A funny joke? No web address. short

1. A teacher often delays classes. Whenever the bell rings, he always speaks calmly. Students have complaints. After he was informed, he said seriously: "How can you be efficient if you don't cooperate in class at all? I can't finish talking, I can only talk for a long time! " As a result, the students actively cooperated in class the next day, and the whole class went quite smoothly. After the bell rang, everyone thought the class would be over soon, but the teacher said with a big smile, "Since everyone is in such a high mood, let's talk for a while ..." 2. The headmaster was worried about the performance of the school because he was having a political lesson. He telephoned the dean and said, "How did we do in the exam?" The dean said falteringly, "Only one subject is not ideal." The headmaster was nervous and asked, "liberal arts or science?" The dean was even more embarrassed and said, "You know, Principal, liberal arts are much more subjective than science. As the saying goes, man proposes, and god disposes. " The headmaster blushed, thought for a moment and said, "What can an exam show? Originally, I opposed the unified examination and increased the burden on students. I don't think the results of this exam will be announced. " The dean looked at the headmaster happily and said, "Thank you for your concern. I will definitely teach Chinese well next semester. " It suddenly occurred to the headmaster that the director should teach the class Chinese. 3. When studying by yourself early, Mr. Zhang walked into the classroom of their class from the back door. Teacher Zhang: "Why is it so noisy? Who is the head teacher of this class? " Student: "It's Teacher Zhang." Teacher Zhang: "Ah! Is it? I said this class looks familiar. Don't make noise, review your lessons! " After that, Mr. Zhang went out from the back door and opened the front door. "Well, this class has a good learning attitude!" In the physiology class, the teacher announced that we would talk about the reproductive system in this class. The teacher hung up the male body structure diagram, and the female students bowed their heads. The teacher said, "Students, don't be afraid! Really not that big. " Then hang up the female body structure diagram, and the male students can't help laughing. The teacher said, "Don't laugh, students, it's really more exciting than this!" " At the beginning of the new semester, the teacher announced the classroom discipline: in my class, you can relax and have breakfast, but eat nutritious food. Basically, I don't want to see anyone eat anything other than steak; You can sleep, but you must cover yourself with a quilt ... the students laugh. The teacher continued: My only concern is that the mobile phone must be turned off, because I absolutely don't allow anyone to disturb those sleeping classmates. 6. In junior high school, there was a classmate named Cai Li. Once in an English class, the English teacher asked him what his name was. He said it was Cai Li, and the teacher asked again. As soon as he answered, the English teacher was furious and shouted, "I don't guess." 7. College students are used to the teacher marking key points before the exam, so everyone usually doesn't study hard, just waiting for the teacher to mark key points and then "suddenly" review. I didn't expect the school to introduce new regulations this year, prohibiting teachers from giving students key points and letting students run around. This morning, the teacher came into the classroom to review before the exam and said, "Students, this year the school stipulates not to draw key points. Do you know? " With that, there was a deep sigh. The teacher said, "OK, now please take out your books and let's draw an irrelevant line." 8. In the computer class, several students were found playing StarCraft by the teacher. The teacher maliciously grabbed the mouse and deleted the shortcut to the game desktop. . . Yelled loudly: see how you play in the future! 9. Once upon a time, there was a private school gentleman who was very, very lazy. One day, he saw a freshman come in with his back to the door in class. It was strange, but he was too lazy to ask, so he had to endure ... Then one day, he finally couldn't help it. He asked the student: Why do you come in backwards every day? As a result, the students' answers made Mr. Xue ashamed. The student said, sir, I came in backwards, so I don't have to look back after school! 10, an elderly headmaster is giving a speech to his classmates. A few hours later, the headmaster said like a dream, "I feel very strange." Why do I hear two waves of applause every time I say a meaning? " Later, after careful observation, I finally understood that it was the applause of the people who listened attentively and awakened the dozing people, which caused the second wave of applause. Students, have I observed correctly? "The principal voice down, the audience burst into laughter, and a layer of two waves of applause. At this time, the headmaster also gave a burst of laughter. His laughter drew a third round of applause. 1 1, mechanical, electrical and computer majors were traveling by car. Suddenly their car broke down and three people got off to check. Mechanical student: There seems to be something wrong with the engine. Electrician major: There is still electricity leakage. They both looked at the computer majors at the same time: What do you think? Computer major: minor problem, crash, restart! 12. In a history class in a British school, the teacher asked a student, "Can you tell me what happened in England in 13 12?" Student: "The Prince of Wales was born. "teacher:" that's right. What happened to 13 17? Student: "The prince is five years old. 13, Xiao Ming didn't get up until eight o'clock. He didn't wash his face and ran to school with his schoolbag on his back. He ran into the classroom out of breath, shouting "report", sitting in his seat and listening to the geography teacher. " Xiao Ming, stand up and answer my question. "The teacher pointed at the map with a pointer. What is the equator? Xiao Ming blushed and replied, "Classes start at eight o'clock and don't come into the classroom until after eight o'clock. This is called being late! ""14. After the teacher finished the concept of intersection and union, he asked the students: (1) Let A={x│x is a classmate who participated in the 100-meter race}, and B={x│x is a classmate who participated in the high jump competition}. Ask A ∩ B. (2) Let A = {x. Ask A ∪ B.A. Answer: (1)A∪B = {x│x is a classmate who participated in the 100-meter steeplechase}. (2) A∪B={x│x is the combine harvester of Red Star Farm} 15, and keep momentum in physics class ... Teacher. Classmate: the hen's heart is broken ... 16. The senior high school entrance examination will be held tomorrow. I said to my classmates, "Are you nervous?" He said, "No, I'm not nervous, it's just the college entrance examination ............."17, the university is about to graduate, and a banner was hung in the boys' dormitory: Junior year, senior year don't want to leave! Junior girls also hung banners: seniors, junior girls have younger brothers, don't worry! 18, Spring Festival is coming, and my son is writing couplets at home. Part one: The Year of Rooster is the Year of Dog; Part two: the year of the dog is the year of the pig; It is said that a year is a year after mixing. 19, mom doesn't have to worry about my study anymore! ! ! So simple! ! ! I really want to have a BBK lighter, with a textbook, and I won't order it anywhere! ! ! 20. It is said that there is a school that recruits foreigners to TOEFL classes in China, and there is a simple listening question: "Xiao Wang and Xiao Gang are talking about Xiaohong, who knows, speaking of the devil. Excuse me, who is here? " The foreigners unanimously replied: "Cao Cao!" 2 1, Maruko asked the teacher: "Teacher, can my grandmother still be pregnant at the age of 80?" The teacher said, "No" "Can my sister be eighteen?" "yes." "Then can I?" "You can't. You are still young. " Xiao Xin, who was sitting on the side, said, "Look, I said it's okay!" "22. The obese physics teacher did an experiment to let students understand the refraction of light. She filled the glass with water and asked, "Suppose I were a beam of sunshine and stuck it in the water, what would the result be?"? A student replied, "The water overflowed! "23. The marketing teacher told the students:" Putting money from other people's pockets into your own pockets is talent. " The student below said, "That's a thief. "The teacher quickly added," I'm talking about letting others take money out of their pockets willingly, and you don't break the law yourself. The student seems to understand: "That's a beggar." "24. The science students said, Give me a fulcrum, and I can move the earth. The engineering student said: bah, the stick you used does not exist on the earth; Liberal arts students said: in fact, dialectically speaking, the earth has been moving; Medical students passed by and thought: I need to add medicine again. 25. My girl is almost three years old and clamors for a story before going to bed at night. I will tell her a story of joy and big wolf. This cartoon girl has also seen it. She said, Dad, can you be the wolf and I will be Kotaro? I said yes, but I didn't finish. She called me with a big mouth and yelled at me: Don't catch sheep for me ... 26. In America, a teacher asked her students, "Who was the first man?" "George Washington. A little boy answered at once. How do you know that George Washington was the first man? " The teacher asked. The little boy said, "Because he is the first in war, the first in peace, and the first in the hearts of China people. Hearing his answer, an older boy raised his hand. The teacher said to him, "who do you think is the first man?" The big boy said, "I don't know his name, but I know that George Washington was not the first man, because history books say that George Washington married a widow, so there must have been a man before him." "27. Gun sellers can't sell guns because the security in the town is too good. Finally, he also sells another thing-speakers! One day someone bought a horn, and the next day three or four people came to buy guns. Later, he sold the horn, and the next day someone came to buy a gun. Driven by curiosity, he asked one of the buyers why he bought a gun. The guest said, "My family can't stand playing the trumpet all day yesterday! "! So, I'll buy a gun. "28. Two old people are sitting on a bench in the park. One pointed to the psoriasis advertisement on the bench and said, "It's really tiring to be alive. There are advertisements everywhere. " Another: "I'm selling the advertisement eliminator recently." With it, you can go back to an era without advertisements. It is simple to use, low in price and the latest technology. . . "29. Several big bosses were drinking together, and when everyone drank too much, they began to brag. The landlord untied the belt on his stomach and said, "Look at my belt ring, which is made of special titanium for airplanes and costs more than 8,000 yuan. "The foreign trade boss raised his feet, pointed to the leather shoes and said," I bought these shoes in Italy. Guess how much? "Five thousand dollars! It is equivalent to more than 40,000 yuan! " The printing boss disdainfully curled his pie mouth, took off his glasses, compared them, put them on again and said, "Do you know?" My glasses are made of a huge hat named "Wang Zhongwang" in the deep sea of Madagascar, which is worth more than 73,000 yuan. "At this moment, a rough voice sounded in the corner:" What's the big deal! " "You see, it turned out to be the boss of a large state-owned enterprise. Out of breath, he waved and said, "My underwear is 65,438+10,000 yuan, 65,438+10,000 yuan! Who can compare with you? " He is a big state-owned boss with deep pockets. Everyone looked at each other, but some people still didn't believe him. They said, "Don't pay 65,438+million for gold!" I saw the boss shout and said, "Last month, I checked in with a MM, but I didn't expect her to hide my underwear and ask me for money. I didn't give it, so I sent it to my wife. Result. . . I gave her 65438+ ten thousand yuan. " At this time, the transportation boss stood up and said, "Ah! It turns out that you asked me for 65438+ 10,000 last month just to buy a pair of underwear! " 30. Big Wolf catches Meiyangyang and makes its belly bigger. Hongtaro was very angry when he learned about it. He slapped the ash with a pan. "Wife, in fact, I just want you to eat one more lamb." 3 1. A gecko met a turtle on the road and said with a smile, "Are you tired of carrying a pot on such a hot day?" The tortoise replied, "Well, it's good for you to run around naked all day." 32. A cat fell in love with a sheep. The cat said softly to the sheep, "I like you best." Please marry me! Hey. " The sheep suddenly turned pink and said shyly, "Bah! My husband has not agreed yet! " Doctor: "We can't diagnose your illness." Patient: "Is there any other way? Please, doctor! " Doctor: "Don't worry, we will find out the cause when dissecting the corpse!" " "34. When two doctors met, Dr. A turned blue. "What happened? "Dr. B asked," You just cured a critically ill patient, and it was a success! Why are you so sad? "doctor a said," but I really can't remember what medicine I used to cure him. "The doctor said to a patient: I'm afraid you only have six months to live. He is afraid that the patient is in a bad mood and wants to say something encouraging! Comfort: six months, soon passed, be strong! 36. A 92-year-old man was selected to carry out the great experiment of "rejuvenation". During the operation, the old man's limbs moved. The doctor quickly shouted, "Don't move!" The old man actually began to cry. The doctor had to persuade him: "Be patient, the pain will pass soon." The old man said, "it's not painful, I want to smoke." "37." Are you sick again? " "Yes, I have a headache." "Is there a doctor's certificate?" "It is because the doctor doesn't give me a certificate that I have a headache! "