Joke veteran

1. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

2. Woman: "I can marry anyone as long as I have money." Man: "Will you marry the safe in the bank?"

3. Patient: "Doctor, you left your scissors in my stomach." "Never mind, I have another one."

4. Two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two 7-dollar ones.

5. Minimum standards for college students; Peasant woman, mountain spring, a little field.

7. I said you were a pig, but you said: I am a pig. From then on, I will call you "pig head monster"! Finally one day, you can't help shouting at everyone: I'm not a pig!

Judge: Why do you print counterfeit money? The defendant said innocently, because I can't print real money.

9. Thief A: "Count how much money you robbed today?" Thief B: "No, just read the newspaper tomorrow."

10. The sunshine last night was really good.

1 1. One day, a rich man wanted to buy a car, but he hesitated because the car shop didn't have Geely's license plate number. The owner of the car dealership came over and said with a smile, "This license plate is good, 00544 (let me try), and no one dares to mess around, right?" !

The rich man was moved and bought the car at once, but something happened the next day. The rich man got off the bus angrily, thinking that you would dare to hit this car, but as soon as he got off the bus, he left in despair. The other party's original license plate is 44944 (just try it).

Homophonic xiehouyu

Tofu mixed with green onions-stir-fried tofu with two white pickles-the word (salt) comes first.

Nephew plays lanterns-as usual, lime is stuck in (uncle's) mouth-white said (brush)

Hardcover Maotai-taking photos of Pig Bajie for a long time-asking for embarrassment (see)

Holding a child-Shu (combing his heart), his father-Lao Su (Su)

Four-beam cotton-talk about (play) not being on the water margin strategist-no use (martial arts)

The 12356-nothing (4)

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven-Wang (forgot). )

One foot two plus eight feet-shit (two feet)

Amodou pops up two lines-I think (silk) is wrong.

Spread a catty of flour into a cake-pour it backwards (thick)

Plunge into the charcoal pile-mold (coal) to the top

Steamed a peach with 100 kg flour-a waste (waste) snack.

A jacket made of cloth-it's all in it anyway. Who has the most right to wear this coat? )

One-legged pants-one set (skirt)

A bright lamp-without two hearts (core)

Be a widow for life-an old hand (guard).

Who is it? )

Twenty-five Liang-half crazy (sealed)

2345- lack of clothes (1)

23456789- Lack of clothes and food (1).

Twenty-two cotton and four bows-a detailed talk (drama)

The second girl combs her hair-no need.

Erhu Qin-talk about (playing), (just like "Kuomintang" and "communist party" on the Internet, "

War of reunification and independence)

Twelve o'clock accounts for three words-physical deficiency (Shen) and child deficiency (Xu)

Eighteen-year-old Gong E enjoys happiness (thinking of her husband)

Ten pence lost a penny-Long heard (nine pence)

Moonlight on the fifteenth-a lot (bright)

Mulberry leaves in October-who will pay attention to you, (the best way to deal with smoke bombs)

An 80-year-old woman yawned-the horizon is endless (teeth)

Walnuts in August-packed with people (benevolence)

A string of 800 copper coins-out of tune (hanging)

On the eighth day of September, I asked Chongyang-Soon (9)

Knife cutting Yuanxiao-unwilling (round)

Wear thin clothes for three or nine days in a row-there is a terrible wind.

How about Laoyou (Polygonum viviparum), a spinning girl for 30 years, sticking to the net? )

Three dollars for a tripe-make trouble everywhere (grass), (This shit shop has a bad tripe.

Many people)

Three Bodhisattvas-Miao Miao (Temple Temple)

Three-foot ladder-it's hard to say (eaves), (I feel this way about many topics)

Three hairs plus one hair-fashionable (four hairs)

Willow in March-exceptionally green (professional)

Born in the middle of the night-killing (Shihai)

Pulling pancakes by cart-more greedy (stall)

Barley fell into chaos without a clue.

Filling holes in the underground palace-not good (repairing temples)

The land Lord sits on the scale-Zhicheng (self-proclaimed)

The landlord is in prison-it's tiring (prison)

Earth God washes his face-lose (wet) face.

The land god falls into the well-labor (fishing) can't afford it.

The viscera of the landlord-solid (stone) heart and solid (stone) intestine

The earth god wears plain clothes-running in vain (robe)

Born and raised in Xinger —— Bitter Children (Core Children)

Soil Silkworm Drills into Peanut Shell-Pretending to Be Human (Benevolent)

No umbrella on rainy days-stingy (wet)

Rain and sunshine-fake love (sunny day)

Don't wear a hat on rainy days-it's raining on your head.

A jacket two feet wide.

Go to the henhouse and break your head-stupid (running) egg

Rolling Stones on the Mountain-Reality (Stone) and Reality (Stone)

Blow the trumpet on the mountain-fame spreads far and wide.

Shanxi Walnut-Deception (Full of Kindness)

Drumming in the Valley-Memories (Rings)

Thousand-year-old temple-Wuyin (monk), (It is said that there are many temples here, but few Buddhists? )

Kitchen God in Door God-Words (pictures) have words (pictures)

The janitor eats sugar cane-teaching (chewing paper)

Clap your hands on horseback-too far from the point (hoof)

Bend over and get wet by the heavy rain

Adzuki bean does nothing-it's always stuffy (stewed)

The young monk patted the fly on his head-aboveboard (beating) bright, (this online should be promoted.

This style of play)

The small stove turned over-bad luck (coal)

Tinkers wear glasses-find us (fault), (there are many professional shortsighted tinkers on this website)

The little girl combs her hair-help herself (braid her hair), (this seems to be the best comment on the net rules! )

Tofu mixed with onion-one transparent (green) and two white.

Eating in a Small Bowl-Eating by the Sky (Supplement)

Hot water bottles are hung on the plane-high level (bottles), (especially some poems)

Blow the horn on the plane-daydreaming (ringing)

Set off firecrackers on the plane-think high (loudly)

homophonic couplet

Spiders under the eaves are full of ideas.

Earthworms in front of the court are full of mud.

The first part: the harmony between silk and privacy.

The second part: "mud" and "doubt", dialect pronunciation.

Lotus root is due to lotus.

There are apricots but no plums.

The first part: Lotus "He" and Lotus "Even".

The second part: Apricot is "auspicious" and plum is "medium".

Last night, I played chess to find my direction.

See Yan Hui in the mirror today.

Lutz, a disciple of Confucius, can also be interpreted as "the number of chess pieces"

Yan Hui, a disciple of Confucius, also means "true face".

There were knots before they were unearthed.

Lingyun is still modest.

Write bamboo poems to express ambition.

Yellow Opinions on Cracks in Millet

Have a rest, Ruth flew.

Harmonic phoenix.

Downward harmonic crane.

Confucius was born at the end of the ship.

Light dance began in Hanzhong.

Part I: Boat "Week".

Part II: Dance "Dance".

Modest bamboo has curved leaves.

There are no flowers on the proud plum's back.

Rain and ashes piled up into pits.

The wind blows lotus leaves like turtles.

Part I: Harmony (Chen).

Downward: image harmony (direction).

Harmony poem:

Wentingyun

Light a candle at the bottom of the well and you can play Go together. (candle indication, expired)

Linglong dice Anhoudou, what do you know about bone acacia?

Bamboo branch Liu Yuxi

The willows in Jiang Shuiping are green, and I can hear the songs on the Langjiang River.

Rain in the east, sunrise in the east, said it was not sunny, but it was still sunny. (Sunshine-Affection)