What are the lively financial jokes?

A gecko got lost in front of a securities company, when a big crocodile just crawled from a distance, ready to eat it. In desperation, the little gecko hugged the crocodile's leg and shouted, "Mom!" " "The crocodile was shocked, and then burst into tears:" Son, I just lost weight in the stock market for half a month! "

W: Do you have an apartment? Do you have Passat? W: I have to leave early. Man: I have a villa. Why should I live in an apartment? Do I have to change to Passat to drive Mercedes? The woman smiled back and the blind date continued. M: I started my business and mortgaged all my villas and cars. Woman: I have to go now. M: Fortunately, I got the fund and the company went public. Woman: You are bad, always teasing others! At this time, the doctor in a white coat came in: boy, go back to take medicine quickly.

A stock trader won 5 million yuan, and his expression was calm when he received the award. The reporter asked: How are you going to spend the money? Eldest brother calmly said: First, pay back the money borrowed from stock trading in recent years. The reporter asked again: What about the rest? Big brother looked up at the sky at a 45-degree angle, lit a cigarette and said leisurely, the rest, the rest will be returned slowly!

At the party, someone introduced a stock trader, who was said to have become a millionaire. He immediately went forward to ask the master for advice. What is the secret of stock trading? What's the secret of a master with a blank face? I used to be worth hundreds of millions.

In class, the professor teaches economics: "What is the primary industry? Feed cattle and raise sheep. What is the secondary industry? Kill cattle and sheep. What is the tertiary industry? Eat beef and drink mutton soup. " Some students asked, "What about the cultural industry?" The professor's eyes lit up: "Good question! It is worthy of being a good student. " Then answer: "The so-called cultural industry is bragging and being a sheep!"

There is a formula in economics: happiness = utility: expectation. If your boyfriend gets a bonus of 1000 yuan, but you expect him to buy himself a LV bag of 10000 yuan, divide 10000 by 10000, and the happiness is only 0. 1. But if your expectation is for your boyfriend to treat himself to a western meal in 200 yuan, 1000 divided by 200, the happiness is 5. To be happy in love, it is best not to let desire affect your life.

An 8-year-old girl came to the melon garden to buy melons with triangular money. Seeing that she had too little money, the melon farmer wanted to trick the little girl into leaving, pointing to an immature melon and saying, "Triangle money can only buy that little melon." The girl agreed and happily handed the money to the melon farmer. The melon farmer was surprised: "This melon is not ripe yet. How do you want it to eat? " Girl: "Pay the money and the melon will be mine. I'll pick the melons when they are ripe. "

Once upon a time, there was a polar bear and a penguin playing together. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!" "

Introduction:

Financial management refers to the management of finance (property and debt) for the purpose of maintaining and increasing the value of finance. Financial management is divided into corporate financial management, institutional financial management and personal financial management? And family finances. Human survival, life and other activities are inseparable from the material foundation and are closely related to financial management. "Financial management" is often used with "investment and financial management" because "financial management" includes "investment" and "investment" includes "financial management". The so-called financial management is not only a foreign investment and financial management, but also a kind of financial management. If you don't know how to be invested, you don't know how to invest better.

Way:

1. Bank investment

The wealth management products provided by commercial banks in China are divided into three categories: guaranteed fixed income products, guaranteed floating income products and non-guaranteed floating income products.

2. Financial management of securities companies

Securities financing generally includes stocks, funds, commodity futures, stock index futures and foreign exchange futures. Individual or institutional investors can choose different financing tools according to their different needs and investment preferences.

3. Insurance financing

Insurance financing tends to be long-term, focusing on solving education planning and pension planning after a long time, and solving security problems such as accidents and medical care.

4. Investment company financing

Financial management of investment companies generally includes trust funds, gold investment, jade, jewelry, diamonds and third-party financial management. With high initial capital requirements, it is suitable for high-end financial managers.