Network observation joke

Once upon a time there was a man named Shuang. ?

He is dead. ?

On the day of the funeral. ?

His family cried:'?

Cool ... cool. ?

Passers-by are puzzled. Asked, "What do you like?" ?

The family cried:' Great ... awesome! ! ?

Elephants accidentally stepped on an ant nest, and the ants that built their nests climbed onto the elephants one by one. The elephant shook its body and the ants fell down. At this time, there was another elephant around its neck, and the fallen ant shouted "strangle it". ?

13. Xiaoming: "Dad, am I a stupid child?" ?

Dad: Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?

A patient with indigestion complained to the doctor: I have been abnormal recently. Pull whatever you eat, eat cucumber and pull watermelon, how to return to normal? The doctor is silent for a moment, then you can only eat shit. ?

One day, an ant was sunbathing when suddenly he saw an elephant coming slowly. He got up and straightened his front legs, and the rabbit next to him asked what you were doing. The ant said, "Shh ~ ~ ~ ~ Keep your voice down and watch me kick him"?

The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two to play badminton. Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. Mother earthworm cried and said, "why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! " Father earthworm said weakly ... suddenly want to play football?

One day, a family caught fire, and both parents escaped, leaving only one son inside. Mother nervously shouted outside the house: "Son ... what are you doing ... you won't come out after the fire ..." The son replied: "I'm wearing socks ..." The mother said: "What socks are you wearing after the fire ..." Five minutes later, the son hasn't come out ... The mother shouted nervously again: "Son! Come out ~ There's a fire, and you're still inside … "The son said," I'm taking off my socks …?

A man went fishing by the river, wearing a leaf first ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, so he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~ no choice but to change earthworms ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~ ~ He was angry ~ He took out 100rmb and fell into the water and cursed, "*-# What do you want to eat! Buy it yourself! ! ! ?

My deskmate has a cold and a runny nose, but he forgot to bring his handkerchief and has been sniffing it. The Chinese teacher suddenly turned around and shouted, "That's enough! Stop it! Too noisy! " The whole class was silent. The teacher is > He said, "Who steals noodles in class and makes so much noise?" " ?

The patient said to the dentist, "You really make money. It only took you three seconds to earn $3. " ?

? The doctor replied, "If you like, I can pull it out for you in slow motion."

"Narcissism" means that you must be reborn as a woman in your next life and then marry a man like me; "Despair" means that the restaurant ordered two dishes and ate the first one: "Is there anything worse in the world? ! "Eat the second" shit! There really is! " "Silence" means that the judge asks: Why do you want to print counterfeit money? The criminal said: I can't print real money?

Xiao Ming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher, "There are many ants in the toilet." The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiaoming. "What did ants say?" Xiaoming looked blank ... and then said, "The ant didn't say anything ..."?

A man always farts at work, and his colleague can't help but say, "Can you be quiet?" Then I saw him sitting there trembling. Colleagues asked him strangely what he was doing, and he replied, "I didn't make any noise, but now it's tuned to vibration!" " ! ! " ?

Mother Mosquito: "What's the matter with you, son?" The little mosquito cried and said, "Today, the little fly bullied me and called me a bloodthirsty vampire." The mother mosquito said, "Ignore it. Their home is not a good thing either. They all grew up eating shit?

Dung beetles and mosquitoes meet for the first time. Dung beetles: "What do you do?" Mosquito: "Nurse, give me an injection." Dung beetles grabbed the mosquito's hand and wept bitterly: "Fate, I am also a doctor, Chinese medicine, I pinch pills?

When someone was eating, he couldn't see a piece of beef in the beef Lamian Noodles, so he pointed to the bowl and asked the boss: Why is there no beef in Lamian Noodles? The boss said flatly, don't take it too seriously. You still expect to get a wife from the old lady's cake?

Three mice tasted American, Japanese and China wines respectively, and the mouse who drank American wine took three steps and fell down. The mouse who drank Japanese wine fell down after two steps; The mouse drinking China Erguotou, with a kitchen knife in his hand, shouted, "Where's the fucking cat?" ?

The director and the section chief share the elevator. After farting, the director said to the section chief, "You farted." The section chief said, "I didn't fart." Soon, the section chief was dismissed. The director said at the meeting, "You can't afford to fart. What do you need? " ?

Every time I look in the mirror, I always encourage myself mentally: "I am very creative." Ugliness is not my intention. God, don't lose your temper. I will live bravely and use my endless creativity to set off the beauty of this world! " Actually, I'm really, really creative ...?

I bought two puppies before, one named you "face" and the other named myself "ass"! It's not two days since Face died in a car accident. Every time I see your ass, I think of your face! If your face were still there, it would be as big as your ass now! ?

Panda's birthday, I say to you: I made two wishes, one is to cure my dark circles, and the other is to have a color photo.

Bees chase butterflies, but butterflies marry snails. The bee doesn't understand: where is he better than me? Butterfly replied: people at least have their own house, which is different from you who live in a dormitory?

One day, an elephant was taking a bath. Suddenly an ant came up to the elephant and said. You stand up. Stand up at the beginning. Ants! You sit down. The elephant asks the ant what you want to do. Stand for a while, sit for a while. Ants answer! I lost my underwear. Let me see if you stole it.

Little dung beetles: Mom, why do we eat shit? Dung beetles's mother: This child, how can you say such disgusting things while eating?

Give me a canteen steamed bread as a fulcrum, and I can tilt the earth! & lt understand, the steamed bread in this canteen is too hard ... >?

See "the food in the canteen can only be fed to pigs, but it is returned to us?" I thought of a sentence. A classmate went to the canteen to cook and asked the chef after dinner, "Master, why is there rice in your sand?" ! ! " ?

A police dog saw an ordinary dog coming on the road and suddenly ran over to ask it: I am a police dog. What are you? The ordinary dog looked at it dismissively and said, idiot, you see clearly, I am plain clothes!