There is a funny saying, I can't remember the one behind the rural hukou. Who knows?

1. I am ugly, 1.29 meters, poor and ugly, 1.49 meters, primary school culture, rural hukou, three broken houses, one acre of thin land, cold pot and hot stove, no wife, all year round, medicine never leaves my mouth, today I surf the Internet, recruit girlfriends, and work hand in hand on the revolutionary road.

2. I am ugly, 1.29 meters; Primary school culture, rural hukou; The house is not built, and there is no deposit; Wandering around, working for a living, having nothing to do, drinking a little wine, sending a text message, Doby puppy.

The joke of adding another rural hukou: I hope to adopt it!

the Monkey King's rural hukou

Author: Anonymous-Category: Humorous Jokes-Source: Network

It is said that the Monkey King made a scene in the Heavenly Palace, and Guanyin Bodhisattva recommended Jiro Zhenjun to subdue the demon, leading the heavenly soldiers to fight in Huaguoshan tomorrow. While fighting, the Great Sage suddenly saw that the demon monkey in this camp was scared away, and he felt flustered. He pulled away and left. The heavenly generals were in a panic, looking for it before and after, and they all shouted, "Let's go, monkey spirit!" Let's go, this monkey is fine! "

Erlang God looked around with his eyes wide open, but he saw a bustling place below. The Great Sage turned into an old man, pushing a tricycle and shaking the ground, selling baked sweet potatoes on the street. Jiro sneered in his heart and was about to hit him. Suddenly, he saw a group of chengguan, holding hammers and cutting sticks, shouting and drinking, and they threw themselves into pieces. The Great Sage was surprised, thinking that it was the arrival of mountain soldiers. He quickly turned the corner, turned himself into a young lady, winked and walked gracefully there. However, Jiro saw it clearly and tried to bid for it twice. However, several policemen came face to face and seized the Great Sage: "It must be a pheasant. Come with me!" The Great Sage was flustered and said, "I'm not a pheasant, I'm still a virgin!" The police laughed wildly: "Why is a virgin? Can't a virgin be a prostitute? " When the handcuffs shake, you have to arrest people. Seeing that things were not harmonious, the Great Sage twisted his waist and flew away. Seeing a ravine in front of him, he rolled down the cliff, crouched there and changed, turning into a primary school, with his mouth wide open, like a school gate, his teeth turned into door leaves, his eyes turned into window grilles, shaking a few monkey lice down and turning into students babbling and studying. Only the tail is not easy to clean up, and it stands behind, turning into a flag pole and hanging a big slogan: "A century-long plan, education-oriented; Compulsory education, free admission. " Jiro was robbed twice, and he was bored. When he saw this slogan, he couldn't help laughing: "This is the monkey! He is there to coax me again today. As everyone knows, China claims compulsory education, where can it be free? I've seen thousands of schools, and I don't see anyone who doesn't make students a cash cow. Watch me kill this monkey! " Hearing this, the Great Sage jumped with a tiger's jump and disappeared in the air.

the true gentleman couldn't see the Great Sage, so he jumped into the clouds and got up in mid-air. Seeing that Li Tianwang was standing in the clouds with his telescope held high, he laughed and said, "Zhenjun, go quickly! Go! The monkey used stealth to get out of the camp and go to your mouth. " When Jiro heard this, he hurried back to Jiangkou to catch up.

It's said that Guanjiangkou was having a conference, and the Great Sage transformed himself into a representative of XX, who was in the middle of the meeting, pointing east and west, making an enthusiastic speech. I thought I was right, but I was caught by Zhenjun at a glance: "XX stands for the idol who has always been a clay figurine. When will it come out alive?" Hold the three-pointed and two-edged god front, and chop it in the face. The Monkey King quickly dodged, making the golden cudgels face each other. Two noisy, hit the venue, half fog and half cloud, and line and fight.

Guanyin Bodhisattva, director of the Mid-air Heavenly Women's Federation, and Taishang Laojun, minister of alchemy, are watching the battle. The Bodhisattva said to the old gentleman, "Brother Laojun, what do you think of the Erlang God mentioned by the poor monk? If there is a magical power, it has been surrounded by the Great Sage, but it has not been captured. I'll help him now and take down the monkey head. " The old gentleman said, "Sister Guanyin? What weapons will you use to help him? " Guanyin turned around and called his mount: "Look at me hitting him with a BMW." The old gentleman said, "Your BMW is very expensive. It will be inconvenient if it is damaged." Guanyin said, "It's public money anyway. If you hit it, you'll hit it." The old gentleman added, "It's also very troublesome to repair. Let me help him for my sister." Guanyin said, "I don't want it if it's broken. I just want to change it to a Cadillac." Is pandering, behind the old gentleman turned a fairy moths, is a famous professor Zhang Weiying, presented to the old gentleman a treasure, mumbling something "can't let everyone come to heaven ... I still don't think I'm wrong ..." Turn away. When the old gentleman looked intently at it, it was a "celestial population access system", and he couldn't help but be overjoyed: "When it came out, all the people in China trembled. It can be used against the monkey in Shan Ye Village. Let me throw it down and hit him. Sister Guanyin, this credit will be given to me. " Guanyin said angrily, "Damn, people won't play with you." The old gentleman smiled and said, "Sister, don't be angry. If this blow succeeds, it will be made into a main theme movie. Sister will be the protagonist, played by my ugly girl, and all cinemas will be shown at the same time. How about that?" Goddess of mercy this just back to Chen for joy.

I saw the old gentleman slap the magic weapon down from the Tianmen, going round and round, and cocoa hit the monkey king's head, knocking the Great Sage to the ground, and the public security in heaven swarmed on him, binding the Great Sage firmly and never changing it. A policeman said angrily, "This fellow has made us suffer a lot. Let's give him back today! Spare you a the Monkey King and turn you into Sun Zhigang today! " Just as he was about to give up the means, another policeman shouted, "Wait a minute, we've lost the old means, and now it's fashionable to be in line with international standards. The means of torture by the US military in Iraq are ever-changing. Why not learn a thing or two and make a fresh joke today?" Hearing this, the public security officers all claimed that it was wonderful, so they took the Great Sage to the demon chopping platform, electrocuted the fire, chopped the axe with knives, but did not hurt the Great Sage.

when the jade emperor saw this, he couldn't help but hesitate: "What should I do with this fellow, this ...?" Lao Jun said, "What if I don't take it with Lao Jun and put it in the gossip furnace to refine my Dan?" Upon hearing this, the Jade Emperor gave the Great Sage to Lao Jun for exercise. Little did the Great Sage know that he was miraculous. He pulled out a hair, turned it into a US dollar bill, and bribed the boy who fanned the fire. Knowing that there was no fire under that position, he went to escape and was not seriously injured.

On the 49th day of July, the old gentleman opened the furnace to get the elixir, but he saw the Great Sage fly out, causing the golden cudgel to kill all directions, so that the Nine Yao Stars in the Heavenly Palace closed their doors and the Four Heavenly Kings disappeared. Straight to the front of the Tongming Temple, the Jade Emperor was shocked and shouted, "Quick, close the door and release the police!" It turned out that the police assistant was ten times more vicious than the regular police. I saw one by one fighting bravely for the first place and roaring enthusiastically, and surrounded the Great Sage and was about to win.

The Jade Emperor was rejoicing when he saw that all the police officers had scattered birds and beasts. It turned out that this generation was greedy and only saw gold and silver. chain mail, the gold of the Great Sage, was baked loose in the stove, and was torn by all the police officers. In an instant, everyone had a piece of gold in their mouths, and they all ran back to the backyard to bury and collect it.

Just when I was helpless, I suddenly saw the Tathagata from the West coming to help me, and wanted to gamble with the Great Sage. The Tathagata said, "I have a magic weapon. If you can fly out of my magic weapon, you will be the jade emperor." If you can't fly out, how about surrendering? " After that, he pulled out a magic weapon from his bosom. When Wukong looked intently, it was a small notebook with three big characters written on it: temporary residence permit. He smiled and said, "A small notebook, what is its power? I'll go!" A man flew out of the sky and landed on the boundary of Beijing. As soon as his footsteps fell, he saw several policemen coming: "Who is that, talking about you! Take out the temporary residence permit and have a look! " Wukong was shocked, twisted his waist, and flew to Guangzhou. While watching, he suddenly saw a group of defense guards rushing in: "This one doesn't seem to have a temporary residence permit. Hurry and catch him!" Too many cooks tried to win the Great Sage, but the Great Sage quickly parted his hands and flew again. It was difficult to tell the direction urgently, but he flew back to the Tathagata. Tathagata smiled and said, "What about my baby?" "It doesn't count," said the Great Sage. Not counting! I heard that there are countries in the West, and there is no temporary residence permit. Wait for me to come! " I was about to jump out, but I was turned over by the Tathagata's palm, turning the temporary residence permit into a five-element mountain and firmly holding down the Great Sage.

When the Jade Emperor saw that the Great Sage had been captured, he was overjoyed, so he invited Tathagata and meritorious officials, prepared mahjong and stolen money to accompany him at the dinner, and made an anti-heaven meeting, a prosperous gathering. While having fun, an old lady from Wuxing Mountain neighborhood committee came to report: "The Great Sage stuck his head out and said that he would break away from the job fair, send his resume and business card, and get a position in order to make a comeback!" The Tathagata said, "I might as well, I might as well." Only one post was taken out of the sleeve, and there were six gold words on it: "This person's rural hukou." Give it to his men and stick it on the top of the five elements. Borrow it from heaven for another 5 years, so that the post can't fall off, and the mountain will take root and close, and the Great Sage will never climb out again. Since then, it will be impossible to turn over for 5 years.