A true joke

1 I am in a good mood today. Let me tell you a story. The beginning is horrible, the middle is funny and the end is sad. do you want to hear it ? I told you, once upon a time there was a ghost who farted and died! ~ ~ ~ 2. A young woman coaxed her child to sleep with your grandfather at night, and the child didn't want to leave. The young woman said, I can go without you. Grandpa said in a positive tone: educate children to be honest. You can't fool children and old people at the same time. 4. The breeze blows, the spring is warm in March, the grass grows in the south of the Yangtze River, the water in the north of the Yangtze River is hot, the plum blossoms outside the ridge are fragrant, and the willows are soft. It's time to go for an outing ... actually, what I want to say is ... when will you invite me to dinner? A hen laid a huge egg, and a reporter came to interview. The hen was shy and silent, so she had to interview the rooster. The cock rolled up his sleeves. I won't comment on this matter at present, until I catch the ostrich! 7. A dog went to the mountains to start a business. The farmer gave it a sickle and the carpenter gave it a hammer. The dog came to the mountains and met a tiger. He was so scared that he raised his sickle and hammer. The tiger giggled: Yo, he's still an X-Men! 8. I miss you I miss you! I always think about it day and night! Sitting in the toilet still thinking! Miss you! Miss you! I just can't remember who you are! ... call me back, okay? 9. The difference between falling from the 20th floor and falling from the 2nd floor (note: the sound effect is different) 20th floor: ah ah ah ah ah ~ ~ pa! 2nd floor: Bang! Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ~ ~ ~ ~10. Proverbs of life: it is not necessarily a prince riding a white horse, he may be a Tang priest; The one with wings is not necessarily an angel, he may be a bird man; Stand tall and pee far; Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let others find it! 1 1. ridicule: after watching more than n movies, I finally understand how movies are graded. Ordinary level: a good man gets the heroine; Counseling level: the bad guys get the heroine; Restricted level: everyone gets the heroine. 12. Tell you a beautiful love story. The hero and heroine have to turn their backs on their beliefs and bear the ruthless eyes of the world before they can come together. There is only one sentence in the story: teacher, just follow the old woman! 13. The wife is a TV and the lover is a mobile phone; Watch TV at home and bring your mobile phone when you go out; Sell TV in bankruptcy and get rich with mobile phones; Watch TV occasionally and play mobile phone all day; There is no charge for TV for life, and the mobile phone will stop when it is in arrears. 14. Bajie was snuggling up to the Goddess Chang'e flying to the moon when he suddenly saw a man hiding in a tin can and flying by. Chang 'e exclaimed, someone is peeking at our privacy! The pig asked: Is it from Gao Laozhuang? Chang 'e A: Fortunately, it's Yang Liwei ~ ~ 15. The squid was caught by a hunter and begged not to roast it. The hunter said, well, let's torture you a few questions. Squid said happily: Great, copy! So the hunter roasted it ... 16. Someone went to the hospital and said he couldn't see things in the distance. The doctor pulled him out, pointed to the sun and asked what it was. The patient answered the sun. Doctor: How far do you want to see? One night, the village chief was drunk. He went home in a daze and accidentally got into the pigsty. He lay down beside the sow and said, "Wife, bring me a glass of water!"! "The sow hummed twice. The village chief said, "If you don't fail, you won't fail. Don't be arrogant! "Say that finish, I casually touched:" Shit, I bought inferior leather clothes again. And fucking paid double-breasted \" 18. The dog said to the bear, Marry me, and you will be happy. The bear said, I won't marry you. Marrying you will only give birth to a bear. I will marry a cat and have a panda. How noble!