I suggest you take a handful of melon seeds from our house and put them in your pocket. When you arrive at my second grandma's house, you should eat melon seeds in your pocket politely. Eat, eat, and then eat the melon seeds of second grandma's house quietly. Furthermore, while my second grandma didn't know, I grabbed two melon seeds and put them in my pocket. At that time, my second grandma will think that you are still eating melon seeds in your pocket. "

Senior joke 6 1. Teacher: "Why are you late today?"

Xiaoming: "My bed is old and needs someone to take care of it."

2. Teacher: Xiao Ming, how did you feel after hearing the story of Sima Guang smashing a jar?

Xiao Ming: I feel very painful.

Teacher: Why?

Xiao Ming: Because the cylinder is cracked.

Teacher: Get out!

3. Teacher: Boys and girls, why can't crops be planted closely?

Xueba: Because it is too secret, it will lead to. (The word 100 is omitted here)

Xiaoming: Why are you so stupid? It's not hot to squeeze together on a hot day!

4. The teacher wants to guide junior high school students how to correctly understand "fashion". In order to understand the students' mastery, the teacher asked a question: "Students, what do you think is the most popular in society now?"

The students are talking noisily: some say McDonald's and brace, and some say online games; There is also a wonderful work, saying that he is in love on the grounds that "adults and children say so."

Finally, Xiao Ming spoke: "I think it should be a cold, which is popular among people, livestock and poultry!" " "

5. Teacher: Who can poetically name his first teacher?

Xiao Ming got up and said, there is a well in Cangshan called Kong.

Teacher: Get out. ......

6. Teacher: "Xiaoming, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Xiao Ming: "xxxx!"

Teacher: Get out. ......

Xiao Ming said again: What to do.

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