How to write abstinence and the guarantee of comedy?

Dear wife:

You are right to criticize me. Last night, I squatted in the bathroom and squatted on the toilet, reflecting all night. Of course, I've been vomiting. I drank it 38 times in July, with an average of 1.27 times a day. The frequency of drinking is frequent, and the frequency of drinking is on the rise, which is obviously higher than that in June. Among them, drunken games 10, drunken games 10, slightly drunk games 10, and wooden drunk games 8, the drunkenness rate increased significantly compared with June. Of course, all eight drunk games benefited from your spoiler in midfield. If you are wrong, it is not a spoiler, but a rescue. After getting drunk, I stripped naked in public in the hotel and made many jokes. I made trouble with my friends at the barbecue stall in the Cultural Palace many times, and smashed many valuable appliances and mobile phones at home, causing many adverse effects, and even called the police 1 10, and almost put me in a dark room. I feel deeply guilty and uneasy about this. Although I've made up my mind to turn over a new leaf many times, I'm still drunk and will never drink again from today! ! So I promise I won't drink again, but after all, we still have many friends and have to deal with many relationships, so the following situations are exceptions:

First, friends come back from afar. This is welcome. Drink!

Second, a friend is going out on a business trip. This is a farewell toast, so drink it!

Thirdly, an old friend invited me to sit down and get together. This is catching up, so I have to drink!

Fourth, there are new friends who meet by chance. It's fate to know each other and have to drink.

Fifth, it is a happy thing to have relatives and friends at home. Drink!

6. When I encounter unhappy trifles, I just drown my sorrows in wine, so I want to drink!

Seven, someone invited to dinner, trying to invite each other. This must give face, drink!

Eight, if you need to invite people to drink, you must accompany them to drink!

Nine, I was so drunk the day before yesterday that I was dying. I need to drink some transparent wine, I need to drink!

I promise: I will never drink again except for the above nine situations! ! !

Hope to adopt, thank you.