What language skills are there when asking for help?

Asking for help can best verify a person's social skills, especially his language skills. People with excellent eloquence can receive natural effects in a few words; And people with plain words hesitate for a long time, and it is difficult to open the door of public relations. To some extent, the success or failure of asking for help depends on one's language ability. If you master the language secret skills of asking for help, you can make a deep impression and finally get things done.

Persuasive skills of making good use of language

Being good at persuasion is an extremely valuable ability. In the process of asking for help, if you can master some persuasion skills, your efforts will receive unexpected results. A person's persuasiveness is not a constant, which can be enhanced by clever expression skills. Here are some experiences that can help you strengthen your persuasiveness.

(1) The argument should be solid.

What kind of argument is convincing? This is a problem worthy of attention. A basic requirement is that the arguments should be solid and reliable, and people should not feel distrust. Providing practical information to the audience is more powerful than providing opinions. But for a hesitant person, the source of information is also very influential, and its influence is as deep as the information itself. This is not because people only believe in some sources and not others, but because they will not defend their prejudice when they hear quotations from very credible authorities. This is a very wonderful psychological effect. However, it is not appropriate to quote authoritative views too much. Too much information may also cause the listener's disgust.

(2) Using experience and examples

Anyone who is good at persuasion knows that our work is much more influenced by personal experience than by empty truth. For a patient, if the doctor advises her to take a certain medicine, even if the doctor proves that the medicine is effective again and again, and says a lot of pharmacological knowledge and truth, the patient will always have doubts. But if you try it in another way, the effect may be better. For example, the doctor told her: I took this medicine myself, and I was seriously ill. I only took one course of treatment. After listening to such a living personal experience, patients will definitely have a lot less worries.

When studying the effect of this method, psychologist Mohn found that successful salespeople often use specific examples to explain to customers that their choices have been made.

Many people think that persuasiveness is mysterious and is caused by human talent. In fact, you can also learn to improve. As long as you master some real persuasion skills, you are not afraid to say that you are not convinced, and you can taste the sweetness of seeking success.

③ Stand by and watch the audience.

Psychologists' research shows that in order to change other people's minds, the persuader must stand with the audience. The more harmonious the relationship between the two people, the easier it is for persuasion to be heard. This is because human beings have a common nature, that is, they like to listen to what their own people say. Haas, a psychologist from City University of new york and Brooklyn College, also said, "A brewer may be able to tell you many reasons why one brand of beer is better than another. But if it is your friend, no matter whether his beer is good or not, he teaches you to buy a certain kind of beer, and you are likely to listen to his advice. "

Mohn, another psychologist, set up a communication training company on a beach in California. He found that the salesmen of the best products can imitate the customer's tone, volume and words, show their attitude and emotional appeal, and even subconsciously coordinate their breathing movements with customers, as if it were a wonderful feedback machine, reflecting every signal sent by customers.

Needless to say, this kind of emotional closeness and sense of identity with your audience, which is manifested in specific actions, even some trivial aspects, will often make you get huge emotional returns and * * *. And once this feeling is established, what is the need for persuasion and persuasion?

(4) Consider the situation of the listener

If you want to go next door to your house and invite the newlyweds there to participate in a social welfare activity, what methods can you use to arouse their interest?

A mediocre persuader may tell a big story directly, while an excellent persuader will consider the other person's situation first and win the trust of the listener. If the other person says he is worried about something, the persuader will say to him, "I understand why you feel this way." If I were in your position, I would have the same trouble. "This not only shows sympathy for people, but also leaves a broad space for people to put themselves in their shoes, and at the same time subtly wins each other's attention.

A good persuader will respond to the other person's refutation, but he will never refute it. She will repeat the objection and admit that it is reasonable. Many studies show that it is more convincing to consider the opinions of both sides than to provide unilateral opinions.

Skills to shorten each other's distance

Intimacy is an effective way to communicate with strangers, elders and bosses. The skill of making friends is to find the similarities of their experiences, interests, pursuits and hobbies in communication, induce them to share a common language, create a good communication atmosphere, and then win the support and cooperation of each other.

There is an anecdote in the history of diplomacy that the purpose of negotiation is successfully achieved by making friends:

A Japanese parliamentarian went to see Egyptian President Nasser. Because of their great differences in personality, experience, life interests and political ambitions, the president is not interested in this Japanese parliamentarian. In order to live up to their mission and improve relations with the Egyptian authorities, Japanese parliamentarians conducted various analyses before the meeting, and finally decided to impress Nasser in a pleasant way to achieve the purpose of the talks. The following is the dialogue between the two sides:

Congressman: Your Excellency, the Nile and Nasser are well known to Japanese women and children. I'd rather call you a colonel than a president, because I'm a soldier, and like you, I fight the British.

Nasser: Hmm. ...

The British call you "Hitler of the Nile" and they also call me "Tiger of Malaysia". I have read your revolutionary philosophy and compared it with Hitler's Mein Kampf. I found that Hitler's strength was supreme, and your Excellency was full of sense of humor.

Nasser: (very excited) Oh, I wrote this book in a hurry three months after the revolution. You're right. Besides strength, I also pay attention to human feelings.

Congressman: Yes! We soldiers also need human feelings. When I fought in Malaysia, the dagger never left me. The purpose is not to kill people, but to defend themselves. Arabs are fighting for independence now, just for defense, just like my dagger at that time.

Nasser: (exultation) Your Excellency spoke very well. You are welcome to come once a year.

At this time, Japanese parliamentarians changed the subject and began to talk about the relations and trade between the two countries, and happily took a group photo as a souvenir.

Japan's friendly strategy finally created a miracle.

At the beginning of this conversation, the Japanese called the president a colonel, which belittled each other a lot; It is not a glorious thing to be scolded by the British, but it sounds quite glorious to Nasser, who was born in the military, advocated force and won the war of freedom and independence. Without Hitler's strength and skills, sense of humor and human touch, how could he become president from colonel? Next, the Japanese read his revolutionary philosophy, praised his strength and human touch, and further praised the justice of the Arab war. This not only stimulated Nasser's "excitement" accurately, but also catered to his taste 100%, so that Japanese words received the expected effect. Japanese parliamentarians used the method of finding similarities in five places to make Nasser from "uninterested" to "very excited" and then "overjoyed", which shows that the Japanese have made great efforts to befriend.

The success of Japanese parliamentarians this time has given us an important enlightenment, that is, we can't fight an unprepared war. Only when we come prepared can we be close, stable and safe.

Language skills of improvisation

Improvisation is a subtle skill, which is difficult to define accurately. But there is no doubt that this quality is essential for those who are eager to make a quick career in this world.

(1) confuse the real with the fake.

To be an honest man, telling the truth should be the principle of being a man, but a straight gun bag may not be popular outside, especially sometimes you don't even know if you are telling the truth. What should you do?

Zhang asked his good friend Director Wang to do something for himself. I suddenly heard that I was arrested and "went in", but I didn't know if it was true or not, so I went to visit the Wangs. It is true that only the director's wife is at home, with a sad face. Zhang Dao: "Why isn't Lao Wang at home?" Sure enough, Mrs. Zhang sighed, "Alas! I had another heart attack and was taken to the hospital yesterday ... "

I see! If Zhang asks the truth, is Director Wang really caught? What will the scene be like? Zhang imagined that if Director Wang was really caught, his wife would naturally tell the truth. Virtual reality, freely convertible, not abrupt.

(2) Tell the truth with light and humorous jokes.

Lighthearted and humorous topics can often cause emotional pleasure; Serious topics can make people nervous and cautious. Whenever possible, it is best to talk about serious topics in a relaxed and humorous way, so that the other party may be more acceptable.

A young migrant worker worked in a foreign-funded enterprise and put forward rationalization proposals twice in a short period of time, which reduced the production cost by 30% and 20% respectively. The boss with big nose was very happy and said to him, "Work hard, young man, and I won't treat you badly."

Young people certainly know that this sentence may be significant or worthless. He wanted something real, so he smiled easily and said, "I think you will put this sentence in my salary bag." The foreign boss smiled and replied cheerfully, "OK, I will." Soon he got a big red envelope and a raise!

In the face of the boss's encouragement, if young people are not so playful, but sit down and seriously ask for a raise, and give a bunch of reasons, they will not be disappointed, or even counterproductive.

(3) Turn around and talk to each other.

Sometimes, it seems awkward to say something yourself. At this time, it is undoubtedly the best policy to induce the other party to speak first.

Wang intends to do business with the help of his friend Zhao. On the second day after he handed the huge sum of money to Zhao, Zhao died of sudden illness. Wang immediately fell into a dilemma; If you want money, it will be too exciting for widow Zhao; If you don't mention it, your situation will be difficult to support.

After helping to arrange things, Wang said to Mrs. Zhao, "I didn't expect Brother Zhao to do this. Our cooperation has just begun." Tell you the truth, sister-in-law, you also know Zhao Ge's relatives, so go ahead and continue this business! When you need me to run errands, just say, I'm not afraid of hard work. "

Look at him, he has no desire for money, and he is heroic and loyal. In fact, he knows that Zhao's wife has no ability or mind to go on. There is a clever reminder in the words: I can only run errands and work hard, but I am not familiar with those contacts, and it is not difficult.

And the result? Zhao's wife comforted him in turn: "This accident has damaged your business, and I can't go on. You'd better take the money back and find another chance. "

(4) diffuseness attracts people to talk

Since you ask others to do things, you should be polite when you speak, so that others will be happy and Tan Xing will be stronger. So, how to speak is polite? Say what you want to do in a consultative tone, for example, "can you do it quickly?" Is this ok? "

Pretend you are not sure, express your requirements, suggestions, etc. Leave a retreat for each other and yourself. You may not want to go, but I still want to trouble you to go.

When giving advice to others or others, if you say that others may not have the relevant conditions or wishes, then don't force others to do so. You are very measured. Put forward some requirements first, let the other party accept them smoothly, and then go deeper step by step. For example, help me with this step, and I'll figure out the rest myself.

We often find that when people make certain demands, they often do small things. This is not to boss people around in another way, but to appropriately reduce the psychological pressure of others and make them speak conveniently.

Modesty is courtesy, and it is courtesy and respect to express demands by raising the other side and belittling oneself. For example, don't refuse when you are old, the disciples are waiting!

The most traditional and effective way to ask others for help is to show sincerity as much as possible, so that people feel respected and willing to do it.

Some things should be said first about the difficulty of the problem, which makes people feel that you have to do it because you know you shouldn't, but you have to say it. For example:

I really shouldn't bother you at this time, but I really have no choice but to trouble you. I know you are not rich either, but I have no choice but to borrow it from you. If you tell the reason why the client is doing things and make a bottom with the other party, it will arouse the goodwill of the other party and make people willing to accept it. For example:

Interlaced like a mountain, I don't know the rules there at all. You are an expert, just help me do it!

Say that you ask the other person for understanding, and then express your wishes or requirements, so that it will not be too abrupt, so that it is easier to accept. With all due respect, I'm sorry to bother you again this time. Asking for forgiveness is the most effective way of polite language communication. People often communicate in this way, which is friendly and harmonious.

In the process of seeking help, whether you can change the topic skillfully is the key to a pleasant conversation. As long as we can improvise and change the topic skillfully, we can get the expected effect.

Speaking skills to break through other people's psychological defense lines

Asking for help is to persuade others to help yourself, and the biggest obstacle to persuading others is to overcome each other's psychological defense and eliminate the vigilance caused by their doubts about your sincerity. Otherwise, this line of defense will be like a wall, so that your words can't reach his heart and even make him disgusted.

So, how to speak to break through each other's psychological defense? Might as well use the following method.

(1) Use synchronous psychological method

What is synchronous psychology? Synchronous psychology means that everything wants to be synchronized with others, that is, "go with the flow", that is, the kind of psychology that not only wants to live the life that others yearn for, but also does not want to fall behind the trend. It is precisely because of this psychological existence that the idea of doing it regardless of one's own financial resources, energy or even sincerity can easily take advantage of it, dominate people's behavior and urge people to do the same things blindly as others.

Usually, after being stimulated by this kind of stimulation, people easily become indecisive and fall into the trap of blind consent. Therefore, salespeople or shop assistants often use words such as "everyone uses them" or "celebrities use them" to urge people to accept them without hesitation.

(2) Using the method of rebellious psychology

When someone tells you "don't look", you just have to look. This is a kind of "rebellious psychology". The stronger this desire is forbidden, the greater the resistance. Therefore, if we can make good use of this psychological tendency, we can soften stubborn opponents and make their stubborn attitude change 180 degrees.

(3) Using the other party's sense of crisis method

Under certain conditions, everyone will have a sense of crisis, which makes him afraid, thus stimulating a strong desire for progress. If you can grasp his sense of crisis, you can take corresponding countermeasures.

In dealing with people, if you can understand his heart, skillfully stimulate the hidden feelings of the other party, and completely expose his inner thoughts, you can find his sense of crisis. This sense of crisis is a sharp weapon for you to convince him.

(4) establish a * * * relationship with the enemy.

When persuading others, we should know how to expand small similarities and establish "common enemy" to make the other party feel United. There is a saying in the Art of War called "wuyue is in the same boat". Wuyue is the hostile party. However, threatened by Wei at the same time, the two countries had to do their best to bury the hatchet in order to deal with the same enemy. The story of "wuyue in the same boat" comes from this.

Once you have a strong power with the enemy, even the two hostile parties will suddenly become the object of cooperation.

As long as you are good at breaking through each other's psychological defense, you can win each other's understanding and support and win help for yourself.

Master the knack of having nothing to say.

Someone said, "You should learn the skills of finding words in conversation." This is very important in the process of asking for help. The key to having nothing to say is to be good at finding a topic, or to lead a topic according to something. Because the topic is the medium of initial conversation, the basis of in-depth discussion and the beginning of unrestrained conversation. Without a topic, it is difficult for the conversation to proceed smoothly. So, how to find the topic?

(1) central flowering

In the face of many strangers, we should choose the events that everyone cares about as the topic and aim the topic at everyone's excitement center. This kind of topic is something that everyone wants to talk about, loves to talk about and can talk about. If everyone has something to say, they can keep saying it, which will lead to many people's comments and speeches, and lead to "language flowers" splashing.

(2) Improvisation is attractive

Ingeniously borrow some materials from that time, place and person to start a dialogue. Some people are good at using each other's names, places of origin, ages, clothes, rooms, etc. , and often can receive good results. The advantage of "impromptu introduction" method is flexible and natural, and the key is to be witty and able to associate from one place to another.

(3) Throwing stones to ask for directions

Throw a stone into the river, find out the water depth and go forward, and you can cross the river with confidence; When talking with strangers, ask some "throwing stones" questions first, and then talk purposefully after getting to know them a little, so that you can talk more freely. For example, "Where did people get rich?" "How old is your child?"

(4) Pay attention to interesting people's problems

Ask other people's interests, ask questions according to their interests, and get into the business smoothly. If the other person loves football, it can be used as a topic. Talking about the recent wonderful games, the performance of a star on the court and the gap between Chinese and foreign teams can all be used as topics to arouse the other party's interest in conversation, which is similar to "drawing lines" and "inserting road signs", with the emphasis on quoting, with the aim of deriving the other party's conversation.

(5) Changing "Fate" into "Reason"

Confucius said, "No common cause, no common goal", only like-minded, can we talk. In our country, there are many beautiful sayings of "love at first sight": strangers should be able to make a fuss about the word "old" and change "fate" into "old". Here are several ways to turn "life" into "reason":

(1) Stop people in time.

It depends, don't miss the opportunity to speak, talk to people at the right time, and "express yourself" at the right time, so that the other party can fully understand themselves.

Conversation is a kind of bilateral interaction. Just knowing each other without letting them know themselves, it is also difficult to talk deeply. If strangers can learn from your "cutting" conversation, the two sides will be closer. Cutting people at the right time can actively and effectively give your knowledge to each other, which actually conforms to the principle of "complementarity" and lays the foundation for "blind date"

② Borrowing media

Look for the media between yourself and strangers, so as to find a common language and shorten the distance between them. If you see a stranger with something in his hand, you can ask, "What is this? ..... It seems that you must be an expert in this field. I just have a question to ask you. " Show a strong interest in everything else, show yourself through the media, and the dialogue will go smoothly.

(3) Leave room

Leave some space for each other's interface, so that the other party feels that the two sides are in harmony and talk harmoniously, thus shortening the distance. Therefore, when talking with strangers, don't talk about your point of view to death, but accept it with an open mind and welcome discussion.

In the process of asking for help, we should be good at finding topics. As long as you find the topic, you can talk with others easily and finally seek success.

Cleverly break the deadlock in conversation

Being good at breaking the deadlock can eliminate embarrassment and silence and enliven the atmosphere of communication. To some extent, it can be used as a good communication opportunity, which is conducive to a harmonious conversation with the other party, thus promoting the success of asking for help.

As the saying goes: "There are few bosom friends, but there are many lovers." The same is true for customers. We should use our brains, pay attention to observation, quickly find the similarities between * * *, and take this as an opportunity to have a harmonious and speculative conversation with the parties.

Experienced reporters can quickly find a * * * similarity that can arouse the topic of both sides through the observation and analysis of the interviewees, and break the ice that I don't know where to start.

An old reporter went to interview a scientist. In the "Scientist", the old reporter saw several landscape photos hanging on the wall and talked about composition and color. It turned out that the scientist loved photography, and he took out his photo album with great interest. The atmosphere of the conversation was very harmonious. It is also because of this atmosphere that the next topic interview went very smoothly.

Once, a reporter went to interview a female teacher. Before leaving, some people said that the teacher was stubborn and sent people away without saying a few words. The reporter went to the school to find her, and she was losing her temper with the people in the reception office. When the reporter heard that her accent was from Zhejiang, he was secretly happy because he was also from Zhejiang. Later, their conversation started from their hometown, and the more they talked, the hotter they became. This digression also laid a good foundation for the topic.

The interview is similar to the client's work, and the experience here is worth learning. The basic fact is that there are many ways to break the silence. The key is to see if we can improvise and find out what the other party cares about or has anything to do with the other party in time. Like each other's hobbies, habits, family, academic performance, personal specialties, etc. Can be used as an excellent starting point for conversation. In this respect, more experience is needed.

When you are good at breaking the deadlock in conversation, your conversation can continue, and you can only succeed if you ask for help.

Flexible application of soft winding hard grinding method

In the process of asking for help, sometimes you find the other person enthusiastically, and the other person can do it, but you can find all kinds of excuses and reasons to prevaricate, shirk and refuse, which makes you helpless, helpless and helpless. In this case, some people have to give in, withdraw their business and stop organizing another attack. However, there are also some people who are tenacious and will not give up until they reach their goals. The friendly measures they take depend on each other's time, their feelings and even their territory. If they don't promise, they won't retreat. If they don't finish things, they just don't look back, which makes the other party very anxious and annoyed. Finally, they had to agree to his request. Only then did he retreat and return home in triumph.

The characteristic of "soft grinding and hard foam" is to strive for positive results in a negative form, and to exert pressure on the other side by consuming the other side's time and energy, thus affecting and changing the other side's attitude. Specifically, the method of soft grinding hard foam has the following specific tips.

(1) Control your emotions

In the process of doing things, whether you can control the emotions generated by external stimuli plays a decisive role in the success or failure of doing things. According to the needs of different customers and working environment, I take risks everywhere without being surprised, and I don't get angry when something happens.

Be patient

When looking for someone to do something, we should have self-esteem, but don't be persistent. In order to achieve the purpose of communication, it is necessary to strengthen our ability to resist setbacks. If we encounter a nail, we won't jump up, get angry or upset, and still deal with people with a smile. As long as there is a glimmer of hope, we will fight for it and never give up until we reach our goal. With such a strong will, you can do things well.

(3) Active tracking

As the saying goes: "Everyone's heart is meat." No matter how far apart the two sides are, as long as you are good at proving your sincerity with actions, you will make the other side think, then understand your painstaking efforts and jump out of the stubborn box, and you will "bubble" out of hope.

(4) Repeated application

For the same meaning, we should apply repeatedly, render repeatedly, emphasize repeatedly, and never stop until we reach our goal. This is a powerful weapon against stubborn opponents.

With this persuasion method, you must be tough, strong inside and strong outside, never lose heart when you fail, and you will get your wish if you look for opportunities to stare at the door repeatedly. It should be noted that the use of this method should be measured, exceeding the limit, hurting the feelings of the other party, but it will be counterproductive. So be careful and don't overdo it. Softly grinding hard foam is a special means to do difficult things, especially because it can impress the other party if used well, and it can also screw things up if used badly. Therefore, how to use it to the maximum extent that the other party's patience can bear, so that the other party will not resent it, is an important part of soft grinding and hard foam.

Many things often depend on whether you can persist, and if you persist, you will succeed. This requires putting down face, even if it is both hard and soft.