Ask Peisi Chen for lines from the sketch "The Police and the Thief".

Boss Wei: You stare here. Chen Xiaoer: Hmm. Boss Wei: I'll pry open the safe. Chen Xiaoer: Hmm. Nobody, right? Boss Wei: Here you are. Chen Xiaoer: I'm afraid. Boss Wei: What are you afraid of? Chen Xiaoer: Police. Boss Wei: This is a hat. Chen Xiaoer: Well, I'm afraid of hats, too. Boss Wei: Take off your coat. Chen Xiaoer: I, I, I said big brother, we have lived in it for several days, so we should have some legal concepts. Don't get me wrong, I-I mean, even if the makeup police break into the safe, they will be sentenced to several years.

Boss Wei: I will fucking strangle you. Chen Xiaoer: Brother, please forgive me. Boss Wei: No dozing off. Chen Xiaoer: I dare not. Boss Wei: Keep an eye on it. Chen Xiaoer: Stare at it. (lowering his voice) Come on, be quick. Oh, my God, ouch. Policeman: Comrade, comrade, give me a light. Chen Xiaoer: Hmm. Policeman: Oh, give me a light. Chen Xiaoer: Fire. Policeman: Matches. Chen Xiaoer: Oh, oh, matches. Policeman: Isn't it? Chen Xiaoer: How about a lighter? Policeman: Of course. Chen Xiaoer: A lighter will do.

Policeman: Oh, comrade, don't go, it's not light yet. Chen Xiaoer: Oh, no, no, let's. Policeman: Are you cold? (Chen Xiaoer shakes his head) Policeman: Are you sick? Chen Xiaoer: (shaking his head) Something is wrong. Policeman: (shaking his head) You have a mission? Chen Xiaoer: (Nodding) Hmm. Have a mission. Have a mission. Policeman: I am the policeman in charge of this area. Why don't I know? Chen Xiaoer: I dare not tell you. Policeman: Aha, that's a special task. Chen Xiaoer: Yes, yes, this is a very special task. Policeman: Haha. Then I won't ask.

Chen Xiaoer: You can't ask. If you ask, I can only tell you that I can't. Policeman: Don't ask, don't ask. Chen Xiaoer: You go ahead. Policeman: Huh? Chen Xiaoer: Take your time. Policeman: I didn't. Chen Xiaoer: Take your time. Policeman: OK! Chen Xiaoer: Slow down! Policeman: Go, go. Chen Xiaoer: No more talking? Policeman: Can I talk to you for a while? (Chen Xiaoer pauses) Policeman: Let's talk for a while. Chen Xiaoer: Why do I say that? Police: Smoking. Smoking? Go ahead. Chen Xiaoer: I dare not. Policeman: well, no.

Chen Xiaoer: No. Policeman: Comrade, which police station are you from? Chen Xiaoer: I, I, oh, when I first went in, I was at the police station. Policeman: What happened? Chen Xiaoer: It won't be late. (Pointing up) Policeman: Oh, I was transferred to the sub-bureau. Chen Xiaoer: That's right. I haven't lived in the sub-bureau for long, and ... Policeman: Where have you been transferred? Chen Xiaoer: Court. Policeman: I work in the court. Chen Xiaoer: No, after several trips, I just ... Policeman: Where did you go again? Chen Xiaoer: In the fourth prison. Policeman: Oh. Transfer to the reform-through-labour bureau.

Chen Xiaoer: Yes, it doesn't matter where it belongs. Policeman: I said, it's hard to work in the reform-through-labour farm there. Chen Xiaoer: Yes, I really need a job. Policeman: Ah, do you work, too? Chen Xiaoer: Who can run? Policeman: Oh, that must be a high bonus. Chen Xiaoer: No bonus. Policeman: What about the subsidy? Chen Xiaoer: Is there any subsidy? Why has no one ever given it to me? No I don't. Policeman: The holiday is very long. Chen Xiaoer: It's impossible to give us a holiday. Policeman: Then you. Chen Xiaoer: Nothing. Policeman: Oh-

Chen Xiaoer: It would be nice to have a good one. You said I worked hard in it for so many years just to leave that hellhole one day earlier. Policeman: Hey-we can't complain. Chen Xiaoer: Yes, yes, you can't complain. Policeman: Then come out. Chen Xiaoer: No, my brother told me to keep watch. Policeman: Oh. Special task. Forget it. Chen Xiaoer: Keep it a secret. I always forget. Hey ... Women from other places: Comrades. Chen Xiaoer: (looking back) Let's go. Women from other places: comrades, comrades. Chen Xiaoer: Can't you see what I'm saying?

Policeman: Comrade, what can I do for you? Chen Xiaoer: I'm fine. Policeman: I didn't say you. Women from other places: Comrade, let me ask you a way. Policeman: Ask for directions? Ask where? Foreign women: How to get to Happiness Avenue? Police, Chen Xiaoer (at the same time): Happy Street. Policeman: Go straight up this road. Chen Xiaoer: Turn that way and you'll be there. Policeman: I don't know. Go along this road. Chen Xiaoer: It's just around the corner. Foreign women: I see. Chen Xiaoer: There is a road sign at the intersection.

Foreign women: Thank you. Chen Xiaoer: You're welcome. (Salute) Policeman: Alas. It's the other way around. Gee, I didn't expect you to be so interesting. Chen Xiaoer: Dare I tease him? Fuck you. That's ... Policeman: I should say we can do it here. Chen Xiaoer: Yes, yes, it's good to work here. See how much people respect us. Policeman: It's different from what you did on the reform-through-labour farm. Chen Xiaoer: Well, it's totally different. Policeman: In society, as long as you respect others, others will respect you.

Chen Xiaoer: As long as I respect others, others will respect me. Policeman: Yes. We are the people's police. Chen Xiaoer: Oh, right, right, right. Policeman: It seems that your comrade has just joined the work. Chen Xiaoer: Yes, I just put on this skirt. Policeman: Ha ha ha. Chen Xiaoer: Well, comrade, what about you? Policeman: Me, not long. Twenty years. Chen Xiaoer: He has me. You are too picky. Policeman: It is impossible to criticize me. I want to say something when I see something inappropriate. Chen Xiaoer: Go ahead. Policeman: Policemen should pay attention to their appearance.

Look at you like this Chen Xiaoer: What's wrong with me? Policeman: There's not even a standing position. Chen Xiaoer: Me. Policeman: Chest out and head up. Hold your head high. This is a skirt, unlike yours. Chen Xiaoer: You can see it. Policeman: It looks like wearing someone else's clothes. Chen Xiaoer: That's right. I was in a hurry when I came out. I just touched one and slipped out. I didn't try whether it was suitable or not. Policeman: Look. Besides, look at people. You always look at people secretly. Chen Xiaoer: Who? Am I spying on others?

Policeman: Look at it. Chen Xiaoer: No. Policeman: Look at people through their eyes. Chen Xiaoer: From the middle of the eyes, from here. I said, I can't see anything clearly from the middle of my eyes. Policeman: Look at me. Chen Xiaoer: From the middle of the eyes. Policeman: Yes. Hey, why don't you look at your eyes? You look me in the eye. Don't go. Look me in the eye. Chen Xiaoer: Say what? Policeman: Whatever. Chen Xiaoer: Then I'll tell you everything. Policeman: Say. Chen Xiaoer: I'm Chen Xiaoer, male, 24 years old, Han nationality, and I live in Luoguo Hutong 104. Before his arrest, he was the car Commissioner of 1 Road 4 Thief Company.

Policeman: Haha, that's funny. Chen Xiaoer: Me. Policeman: Do all the prisoners there say that? Chen Xiaoer: Ah, everyone says so. Policeman: Do you remember all this? Chen Xiaoer: I keep that in mind. Policeman: Just tell me. You have no confidence. Chen Xiaoer: Isn't it empty? Policeman: Say it again. Chen Xiaoer: (clears his throat) I'm Chen Xiaoer. Policeman: No, no, you say something else.

Chen Xiaoer: Not anymore. Policeman: Let me put it this way. For example, we see a criminal ... (Chen Xiaoer is startled) Police: Someone is committing a crime ... (Chen Xiaoer turns back) Police: We see a criminal committing a crime ... Chen Xiaoer: (turns back again) I can't see it. Policeman: I said for example. Chen Xiaoer: Not an example. How did you know? Policeman: For example. Chen Xiaoer: There is a man. Policeman: Yes, from actual combat, I saw a criminal break into a safe in Chen Xiaoer.

Policeman: Yes. Chen Xiaoer: How do you know? Policeman: Why are you so timid? Chen Xiaoer: I was born timid. Policeman: What will you do at this time? Chen Xiaoer: It's none of my business. Policeman: No, it is directly related. Chen Xiaoer: No. Policeman: Yes. Chen Xiaoer: At best, I was coerced. Policeman: Stop, don't move. Hands up. (Chen Xiaoer raises his hand to surrender) Policeman: Alas, I didn't ask you to raise your hand. I asked you to practice with me. Chen Xiaoer: Oh. Policeman: Stop, don't move. Chen Xiaoer: I didn't move. Policeman: Hands up. I didn't ask you. Look at you.

Chen Xiaoer: I always thought it was me? Policeman: You try. Chen Xiaoer: Yes, I am a policeman. I am a policeman. Policeman: Hey, that's right. Chen Xiaoer: Stop, don't move, or he will hit me. Policeman: Well, before he could do it, you flew up and kicked him in the heart. Chen Xiaoer: Does it help? Policeman: Of course. Chen Xiaoer: Really? Policeman: You try. Chen Xiaoer: Stop, you stand, stand ... Policeman: You must speak forcefully. Chen Xiaoer: Strength. Stop. Policeman: Well, you came at me.

Chen Xiaoer: Looking at you, you are like. Policeman: Your opponent. Chen Xiaoer: I dare not. Policeman: Oh, how dare you? Come at me. Chen Xiaoer: OK, for you. Stop. Policeman: Speak louder. Chen Xiaoer: Stop. Policeman: OK. Chen Xiaoer: Hold still. Policeman: Not bad. Chen Xiaoer: Hands up. Policeman: Please say it again. Chen Xiaoer: Oh, no, I'm sorry, I kicked you. Did you kick? Policeman: Nothing. I practiced. Chen Xiaoer: Really, you are great. Ask me another skill. Policeman: That's enough.

Chen Xiaoer: Stop, don't move, put your hands up. Where are you going? Policeman: I'll go over there and have a look. Chen Xiaoer: What are you looking at? Policeman: I'm just looking around. Chen Xiaoer: Oh, just looking around. Policeman: Meet such a fool. Chen Xiaoer: You can say goodbye later. Policeman: Idiot. Chen Xiaoer: Bye, bye. Stop, don't move, lift it. Do you need any help? Blind girl: I want to cross the road. Chen Xiaoer: Let's go. Let me help you. Let's leave now. Blind girl: I don't need you, I don't need you. Chen Xiaoer: Oh, yes, I am a policeman.

Blind girl: You are a policeman. Chen Xiaoer: I'm a policeman. Do you feel it? Do you feel it? Blind girl: You are really a policeman. Chen Xiaoer: It is. Wait a minute. Stop the car, wait a minute, don't go, stop the car. Blind girl: Do you have a car? Chen Xiaoer: Sure, I told them to stop and wait for you. Blind girl: Thank you, uncle policeman. Chen Xiaoer: Look at your manners. Isn't that what you should do? You hold me and let's go. Walk slowly, hit the road, and be careful, okay. Blind girl: Thank you!

Chen Xiaoer: You're welcome! Blind girl: See you tomorrow! Chen Xiaoer: See you tomorrow! I'm a policeman! Man: What's wrong with me? Chen Xiaoer: Can I help you? Passerby man: I'm going home. Chen Xiaoer: Oh, you go home. Do you know the way home? Passerby man: I have been on this road for thirty years. Chen Xiaoer: Really? Passerby man: I must know him. Comrade, can I go now? Chen Xiaoer: (Salute) Goodbye. Passerby man: Goodbye. Chen Xiaoer: Goodbye. (directing traffic) connect, connect. At midnight. And no car passed by. Let me take command. Look at that.

Boss Wei: Let's go, Xiao Er. Chen Xiaoer: I'm a policeman. Do you need any help? Boss Wei: Oh, it's done. Let's leave now. Chen Xiaoer: Stop, thief. Do not move. Boss Wei: What are you bluffing about? What about you? Chen Xiaoer: Hands up. Boss Wei: What are you bluffing about? When did this kid learn this skill? Chen Xiaoer: When? I just learned it. I don't know. Boss Wei: What are you doing? Chen Xiaoer: Do it again. Report. Catch a criminal who broke into the safe. Policeman: You should cuff the two of you.

Chen Xiaoer: Ah, yes, yes, yes, that's right. You can't run away this time. Policeman: Is he alone? Chen Xiaoer: One * * * two. Policeman: What was that? Chen Xiaoer: Watch it outside. Policeman: How do you know? Chen Xiaoer: It was agreed in advance that one person would pry open the safe inside and a disguised policeman would stand guard outside. Policeman: What about the lookout? Chen Xiaoer: (looking around) Watch the wind, watch the wind ... Policeman: Chen Xiaoer. Chen Xiaoer: Yes. Policeman: Gender. Chen Xiaoer: Male. Policeman: Age! Chen Xiaoer: Twenty-four.

Police: occupation. Chen Xiaoer: The thief company is on No.1 Road and No.4 Road ... I am a thief. Am I a thief? Boss Wei: What do you think you are? Chen Xiaoer: I am really a thief. How can I be a thief? Policeman: Don't cry, you still have meritorious service. Chen Xiaoer: That won't do either. Policeman: All right, all right, you give me my things back first. Chen Xiaoer: Who took your things? Turn it over. Policeman: This is not a wallet. Chen Xiaoer: I'm used to it.

Extended data:

Creation background: The sketch was created on 1990 10, and it was first performed on 1990 12 at the Beijing Ministry of Public Security Gala. The framework of the sketch was provided by the Ministry of Public Security in Beijing, with the aim of popularizing the law through the sketch at the party. After discussion, Zhu Shimao and Peisi Chen decided to take the thief posing as a policeman as a partner to let out the wind as the background of the story, and the content should be full of humor and comedy elements. When Zhu Shimao and Peisi Chen are writing sketch scripts, they often quarrel because of some differences in plot and lines. The script was changed more than ten times, and it was only after more than a month of discussion and quarrel that it was created.