Joke criticism

Look at your requirements: reflect criticism, wisdom, greed, etc. , and full of philosophy at the same time.

1. A crow sat in a tree and did nothing all day. A little rabbit saw the crow and asked, "Can I sit there doing nothing all day like you?" The crow replied, "Of course, why not?" So the rabbit sat under the tree and began to rest. Suddenly, a fox appeared. The fox jumped on the rabbit … and ate it.

The moral of this story is … If you want to sit there and do nothing, you must sit very, very high.

2. A turkey and a bull are chatting. "I really want to go to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I have no strength." "Then why don't you eat some of my feces?" The bull replied, "It is rich in nutrition." The turkey ate a piece of cow dung and found that it really made itself strong enough to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating more cow dung, the turkey reached the second branch of the tree. Finally, two weeks later, the turkey stood proudly at the top of the tree. Unfortunately, it wasn't long before a farmer stared at him, and the farmer shot down the turkey very neatly.

The moral of this story is ... Cow dung may get you to the top, but it can't keep you there forever.

A bird is flying to the south for the winter. It was so cold that the bird froze, fell from the sky and landed in a large farmland. When it was lying in the field, a cow came and took a shit on it. Frozen birds lie in a pile of cow dung. Digging cow dung is so warm. Cow dung slowed it down! It lay there, warm and happy, and soon began to sing happily. A passing cat heard the birds singing and came over to find out. Following the sound, the cat found the bird hidden in the cow dung, quickly dug it out and ate it!

The moral of this story is ...

1) Not everyone who shits you is your enemy.

2) Not everyone who pulls you out of the shit pile is your friend.

3) Besides, when you are stuck in a pile of shit, shut the fuck up!

Master Before a master performed on stage, his disciples told him that his shoelaces were loose. The master nodded his thanks and squatted down to tie it carefully.

Disciple turned his back and squatted down to untie his shoelaces. A bystander saw all this and asked inexplicably, "Master, why did you untie your shoelaces again?" The master replied, "Because I play a tired traveler, I can loosen his shoes after a long journey and show his fatigue and haggard through this detail." "Then why don't you just tell your disciples?" "He can carefully find that my shoelaces are loose and enthusiastically tell me that I must protect his enthusiasm and encourage him in time. As for why I untied my shoelaces, I will have more opportunities to teach him to perform in the future. I can talk about it next time. " People can only do one thing at a time, and only by grasping the key points can they become real talents.

5. Parrot A person went to buy a parrot and saw a parrot's doorplate saying: This parrot can speak two languages, and the price is 200 yuan. In front of another parrot, it was written: This parrot can speak four languages, and the price is 400 yuan. Which one should I buy? Both are shiny, very flexible and lovely. The man turned and couldn't make up his mind. Suddenly I found a parrot with a tooth missing. Its coat color is dim and messy, and its price is 800 yuan. The man quickly called the boss: Can this parrot speak eight languages? The shopkeeper said, no, this person is very strange: then why is it so old, so ugly and so incompetent that it is worth this number? The shopkeeper replied: because the other two parrots call this parrot boss.

This story tells us that the real * * * does not necessarily have strong ability. As long as you know how to trust, authorize and cherish, you can unite forces stronger than yourself and enhance your value. On the contrary, many people who are very capable are too perfectionist and hands-on, and no one can match themselves. In the end, they can only be the best researchers and sales representatives, but not the best.

6. Once upon a time, people from a small country came to China to pay tribute to three identical gold people. The splendor of the golden wall made the emperor very happy. However, the people of this small country are not kind, and at the same time, a question arises: who is the most valuable of these three gold people? The emperor thought of many ways to ask the jeweler to check, weigh and watch the work, all of which were exactly the same.

What shall we do? The messenger is still waiting for a return. A vast country, you don't even understand this little thing? Finally, an old minister who abdicated said that he had an idea. The emperor invited the emissary to the main hall, and the old minister confidently took three straws and inserted them into the ear of the first gold man. The straw came out of the other ear. The straw of the second gold man fell out directly from his mouth, and the straw of the third gold man fell into his stomach without any noise. The old minister said: the third gold man is the most valuable! The messenger was silent and the answer was correct.

This story tells us that the most valuable person is not necessarily the most talkative person. God gave us two ears and one mouth, which was supposed to make us listen more and talk less. Being good at listening is the most basic quality of a mature person.

Get rid of your own smell!

A pigeon has been flying.

It feels that every time it lives in its new nest for a short time, there is a strong strange smell that makes it breathless and has to keep moving.

It was very upset, so it complained to an experienced old pigeon.

The old pigeon said, "it's no use moving so many times, because the strange smell that bothers you doesn't come from the nest, but from yourself."

Fable revelation: incompatible with the team, the problem comes from yourself!

Some people will constantly complain about other people's shortcomings and accuse others of their shortcomings. They feel that the environment and people around them are against them everywhere. Or think that they are "high and low", and ordinary people can't understand their rich and profound thoughts. In fact, they don't realize that the real problem is not from around them, but from themselves.

People like this must try to recognize themselves and reflect on themselves seriously and deeply.

And there is no need for an organization to regret losing such a "pigeon".

More and more research shows that leadership ability is not innate, and people can acquire this ability through acquired efforts. Therefore, if a leader wants to change employees successfully, he must first change his own leadership characteristics.

For leaders, excellent management skills are still necessary. Leaders have this kind of management ability, not to control and direct employees, but to support and help employees' development and growth.

In this era of unpredictable global competition, companies should not strive for "advanced" management methods and means, but should look far and lock in the talents and enthusiasm of employees. This is an inexhaustible wealth for companies, and companies must find appropriate ways to release them. The only way to achieve this goal is to change management from controlling employees to believing in their potential and stimulating their enthusiasm.

7. Resignation A said to B, "I want to leave this company. I hate this company! " B suggestion: "I raise my hands in favor of your revenge!" " ! This broken company must give it some color to see see. But now is not the best time for you to leave. "Ask why? B said, "If you leave now, the company will not lose much. You should take advantage of the opportunity in the company, try your best to attract some customers for yourself, become a unique figure in the company, and then suddenly leave the company with some customers. The company will suffer heavy losses and be very passive. "A think what B said is very reasonable. So he worked hard and got what he wanted. After more than half a year's efforts, he has many loyal customers. When we meet again, B asks A: It's time to jump, so hurry up! A smiled indifferently: the boss talked to me for a long time and was going to promote me to be the assistant to the general manager. I have no plans to leave for the time being.

In fact, this is also the original intention of B. A person's job is always just for his resume. Only by paying more than you get, and letting the boss really see that your ability is greater than your position, will you be given more opportunities and create more profits for him.

8. Choose three people and put them in prison for three years. The warden gives each of them a request. Americans love to smoke cigars and asked for three boxes of cigars. The French are the most romantic and want to be accompanied by beautiful women. The Jew said he wanted a telephone to communicate with the outside world. Three years later, the first person who rushed out was an American, with a cigar in his mouth and shouting, "Give me a fire, give me a fire!" " "It turned out that he forgot to make a fire. Then the French came. I saw a child in his hand, a beautiful woman holding a child in her hand and a third one in her belly. Finally, the Jews came out. He held the warden's hand tightly and said, "I have been in contact with the outside world every day for three years." My business has not stopped, but has increased by 200%. To express my gratitude, I want to send you an old Schleswig! "

This story tells us that what kind of choice determines what kind of life. Today's life is determined by our choices three years ago, and today's choices will determine our life three years later. We should choose to get in touch with the latest information and understand the latest trends, so as to create our own future better.

9. Tiger Two people met a big tiger in the forest. A quickly took off a pair of lighter sports shoes from the back and put them on. B was so anxious that he scolded, "What are you doing? Changing shoes can't beat the tiger! " A said, "I just want to run faster than you." 2 1 century, no sense of crisis is the biggest crisis. Especially after China's entry into WTO, telecommunications, banking, insurance and even civil servants, which we think are very stable and secure, will also face many variables. When more tigers come, are we ready for running shoes?

10, a scholar went to Beijing for the third time to catch the exam and lived in a shop where he often lived. Two days before the exam, he had three dreams. The first dream is that he grows cabbage on the wall. The second dream is that it is raining. He is wearing a hat and an umbrella. The third dream is that he is lying naked with his beloved cousin, but his back is to his back. These three dreams seem to have some profound meanings, so the scholar hurried to find fortune-telling dreams the next day. Hearing this, the fortune teller patted his thigh continuously and said, "You'd better go home. Think about it, isn't it futile to grow vegetables on high walls? Isn't it unnecessary to wear a hat and an umbrella? Isn't it impossible to lie naked in a bed with my cousin, but back to back? " Hearing this, the scholar was disheartened and went back to the store to pack his bags and prepare to go home. The shopkeeper was surprised and asked, "Isn't there an exam tomorrow? How did you go back to your hometown today? " When the scholar said this, the shopkeeper was happy: "Hey, I can interpret dreams, too. I think you must stay this time. Think about it, isn't it high to grow vegetables on the wall? Doesn't wearing a hat and an umbrella mean that you are prepared this time? Lying naked in bed with your cousin doesn't mean you should turn over? " Hearing this, the scholar made more sense, so he took the exam happily and got a flower exploration.

Positive people, like the sun, shine wherever they shine, while negative people, like the moon, are different on the fifteenth day of the first month. Ideas determine our lives. What kind of ideas, what kind of future.

1 1. The little camel in the camel zoo asked his mother, "Mom, why are our eyelashes so long?"

Mother camel said, "When a sandstorm comes, long eyelashes can make us all see clearly in the storm." The little camel asked again, "Mom, why are our backs so camel and ugly!" " "Mother camel said," This is called hump. It can help us to store a lot of water and nutrients, so that we can endure it for more than ten days without drinking water or eating in the desert. The little camel asked again, "Mom, why are our soles so thick?" "Mother camel said," This can prevent our heavy bodies from sinking into soft sand and facilitate long-distance travel. The little camel was very happy: "Wow, we are really useful! " ! But mom, why are we still in the zoo and not hiking in the desert? "

I was born useful, but no one uses it now. Good mentality+successful teaching materials+infinite stage = success.

Everyone's potential is unlimited, and the key is to find a stage where they can give full play to their potential.

12, porridge Seven people once lived together and shared a big bucket of porridge every day. Sadly, there is not enough porridge to eat every day.

At first, they drew lots to decide who would share the porridge, one serving a day. So every week, they are full only one day, that is, the day of porridge sharing. Later, they began to elect a noble person to share the porridge. Power will lead to corruption, and everyone began to try their best to please and bribe him, making the whole clique filled with smoke. Then everyone began to form a three-person porridge Committee and a four-person selection Committee, but they often attacked each other and quarreled constantly, and the porridge was all cold in their mouths. Finally, I came up with a method: divide the porridge in turn, but the people who divide the porridge have to wait for everyone else to pick up the last bowl left. In order not to eat the least, everyone tries to distribute it equally, even if it is uneven, you can only admit it. Everyone is happy and kind, and life is getting better and better.

The same seven people, different distribution systems, will have different ethos. Therefore, if a unit has bad work habits, it must be a mechanism problem, and it must not be completely fair and open, and there is no strict reward for diligence and punishment for laziness. How to formulate such a system is a problem that every leader needs to consider.