Strange joke

Please tell a ghost story first and then a joke. Finally, a solemn and stirring old Chen Kai opened a jiaozi store. He is superstitious and closes the door every night 12. 12 for one night. A woman with white hair and white clothes, pale face, dull eyes and long teeth came to Mr. Chen and said, "Boss, a bowl of jiaozi." Lao Chen said, "No, I'm closed. Come back tomorrow. " The woman said, "No, I'm hungry. I want to eat now. " Mr. Chen was so frightened that he quickly cooked a bowl of jiaozi for the lady. Lao Chen kept urging the woman and said, "Hurry up." Suddenly, the woman looked up with blood in her mouth and said to Mr. Chen, "Hum, hurry up, I bit my tongue!" " "

Tell a ghost story (one word) to shadow the body.

This is a true story that happened in Kaohsiung County.

There is a family engaged in aquaculture. After his father died, he hired a Feng Shui master and buried his father in a corner near his fishing hole.

After a few years, life is as usual.

One year, as in previous years, the owner of the fishing hole raised the fry in the fishing hole next to his father's grave.

In the next few days, when feeding, everyone saw fish swimming in the water. ...

However, during the fishing season, when the net is caught ... Oh, my God! There is not a fish in the fish pond! Although the family felt a little strange, they didn't delve into it. Then two or three years later, the same thing happened.

In the third year, even more strangely, people at home began to die suddenly, one after another.

When the family began to feel uneasy, they looked for a Taoist priest to see the geomantic omen of Yang Zhai Yin Zhai. The Taoist priest came to the fish cave and asked if there was anything unusual in the fish cave. The master told the Taoist in detail that the fish in the pond would disappear for no reason.

The Taoist priest nodded, ordered people to fetch lime, and opened his father's grave. Unexpectedly, my father has been dead for so many years, and the body has not yet rotted. The Taoist priest immediately held some ceremonies and cremated the body.

Afterwards, the Taoist priest told his master that his father had become a "shadow corpse" because he absorbed the essence of fish, which would be bad for his family for a long time. Therefore, advise people who have the phenomenon of shadow corpse to deal with it as soon as possible!

Who can tell a ghost story about eating?

There is a creature in the world called pedophile, usually male, and now there is one sitting on the table.

Middle-aged, a little fat, if there is no grass growing on the busy roadside, he must be very smart. At least people will think that this man is smarter than the little girl licking ice cream next to him.

This man is very excited. He picked up the lovely little girl by the roadside, and some nasty thoughts began to shake before his eyes. The little girl doesn't know. She glared at innocent eyes, waiting for her good uncle to take her to dinner.

The man suggested eating Japanese food, and the little girl shook her head and said firmly that she would eat mala Tang. Mala Tang That place is usually crowded. The man thought for a moment, but looking at the little girl in front of him, there should be no danger. Will someone else be the father who takes his daughter to dinner?

The man took the little girl to eat mala Tang, which was less than 15 yuan, and served a table of dishes. The little girl showed amazing appetite and quickly eliminated two mala Tang, a bowl of hot and sour powder and a bowl of cold noodles. The man took back his slightly displaced chin and told himself that children who are still growing can have a good meal. When they were young, they could eat six bowls of noodles with slag sauce.

Walking out of the snack bar, the man felt it was time to take the little girl home. But before reaching the man's car, the little girl grabbed the man's skirt and stared at the barbecue stall not far away with eager eyes.

Men say that eating too much will make you fat, but the little girl in front of me doesn't seem to know how to lose weight.

The man also said that he would get sick if he ate too much, but the little girl's expression in front of her showed that she felt that she would get sick if she was not allowed to eat barbecue now.

The man finally refused resolutely, but the little girl in front of him pulled away and tried to cry, making him surrender quickly.

Half an hour later, the man paid the little girl 60 skewers of mutton, 5 squid, 3 chicken wings, 10 skewers of chicken hearts, and ... 4 baking cookies in the frightened eyes of other diners.

The little girl finally got on the bus honestly and played with the decorative dolls on the bus with satisfaction. The man started the car and began to feel that something was wrong with the little girl around him.

It's only 20 minutes from here to the man's house and 6 minutes on the road. The little girl excitedly asked to stop and eat cake on the roadside. He also said that he only had to eat five.

The man was sweating like a pig and seemed to see another unknown thing trembling under the innocent and lovely skin of the little girl. He stopped the car and took the little girl to the pie shop. In the little girl's happy eyes, he bought 10 pie stuffing. Then let the little girl sit on the next step to eat, return to the car without looking back, and quickly slip away. Behind her came the voice of the little girl greedily eating and filling the cake.

The man drove home, walked out of the garage and found a crying little girl squatting on the ground. Cute and younger than that little girl just now, and that man once saw her playing with her father in the park, so he should be lost. Although rabbits don't eat grass beside their nests, men don't intend to let the little girl leave his house alive at all.

He said he would help the little girl find her father, so the crying little girl obediently followed him back to her home on the fourth floor.

When he got home, he told the little girl to wash her face. When the little girl was washing her face in the bathroom, he stood on the balcony and proudly lit a cigarette. Suddenly, a delicate voice came from the balcony of the neighbor who just moved in, excitedly calling "uncle."

His heart was shaking, only to see the little monster standing on the balcony next door waving to him at night. He was covered in sweat when another little girl came out of the bathroom and ran to him, curiously looking at the girl on the opposite balcony and her trembling uncle.

The man picked up the little girl around him, jumped back to the room, closed the balcony door and walked into the bedroom with the little girl in his arms.

The little girl on the balcony next door bowed her head in disappointment. Why does the kind uncle ignore himself? If I hadn't met my uncle tonight, my parents would have been hungry when they found them by the pie filling booth. Does uncle feel that he has eaten too much? It doesn't matter. I was in the hospital before I found my parents today. The doctor said that this is a huge food disorder, which can be cured soon. Then go and play with your uncle and his sister.

When the little girl left the balcony, she suddenly remembered seeing her uncle's little sister in the nearby park. She still remembers that the little sister was with another fat uncle at that time, but the fat uncle lay motionless on the ground, covered in red blood, with only bones on his legs. She remembers her little sister gnawing at her fat uncle's arm and asking herself if she wanted to eat too. At this time, she could see a row of sharp teeth in the little sister's blood-red mouth. Why is that little sister's teeth the same as mine tonight?

The little girl came into the house with countless questions. I vaguely heard a man howling in horror from my good uncle's house next door.

Behind her, my mother said in disgust, "I hate it." Whose TV is so loud? "

Dad said, "It seems to be a horror movie ..."

Can you tell ghost stories? There was only one person left in the world, and then he heard someone knocking at the door!

Who can tell a ghost story in ten words? Where is my head? It is under the bed. . .

Sister ... this scholar's meat tastes terrible.

Tell another joke! An American, a Frenchman and an China were walking in the desert when they saw a bottle. After opening the cork, a man came out. The man said, "I am a fairy, and I can grant each of you three wishes!" "

Americans first said, "My first wish is to ask for a lot of money." The fairy said, "it's very simple, it satisfies you!" Tell me about the second wish. " The American said, "I want a lot of money!" " After the fairy fulfilled his wish, the American said his third wish: "Take me home." The fairy said, "No problem." "So Americans came back to America with a lot of money.

The fairy asked the Frenchman again. The Frenchman said, "I want beautiful women!" " "The fairy gave him a beautiful woman. The Frenchman said, "I want more beautiful women!" ""The fairy also satisfied him and gave him a beautiful woman. The Frenchman finally said, "Send me back to France." After the fairy sent the Frenchman back to China, she asked the China people what they wanted.

China people said, "Let's have a bottle of Erguotou first." The fairy gave it to him. Ask him what his second wish is. China people said, "Another bottle of Erguotou!" The fairy asked him what his third wish was. China said, "I miss China and Americans very much. Please get them all back. "

France and the United States are very popular, but they are helpless, so the three of them have to continue to walk.

Walking, I saw another bottle. When I opened the plug, another man came out. The man said, "I am the younger brother of the fairy just now. My magic is not as strong as his. I can only satisfy two wishes of each of you."

The French and Americans think it's better to let China speak first, so as not to be brought back by him later. So China people said, "Let's have a bottle of Erguotou first." The fairy realized his wish. The French and Americans urged China people to express their second wish as soon as possible. After drinking Erguotou, China people slowly said to the immortal, "It's okay, it's okay, go away."

I tell a ghost story. Is anyone listening? I also tell ghost stories.

uninterrupted

In a school, two good friends live in the same dormitory like brothers, one sleeps in the lower bunk and the other in the upper bunk. We usually go out together and never part.

During the summer vacation, they decided to stay at school for self-study. One day, the girl in the lower berth said to the girl in the upper berth, "I'm going out alone today and will be back soon." You study hard in the dormitory! " Say that finish and go out.

A minute passed, and at night 10, the girl didn't come back. The girl in the upper berth is in a hurry, go out and look for it. She didn't return to the dormitory until 1 1: 30, but she didn't find a good friend! Just as she was in a hurry, the phone rang. She answered the phone, but she heard a man's voice.

"Good friends-back to back ... DuDu-"ended the call.

"hello? Hello? Who are you? Do you know where she is? Hello ... "The girl was in a hurry. She looked at the clock, 12 o'clock!

The next day, the girl's good friend still didn't come back. She has been worried about whether her friend had an accident or was kidnapped by the man who called.

Until the evening 12, the phone rang again. The girl quickly picked up the phone and asked, "Hello! Who are you? Is my friend there? "

"Good friends ~ ~ ~ back to back ~ ~ ~ DuDu-"ended the call.

The girl felt creepy. Could it be someone else's prank? Or do good friends scare themselves?

She thought all night and didn't sleep!

On the third day, the good friends never disappeared, and the girls were almost desperate. They can only wait until the afternoon 12 call.

On time, * * * rang 12, and the girl hesitated. She is very curious to know what that sentence means. Suddenly, zheng, she went to her best friend's bed and stretched out her hand to open the curtain. The girl saw her best friend's back-to-back on the bed board. The girl slept with a corpse for two nights. ...

Phone number zero is still ringing. ...

Let me tell you a ghost story. Let me tell you a scary and funny joke. In the past, this joke was horrible at the beginning, tragic in the middle and funny at the end. Once upon a time, there was a ghost, and then he farted and died.

Tell a horrible ghost story. One night. I went drinking with my friends. On my way home, I passed the cemetery. I feel a little strange when I pee. I hurried to find my friend. I always feel gloomy behind me, which gives me the creeps. When I turned, I saw a woman behind me. Because it was too dark to see clearly, I dared to look forward. The woman's tongue was 2 feet long, her hair was hanging freely, her eyes were bleeding, and her hands and feet were not calling your name. Remember if someone calls you at night, please don't.

Tell a ghost story. Don't copy, make up a story about a man cheating and his girlfriend jumping off a building to commit suicide. Then women become ghosts. A girl named Lingling goes out alone at night, and a female ghost is attached to her. "Lingling" gave a strange smile, licked her lips, walked forward step by step, deadpan and without eyes, walked to the man's door and knocked at the door again and again. She stabbed the man alive with her nails. Smile again and sneer a few times. "Lingling" stretched out her hands and put them around her neck and squeezed them hard. 1 minute later, her feet were stiff, her saliva kept flowing downwards, and then she fell to the ground. The female ghost got up from her body, turned into Lingling and drove away. This scene was filmed by surveillance, but it showed that Lingling strangled herself, and a skeleton came out of her body, got into a paper car and left. ...