The fourth chapter of positive discipline reviews bad behavior.

What is bad behavior? The so-called bad behavior is nothing more than the behavior of lacking knowledge (or consciousness), the behavior of lacking effective skills, and the behavior of being disappointed by developing suitable behavior. Or because of an accident, we turned to the behavior of being manipulated by the "primitive brain".

Two, four wrong ideas and wrong behavior purposes.

(1) Seeking excessive attention-misconception: Only when I get your attention can I feel a sense of belonging.

(2) Seeking power-misunderstanding: I only have a sense of belonging when I have the final say or at least you can't give me orders.

? (3) revenge-wrong idea: I can't get ownership, but at least I can hurt you.

(4) Give up on yourself, and wrong ideas cannot be attributed. I gave up.

Third, help identify clues about the wrong purpose and concept.

? The first clue. Emotional response of adults to children's behavior.

? If your feelings are anger, anxiety, guilt or worry, the child's purpose is probably to seek too much attention.

? If you feel threatened, challenged, angry or defeated. The purpose of children is probably to seek rights.

? If you feel hurt. Feel disappointed. Incredible or disgusting. You are trying so hard to be a good parent or teacher. How can this child do this to you? ) The child's purpose is probably revenge.

? If you feel powerless (how on earth can I get into this child's heart? Help the children cheer up? ) despair, hopelessness or helplessness. The purpose of children is probably to give up on themselves.

The second clue is to pay attention to the child's behavior in the incident.

(A) four behaviors and characteristics

? 1. Seek excessive attention.

? Children will stop for a while, but usually they will quickly return to their original behavior or other behaviors that can attract your attention.

? 2. Seek power.

? If the child continues his bad behavior, he may verbally refute or passively resist your request. This usually escalates into a power struggle between you and your children. ?

? retaliate

? Children will fight you back with some destructive behaviors or words that hurt you. This often escalates into a cycle of revenge between you and your child.

? Give up yourself

? Children are often very negative. I hope you give up your efforts and let her go. Sometimes, such children will use actions to express this feeling. Maybe you will become a person who often jokes in class. ) to cover up their academic incompetence.

(2) Effective ways to encourage each wrong purpose.

? The type that seeks excessive attention.

Method:

? 1. Guide children to make constructive behaviors. Give them a task that can give them positive attention in class, and give children a task that is helpful to adults at home, such as giving them a stopwatch and asking them to time you when you make a phone call.

? 2. Do things that children didn't expect. Like a complete hug.

? 3. Make a timetable for special time and spend time with children regularly. As a teacher, you can spend a few minutes with your children at school occasionally. )

? 4. With a knowing smile, let the children know that you won't be entangled in this. Then say, I'm looking forward to the special moment at six o'clock.

? Make some silent signals, put your hand on your chest to show "I love you", and cover your ears to show that you will listen when the child stops whispering to you.

? 6. Avoid giving children special services. ? 7. Comfort your child and express your trust in him. If I love you, I know you will handle it yourself. )

8. Ignore the child's behavior, put your hand on the child's shoulder in a caring way, and continue the dialogue with the child.

9. When everyone is happy, take time to train their children and demonstrate other behaviors to them by role-playing. For example, use language instead of complaining.

10. Shut up and take actions, such as stopping coaxing, getting up from the sofa, holding the child's hand and taking him to the bathroom to brush his teeth. You might as well scratch his armpit, so as to keep a firm attitude and add some fun.

10. Tell your love and care.

? Types of seeking power

? Method:

? Quit the power struggle, give both sides time to calm down, and then do one or more of the following.

1. Admit that you can't force your child to do anything, and let him help you find a useful solution.

2. Win cooperation in four steps.

3. Then have a one-on-one problem-solving meeting.

4. Guide children to use their rights constructively.

5. Involve children in solving problems.

6. Decide what you want to do instead of trying to get your children to do it. I won't continue the class until everyone is ready. I can wash the clothes in the laundry basket, but I can't wash the clothes left on the floor. It is important that you keep your mouth shut kindly and firmly, and avoid reminding and saying that the church is particularly effective.

? 7. Make a timetable for special time and spend time with your children regularly. At school, teachers can accompany their children occasionally.

? 8. Let children participate in the establishment of daily routines, and then let the routines have the final say.

? 9. When offering limited choices, let children put their problems on the agenda of family meetings or class meetings.

10. Tell your love and care.

Revenge type

? 1. Don't fight back, but quit the revenge cycle.

? 2. Keep a friendly attitude and wait for the child to calm down.

? 3. Guess what the child was hurt for, express sympathy, and express your feelings and understanding of the child's injury.

? 4. Tell your child frankly how you feel: I feel about _ _, because _ _, I hope _ _.

5. Reflective listening, by reflecting back what you hear, you can enter the child's inner world: "It seems that you are very sad." Reflective listening can include enlightening questions: "Can you tell me more? What happened afterwards? How does this make you feel? " The key is to understand your child's point of view, not to tell your child your point of view.

? 6. If you hurt your child, please use the "three Rs" to correct it? 7. Use "four steps to win cooperation". ?

8. Express your worries and encourage your children. ?

9. Make a timetable for special time and spend time with your children regularly. At school, teachers can be with children occasionally.

10. Express your love and care in words.

? Self-destructive class

? 1. Take time to train children, break things down into simple basic steps, and let them experience success.

? 2. Show your child the small steps he can follow. If I draw this semicircle, you draw the other half.

? 3. Arrange some small successes, find out anything that children can do, and provide them with plenty of opportunities to show their skills in these areas.

? 4. Affirm any positive efforts of children, no matter how small.

? 5. Give up any perfectionist expectations of your children.

? 6. Pay attention to the advantages of children.

? 7. Don't give up.

? 8. Arrange special time with children regularly.

? 9. Encourage children to choose a partner or teacher of the same age to help them in class.

? 10. Express your love and care in words.

The third telegram, the purpose disclosure method

Suggestion: When adults and children reveal their purpose, they should do it privately when both sides are calm.

? Dialogue steps

? 1. I know why you did it.

? I have some other ideas. Can you let me guess and tell me? You can tell me if I'm right.

? Do you want to get my attention and let me do something for you?

? Do you want me to see that you can do whatever you want and seek power?

? Is it because you feel hurt and want to get even with me or someone else?

? Do you think you can't do it, so you don't even want to try and give up on yourself?

? Solution:

? 1. If the child's purpose is to seek attention, you should explain to the child that everyone wants attention. Then guide children to seek attention in a constructive way.

? If the child's purpose is to seek power, you should admit that you can't force him to change his behavior, and then let him help you design a plan of mutual respect and cooperation. (You can say that. You are right. I can't force you. How can we use our respective rights to solve these problems with mutual respect? )

? If the child's purpose is to get back at you, you can show interest in knowing how you or others hurt him. For example, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I had hurt you. Can You Ever Forgive Me? )

? 4. If the child's purpose is to give up on himself. You should comfort your child and tell him that you understand his feelings, because you will be frustrated sometimes. That's it. Then express confidence in the child's ability and make a small step-by-step plan to ensure his success. It can be said that I know you don't believe you can, but I know you can, and I am willing to do my best to help you succeed. )

Re-examine the feelings of bad behavior after reading Positive Discipline

Look at the fourth chapter positive discipline, and then look at bad behavior. In addition to understanding what "bad behavior" is, there are many gains.

? The knowledge points in this chapter may only be effective for children before the age of eleven or twelve! Therefore, in the face of children in primary schools or kindergartens, we may wish to pay attention to the following feelings:

? First, many bad behaviors of children are actually commensurate with his age. And we adults should understand and accept, but also think further. When a child misbehaves, he is a child who loses confidence.

Second, parents or teachers can only communicate with their children on the basis of equality and respect if they enter their inner world!

Third, when we are threatened, hurt, helpless or angry because of our children's behavior. Then growling, or violently attacking children, will actually fall into a vicious circle.

4. The core of dealing with children's misconduct is your love and care. Solve power struggle and revenge by winning cooperation. If you make a mistake, you should also learn and use these three steps to correct it.

Family meetings and class meetings are effective ways to solve problems.

? If you treat children after eleven or twelve, these methods may not be effective. Because teenagers. Peer recognition is more important than adult recognition. Parents and teenagers belong to the Chu River Han boundary, and the two armies are against each other. Besides, teenagers. When adults treat each other with kindness, firmness, dignity and respect, and solve problems with their children, teenagers usually test their parents' values as rebellious behavior, which will last until after the age of 20. The best way to win the cooperation between teenagers is to respect each other and solve problems equally. Family meetings and class meetings can teach them a sense of social responsibility and let them participate in the decision-making process.

That's why some parents didn't participate in their children's growth before they were eleven or twelve years old, but they could do nothing after they were twelve years old.

Because before I was twelve, I taught my children the skills and methods to solve problems. Then rebellion may not be so prominent after the age of twelve!

Therefore, before the child is twelve, we should pay attention to the child's growth, thinking habits and problem-solving ability!