A funny joke.

20 1 1 jokes after the college entrance examination

1, the university final exam is really not an IQ, it is really a person's physiological limit and emotional intelligence, plus intelligence gathering ability, interpersonal skills and problem-setting ability. Preview ability, analytical and understanding ability, proficiency, and financial resources to print a bunch of things that I don't know are useful and useless.

2. It is obviously a pad-sized exam, but there are a large number of exam ranges for daily use, which require students to conduct extended review at night. But even so, there will still be side leakage. ...

3. Look at Cell, I am dead; See "blood", no circulation; Look at the breathing, my lungs are not dilated; See "digestion", too much stomach acid; Looking at the energy, I collapsed; Watching "Excretion", my urine collapsed; Looking at the feeling, I am numb; Watching "Nerve", I am very confused; Look at endocrine, I'm out of tune; Oh, my god The candidate's reason is illness. . .

4, don't fail, I want to; If I don't study, I want what I want. You can't have your cake and eat it, so I'm leaving. . .

5. There is a question called: This knowledge point, I may take multiple-choice questions, may take noun explanations, may take short-answer questions, and may take essay questions. Direct blood injection macro ...

6. I read it in the morning and forgot it in the afternoon. I saw it in the afternoon and forgot it at night. I forgot a door after reading it, and there is another door after reading it. . .

7. College entrance examination on the Loess Plateau: "My family lives in the Loess Plateau, and the wind blows over the slope. Both Chris Lee and Yico Zeng are my brothers. ..... My family lives on a high loess slope, and the sun walks over it. Whether I worship Brother Chun or Brother Zeng, please bless me to pass or fail! "

8, look at a question to test a question, fate; It is luck to answer a question correctly; Horizontal batch: it is useless to do too much. Reading a book every day is efficient; Test a door, strength; Horizontal approval: sudden success.

Ultra-short campus humorous stories

1, mantis catches cicada, yellowbird follows. Mantis only sees the immediate interests, but ignores the dangers behind them.

Student: Teacher, if you are a yellowbird, do you eat chubby cicadas or thin mantis?

2. Teacher: What do you mean, the wolf is coming?

Student: This story tells us that adults always listen to lies and don't believe the truth.

Teacher: The frog in the well thinks that the sky is as big as the wellhead.

Student: The sky is wider than the sea, the human mind is wider than the sky, and the wellhead is wider than the mind. Why else do people always fall into wells?

4. Teacher: Everyone knows the story of Ye Gonghao Long. When the dragon really appeared, Ye Gong was very afraid. Do you know the story of what era this is?

Student: Teacher, it was the Jurassic period.

5. Teacher: What mistakes did the hero make in the story of carving a boat for a sword?

Student: Carving boats and destroying public property; Throwing swords and littering; Swimming without parents.

6. The teacher was surprised to see a colleague doodling on the toilet wall and asked, "Why did you do such a thing?" Colleague: "Oh, no, I'm correcting my classmates' typos. "

7, after the mid-term exam, the math teacher to announce the results, he said:

"There are as many people with more than 90 points as those with more than 80 points; There are as many people with 80 points or more as those with 70 points or more. "

After a joke was finished, the whole class cheered. A classmate asked, "So ... how many people failed?"

The teacher replied easily, "There are as many people who fail in the class."

A collection of jokes about the college entrance examination

1, parents asked the teacher: "How did my son do in the history exam? When I was at school, I didn't like this course and I always failed the exam. "

The teacher replied, "History will repeat itself."

In the English exam, my classmate failed again. In the morning, the teacher asked him, "Did your parents let you eat last night?"

The classmate said, "I usually show my report card to my parents after dinner."

I found the topic was very simple in the college entrance examination, so I wasted a lot of time reviewing it last night. So I want to close my eyes contemptuously 10 minutes. Look at your watch when you wake up. Oh, my God! Only 10 minutes left! MD, the surface is still empty.

4. In the exam. . . A student asked the teacher, "Teacher, why is my pen out of water?"

Teacher: "You can try!"

The student shook his head and suddenly asked in surprise, "Teacher, where is my pen tip?"

After the intense college entrance examination, four freshmen introduced themselves to their roommates in the dormitory of a key university.

"My name is ... 650, and I'm from Shandong."

"My name is ... College Entrance Examination 680, from Henan."

"My name is ... 630, and I'm from Hebei."

"My name is ... College Entrance Examination 490, and I come from ..."

"Beijing!" The other three people said in unison.

Peking man scratched his head strangely and asked, "Hey, how do you know?"

Those interesting things on campus

1, when I was in high school, one day my Chinese teacher gave us a class about Lu Xun's medicine. As usual, the teacher read the text to us first. While reading the text "White Beard" in the teahouse and others were talking about Yu Xia, a late girl shouted at the door: "Report!" The teacher had to stop reading and nodded at the door. After the girl came in, the teacher read: "At this moment, a man with a juryman's face came in ..."

The whole class laughed. ...

This classmate is one of the handsome guys on campus, and many girls have a crush on him. On this day, the school held a charity dance, and he invited a woman with a figure of "wax gourd" to dance at the scene.

The woman was flattered and asked, "Why did such a handsome guy ask me to dance?"

The classmate said, "Never mind, this is a charity ball!" " "

Dad came to see me at school, brought a lot of food, and warmly greeted everyone to have dinner together. At this time, the whole dormitory suddenly became very introverted and politely declined.

When I saw my dad off, he told me to let my classmates eat more of these things. I smiled and said, Dad, you are so strange. These things don't need your command at all They all know.

Sure enough, after returning to the dormitory, there was nothing but banana peels and empty lunch boxes. There is also a note on the table: These things are brought by your father, and now they pollute the dormitory environment. You must sweep the floor and clean up the garbage. ...

4. For the convenience of students, the dormitory duty room has added a new function-shop. One night, several students came home late, only to find that the doors were closed and the shop was dark. After shouting several times, no one answered, so I knocked at the door, but no one answered.

Everyone was worried about not getting in, when a classmate used his quick wits and shouted' instant noodles!' The light in the duty room suddenly lit up, and then there was a loud response: "What brand do you want? How many bags? "

In English class, the young female teacher complained: "Some students' homework is too sloppy and not serious." I really want to tear it up and throw it in the wastebasket, so there is no need to correct it. "But I didn't do it after all."

At this time, a boy's face showed regret: "You are always too soft-hearted, too soft-hearted."

After listening, the female teacher shook her head and said with a wry smile, "I corrected it until dawn alone."

Before CET-6, Ajie plans to eat a fried dough stick and two eggs for breakfast, hoping to get a hundred points. Who knows that an egg is a double yellow egg, he thought and thought, and finally only ate a double yellow egg.

After the results were announced, Ajie shouted, "How accurate!" Let's see: 18 points.

7. In a college basketball match, the history team and computer team of the last champion entered the final. Before the game, posters were put up to enhance the prestige.

The history department said: "History proves that history is strikingly similar!"

The computer department said, "It is generally acknowledged that computers will rewrite history."

Laugh at the classic cold humor on campus

1, the classmate forum reads: My brother's ip4 is too powerful, and it's okay to fall three times!

Someone immediately replied: The unlucky child bought a small house. ...

When she came home during the winter vacation, there was something wrong with her computer at home, so I installed a 360 security guard for her. As a result, while knitting a sweater, my mother asked me, "What are you going to do in five days?"

A classmate in the dormitory went to the toilet and accidentally dropped his mobile phone. Then, he went back and got a pair of chopsticks, ready to clip them out. Just as this classmate was about to fish with chopsticks, a buddy came in the toilet and asked with concern, "Dude, haven't you eaten yet?" ......

3. I chased a girl in college and confessed several times, but this woman didn't respond. Finally, one day, the girl sent me a text message saying that she wanted me to go to the Yellow River for the weekend. I'm too excited to sleep well at night. Invited to the Yellow River Beach on weekends. After walking for a while, the girl said, I've always wanted to say something to you ... I was so excited that I thought it was a play, so I said, go ahead, I'm listening. She said, "I also saw the Yellow River. Give up this time! "

4. After the speech contest, the class teacher made a summary: "When we speak, the language should be concise and artistic. Mr. Lin Yutang once said,' A wonderful speech should be like a mini skirt worn by a girl, the shorter the better'. "

A student raised his hand and asked, "What if you don't say a word?"

The head teacher snapped, "No hooligans!"

5. failed geography? Normal! You don't know the way home?

Fail math? Normal! Do you need functions when shopping?

Fail English? Normal! What the hell are China people talking about?

Fail physics? Normal! Do you need to consider air resistance when jumping off a building?

Failed politics? Normal! Can it be your turn to be the top of the central government?

Fail Chinese? Normal! Do you swear by rhetoric?