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1, I said to keep a low profile. But you have to help me.

A thief sneaked into a heavily guarded place in the middle of the night. After opening the vault with great difficulty, he found it was full of jelly. The tired and hungry thief ate all the jelly in a rage and left. The headline of the local newspaper the next day was: "Shocked! Sperm bank was stolen crazily.

The furthest distance in the world is: we go out together, you buy four generations of apples and I buy four bags of apples.

4. A man happened to meet Xifeng. After a long hesitation, he asked in a low voice, "May I take a photo with you?" Jie feng shouted, "No, I won't sleep with you!" All eyes were on the two men, and the man replied awkwardly. After a while, Xifeng came over and whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm studying psychology recently, just to test people's reactions in embarrassing situations." The man shouted, "Thirty dollars? Too expensive! "

5. Two friends haven't seen each other for a long time, and they have dinner together to eat jiaozi. Sam suddenly asked Han Di: Do you know what gender jiaozi is? Cold brother a face of doubt, eat jiaozi for so many years, don't jiaozi is both men and women. Hehe, it's silly, it's a man, and Jiaozi has a foreskin.

6. A three-year-old boy took the hand of a three-year-old girl and said, "I love you." The little girl said, "Can you be responsible for my future?" The little boy said, "Of course, we are not one or two years old!" "

7. The butterfly said to the bee, You are so stingy. You are full of sweet words, but you can't bear to give me a word. The bee said: Hum! Still talking about me, why didn't you text me with two antennas on your head?

In other words, that classmate was in primary school at that time. On the eve of the final exam. In the evening, he heard his parents discussing what to make him breakfast tomorrow morning. His mother said, why don't you make fried dough sticks and eggs? One fried dough stick and two eggs are a hundred points. After a silence, his father said that his scores in so many exams were not enough. Why not give him instant noodles to eat that "unification"

9. Parrot's reaction: There is a parrot hanging in front of a restaurant. When the guests arrived, he said, "Hello, welcome! A regular customer thought, "I'll go in quickly and see how you react." One day, he ran in and the parrot said, "Damn it! You scared me! ! !

10, when I was 18, she saw my mobile phone: "Brother-in-law, your mobile phone is good!" So her sister gave her the phone. /kloc-at the age of 0/8, she saw my notebook again: "Brother-in-law, your notebook is good!" "So her sister gave her the notebook. She is twenty years old and has grown into a beautiful girl. She looked at me shyly and said, "Brother-in-law, you are fine. "I'm waiting for her sister to talk. ...

1 1. The leader's son loves to lie. The leader bought a polygraph and one day his son came home late. Father: Where have you been? Say: the library reads books. The robot took a picture. Son: I went to my classmate's house to watch it. Father: How dare you? I haven't seen it before. The robot slapped his father. Mother thundered, You deserve to be so strict with your son. After all, he is your own. Bang! The robot gave her mother another big slap!

12. On the plane, an old father couldn't help looking at the stewardess a few more times. His daughter, who is only 18 years old, asked, "What are you looking at? Do you find it interesting? Why did you do this when my mother was away? " Father blushed: "eat quickly and cut the crap, or I won't take you out in the future!" " "Daughter muttered," I don't understand, my daughter is my father's lover in a previous life. How did I like you in my last life? "

13, I received a text message today: "From today on, my wife will start sleeping with someone else's husband. I have to wait happily for washing, changing clothes and taking a bath, and I have to ask him to take a gun." I can't understand it after reading it. How can there be such a cheap person! Later, when I saw the sender, Ray fell down on the spot ... It turned out that a friend gave birth to a son! There is such good news!

14, a company recruited female secretaries and hired psychologists as staff. The question is how much is+? The first answer is equal to; The second answer is equal to; The third answer is equal to or equal to; The psychologist said: "The first woman is practical but conservative; The second is fantasy; The third one is the most suitable. " Then ask the general manager how to decide. The general manager thought for a moment and said, "It's better to wear tights."

15, at the party, someone introduced me to a new friend, saying that he became a millionaire by speculating in stocks. Wow! Awesome! Admire you! I sat next to him and quietly asked him to teach me the secret. He said to me blankly, "Actually, there is no secret ... I used to be a multimillionaire."

Husband: Honey, I'm going to invite a colleague to dinner tomorrow night. Wife: What? ! Are you out of your mind? The house hasn't been cleaned for a long time, and I haven't been to the supermarket for a long time. I haven't washed 30 dishes at home, and I don't want to cook anything decent in the kitchen! Husband: I know, dear. Wife: Then why did you invite your colleagues to dinner? Husband: Because that silly boy is full of thoughts of getting married.

17, teacher: "The straight line between two points is the shortest", this axiom does not need to be proved, and everyone admits that it is universally applicable ~ "Learn together:" Can that be proved? "Teacher:" You have to prove it. You put a bone outside the rice and then let the dog go. It must run straight to the bone, without turning or detouring. Dogs know this truth, what else do they need to prove? "

18, the manager is talking to a beautiful girl: "Sorry, swimming is forbidden here …" Then why didn't you tell me before I undressed? ""We didn't forbid taking off our clothes. "

19, Xiaomei wrote down her wish when she grew up in her composition book: I hope to have a lovely child; I also hope to have a husband who loves me. It turns out that the teacher wrote a comment: "Please pay attention to the order."

20. Who do you think is the most influential physicist? I wrote Newton. As a result, I was the only one in the class who failed. Originally, everyone wrote the name of the tutor ......................................................................................................................................................................

2 1, use "either ... or ..." to make a sentence. Xiaoming: Popsicle is fifty cents! Also ... or.

22. Recently, my wife tried her best to make me quit smoking. I went to work for a meeting today. During the break, I took out my cigarettes and gave them to the big boss and the second boss. The boss held out his hand. I opened the cigarette case and sprinkled a handful of melon seeds. I was ... I was shocked.