1000 points to collect interesting or funny stories in real life.

My father asked me what kind of life I wanted.

I answered money and beauty, and my father punched me in the face;

I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively.

—— Excerpted from Lai Bao's diary, May 65438+ 2007.

Sweet lotus, clear water and cool wind, water and cool wind, long summer, long summer, cool wind and water, cool wind and green lotus fragrance.

-Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary on September 9th.

I am in a bad mood today. I only have four words to say? Including this sentence and the first two sentences. I finished ...

-Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary on June 9.

To deal with a vicious person, you must be more vicious than him; Dealing with a despicable person is more despicable than him;

When dealing with a handsome person, you must be more handsome than him; To deal with a handsome man, you must ... ruin his face!

-Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary on July 23rd.

The lesson I learned from my last love is: don't find a girl who likes spicy food as a girlfriend.

Every time I invite her to eat spicy hot pot, when we make out together, I will painfully think of a song: "Burning!" ! Firebird.

-Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary on May 23rd.

My principle is: if people don't attack me, I won't attack; If someone attacks me, I will be angry!

-Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary on May 23rd.

When I suddenly remembered the university, the teacher wrote a couplet: the country and the people are strong, the family and the country are strong, and the country and the people are strong.

Class Committee's couplet: the sky is magnificent, the earth is magnificent, and the world is magnificent!

Then I was kicked out of the classroom. ...

Because my bottom line is: fuck you, fuck you!

-Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary on May 23rd.

Phoenix rebirth is nirvana, pheasant rebirth is corpse change.

—— Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary, July 1 1.

In life, you can't hang yourself on a tree, but try to die several times on several nearby trees.

—— Excerpted from Lai Bao's diary,/kloc-June 0/8.

I just found out that the way to attract a man is to make him not get it; The way to attract a woman is just the opposite, that is, to let her.

Always satisfied.

-Lai Baogang from September 8.

The unfairness of this world lies in:

God said: I want light! -So one day.

The beauty said: I want to quit! So she bought a diamond ring.

The rich man said: I want a woman! -So he has a woman.

I said: I want to take a shower! -actually stopped water!

-Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary on May 8th.

After dinner, I smoked on the balcony and enjoyed it. Suddenly, I saw a flash in the night sky. I was excited: a meteor! what

Is to make a wish right away ...

I made six or seven wishes, opened my eyes, finished smoking and threw it out of the balcony. Suddenly I heard a girl's voice downstairs:

"wow! Meteor! Make a wish ... "

-Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary on March 22nd.

I remember one day shortly after graduation, my girlfriend sent me a short message: "Let's break up!

Before I could feel sad, my girlfriend sent another message: "Sorry, I sent it wrong."

This can be very sad. ...

—— Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary, August 15.

Living alone, people can only waste; Wives and concubines in groups make people know how to be frugal. But now, I yearn for it all day in waste.

Thrift.

—— Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary, May 10.

My dream life: I sleep until I wake up naturally and count my money until my hand cramps.

My real life: count the money until I wake up naturally and sleep until my hands cramp. ...

-Excerpted from Lai Bao's diary, March 65, 2008, 438+08.

After breaking up with my girlfriend, I finally understood that happiness should be in my own hands, not in others' mouths!

-Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary on July 9.

Reading today, I was depressed to see that Emperor Kangxi became the king of a country at the age of twenty-three.

But when I saw that the Tongzhi emperor was 23 years old and had died for four years, my heart was balanced.

—— Excerpted from Lai Bao's diary 165438+ 10/month1.

I once liked a girl and confessed. The girl asked me why I liked her, and I said, if you were me, you would like it, too.

Fuck yourself;

Later, she turned me down. I am sad. She doesn't know me. I told her: If I were you, I would have liked it.

I'm alone!

-Excerpted from Lai Bao's Diary 65438+February 9,

The liquor in the restaurant was watered again today! Shit! When I have money, I will also go to the grand hotel to drink remy martin and XO! and

Never let them fool me with 1986 and 1972. Come to this year's bottle if you want!

—— Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary, September 12)

Men, the upper body is self-cultivation, the lower body is the essence; Women, the upper body is the bait, and the lower body is the trap.

—— Excerpted from Lai Bao's diary on September 10.

Being single is very painful. Being single for a long time is more painful. I saw a sow the other day, and everyone thought it had good eyes. ...

-Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary on June 22nd.

There are two kinds of men, one is lewd and the other is very lewd;

There are two kinds of people, one is pretending to be pure, and the other is pretending to be impure.

—— Excerpted from Lai Bao's Diary 65438+ 10/9.

On Valentine's Day, I found the phone number of a girl I secretly loved in middle school and sent her a short message:

If there is only one bowl of porridge, you drink half a bowl first, and I will put the remaining half bowl in my arms to keep you warm. ...

A few minutes later, she replied with a short message: Who introduced you? 400 at a time and 700 at a night.

—— Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary, February, 2004 14.

I am in a bad mood today. Last night's short message let me know that the girl I have a crush on has fallen, and even told me once.

Celebrity ...)

At that time, I was very sad and searched my wallet sadly:

So I'm even sadder. I don't even have the capital to fall with her once. ...

—— Excerpted from Lai Bao's Diary, February 2005 15.

If life can be like a movie, I will definitely edit it once and cut the jokes of my childhood school into subtitles.

Cut the part of starting a business in youth into close-ups and do it for middle-aged and elderly people. -& gt； Love fragments, cut into the whole story ...

—— Excerpted from Lai Bao's diary 65438+1October 28th.

Today, I made an appointment with a female netizen named "Miss Sister". The code word is to look around the dating place with a rose.

When I saw a woman holding a rose, I looked up and ran away. At night, I went online and asked her: How did your mother come to meet you? ……

From then on, I quietly lay on her blacklist.

—— Excerpted from Lai Bao's diary 65438+1October 28th.

I really don't understand that girls buy a lot of beautiful clothes just to attract boys' attention, but what boys want to see,

But a naked girl.

—— Excerpted from Lai Bao's Diary 65438+February 3 1

Generally speaking, it is only a wish to live a hundred years, but it is actually very simple for people to live to 100, that is, you have to grit your teeth and persevere.

1200 months ...

—— Excerpted from Lai Bao's diary, May 65438+ 2007.

Everyone is an angel falling from the sky, but some lands are intact, some lands land first, and some others.

To make matters worse, I rode directly on the railing when I fell. ...

—— Excerpted from Lai Bao's diary, 10 February.

I finally came back alive.

I just met a netizen who looks like a flower or a disfigured version of it. Can you imagine? ...

—— Excerpted from Lai Bao's diary, 10 February.

I like to leave my life to fate: I will flip a coin when I wake up in the morning and go back to sleep face up; such as

If I have a backache, I will lie in bed and watch TV. If the coin stands up after landing, I will get up and tidy up the house.

-Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary on February 22nd.

Maintaining life lies in exercise, and creating life also lies in exercise. The difference is-under the bed.

-from Lai Bao's diary, 10/d February! New Taiwan Dollar

I slowly discovered that people are goblins! Some goblins eat people, but people eat everything. If you catch a goblin, you might be able to burn it.

Baked!

—— Excerpted from Lai Bao's diary,/kloc-June 0/2.

When I was young, I always wanted to show my tough side, so I wanted to get a tattoo, but I didn't succeed.

The reason is: I have been hesitating whether to tattoo a crayon Shinchan or a One Piece Luffy.

—— Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary, March 1 1.

Men are lewd. A stronger one is called a pervert, a stronger one is called a pervert, and a stronger one is called a pervert, which is particularly strong.

He became abnormal and lustful to the extreme, and was called the human aesthetic artist. ;

—— Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary, March 1 1.

Don't go out in rainy days. Although rain is not poisonous, getting wet is a trivial matter, and gonorrhea is a major matter.

—— Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary, March 1 1.

I changed her from a girl to a woman; She changed me from a boy to ... a poor man.

—— Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary, March 1 1.

If happiness is a cloud, if pain is like a star.

Then my life is really cloudless and full of stars in Wan Li …

—— Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary, March 1 1.

When men say inner beauty, they mean inside the bra, not inside.

—— Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary: 3 rounds 1 1 day.

I have degenerated, and I can't swim until now. You know, before I was born, I was definitely the fastest swimmer …

—— Excerpt from Lai Bao's Diary, July 2 1 year.

People should learn to find some small pleasures by themselves, such as taking a look at those beautiful women on the street who don't belong to them and going to the bank.

Look at the bills that don't belong to you, look at the sports cars that don't belong to you at the auto show, and then find one on the street.

The beggar looked at it and told himself: Never mind, those were not his just now. ...

—— Excerpt from Lai Bao's Diary, July 2 1 year.

God gave me a pair of eyes to see the world of flowers; God gave me another pair of hands to earn.

Money; God gave me another mouth to curse God's injustice. ...

-Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary on June 20th.

No matter how high a woman stands, squatting can only wet the land under her feet; Men are amazing, stand higher and pee farther!

-Excerpt from Lai Bao's diary on June 20th.