39 super funny stories

First, parents fool their children into calling for education; Children fool their parents and say that their parents are derailed; Fooling each other is called the generation gap.

Second, I won't sing out of tune, I just like to sing my own songs.

Third, everyone who loves to sleep late has a lover who is hard to give up. His name is quilt.

Fourth, mashup is our business. Then don't worry, don't compare behind your back.

Love is like a joke, it kills others and hurts itself.

Six, when we were young, we were princesses. When we grow up, we will be used to princess disease by our relatives and friends.

Seven, mosquitoes, when can evolve to not suck blood, only suck fat?

Eight, if I die, don't forget to install an air conditioner in my coffin, Gree's.

Nine, when I was a child, my worst dream was that I was looking for a toilet. The most terrible thing is that people don't wake up and find the toilet.

X. Zhao Wei said that good-looking people have youth; Guo Xiaosi said, no, rich people have youth.

A real brother is your woman when you need her most.

Twelve, Huang Chengcheng sky, thick soil as evidence, I would like to use 20 jins of meat, in exchange for good weather in China this year!

Thirteen, don't hang yourself on a tree, you can try it several times in the surrounding trees.

Fourteen, listening to songs is divided into two situations: single cycle to death, random play of various cuts.

15. I ate quietly, just like I gained weight quietly. I went to bed late, but I brought a piece of fat.

Sixteen, mess with me again, and I'll rip your intestines out and tie a bow!

Seventeen, since I talked about a love, my waist has stopped hurting, my head has stopped hurting, and my heart has stopped beating.

Eighteen, it is said that the characters in Hyun Dance are in good shape. I'm telling you, if you bounce around like this every day, you'll lose weight.

Nineteen, one day I changed the automatic reply to then? As a result, someone talked all afternoon.

Life I am sorry for you, because I have never treated you well.

Twenty-one, love is like a joke, it kills others and hurts itself.

Twenty-two, it's not that we fat people are too fat, but that you thin people are malnourished.

Twenty-three, women who can only cry are waste, and women who can't cry are monsters.

You only have one face and one expression, but you have 365 masks.

Twenty-five, the pain of youth in the past years, the sadness of tangled memories.

Twenty-six, narcissism is to be a man in the next life and marry a wife like me!

In fact, I am trying so hard to gain weight just to occupy more space in your heart.

Don't wear such a thick foundation when you go out, you can't see what it looks like.

Twenty-nine, life is really ironic, a person can actually become what he once hated most.

It is said that the tears you shed are the water in your head.

3 1. The biggest failure of a man is not that no girl likes him, but that the girl who likes him feels blind from the beginning.

Your appearance has affected my healthy growth. I saw you. The mood is more tangled than going to the grave.

Thirty-three, I wake up in this beautiful spring morning, so don't bother me. Suddenly heard the QQ sound, what is the truth.

If I can travel through time and space, I must plant a durian tree in front of Newton's house.

Crying can solve sadness, and laughing can relieve mood.

Thirty-six, so many people in the street dress so dangerously, but they look so safe!

Thirty-seven, the so-called pig-like roommate should be that I caught a cold and asked him to come back and bring me a box of black and white ones. He brought me a pack of Oreos.

Thirty-eight, so shameless and heartless, your weight should be very light.

39. I have fixed the wedding date, and now I just need to fix the groom.

Super funny qq talk about 105.

1, the alarm clock will wake me up tomorrow. Don't be naughty in bed tomorrow. Ok, earn money to support you.

Sometimes I feel ugly, so I worry too much about my ID card.

3. With such bad guys, their professional ethics has plummeted and they can't turn over.

Talking to you now doesn't mean knowing you. Maybe tomorrow you won't know who you are.

5. Missing is a disease. Acacia is that I am sick, but you don't know where I am.

6. Beef noodles are not beef, but Rob. There is no wife in the old lady's cake.

Brother, your daughter-in-law is not as beautiful as yesterday.

8. I met my mother-in-law in junior high school, but I dare not admit it.

9. If you want to lose weight, you must learn to dazzle people in the dance and dance all the time without eating.

10, the short man doesn't like Jay Chou, because his first sentence is always: Ouch!

1 1, I can't cry because I put on eyeliner and mascara.

12, who came to this world, who can go back alive?

13, when you pay the phone bill, you know that your words can be worth thousands of dollars.

14, I am the most trustworthy child, but why do I still have to take the exam?

15, it's not his fault that he fell in love with you, but he was blind.

16, I want to be your heart. If you want to provoke me, I won't jump.

17, the girl we chased in those years is now chasing the box office.

18, human beings live to be influenced, otherwise how can they be called human beings?

19, my squirrel was beaten by you as a ball, and you still called it "Pikachu".

20. If Google and Baidu merge, will it be called goodbye?

2 1, someone else has ADHD, as if his mouth has been moving.

22. I told my deskmate that my deskmate is a pig; He said that your deskmate is a pig.

23. My back itches. Please scratch it for me without spreading your wings.

24. The teacher confiscated my mobile phone. A week later, I found that my mobile phone was dead.

25. My youth is not over yet. I just turned twenty this year.

26. If you don't like me, you can pretend to be blind or commit suicide.

I didn't know how to catch a cold the next day, only to find that I didn't cover the quilt.

28. Live every day like a comedy and you will be happy every day.

29. What I like to eat is my mouth, so don't ask me to eat.

30. The cutest dog in the world, you are not as cute as it.

3 1. People who hold up their middle fingers are always great because they don't know a secret.

32. My future is not a dream, but a nightmare.

It's a Wonderful Life used to be, but now there are only two.

34. The first person who knows that goat milk can be drunk, are you more than people who drink milk?

35. I wanted to be connected by word of mouth, but now I have been turned into a big fat man.

My hands are not dirty at all, but I have nothing to do every day to kill chickens.

37. It is black without the sun during the day, and it is black with the moon at night.

38. Walking at night in the dark, society is the darkest, and no one is more terrible.

Life in kindergarten is the best. The older you get, the more you don't know how to mix.

40. My heart is like a snake and scorpion. To match your human face and animal heart. Why not?

4 1, if things are not perfect, you will know to give yourself a step down.

42. I have been vomiting because I remembered your smile.

43, see who is not pleasing to the eye, the law allows him to play to Mars and learn how to look.

44. That man still dares to scold a woman for her thick legs. My mother says he has three legs.

45. Like the moon, you have a cold that I can never stand.

46. I walked away quietly, only to find that you really left.

I don't seem to have changed, because you have changed too much.

48. Hold hands and feel multicultural. At first glance, it looks yellow.

49, two people break up, not because love left you, but because you abandoned it.

50. Happiness means hiding your sadness and smiling at everyone.

5 1, the future needs someone to create, or who can walk through it smoothly.

52, a person's life is very good, don't need anyone to come in, because I have a strong heart.

53. Give up what you can't get. Maybe the next thing is what you want most.

54, the end of the third, in addition to betrayal is extramarital love, so be kind.

55. Some men are unworthy, and sisters kill each other because he is unworthy.

56. My qq will only go offline when there is a power failure.

57. Don't get mad at me. Eating for a few more years is not free.

58. That's it, Sister. Savage, overbearing, and arrogant. If you can't, leave here.

59. What's it like to be with people you don't like every day?

60. There are divorce certificates in the world. Why haven't I heard of divorce certificates?

6 1, I am open, because you can't let go, or you are more slutty than my sister.

62. Without me, I won't cry. As long as you don't think of my sister, I'm relieved.

Just as you can't see my heart, I will never see your touch.

64. Elder sister generally doesn't talk about love, because elder sister only talks about love.

65. You can't understand the myth told by the elder sister, because the elder sister never speaks human words.

66. The world goes on without you, so I am still on the earth.

I can't bear your gentleness, but my savagery can make you enjoy it.

68. A good dog is out of line. What do you mean? Aren't you a good dog?

69. It's a waste of time to do everything well.

70. I didn't see what you handed in, but I saw a man pretending to commit crimes twice there.

7 1, you are a pirate, always doing other people's actions and copying other people's faces.

When I have you, it is still so hot in summer and so cold in winter. What's your use?

In my opinion, all your efforts are self-righteous, because I don't like that everything is done for nothing.

74. You are the scenery I passed by, only a few times more.

75, boys and girls are actually very hypocritical, one loves to dress up and the other loves beauty.

76. When you don't like you, you are the only one. When you look at it, you become the world.

77. Love hiding in the corner is the place you left for me.

78. I like being a vegetarian. You are all over, not my sister's type.

I don't like violence, but if you like, I can show you something.

80. In my love, there is no mistress, only leftovers.

8 1, you live as usual without labor, and you come to labor to turn you into a dead pig.

82. Wear "new shoes" instead of "a whore". Nobody wants them.

83. Elder sister is a woman, coquettish but shrewish, charming but small three, and doesn't want to roll.

84. In this world, I am accompanied by emptiness and loneliness. What loneliness is there?

85. Who has eternal love, who has eternal love and who is not a transvestite of TM?

86. Stay or roll, or roll until I can't see you.

87. It is my business to love myself. You don't have to worry about luxury. Take care of your playboy.

88. How far is forever? It's no use talking to management. You're not a Scientologist.

89, you cut this knife, although not in prison, but I want to make you more painful.

90. People who pretend to be B always follow the trend, while those who are mean always follow the fashion.

9 1, there is still a long way to go. Don't try to be brave, little friend.

92. If you don't do well, you have to be someone else's mistress, that is, you have no face and no lining.

93. Without anyone, the earth turns around differently, and you still live smartly after you leave.

94. Don't think you are two-faced. In fact, without it, you are nothing.

95. Do your boys play online games too much? Call my sister if you need anything. I don't have this function.

96, you are my man, see which fool dares to want you.

97. Being thick-skinned is invincible in the world. Be yourself in this chaotic society.

98. Who do you think you are, glib and lazy? Do you have everything if you have money?

99. Other people's things are easy to use, and other people's bowls of rice are always delicious.

100, the Buddha said some of them were empty. Please, can the money be empty? Who doesn't want it?

10 1. Do you know how much I have changed for you? love

102, how much is a "here" better than "I'll bring it to you later"

103, how many stupid children in the world have lost their love.

104, songs can evoke the feelings of others when they are sad.

105, we agreed to be happy. If you are not happy, how can I be happy enough?

A super interesting conversation, a super interesting joke.

1. When I don't want to talk to you, it's no use trying to coax me. At this time, you should give me a red envelope.

You are only twenty years old, so it's normal that you haven't met the person you like. The later you find out, it's probably impossible to meet.

3. Every unscrupulous night will eventually be repaid with a morning when I can't get out of bed.

4. I ate 8 yuan breakfast at the roadside stall, and my boss was very busy, so I put the money in his basket, thinking that the boss might not have seen it. I took out the money again, and then the boss saw it.

5. Seeing the rich and the poor from sleep: I went to bed, I went back to my room to sleep, and I went upstairs to sleep.

6. If a person is used to madness, he is like a mental derangement when he is serious. Super funny joke.

7. I can treat you to thousands of meals and accompany you to drink tens of thousands of wine, but you have to pay me back what you owe me 100.

8. What if my girlfriend is angry and unreasonable? Drop a cup on the floor and see if you can stop her. If you do, it's over. If you don't stop, kneel on the glass slag and finish it.

I have no ambition, so I just want to spend your money, sleep in your bed and be your wife.

10. Go after him if he likes, whether he has a boyfriend or not. The team had a goalkeeper, so the goal was scored.

1 1. Actually, I used to have eight-pack ABS, but I became obsessed when I practiced the ninth one.

12. I had a big health care with my customers in the evening and smelled some women's perfume. Afraid of going home to make my daughter-in-law angry, I stayed in the hot pot restaurant downstairs for a long time before going home. I didn't expect her to be more angry than before. She said angrily, you have gone too far. You didn't call me when you were eating hot pot!

13. I think boys are really dirty because I have never seen boys take a bath.

14. If you want to be beautiful, sleep more. If you are sleepy, you will feel beautiful.

15. Someone just called me shameless. My backhand is a slap. Would I want such a beautiful face?

16. After many years of marriage, my husband suddenly turned and hugged his wife in the middle of the night and said: This life is too short. The wife was moved to tears after listening to her husband's words. My husband went on to say: I can't even cover my feet.

17. Buy a globe. The world is so big that you can not only have a look, but also look around.

18. I have always been tolerant of people who are not smart.

19. Little girl, you are still young. You can find someone else. Give your date to your aunt.

20. I gradually understand that the more ordinary-looking girls are, the more amiable they are. And those beautiful girls ignored me at all.

2 1. I envy those beloved small public deeds. It happened that I was born a demon with a knife.

22. Kong Rong said: Uncle, I am a child, so I want to eat small pears! Uncle said: You stay away from my fruit stand.

23. There is no swearing in this world. If you do more homework, you will.

24. I like you, you eat shit, I think you are awesome; I don't like you, even eating shit thinks you are awesome. Anyway, as long as you eat shit, I think you are awesome

Tell me more super funny things.

Super funny space: others' stomachs are called stomachs, and mine are called stomachs.

Super funny QQ chat: If Shuai Neng is a meal, then I can feed 24 super humorous QQ spaces around the world.

1) I earned 200 million yuan, one with amnesia and one with memory.

2) Someone asked me what's the difference between senior three and senior four? I wrote a Cao on a piece of paper, and then asked gay friends, a senior, what was it? Gay friends said, damn it. I also asked my senior three, what is this? It is called calcium oxide, also called quicklime, which can react with water. Calcium is divalent. ...

3) Before disfiguring a woman, I threw a bottle of makeup remover in her face. To disfigure a woman now is to uninstall Meitu Xiu Xiu from her mobile phone while she is not paying attention.

4) These days, women are more and more masculine, men are more and more sissy, children are more and more mature, but adults are beginning to pretend to be pure.

5) When I was in college, I often went door-to-door to sell facial cleanser. One day, I asked a buddy: What do you usually wash your face with? The buddy replied: water. The salesman asked again: besides water? A: Hands.

6) Don't be too nice to me, lest I commit suicide.

7) When I often sleep, I suddenly wake up when my body shakes. So I went to Baidu to talk about "the cause of sudden body shaking during sleep", and then an answer was: the sudden shaking during sleep is that the nervous system finds that you suddenly fell asleep and didn't move for a long time. It thought you were dead, so it moved to see if you were dead. ...

8) Actually, I think the summer homework named "Happy Summer Vacation" is the same as the cigarette case that says "Smoking is harmful to health".

9) Do you know? I miss you every day and every night. I want to eat, sleep and work, and I really want to say to you … Pay back the money quickly.

10) A photo, you said you liked me. You think you are in Taobao?

1 1) oh, my god! If you can't make me thin! Let my friends around me get fat!

12) before preparing for military training, a man was suddenly pulled into the team by our instructor, and the whole playground was watching him at once. The instructor kicked him in the stomach: is it a man to be late without wearing training clothes? Very typical. Two hours after the dissolution, the instructor asked him: What's your name? He cried with a wow: I am the woman who lives next door to me upstairs. . . Just coming down for a walk.

QQ funny mood phrase: Don't be too nice to me, lest I commit suicide.

13) Have you found that many children's shoes say "I'm going to sleep", which is equivalent to replacing computers with mobile phones?

14) the teacher didn't talk in the middle of class, which means that some students died.

15) I forced a college student to have one. Recently, it was found that universities had calluses because they had to wash clothes and clean themselves, so they sighed that "the last university had calluses". As a result, I knew I was wrong when I saw the first comment. . . (Connotation joke)

16) People with iphone said they didn't have pockets, while people with tattoos said they were hot.

17) I took a taxi in the morning and found that I didn't bring my wallet at my destination! Fortunately, I brought two packs of cigarettes. Embarrassed, I took out a pack of Chinese cigarettes and gave it to the master as a fare. The master took the cigarette and said, "What a good cigarette!" "Then I was about to get off the bus when the master suddenly stopped me, took out a bag of Red River from my trouser pocket and handed it to me, calmly saying," Change. "

18) the school is my home, I bah! I didn't see you speak so beautifully when I was late!

19) Teacher Bao, why is there a moon on your forehead? Because you don't understand my darkness during the day.

20) My uncle, who cooks in the canteen, is 20 cents short of me and has no change. I said give me some shredded potatoes, and he said yes! I watched him scoop me three shredded potatoes! I was also very calm and picked up the shredded potatoes with my hands. I said, you'd better give me 20 points ~

2 1) human potential can be stimulated. I may not be able to carry 100 Jin of stone. If it is 100 Jin RMB ~ I promise! Hit and run ~

22) Summer homework can't wait to have a bedroom like a spoiled concubine, but since the summer vacation, I have been diligent and caring for Tencent, and I have never set foot in the harem.

23) Heat can no longer describe the current temperature. There is only a pinch of cumin between me and the barbecue!

24) Mom washes clothes at home, and the washing powder is gone. I had to wash clothes halfway. My mother was lazy and didn't want to go out. She thought for a moment and took shampoo to wash clothes. But there was not much shampoo, and it soon ran out. My mother took out toothpaste very wisely. ...