A short joke

Jokes are characterized by short pictures, simple and ingenious stories, which are often unexpected and give people a wonderful feeling of being suddenly enlightened. Here is a short joke book for everyone. Come in and have a look.

Short joke 1 1, Grandma: When will your listening be good? I can't hear anything, which makes me angry.

Grandpa: If you talk less, my listening will be fine.

2. A reporter asked a 90-year-old grandfather, "Grandpa, you have been married for 70 years, and you still call your wife dear, baby every day. What's the secret after so many years? "

"Impossible, I forgot her name 20 years ago, and I dare not ask her, so I can only call her that." ...

3. At sunset, I saw a white-haired grandmother pushing a wheelchair by the lake, and bowed her head and said something to the grandfather in the wheelchair from time to time. It's too warm!

I went to my grandmother and asked: How can I keep my love for life?

Grandma said: He had an affair before and once wanted to abandon me.

Me: Then how did you do it?

Grandma: No, I broke his leg! ……

I saw a pair of grandparents in the supermarket that day.

Grandpa: My wife!

Grandma: Hmm.

Grandpa: Take whatever you want. Don't force it!

Grandma: OK, grandpa.

What a lovely couple ~

Then I heard grandpa say that as long as you don't get caught.

Short joke 2 1. My father was shaving this morning, and my mother said, "Why do you always shave every day?"

Dad replied, "If it doesn't show my face, I won't let it show my face!" "

2. My mother said to me, "When you go out, don't call me mom, call me sister."

Me: "Why?"

Mom smiled and said, "That makes me look so young!"

Dad stepped aside and said, "To look young, you should call grandma."

One night, it was not too late, but it was already dark. My mother suddenly went to my grandmother's house (not far away) for business. Father said, "I'll go with you."

My mother asked, "Why?"

My dad: "It's so late, I'm afraid of being robbed ~"

My mother seems to have grasped the handle: "Didn't you say that the robbers didn't dare to touch me because of my appearance?"

My dad often said calmly, "It's so late, I'm afraid the robbers can't see clearly. . . "

My mother forbids my father to play mahjong. My father secretly played mahjong that day and came home very late. My mother asked: Did you play mahjong?

Dad said: no!

Mom asked: Did you win money?

Dad said: win!

Mom forced dad to give up smoking. After dinner, dad became addicted to smoking. Mom stole it at the door when she was washing dishes. Maybe she is too forgetful. She entered the door before eating the last bite, just in time for her mother to see her. . .

Mom: "What are you doing!"

Dad: "I didn't smoke! ! ! "

Mom: "Then what do you vomit!" " "

Dad: "Floating clouds. . . "

6. It is said that mom and dad are idle and bicker at home. I don't know what dad said. Mom said dad: "Do you say you are ridiculous?"

I only heard my father say faintly, "I like painting, and I like painting for a long time."

Short joke 3 1. After several severe domestic violence, my wife can't even look at me now. As long as she looks at me, I will sit on the ground and cry.

I don't force myself to never know how brave I am. Now I dare to stand and talk to my wife.

He was informed by the hospital today that the medical certificate said that he was impotent.

I clenched my fist and held the diagnosis book in my hand, as if it were a precious document.

He jumped up with joy: "Finally!" This time, my wife will never suspect that I have someone outside! "

4. wife: husband. Come on, go to bed. ......

Husband: What's the matter? Why did you wake me up today and ask me to sleep?

Wife: Isn't it cold?

Husband: Oh. Do you know it's cold? What should I do if the weather gets warmer?

Wife: Warm and hot? Warm, warm, get out of my way. ......

When a man faces a woman, he should talk about strategy in order to move her heart and change her mind.

For example, once I was punished for kneeling on the washboard. When I knelt down, I remembered something and immediately said to my wife, "Wife, you bought these pants. I am so distressed when I am kneeling. "

She was greatly moved and immediately helped me up and said, "That husband, get up and put on what your mother bought."

A man went fishing by the river.

First he wore a leaf ~ no fish took the bait for a long time, then he changed a piece of bread ~ no fish took the bait for a long time ~

He had no choice but to change earthworms ~ and there was still no fish for a long time ~ ~

In a rage, he took out 100 RMB and fell into the water.

"tnnd~~ what to eat! Buy it yourself! ! ! ! "

One day, three trash cans were walking in the street.

They walked side by side in the order of large, medium and small. ...

Walking, the small trash can said to the trash can in the middle, "Brother, why don't we walk faster?"

The trash can said, "This is about to ask Big Brother!" " "

So, the trash can said to the big trash can, "Brother, why don't we walk faster?"

The big trash can said impatiently, "I see!" " "

After a few more steps, the big trash can suddenly stopped. It said to small and medium-sized trash cans: "We are trash cans. How can we walk? "

Short joke 6 1. physiognomy

During the Three Kingdoms period, there was a physiognomist Liu Bei who asked him to meet him personally.

The fortuneteller said, "You have a good face, a white face and a white heart."

Liu Bei asked him to have a relationship with the public, and the noodle man said, "This man is good-looking, with a red face and hearts."

Hearing this, Liu Bei quickly took Zhang Fei's hand and said, "Third brother ... let's not take pictures."

2. There were no sanitary napkins in ancient times.

Recently, my girlfriend is obsessed with traveling, counting all kinds of ancient beauties in front of me all day, and fantasizing about returning to ancient life.

One day, I finally couldn't help it. I carefully reminded her that there were no sanitary napkins in ancient times. Your old friend is here. What did you give her? My girlfriend pondered for a long time and found that the problem was difficult to solve, so she stopped talking about crossing.

3. Welcome to work overtime on weekends

The week of bitter B is finally over! Everyone should save their strength and meet the overtime work on weekends!

After all, I brought up by myself.

My girlfriend asked me how her breasts were. I replied: it must be good!

After all, I put it forward! Girlfriend fainted ......

5. The story of onion

Once upon a time there was a man who looked like an onion.

Walking, everyone around you cried!

6. Can you have some foresight?

A man pestered a woman and refused to leave her door. The woman had to ask her brother to send him away. The younger brother ran over and shouted, "You have some eyes, don't you? You are pestering my sister. "

7. Who is the most popular?

The dynasty asked, "Who do you think is the most popular in Kaifeng?"

Mahan: "It won't be the four of us anyway."

Zhang Long sighed: "Who made us so ordinary?"

Zhao Hu: "Mr. Gongsun is very good. At least he is very literary. "

Gongsun Ce said, "Literature and art are out of fashion these days."

Zhan Zhao: "Fortunately, Bao and I are neither ordinary nor literary."

Bao Zheng: "Zhan Guard is right, hahaha."

8. The wish has come true

A man met a fairy one day, and the fairy said that he could meet two conditions.

He said: I want to be a millionaire, and then I want to change my nationality.

As a result, the next morning's breakfast cost several thousand yen. ......

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