Confucius said funny classical Chinese essays

1. Funny Confucius said and funny ancient poems

1. Hold the son’s hand and drag the son away. If the son says he won’t leave, fine, close the door and let the dogs out.

2. Confucius said: "If you don't sleep at noon, you will collapse in the afternoon." Mencius said: "Confucius is right!"

3. Confucius said: Fight with bricks! What a mess! Take a photo! Never die, never again!

Buddha said: I am compassionate! One brick is almost as good as death!

4. Confucius said: Fight with bricks and look at your face. It is not suitable to mess up. Since this is the case, how can one be alone and have friends together? It's almost dead, it's almost dead!

Buddha said: My Buddha is compassionate! Use the knife, it will hurt less, and it is compassion to alleviate the pain!

5. Confucius said: Take other people’s paths and leave others with nowhere to go.

6. I never hold grudges, and I usually avenge them on the spot.

7. You scold me now because you don’t understand me yet. When you understand me in the future, you will definitely hit me.

9. If I don’t go to hell, whoever loves me will go to hell.

10. I once thought I was a flower on the cliff, but later I realized that I was just a dregs in the sea of ??people.

11. I smile from side to side to the sky, and after I finish laughing, I go to bed!

12. There is a sheep singing: String your heart and my heart together, string a mutton skewer, and then string a mutton skewer...

13. My grandfather told me , the most touching words in the world are not "I love you", but "your tumor is benign".

14. You said. do you like me? actually. I started. Actually me too. Well, let me tell you, I actually quite like myself.

15. Jesus and Sakyamuni played guessing games. If you lose, let the opponent bounce his head. Jesus always wins, and Sakyamuni's head is covered with bullets. Finally, Sakyamuni won once. When Jesus saw that he had lost, he said: "Wait for me for a while, and then you can play me again when you come back." Jesus never came back, so for thousands of years, Sakyamuni One of Ni's hands remained in the position of being ready to flick Jesus' head.

16. Once he lost his footing, he became a big cripple, and then he looked back and slipped again. 2. 10 classical Chinese poems by Confucius, Kuai, Kuai, Kuai, Kuai,

Confucius said: "Learn and practice from time to time, don't you also say (yuè)? It is not a joy to have friends from far away. ? Isn't it a gentleman if he doesn't know something? "Zengzi said: "I have been thinking about myself three times: Is it unfaithful to make friends? "Zengzi said He said: "Those who learn something new by reviewing the past can become a teacher." Confucius said: "Learning without thinking is a waste, thinking without learning is peril." Confucius said: "You know what you know! If you know it, you know it, but if you don't know it, you know it." I don’t know, but I know.” Confucius said: “When you see a virtuous person, you think about it; when you see an unworthy person, you have to introspect yourself.” Confucius said: “When three people walk together, they must have my teacher; choose those who are good and follow them, and those who are not good, follow them. Change it." Zengzi said: "A scholar cannot be ambitious, and his responsibilities are heavy and the road is long. Isn't it important to be benevolent? Isn't it just after death? Withered." Zi Gong asked: "Is there anything you can say that can be implemented throughout your life?" Confucius said: "Don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you." 3. Funny Ancient Prose

Speechless, I went to the bar alone, the lights were dim, the crowd was pouring beer late at night, I was still drunk, and I was still vomiting. Especially, the smell of alcohol was in my heart. 1.__________, I felt so haggard because of Yixiao. The classmate answered: I will never regret taking off my clothes and belt (correct answer) As "the belt becomes wider and I will never regret it", I admit that this is a problem with my thinking) 2. Asked where the canal can be so clear, __________ student answered: There is a clear spring in the heart (the correct interpretation is "Only the source of living water can come", we still It stuck to the edge with water~~~) 3. When *** cut the candle from the west window, __________ classmate answered: The couple sat together until dawn (the Chinese teacher fainted with laughter while marking the papers.

Later, when I mentioned this in class, I fainted again! The correct answer is "But when it rains at night in Bashan") 4. The earthworm shakes the big tree, __________ student answered: Not moving at all (the correct answer is "It's ridiculous and overconfident". Not moving at all, impressive, very consistent with the facts) 5. The beauty of a gentleman’s adult life, __________ classmate’s answer: A villain takes away the love of others. Answers to poems in exams 6. Being poor means being alone, __________ classmate’s answer: being rich means having wives and concubines in groups (correct answer: being prosperous can help the world) 7. __________, no one in the world can do it. Classmate Shijun answered: As long as he looks like Saddam 9. He has the wings of a colorful phoenix, __________ Classmate answered: A plucked phoenix is ??not as good as a chicken. Also: The husband and wife both return home (the correct interpretation is "there is a clear understanding of the heart") 10. The sun rises in the east It rains in the west, __________ classmates answer: fights at the end of the bed, get together at the end of the bed, and: get on the wrong sedan chair and marry the right man 11. __________, don’t go to bed with a bad wife, don’t go to bed with a married woman 12. I hope you will live forever, __________ classmates answer: A memory that will last forever (laughed wildly at the time, but now I think it’s quite classic.

The correct answer is "Thousands of miles away *** Chan Juan") 13. Egrets fly in front of Xisai Mountain, __________ student answers: Turtle crawling by the river in Dongcun (that's right) 14. I urge God to cheer up , __________ classmate answered: God roared at me three times (the correct interpretation is "referring talents in any way", Gong Zizhen) 15. I am born with talents that will be useful, __________ classmate answered: I show my magical powers at critical moments. Another classmate answered: The son of a mouse can dig holes. (The Chinese teachers in the entire office laughed wildly without any image) 16. If the sky is affectionate, the sky will also grow old, __________ The classmate answered: If you are not romantic, you will waste your youth! (The correct interpretation is "If there is no hatred for the moon, the moon will be round" Li He's "The Golden Bronze Immortal's Song of Han Dynasty") 17. Relatives and friends in Luoyang asked each other, __________ classmate replied: Please don't tell him (the correct interpretation is "A heart of ice is in a jade pot") 18. There is a couplet in the final exam. The first couplet is a hero's sword. The second couplet that a third-year junior high school student paired is: My mother is rich and charming. 19. Good medicine is bitter and good for the disease. __________ The student answered: He is a fool if he doesn't take it. Since ancient times, no one has died. __________ Student’s answer: It’s just that people die in sequence 20. There is bright moonlight in front of the bed, __________ Student’s answer: Li Bai’s sleep is sweet , Flying into the homes of ordinary people. Classmate’s answer: Konka Caiba TV 23. Grape wine luminous cup, __________ Classmate’s answer: Lots of money and beauties 24. __________, Pedestrians on the road want to die, the masterpiece of a first-year junior high school student: Ghost knocking on the door in the middle of the night 25 .There was another test on Tao Yuanming's "I can't bend my waist for five buckets of rice." The classmate answered "Just give me six buckets of rice."... 26. Laowu Lao and the old of the person, __________ The classmate answered: Wife, my wife, and the wife of the person ( When the teacher later graded the paper, he said that the classmate was particularly dedicated, haha) 27. I remember back then, when we were strong and powerful, __________ students answered: Look at today, they are stalking each other (the correct interpretation is "to swallow thousands of miles like a tiger") 28. A fifth-grade student I got "Three Stooges, __________" in one exam. The student replied: The odors are all the same (which made the invigilator and the principal outside laugh). A student in the first grade of junior high school said to the couple, "Climb the city and take in the scenery of the mountains among the white clouds. __________" The classmate answered: I went to the hotel to hug the lady to bed (his Chinese teacher almost vomited blood and died on the spot) 30. If the love lasts for a long time, __________ The classmate answered: It is time for the two to get married. 31. Thousands of sails passed by the side of the sinking boat. __________ Student’s answer: There are many ways to spread a peacock’s tail. 32. You will regret less when you use books. __________ Student’s answer: There is not enough money to spend at the end of the month. 33. If the sky is affectionate, the sky will also grow old. __________ Student’s answer: If people are affectionate, they will die early (the correct answer is “ "If there is no hatred for the moon, the moon will be full") 34. Since ancient times, no one has died. __________ Student answered: Who has pooped without paper (no words.) 35. Once, I was tested on Li Qingzhao's "Like a Dream", "Do you know?" ___________" The student answered: SORRY I, DON'T KNOW.

(The correct interpretation is "It should be green, fat, red and thin") 36. Once, Mr. Lu Xun was tested on a certain sentence: "___________, I splashed Xuanyuan with my blood." The classmate replied: He used his sword blade. 37. Chinese language test, There is a revolutionary poem in the fill-in-the-blank section: "The door for people to enter and exit is locked, _______________, and a voice shouts: _______________ I long for freedom, but how can a human body crawl out of a dog hole..." Student answer: Climb for a dog The hole he came out of is also locked/ Damn, it’s all locked! Holding the hand of the child, one knows that the child is ugly, with tears streaming down the face. If the child does not leave, I will leave. 38. Love is always the same in thousands of mountains and rivers. ___________ The classmate answered: Can I give you one more? (The marking teacher corrected: Love is love. , points are points, even if you give more than one, it won't do.) 39. When I was in the first year of high school, during a monthly exam, the sentence "Looked up to the sky and went out laughing, (correct answer) I am not a Penghao person." Someone in the class wrote: I accidentally twisted my waist.

There is another sentence, the previous sentence: "Clear water brings out hibiscus, (correct answer) nature removes the carvings." Some people wrote, Lotus roots emerge from the mud; others went even further and wrote: Heroes emerge from troubled times. 40. When I asked you how much sorrow you can have, ___________ the student answered: Just like a pot of Erguotou (the teacher commented, "You drank too much again..."). 4. Who can tell two funny jokes in classical Chinese?

Confucius went to see a prostitute, and happened to meet Xi Shi, who offered three hundred taels.

Confucius said: There is no three hundred taels of silver here. Can we discuss the price?

Xi Shi said: If we are destined to meet you thousands of miles away, two hundred yuan is not expensive!

Confucius said: There is always love in thousands of rivers and mountains. Can fifty yuan do it?

Xi Shi said to him: If the spring breeze wants to cross Yumen Pass, the minimum is one hundred and three!

Confucius said: There is no grass anywhere in the world. Can we get it for eighty yuan?

Xi Shi was speechless, and Confucius said: There is true love in the world. Today I only bring ninety yuan!

Xi Shi was angry and yelled: I am using my youth to stop tomorrow. Anything less than a hundred is considered rape!

Confucius said with a smile: Lu Shui and his wife are also in love, how about ten yuan less!

Xi Shi sighed and said: Why should we meet each other before? If you say ninety, it will be ninety.