Perceptions of life at the age of 40 (reprinted)

An emotional female writer who has just turned 40 probably has the following 7 insights into life.

-01-

About being a human being

The final destination of people is vulgarity

When I was a child, I looked down on middle-aged women and felt that They are vulgar and hypocritical. They start by telling you that the price of eggs has increased, the bear relatives are here again, and your new hair style looks good (actually it doesn’t look good at all).

Only when I became a middle-aged woman did I realize that people will inevitably become vulgar.

In the past, I hated the ridicule, flattery, cowardice, and vulgarity on other people’s faces, but now they all appear on my own face, even worse.

The butcher's knife of life will first kill the spirit, arrogance, and dissatisfaction in people, and then smear you with earthy vulgarity.

When a person lives to the age of forty, no one is allowed to grovel a few times.

In a job interview, you are not allowed to lower your voice?

When your child goes to school, you are not allowed to give the teacher a smile?

When dining with a client, why can’t you stand up and toast with a glass of wine?

No matter how high your spirit is, it cannot be as high as the harsh reality; no matter how hard your bones are, it cannot be as hard as the difficulties in life.

Wang Xiaobo said: "A person's life is a slow process of being hammered."

After being hammered again and again, everyone becomes a common man. Generally speaking, the age of forty is the limit.

In their thirties, there are still many unruly, wild, and stubborn people who refuse to obey. After the age of forty, most of them are managed by life and become submissive.

It’s vulgar to accept it. There are three main manifestations:

A mind full of trivial matters and a belly full of wine, sex and wealth;

No one dares to offend, and it is difficult to get close to anyone;

Except for his tendency to call "landlord" when playing cards, he is very cautious and restrained in other things.

Of course there is nothing wrong with this.

Vulgarity is the best protective color for adults and the best survival plan for ordinary people.

-02-

About age

We are all middle-aged people who have not grown up

Time is so strange. The more you expect it to go faster, the slower it becomes. A boring afternoon when I was a kid would be boring.

Now that I have grown up, I hope that time can slow down, but it turns out that it runs very fast and drags you to the age of 40 as it runs all the way.

If a person lives to be 80 years old, then generally 20 years is one season. After the age of 40, life will enter autumn.

Autumn should be the season of maturity.

But to be honest, most of the middle-aged people I have in-depth contact with are not mature enough.

For example, I always have a child living in my heart.

This child simply cannot believe that he is already a middle-aged man, so from time to time he shows innocence, willfulness, and excessive pretentiousness that are inconsistent with his age.

I will buy a lot of stuffed toys; I will be worried about someone else’s words for a long time.

Sometimes when I see young people staying up late, drinking, singing, and having all kinds of sex, I can’t help but be eager to try it out.

But people stay up all night and then resurrect with full health after sleeping for three hours. I was half-dead for three days after staying up all night.

It may be a common problem in this era that psychological growth cannot keep up with physical growth and age.

My 12-year-old son is taller than me. He still wants to crawl in every time he passes by a play area for young children. He is still aggrieved when he is kicked out.

Children don’t know that they have grown up, and adults don’t want to admit that they are getting older.

Everyone lives in the torrent of time and lives in a complicated way.

-03-

About mid-life crisis

There are three solutions: work hard, be content, or accept fate

The so-called mid-life crisis , in the final analysis, it is a career or money crisis. A middle-aged man who has failed in his career and doesn't have enough money to spend will feel a sense of crisis.

Those middle-aged people with prosperous careers and inexhaustible money will not be in crisis. They will only feel that the sky is dazzling and life is in their prime.

So the best way to solve the crisis is to find ways to make more money, or work hard to keep your career moving forward.

The second best way is to convince yourself that "it's good now, it's enough to eat and use", and be content with what you have.

When efforts and contentment fail, there is only the third option left: accepting fate.

I have recently come to a realization, which is: people have to accept their fate to a certain extent, including overall fate and personal fate.

The overall destiny is that everyone will grow old and weak. This is a natural law and everyone must recognize it.

Personal destiny is the height a person can reach in this life. It is determined by his talent, growth environment, personal efforts, and the era he lives in...

This height is determined by a combination of factors. There will be a range, but unless a miracle happens, it will be difficult for people to jump out of this range.

Just like a duck has a duck's range of activities, an eagle has an eagle's life trajectory. If nothing else, the hardest working duck can’t fly as high as the least useful eagle.

Just like no matter how hard I try, I can’t become famous like Zhang Ziyi.

Therefore, we should not be too harsh on ourselves. Don't feel depressed and blame yourself for not being as good as others as soon as you see what's going on with your classmates, friends, and relatives.

Because not all acquaintances should have a similar fate. People are so different that blind comparison will only increase worries.

A reader also asked me before: "When I heard that my relatives were doing very well, I was very worried. What should I do?"

I replied to him: "You don't know that "More."

Pay less attention to others, let alone compare yourself with others. Everyone has his own destiny, there is no comparison.

As long as we work hard to reach the highest point of our own, we will be worthy of this life.

-04-

About face

Is there any immortal goddess?

Women have one more mid-life crisis than men, that is Face.

There is a bad phenomenon in society today, which is the over-respect of the "ageless goddess".

The entertainment media don’t know what An’s intentions are. They say all day long that Brigitte Lin is at the peak of her beauty and Chiu Yazhi is like a young girl. This makes us ordinary women feel very ashamed of ourselves and feel like we are living like a trash can.

But if you think about it carefully, this is nonsense. The two actresses are both 66 this year, and it’s time for their birthdays. No matter how well-maintained their natural beauty is, they can’t compete with girls.

Scientifically speaking, a person's appearance usually peaks around the age of 24. If you drag it back, it will reach its peak at the age of 30. When you reach the age of 40, it will inevitably decline.

There is no immortal goddess in the world. The word "aging and aging" is hard to hear, but it is a fact and we have to face it head on.

Faye Wong once participated in an event, and fans shouted: "You are so beautiful." Faye Wong said: "You are so beautiful, you are so big."

This is the truth.

It’s not that you can’t be beautiful in your forties or fifties, but at this age, don’t worry too much about your appearance. It's necessary to take care of yourself, but don't stare at the wrinkles on your face all day long.

We can strive for sophistication and temperament, but we don’t have to compare ourselves to girls, otherwise we will easily be in a bad mood.

People have to learn to focus on their own areas of advantage, which areas are better than those areas. This is a bit Ah Q, but this is the way to happiness.

If one day you look at your wrinkles and spots and don’t feel bothered at all, and you even still think I’m pretty, you’ll have won.

-05-

About friends

New people can’t come in, and old people are leaving again

Have you noticed that the appearance of children They are quite unsociable, not very polite, and cannot smile socially.

But when they meet friends of similar age, they can instantly get together, talk heartily, and play happily.

But for us middle-aged people, it’s just the opposite. On the surface, he looks very enthusiastic, and he can chat with anyone with a smile, but his heart is sealed, and if he wants to tell you a few sincere words, there is no way.

I often meet my neighbor in the elevator, and we sing and chat very enthusiastically, but when we get out of the elevator, I don’t remember what the other person looks like.

It is especially difficult for middle-aged people to make friends.

First, if you are too defensive, you cannot open your heart at all.

Secondly, he has very poisonous eyes. He can tell at a glance who has any scheming intentions, and once he sees it, he can’t help but stay away. Many friends become alienated like this.

New people can’t come in, and old people are leaving again.

So in the end, I got to know more and more people, but not many friends were left.

Among the few remaining friends, they are also clearly divided into groups: those who can speak their minds and those who cannot. We can do something together and we can't. Those who can borrow money and those who cannot borrow money should be clearly arranged.

However, I do like the state of "fewer but better". Sometimes a few close friends are better than thousands of connections.

-06-

About mentality

Learn the four words "love how you do", and your life will suddenly become brighter

Gao Xiaosong once Said: "Don't be confused at forty. It's not that you know everything when you reach forty, but you don't want to know anything after forty."

It makes sense.

We were all very serious when we were young. When we encountered something awkward, we had to explain it thoroughly, otherwise we would not be able to get through it.

When I grow up, I know that the world is complicated and that some things are simply unclear, so I just give it up and stop reading books that I don’t understand. If you can't see clearly the human heart, don't look at it.

If there is a misunderstanding that cannot be explained clearly, we will not explain it. I won’t say anything about my feelings that I can’t express.

A sign of maturity or aging in people is that they often say something like this: Just let it be, let it be that way, just do whatever you want with it.

The subtext behind it is: I admit that I am powerless, so I give up and declare defeat.

It looks a bit cowardly, but there’s nothing wrong with it. Although it is an admission of defeat, it is a beneficial admission of defeat.

In the past two years, I have understood a particularly important truth: people are in trouble all the time.

That is to say, no matter when, there will always be uncomfortable and unsatisfactory places in your world, and you cannot solve all the problems.

First, most of the problems you face cannot be solved.

Second, if it is flat here, it will be bulging there, and there will always be endless troubles to keep you busy.

After accepting this truth, I mastered the method of "loving myself" and tried not to use useless energy.

Then life suddenly became clear.

"There was something I didn't do well last year..." "I love it."

"XX seems to have some opinions about me..." "I love it." ”

“I may not be able to do that thing next month...” “Love Ze Za Di”

“Love Ze Ze Di” is a particularly useful word. Especially for those of us who are sensitive, delicate, and prone to perfectionism.

Holding this four-character mantra in hand, life will instantly become much more comfortable.

Really.

You don’t have to do everything well, please everyone, understand all principles, and know all information.

If a normal person does ten things a day and can do four well, he is very, very good.

What we should focus on is which four things to do well, instead of overestimating our capabilities and pursuing perfection, and then letting ourselves be attacked by frustration and sad and depressed all day long.

-07-

The last truth

Tired, lonely, but very good

There is a very heart-wrenching joke:

When I fell down when I was a child, I had to look around to see if there was anyone around me. If so, I would cry. If not, I would get up. Just get up, or cry if you don’t.

Exactly, why did you like to cry in front of others when you were a child?

Because others will feel sorry for you, help you, and give you candy. But when you fall in middle age, those who love you often cannot help you, and those who can help you often only laugh at you.

So stop talking nonsense. If you fall into a pit, just crawl out by yourself. When you are tired, cry secretly. After crying, set the alarm clock. You have to crawl out on time tomorrow.

The biggest difficulty for middle-aged people is that they have no one to rely on and must solve problems by themselves.

So their mantra is: "Very good."

"Did you sleep well last night?" "Very good."

" How's the work?" "It's good."

"How about you two?"

It's really good.

The devil knows. It's just that they know that saying "no" is useless and makes them look useless, so they might as well pretend to be a warm spring and hide the cold night, ice and snow in the tunnel of their hearts.

So, be nice to that nonchalant middle-aged man next to you. It may be snowing in his world.

Although he is used to carrying it by himself and has the ability to carry it by himself, he also needs your warmth.