My wife is angry, funny jokes and jokes.

1, angered my wife, all kinds of flattery, she just ignored me and struck the table: Can you stop treating me like air?

She glanced at me: yes, you are the air, the air I can't breathe, commonly known as fart. . .

2, burned a pot of water, there is no place to put half a pot.

I said to my husband, why don't you wash your hair?

Husband stood up slowly and said slowly: fortunately, the rest is not half a pot of rice!

3. Wife: Why are you so glum?

Me: I won the competition with others today.

Wife: There are those who are still unhappy after winning. Oh, uglier than that.

Me. . . Ni Mei. . .

4. Wife: Do you have nail clippers? He has a thorn in his hand.

I said no nail clippers. .

Wife: You don't even look at the bones. I care about nail clippers. . .

5. Husband: Do you have another man?

Wife: Yes. . . be

Husband: How old is he? What's delicious!

Wife: I'm afraid you feel inferior. His skin is white and beautiful. I fell in love at first sight. Most importantly, if I don't agree with him, he just kicks and punches, which is not as challenging as you. I like such a wild man!

Then I turned to my three-year-old son and said, son, right?

1, wife: "Husband, someone said I was ugly today!"

Husband: "Generally speaking, when a man says you are ugly, it means you are ok, and when he says you are beautiful, it means you are really beautiful."

Wife: Nonsense, what will you men say when you meet a really ugly woman? "

Husband: "We don't talk to such women."

Before going to bed at night, my husband said to me with a whip and a candle: Wife, let's play something exciting at night.

I nodded embarrassedly, and then the goods gave me a whip to put out the candle all night. . .

3. "Daughter-in-law, how do you feel about me and you?"

"It's like a bus."

"You mean how am I?"

"No, I want you to forget to go in, it's empty!"

4. Wife: "Husband, you look handsome and capable. Why did you marry me in the first place? I am so stupid? "

Husband: "Because you are stupid and cute!" " "

Wife: "Still so fat!"

Husband: "Fat and rich!"

Wife: "Husband, that's very kind of you."

My husband wants to kill me without telling you. The fortune teller told me that if I don't marry you, I won't live to be thirty.

My wife thinks, I won't tell you if I fucking kill myself. At that time, the fortune teller was my second uncle who was most afraid that I wouldn't marry.

5. My wife and best friend come to my house to eat hot pot.

Seeing her coming alone, I asked her why she didn't invite her husband.

She said that they quarreled when they went out, and her husband was angry and didn't come.

I smiled and said, "Oh, just go back and coax him. It is inevitable that two people will get along with each other day and night. Let's talk about it . . "

Before I finished, she interrupted me with a wave of her hand, gave me a contemptuous look and said, "Nothing, I'll go back and beat him after I finish eating."

Really my wife's best friend. It's true that birds of a feather flock together.