Appreciation of Qin Jingmian's Prose "Blessing with Tears"

That day, it was a full moon without haze, and my mood was bright. He had a whim to go to a restaurant for dinner.

Passing by a private room, I accidentally saw a table of people, talking and laughing and drinking, and their faces were familiar. My heart suddenly accelerated and I grabbed his arm and went out. He doesn't understand its meaning. I said, stop asking. Let's talk outside.

There are eight people and four couples at that table. There used to be ten people and five couples. These people, both girls and boys, went to the factory together, lived in the single dormitory, ate and drank in the canteen, looked at each other, found their other half one by one, and moved from the single dormitory to the family area in pairs. Through hardships, along the way, it has gradually become a leader in all walks of life. Then, another company has been transferred from 54 1, leaving this military industrial unit with 60,000 employees and returning to Beijing.

It has been 46 years. 46 years, for a person, is definitely a shocking number. Recently, in the WeChat circle of friends, I saw a few words from Mo Yan. He said: "It is not easy for a friend or lover to go through three months. It is worth cherishing to persist for half a year. Being together for a year is a miracle. Being able to survive two years is a bosom friend. More than three years is worth remembering. If you are still there in five years, you should enter life. What is still there ten years later is not a friend, but a relative and a part of life! " So, 46 years? What is 46 years?

In that private room, we are colleagues and friends who have been with us for 46 years. To paraphrase Mo Yan, they should be close relatives. Now, they won't take us to play.

two

When we were in the 54 1 military factory, we had sex, got married and had children. The child is small, a small partner in kindergarten, and a classmate in a school. They play together every day, even run to the threshing floor in the field, chase and play on the wheat straw pile, and don't want to go home after dark. When they were carried home by adults, they were sweating profusely, their faces were like melons, and their heads and bodies were covered with wheat straw scraps. That year, we took our son back to Beijing to visit relatives, and the children in the same hospital showed off that Beijing had this and that. The son asked unconvinced: Is there a straw pile in Beijing? Suddenly, several children were puzzled. You looked at me, I looked at you, and there was silence. Children living within the Second Ring Road in Beijing, where do they know what a straw pile is?

1987, we were transferred back to Beijing, and my son clamored to go back to the 54 1 military factory every day to visit relatives, friends, teachers, uncles and aunts there. Between us, between our children, in that special and closed environment, over time, deep feelings have emerged.

On the Dragon Boat Festival, he was on a business trip. My children and I received sweet zongzi of different sizes and shapes from various families. Between each other, the building is next to the building, and whatever delicious food is cooked on weekdays, let the children send it to each other, share the good things, and help each other if they have difficulties.

three

After being transferred back to Beijing one after another, they kept in touch. Later, everyone got along very well and became an official. Only my husband and wife are still skilled workers. The factory is depressed and my son loves computers. At that time, a 386 cost more than 6,000 yuan, almost every year or even less than a year, and needed to be updated and improved. To this end, we do almost everything. Children and adults often wear old clothes given by relatives and friends, and their lives are very tight. Every time we meet at a party, we sincerely wish everyone a promotion and a raise. We have no other ability. He can repair household appliances, and his son won the first prize of the National Youth Computer Olympics. Father and son are willing to use their skills to serve you. Someone sent a broken TV set, and someone had a broken computer, so they were invited to repair it at home. Walk around each other, like family. Have two daughters, affectionately called * * * mom.

Some people say that you don't know how much you love your country until you go abroad. I want to add that I didn't know how much I miss Beijing and my relatives and friends until I lived in my son's house in Sydney for a year. After returning to Beijing, our five couples were invited by Laojiu, who was transferred to Hefei, to get together at their hometown in Hefei. I am very happy. At one party, all my relatives transferred to other cities met.

I never imagined that I would gather at Beijing Railway Station. It's been over a year. The gas field is wrong, and there is no previous intimacy. Words, obviously less; Face, obviously cold. In particular, H, the contact person in charge of this party, surprised me. Wheel relationship, we are not only relatives for 46 years, but also another relationship. His brother-in-law once worshipped my father-in-law as a teacher and studied painting Lu Yan. Why is it cold for no reason? Cold? It's too cold for me to adapt. It's too cold for me to know what to do. A beautiful girl named * * * Mom, who sent her parents to the station, also deliberately avoided us.

I really don't know what upset several relatives. I only remember the last party. I said, Z has retired and is no longer the general manager, so he can't treat people. And put forward that AA system should be implemented from then on. At that time, everyone had no objection and did it immediately. I appreciate my advice. Did I do something wrong?

When the face is cold, the heart is alienated. When you are far away from your heart, you will be bumpy and make mistakes. I just feel strange about this, I didn't think much about it, and I don't know where to think about it. I still trust H.

Before leaving, H telephoned to convey Laojiu's meaning and said that Laojiu would pay for the party. We immediately expressed our deep gratitude to Laojiu for his warm hospitality. The expenses shall not be borne by Laojiu. You say the number, how much money should we prepare. H told: that's basically what everyone means. Let's each take 6000 yuan. We said, okay. This trip, you are the person in charge, and what to do and how to do it have also reminded me a lot. He said, no problem, so many years of friendship.

I didn't think H's words and deeds were consistent until we met. Don't remind me. Don't tell the truth when asking questions. In Hefei, after informing everyone to pay 3000 yuan, they didn't collect any more money. I asked uneasily, why don't you collect money? H Answer: Don't worry, I'll let you know when to receive it.

It was not until I left Hefei that I couldn't help asking a friendly person why he didn't accept money. She replied: There is no money. Each of us thanked Laojiu with a red envelope or a gift.

It turned out that Laojiu insisted on his own opinion and persuaded the contact person to resolutely bear a lot of expenses. We are busy waiting for the payment notice every day, and we have no gratitude to Laojiu for its hospitality and Laojiu's energy and economic contribution. Both of them are basking in the position of stingy and ungrateful fools. How embarrassed, how annoyed and how guilty they are.

After leaving Hefei for Hangzhou, I was cheated once. It seems to be touched by the unfriendly atmosphere, but I still don't understand and dare not ask more questions. I think this time H is also responsible for accounting and informing everyone how much to pay. How many times have I asked, when do I collect the money? H said the account has not been reported yet. Although I am dissatisfied with H's cold face, I still believe H's words. Until we left Hangzhou ahead of time and gave H money, he refused to accept it, on the grounds that he had not paid the account yet and didn't know how much to pay.

After returning to Beijing, he continued to ask questions, and H still said that he did not report his account. It was not until we insisted on paying H that we were told not to care.

Actually, H is in Hangzhou, and sent a necklace to his colleagues in Hangzhou, and he doesn't intend to collect money in a unified way. The fee for one day was collected by two colleagues in Hangzhou. Others learn H, no longer collect money in a unified way, and quietly give children red envelopes. Just the two of us, not knowing the truth, have been waiting. This kind of behavior has undoubtedly become an excellent material for everyone to laugh at, blame and spit.

Back in Beijing, H contacted the couple in Hangzhou and didn't mention anything about our repeated urging to collect money. Instead, he told the other party that he had no respect for your reception and said he didn't owe you any thanks! The couple in Hangzhou, especially the proprietress, sent me a short message as soon as they heard the fire: "Listen to H, he said that your family doesn't owe us. No! You are not only ungrateful! And owe money! " I held up my mobile phone and cried.

It turns out that this is a trap? Or, did H dig another hole for us? Two big fools who have never been to officialdom jumped down accurately.

I can't sleep at night because I don't want tea and rice. I must make it up as soon as possible. I value dignity very much. As an employee of a bankrupt enterprise, my dignity is no worse than anyone else. Because I don't know the truth, what I did, in the eyes of everyone, completely lost my dignity. Some people say, let's put it in advance. Someone advised, don't worry, there is still plenty of time, and you still have a chance to make up for it. No one wants to give me the detailed addresses of my colleagues in Hefei and Hangzhou, so I can only find a way by myself with tears in my eyes. After many twists and turns, I finally paid the money. Before paying the money, he was called a miser, and after paying the money, he was accused of wanting to break up with his friends. I value my friends so much, and I value the friendship between friends so much. I was hurt where I thought I deserved goodwill and friendship. My heart is shaking.

46 years of friendship, not that you can let go, I can't. One day, I learned that Z became a grandfather. I was sincerely happy for Z. As a token of congratulations and thanks, I gave my child a thousand yuan red envelope. At that meeting, I realized that Z didn't like AA system. No, you did. This is not a difficult topic. When I mentioned traveling together and explained the misunderstanding to Z, Z said that everyone was willing to follow the voice and listen to H, the person in charge.

I am speechless. When I am not trusted, when the lie is repeated several times and becomes the truth, I can only turn my back and cry alone. I know that general manager Z belongs to the rich, and a thousand yuan red envelope is too insignificant for him. But in life, not everyone is rich, and the poor are still the majority. The number of rich people who are not looking at each other accounts for nearly half of the monthly salary. Z has been away from the factory for too long. I don't know that there are still low-income people whose factories have closed down. At that moment, I suddenly felt that we were not who we used to be. Officialdom for a long time, people who have entered the ranks of the rich can no longer understand me. Even, I didn't think kindly, whether those relatives who are officials and bosses stay in the atmosphere of intrigue for a long time, can't adapt to the quiet life after retirement, and feel lonely and bored without the object of struggle, and whether they want to try and prove their ability to fight with others on both of us.

I hope not.

four

Since relatives don't want to take us to play, or the person in charge doesn't want to take us to play, well, I'll try to be invisible in your life. When you meet him, run away. I was in another restaurant, with tears in my eyes, silently blessing my loved ones, eating, drinking and having fun. If one day, my relatives' home appliances are broken and want to be repaired, my other half is still willing to provide high-quality free services. Forgive me for being romantic again. I know that the rich people now have broken home appliances and threw them away to buy new ones, so they don't need to repair them anymore.

In my heart, there is too much warmth and too much beauty. Although up to now, I can't understand how some people do it, why they should fool people with lies, make them look ugly, watch their jokes, criticize and vilify them with relish. Every time I think about it, my nose is sour and tears flow down, but every time I dry my tears, I will always be happy for my loved ones' happy events and wish them happiness.