Painful joke

1. Every time I find the key to success, they change the lock.

Two little boys stood at the door of the household registration office and looked curiously at a couple who had just registered for marriage.

A little boy said, "shall we scare them?"

"Another said," good! "

So the idiot ran in and shouted at the groom, "Dad!" " "

3. Huaguo Mountain collapsed. Tang Priest asked: How many monkeys died? Wukong: All 26 caves were flooded. Tang Priest asked: How many monkeys died? Wukong: Only 5,000 peach trees were flooded. Tang Priest: How many monkeys died? Wukong: The live monkey has been safely transferred. Tang Priest was anxious: Tell me clearly, how many monkeys died? … Wukong is busy wiping away tears: 16 The leader is organizing the rescue quickly, immediately, orderly, decisively and fully …

4. One day, engineering male's cell phone rang, and when he saw it was an old classmate who was a civil servant, he answered it immediately. The other end of the phone: "Hey, old classmate, I found a project for you. Do you want to do it? " The businessman was suddenly very excited: "What project, do you want to collect money?" At the other end of the phone: "Good collection, on-site settlement." The businessman was ecstatic: "What project? I'll be right there. "

The other end of the phone said, "Building the Great Wall requires three things and one thing." ...

5. A: "I think we should also spread our minds and create a Guinness Book of Records or something."

B: "good proposal"

A: "I cut down a tree and sharpened both ends to apply for the world's largest toothpick record."

B: "Can you say something practical?"

A: "I will dig a hole in the ground, fill it with water and apply for the smallest lake in the world."

B: "Then I'll dig three holes in the ground and stretch out three fingers to apply for the world's largest bowling ball."

6. One day, tofu wandered in the street and met with vinegar. Tofu quipped, "What a sour taste! Did you stir up other people's feelings again? "

When vinegar gets angry, mix tofu!

I remember when I was in college, I lived on the fourth floor.

Someone spilled dirty water upstairs ... Theo! I have a computer desk.

I wanted to go up and settle accounts with him at that time.

Just walked to the door, my brother had a brainwave and filled a bucket with water.

Fall down along the wall and hear screams below. 65438+ floors 0, 2 and 3 all appeared. ...

Then, I organized them to hit the guy on the fifth floor. ...

8. Some people say that science girls, no matter how ladylike they are, will reveal their identity as soon as they go to work, and habitually comb their hair up to their foreheads to expose their big foreheads. Because CPU needs good heat dissipation when running at high speed. ................

9. I often see parents and children quarreling in TV dramas. When they quarreled too much, their parents slapped them in the face.

Then when you are beaten, you will bury your face in disbelief and say, "Did you hit me? You actually hit me? "

Parents then stood by and looked at their hands strangely!

How bloody is this? Who was never beaten by his parents when he was a child?

How dare you say, "Did you hit me?" You really hit me? "spanking with cigarettes, hitting your face with flowers!

10. The exam is not allowed to be handed in in advance. When I took the math exam, I finished it more than half an hour in advance. I had nothing to do, so I wrote a note on the draft paper. "Idiot, you took so much trouble to open it and thought it was the answer?" Then I wrapped it in paper layer by layer, but I forgot how much. The invigilator saw it and came to see that I had finished it. I thought I gave it to someone else, so I put it away with the paper, opened it layer by layer on the podium, and finally his eyes ... I will never forget it. ...

1 1. Drinking yogurt often breaks the straw and can't be inserted?

Here's a trick: calmly take out the straw, and it's best to play with it in your hand for a while. Don't look at yogurt with your eyes, pretend as if nothing has happened, and then poke it while it is not paying attention!

12. Eat durian in the room at night, and my father shouted natural gas leakage in the living room, run! My mother said, bullshit! It is obviously smelly feet, the induction cooker used at home, where is the natural gas! Then I scolded my father for not paying attention to anything, and then my father and mother began to argue about their smelly feet until I chose a name that I shouldn't listen to my grandfather and buy me a bike when I was in junior high school. Later, my mother started looking for a hukou marriage certificate. When she opened my door and asked me who they divorced, my durian was discovered and I suffered the most painful mixed doubles beating in my life. I just bought a durian to eat, which is none of my business!