Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - I want to collect some humorous jokes and riddles, but they must be new and I don't want to copy them! Please help!

I want to collect some humorous jokes and riddles, but they must be new and I don't want to copy them! Please help!

1. A gecko got lost in front of a securities company when a crocodile just climbed up to eat it. In desperation, the little gecko hugged the crocodile's leg and shouted, "Mom!" " Crocodile is stupefied, immediately burst into tears: "Son, you've just been trading stocks for half a month and you're so thin?" ! "

After working in the company, several computers get together to fight the landlord, and the water dispenser also plays. He loses every time, but he still insists on taking part every day. The sofa didn't understand, so she asked the chair, "The water dispenser is lost every day. Why are you still playing so hard? " ? The chairman said, "Are you out of your mind to ask such a question?

There are five eggs in the refrigerator. The first said to the second: Hey ~ Look ~ The fifth egg has Mao Mao ~ ~ It's terrible ~! The second said to the third: Hey ~ Look ~ The fifth egg has Mao Mao ~ ~ It's terrible, it's terrible ~! The third said to the fourth: Hey ~ Look ~ The fifth egg has Mao Mao ... The fifth egg heard it: get out ~! Lao zi is kiwi fruit ~! ! !

8. A man passed by a wheat field and found a cow without horns. He asked the farmer, "Why doesn't this cow have horns?" The farmer said, "Cows have no horns for many reasons. Some are hereditary, some are sick and fall off, and some are lost because of long horns with other cows. This cow has no horns, that's because it is a donkey. "

9. A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp. Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. " Man: "I want a wife ..." The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then disdained to say: "I am starving and covet beauty! Pathetic! " Then he disappeared. Man: "... cake."

4~ a leader gives a report: now that men and women are equal, lesbians stand up ... all lesbians present stand up and wait for instructions. The leader turned a page and read: Yes.

The reporter interviewed an official of the Bureau of Statistics: "There are rumors in the society that you can't read numbers. What do you think of this? " The official shrugged his shoulders, held out three fingers and said, "Give them five words-nonsense!"

5~ A woman took her dog to get a haircut. When she was told that she wanted $40, she was shocked: I only need $9 for a haircut! The barber immediately replied, that's because you don't bite!

~2, a biology professor often sees two turtles by the river, shrinking and motionless. One day, the professor couldn't help but be curious and asked an old farmer: What are these two turtles doing? 00 old farmer said: They are in PK. 00 professor puzzled and asked: I didn't move P what K? The old farmer said: Who do they live longer than? 00 Professor said: But the one with Oracle Bone Inscriptions on its shell is long dead. At this moment, another tortoise suddenly poked its head out and scolded: Damn, you don't say anything when you are dead!

1, a little boy came home from school and saw a woman lying in bed rubbing her chest and shouting, I want a man, I want a man!

The next day, the little boy went out of the window and found a man lying on the woman.

So the little boy came home, lay in bed, rubbed his chest crazily and shouted, I want a bike, I want a bike!

33, watching CCTV's "Jianbao" program, the hostess said: This gentleman sitting in the first row, please show your baby to everyone!

38. Why do boys have a lot of GF to envy and girls have a lot of BF to despise? Because just like a key can open many locks, it is called a master key, and a lock can be opened by many keys, which shows that there is something wrong with this lock.

40, (super classic) 5 children share a cake, only allowed to cut three knives, how to divide it equally? Answer: Cut a child to death with one knife, and then cut the cake into four parts with two knives. . .

43. In biology class, the teacher asked: How can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? Answer: Give it a fart to smell. Is the hand will cover your nose, and the rest is your feet. The whole class fell down.

1, three rabbits poop

0000 first is just a long strip.

0000 seconds is just a ball.

0000 The third one is actually a triangle.

0000 asked, and it replied: I pinched it with my hand.

002, the child asked his mother: "How to make sentences with ABCDEFG?" Mom: "A! Is this child B from the C family? Standing barefoot on D, EF is not wearing, and little GG is still exposed!

I used to have schizophrenia, but now we have recovered.

Boss, our company has G ay00.

00 male employee: Boss, our company has GA Y.

00 Boss: Ah! who is it?

00 male shop assistant: Give me a hug and I'll tell you.

005. On the Da Vinci code, there is a Da Vinci account number.

Do you know what's under the da Vinci code?

00 is the Da Vinci verification code.

You got it?

00 can you stand on your head?

A: I never say it twice.

00B: What?

I never say it again.

008. The white rabbit met the wolf.

The white rabbit said, "Wolf, Wolf, you asked me if I was a white rabbit."

00, please, please! ! ! !

The wolf said, are you a white rabbit?

00, the white rabbit is very happy. Yes, yes, I am! ! !

00 and then

The white rabbit said to the wolf, you asked me if I was a giraffe.

00, please, please! ! ! !

00, the wolf is helpless. All right. . . that . . Are you a giraffe?

The white rabbit slapped him on the back of the head, you idiot!

00, I told you I was a white rabbit! ! !

009. Once upon a time, Apple and Pear were good friends. Later, Apple moved, and they returned to this place after dating for ten years.

Ten years later, the apple returned to this place, but after a long time, the pear did not appear, and the apple waited and waited.

00,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

00, turned into plasma.

00 10, playing cs, I saw a glasses robber walking straight with "5 1", and there was a line below-

0000 "I am a hospital, come with me! ! ! "

00 1 1. One day, the toothpick was walking and found his shoelace untied, so he bent down to tie it and broke his waist.

00 12. Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.

00 squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat.

The man said, well, let me ask you a few questions.

00 squid happily said: you test, you test!

00, and then the man roasted the squid. ..

00 13, one day Xiao Qiang came home crying and said, "mom, mom, my classmates at school all say my head is a kite."

00, and then my mother said, "How come? Won't it? Come and run with me. "

00 14 The teacher played a Beethoven in the music class.

00 Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"

00 floret: "Yes"

00 Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"

00 Xiaohua: "Piano."

00 15, one day there was a mother-in-law in the car …

00, my mother-in-law doesn't know the way ...

00 mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this?

00 driver: This is my ass ... ..

00 16, a blind beggar was begging in the street wearing sunglasses.

00, a drunk came up and felt sorry for him, so he threw him a hundred dollars.

00, when the drunk turned around, he happened to see the blind man with his back to the sun to distinguish the authenticity of the hundred yuan copy.

00 drunkard came over and took back the money and said, "You fucking don't want to live, how dare you lie to me!" "

The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said, "Brother, I'm really sorry. I'm looking for a friend. He was blind and went to the toilet. In fact, I am dumb. "

"Oh, I see," so the drunk dropped his money and staggered away again. ...

00 17 I just saw something like a news scroll bar on the top of my senior's computer screen, and the words on it passed quickly.

00 I asked curiously: Is this the lyrics?

00 Senior: Yes!

00 Senior: How did it pass so fast? I didn't even see it clearly!

00 Senior: From Jay Chou! !

00 18, wife: I really stepped on shit before I married you.

Husband: I was really blind and stepped on shit before I married you.

00 shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you both stepped on it. ......

00 19, college entrance examination chemistry questions: A and B can be transformed into each other, B can generate C in boiling water, C can be oxidized into D in air, and D smells like rotten eggs. What are a, b, c and d?

I replied: A is a chicken, B is a raw egg, C is a cooked egg, and D is of course a rotten egg!

0020. What has three heads and one foot?

00 Answer: Three monsters with one head and one foot! ! ! ! ! !