A funny story

Humor is a good attitude towards life. The following is a complete collection of funny stories I have compiled. Let's have a look.

1. Head inspection Head inspection.

"Hello, comrades!"

"Good start!"

"Comrades have worked hard!"

"The director is so lucky!"

"Comrades are blocked!"

"The head is darker!"

At this time, the officer patted a soldier's chest and said, "This muscle is very strong!" "

The soldier said, "Sir, I am a female soldier."

It is reasonable to remember that it was a cold winter.

I don't want to get up for school in the morning, and then ask my dormitory classmates for help. Give me a reason.

As a result, the news of my heatstroke spread all over the school the next day!

3. The words on my back are "Director, are there any mistakes in the words on my back?"

"No, there is nothing wrong. According to the History of Song Dynasty, the words tattooed on Yue Fei's body are not' loyal to the country' but' loyal to the country'. "

"No matter which one, in short, it's not the' loyal service to the country' I tattooed on my back now, is it? ! "

4. Crazy behavior I once made crazy behavior because of love.

On the subway 1 line, I saw a girl with a handsome ponytail and thin ankles. It was love at first sight, and I followed her for 7 subway stops. I came out of the princess's grave and rode all the way to Gong Wei Village. In an abandoned community, I was just about to rush over to express my love. She suddenly turned around in horror and took out 700 yuan, saying that it was all hers, so don't hurt her.

I thought 700 yuan was a lot, so I took the money and left.

My cousin went to the grave last Qingming. My cousin, elder sister-in-law 17, suddenly sobbed twice, then smiled twice in a low voice and said, you are all here, and you are still a little filial.

Then he quickly squatted down, picked up the tribute and ate it.

My second aunt's 15-year-old cousin was scared and cried directly, and my uncle took the lead in reacting. I gave my cousin a whip and two slaps when I went up.

That year, the sky was clear and it was drizzling. My uncle stopped all his relatives from going up to the mountain and watched my cousin knock on the head of 100 with tears before letting him go down.

6. Change places in the cold winter.

On the bus, a beautiful woman with less clothes sat by the window. Although the window was closed,

But there is still a strong wind blowing inside. The handsome guy sitting next to him said, "Beauty, let's change places."

The beauty quickly got up and said, "Thank you, this position is very cold."

The handsome guy pushed over and said, "Hey! The powder on your face blows into my eyes, and I can't open my eyes! "

7. I watched her for a long time in a girl's park. She sat there quietly, drinking beer, her eyes were red, as if she had something on her mind. In an instant, all kinds of questions about this mysterious beauty flashed in my mind. Seeing that she drank up the third can of beer on the bench, she looked around and there were still many people waiting for the opportunity to move. She couldn't hesitate any longer.

I got up the courage to stand up first and asked with concern, "Girl, do you still want this jar?"

8. I want to read a book in the study. My girlfriend came in wearing a new lace underwear. She looks sexy and charming.

She said to me in a charming voice, "Honey, do you want it?"

I said excitedly, "I want it! Take it off quickly, let me try it on! "

9. Girls' Choice Three boys chase a girl at the same time. The girl said, I'll choose when you come back from traveling around the world.

The first boy went to Europe, America and Africa. The second boy went to Australia. The third boy went back to the girl, walked around her and said, you are my world.

The girl was very moved, with tears in her eyes, and chose the richest one.

10. The director company entertained clients in the clubhouse, and the clients were detained because they accidentally encountered pornography 15 days.

The client's wife received the penalty notice and called the company to curse.

The director answered the phone and said calmly, "Big Brother was drunk that day, so we won't let him go. Eldest brother said that my sister-in-law was waiting at home and insisted on going back, resulting in drunk driving. We have to make great efforts to change it, otherwise we will have to stop work for half a year and have to re-test our driver's license. How difficult it is to get a driver's license now! "

The client's wife finally thanked him. .

1 1. The old goat, the little gray rabbit and the little white rabbit help the old goat collect cabbage. After the harvest, the old goat gave them a car full of cabbages.

The little grey rabbit says thank you happily.

The white rabbit said, I don't want cabbage. Please give me some seeds.

The old goat smiled and said, well, leave your email address.

12. What are you doing? My friend is great. I remember when I was in junior high school, during my lunch break, my buddy smoked in the toilet.

Buddy took the last bite. He jerked and the dean suddenly came in. Seeing us leaning against the window, he asked, "What are you two doing?"

I panicked and turned to look at my buddy. I remember his performance! He blew a lot of smoke from his nose and said, "I'm angry."

13. 10086 customer service An operator received a phone call from a customer. His speech was stuttering and a little slow: I, I, I ... I want to ask, I, I, I, I, I. .................................................................................................

The operator just said, big brother, big brother, it's you. Can it be free?

And then she was fired!

14. Chasing thieves My roommate went out today and his mobile phone was stolen. He chased for more than ten kilometers and finally caught up with the thief.

The thief pulled out a dagger from his waist and roared, "Nima dug a mobile phone with more than 200 yuan." You chased Lao Tzu for more than ten kilometers, and I fucking stabbed you to death! "

At that time, my roommate turned green with fear and said with trembling, "Big Brother, you misunderstood. I chased you to give you a charger. "

15. Repay "This 200,000 yuan is for your tuition."

Hearing the president's refusal, she blushed: "Oh, no! Although my family is poor, I can't ask for your money! "

"Never mind, wait until I lend it to you and pay it back when you have money."

"Ah ... but I have no money ..."

"Then sell yourself, huh?" The president provoked an evil smile on her chin.

She couldn't help being intoxicated and nodded shyly.

Then the president sent her to the northeast to sell ginseng.

16. Lao Wang, a villager who fell into the well, fell into the well. With the enthusiastic help of the villagers ...

Adapted to life in the well.

17. I bought a necklace for my favorite sister as a birthday present.

Sister asked, "Don't you want to tell me?"

At that time, when that one was excited, he immediately confessed!

My sister looked at me for a long time and said contemptuously, "This is your necklace!" "

At that time, my heart was cold: "Don't you like me? I bought it with a month's salary! "

My sister said, "We will all be a family in the future. Give back the necklace quickly, it's so expensive! " "

Happiness comes too suddenly!

... since then, I have a stepmother ...

18. The English teacher asked Xiaoming, "Why didn't you hand in your homework today?"

Xiao Ming said, "I brought it, but I forgot to bring it."

The teacher said, "If you don't do it, say you didn't bring it! Do you know how to say this behavior in English? "

Xiao Ming thought for a moment and said, "If you don't die, you won't die!" "

19. How? I remember that after the college entrance examination that year, I knew that I didn't do well in the exam, so I told my father truthfully that my exam results were not ideal and so on.

The father said helplessly, "If you don't, just repeat it."

At this time, the grandfather sitting on the side said angrily: "If you don't take the exam, you won't take the exam. What poison should I take? " ! "

20. Niu Wangmo shouted, split the mountain in front of him in half, and then turned to ask the Monkey King, "Dear brother, do you think I can hang it?"

The Monkey King: "Don't look."