Ask jokes related to' pigs'!

The pig asked God for rebirth.

God asked: farming? Pig A: It's too bitter!

God said: Work? Pig A: I'm so tired!

God said: be a monkey? Pig A: It's too difficult!

God asked: What do you want? A: You can eat, play and go whoring.

God was shocked: Shit! Be a civil servant!

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A fat woman came to a meat stall.

I want to buy four Jin of pork, 725 yuan. "You are really something," said the salesman.

"Just buy five catties!" The fat woman quickly explained, "You don't know,

I'm losing weight. I have lost 4 pounds 725 yuan. I want to see if this is?

What a big piece of meat. "

The son asked his father:

"A big, or twenty big? 」

Dad: "Twenty, of course! 」

Son: "Then I'll take 20. Isn't it better than the first place? " ! 」

The factory director said to the new guard:

"You should pay attention to this. Don't let employees smuggle products out of the factory! 」

After work, the doorman carefully checked every employee's wallet, but it was empty.

One day, the guard asked the director curiously.

"What exactly does our factory produce?"

The factory director replied, "leather bag."

There was an accident on the road. ..

Many people gathered around to watch ... a reporter came late ... and couldn't squeeze in. ..

In a hurry .. and then loudly say ..

"I am the father of the injured .. Please let me through! 」

The onlookers really opened a road ... The reporter also took photos of the scene. ..

Win the appreciation of colleagues ..

Another day, another traffic accident happened, and many people were watching. ..

The reporter was late again ... he couldn't squeeze in ... he shouted again ..

"I am the son of the injured .. Excuse me .."

The onlookers did get out of the way again ... the reporter went over and took a look. ..

Oh, my God! The car was run over by a turtle! !

The handsome boy said to his father ..

"I like beautiful girls .. please promise to let us get married! ! 」

Dad looked sad: "I'll tell you the truth ... son." ..

She is the doomed love that your father planted when he was young. ..

She is your sister .. You can't marry her .. "

Handsome boy, after learning about this, he was moping all day. ...

Mom saw it ... she couldn't stand it ... so she told the handsome boy the truth.

"Actually ... you are not your father's own."

Mr. Wu had a sore throat ... When he arrived at the hospital ... The doctor said:

"Your tonsils are inflamed. You'd better get rid of them. "

Half a year later .. Mr. Wu's abdomen hurts again ... After arriving at the hospital ... The doctor said:

"Your appendix is inflamed. Must be cleared. "

A few months later .. Mr. Wu came to see a doctor again ... The doctor asked:

"You are not feeling well again."

Mr. Wu summoned up the courage to say:

"Doctor .. I really dare not say to you .. I have a headache this time! ! 」

In a class in Chenggongling, I saw the soldiers of one class shaking all the time.

The monitor saw it and asked loudly, "xxx, what are you doing?" 」

The class soldier couldn't help saying, "Report to the monitor, student xxx is going to No.1 Middle School."

When the monitor heard this, he shouted unhurriedly: "1, come here, he wants to fuck you." 」

Will you marry me?

Woman: I've known you for a long time. Why do you propose to me now?

Man: Because I am timid and afraid of death ... so. ....

W: Then why do you dare to propose to me now?

M: Because according to statistics, married men live longer than single men! ! !

The apprentice asked, "How do frogs and toads divide?" ? 』

Master replied solemnly, "I'm sorry about the appearance of toad."

This article was told by a friend:

A couple quarreled in a friend's neighborhood, and suddenly a few hours later.

A doctor from a mental hospital came to arrest "Sir"

The gentleman said, I'm not crazy!

The doctor said: every madman also says that he is not crazy.

So the poor gentleman was taken away.

Finally, his son bailed him out,

Presumably, everyone knows who called someone to catch it!

~? ~.？ ! ? !

Words: Cao Pi forced Cao Zhi to write a seven-step poem.

Plant: boiled beans ..........................................................................................................................................................................

Tai Shigong said: This word "root" is well written!

Speaking of Battle of Red Cliffs, Cao Cao invaded the south and met Sun Liu's allied troops in Chibi. Cao Cao has historical records.

Cao Cao's sister Cao Zao knew that her sister was excellent in literary talent, so she was sent to do the "literary fight" in the first scene.

Sun Liu sent a lout Zhang Fei to confuse the enemy, so Zhang Fei and Cao Zao confronted each other across the Yangtze River.

When fighting, Cao Yu first compared a "one" and Zhang Fei compared a "three"; Cao Yu drew a big circle, Zhang Fei.

Draw a long "one"; Cao Zao touched his stomach with his hand, and Zhang Fei patted his ass and left.

Cao was left to take a bath over there with a depressed face.

After returning to their respective camps, Cao Cao asked, and Cao Zao said, "I said that Big Brother was invincible, but he said.

Together, the three of them are worse than the eldest brother; I said eldest brother has a large area in the north, but he said

It is difficult to cross the Yangtze River natural barrier; I said big brother was full of classics, and he said it was a nonsense article.

After Zhang Fei returned to camp, he went to see Liu Bei happily and said, "That bitch compared with me and said.

She can do it for an hour at a time, and I said I can do it for three hours; She said her hole was big, and I said mine.

Roots are not small; She was surprised to say that she was going to be pregnant, and I said pat her ass quickly.

Run! Run! ! ! 」

An American businessman came to Taiwan Province to do business, and his boss in Taiwan Province Province asked him to travel around.

After playing golf, a few days later, the boss of Taiwan Province Province asked the American businessman, what do you think of Taiwan Province?

What about the bay? The American businessman said: Hmm! Beautiful scenery is good, but there is one thing.

I don't understand: every time I play golf, my brother scolds him.

The boss of Taiwan felt very strange, so he went to the stadium with him to find out.

I saw my brother set the ball for America, so he turned to America and said:

Serve! ! Please pronounce it in Taiwanese. Hakka pronunciation is more vivid.

"? ,? ,?

Work is too tired, other colleagues are lazy, still? Do too many things by yourself and so on.

One day, a friend introduced him to a very relaxed job, which was really relaxing.

The job is-graveyard attendant. He asked suspiciously: Is it really easy? friend

It's simple. Just stand there and don't get robbed.

As a result, he did it. Two days later ... he resigned, and his friend asked him: work.

It's simple! What's not satisfactory? He said, it's unfair. I was the only one standing there.

Besides, everyone else is lying down. I resigned. ..............

Once upon a time ~ once upon a time: there was an old man. He likes delicious soup very much.

As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he feels uncomfortable all over. So he calls him every day.

His wife made it for him. Then one day his wife died. Neither did he.

Taste the soup and you can drink it! So he began to let his wife cook. but

No matter how well his wife does, he always puts it aside and says:

It doesn't taste like this. You can cook such terrible soup!

At first, my daughter-in-law always swallowed her words, thinking that all she had to do was cook the taste.

It's good. But as the days passed, she still couldn't do it.

And more and more impatient. Finally, she had a murder. She's going to kill someone.

Her father-in-law But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought. Suddenly.

However, she found a rusty pesticide in the corner. she

Spraying pesticides in seasoning soup. Then summon up the courage to bring it to her.

My father-in-law drinks. I saw her father-in-law shouting, that's the smell! Here it is.

What is that smell!

I once saw a joke:

The wall at the door of a family was scribbled. After the owner had it repainted,

Solemnly engrave the words "Don't write here" on the wall. He thought that since then, he has been calm and carefree.

Unexpectedly, when I got up the next day, I saw five more words "Why did you write first" under the five big characters. Master moment

Unwilling, I immediately put pen to paper and added five words "I wrote my home". One day passed and the master came home from work.

I almost fainted, and there was a line "I want to write to everyone" under fifteen words. At the end of the line, I also drew two little turtles.

Soon after, the wall was restored to its original appearance ... (# $% @&; *#%)。

Coincidentally, this happened to me:

One day after dinner, I carried the garbage to the telephone pole in the alley and discarded it as usual. Only to find someone there.

There is a sign on the telephone pole, which says "No littering here". I think this is probably the one who lives next to the telephone pole.

They published it. I had to go home to ride a motorcycle and find another place nearby to throw garbage. After dinner the next day.

I walked into the alley with garbage, only to remember the notice I saw yesterday. I was about to turn around and found it by accident.

"No" has been painted. It becomes "* * littering here", which makes it more reasonable for everyone to litter.

A day later, the notice was changed to

There's a lot of rubbish here. I think it is too xxx to write such a notice.

When I went out the next morning, the notice had been changed to:

"People who throw garbage here can't cut it when it thunders."

With this kind of life insurance, don't people actively participate?

Two days later, the new notice wrote:

"Throw it here.

The whole family is dead. "

The quiet days lasted only three days. When I passed by at noon that day, I saw three more words in the notice.

"Throw it here.

It won't kill the whole family. "

Cuff them! Can't you just throw away two bags of garbage when you see this?

Finally, the family used the killer, and the notice disappeared. A piece of red paper read:

"Imperial edict $%&; * # # ... (I don't understand) "There is a small incense burner below, with a pile of paper money burning next to it.

I don't know what this bowl of cake is, but it's really weird. No one dares to touch it for a week.

When I came home at dusk on Monday, I saw a bag of garbage beside the telephone pole. I thought there was such a daredevil, so I approached.

At first glance, the red paper on the imperial edict was replaced by a jade photo of the head of state, and the two sides of the photo also read:

"fine weather"

"Peace and prosperity"

Horizontal criticism: "If you work hard, you will win"

True story, "Don't ask me where I come from ..."

Department store broadcast: "Mr. Pig belly, please go to the reception desk on the first floor." Someone is looking for you, .............. "

After a while, no one came to the service desk, so it was broadcast again. .......

Later, a man came, angry and ashamed, and said, "I am Zhu Yuepo. Are you looking for me? " 」

Original: Tupi, Zhu Yue

Can't you stop?

Gambling is bad as long as it involves money, not only in the world, but also in Tianjie.

Thousands of years ago, both male and female dogs were squatting when urinating.

Until the Tang Dynasty ..... Things changed. .....

Everyone has heard of Emperor Taizong! His old man kept a pair of Beijing dogs, and once Emperor Taizong went to bed.

Huashan sacrifices to heaven and takes this pair. ......

Halfway through the sacrifice, the bitch suddenly got anxious and ran under a tree to solve the problem and sacrifice to heaven.

This is a very disrespectful behavior, so it angered the jade emperor, who ordered Lei Gong to hit a thunder.

Just hit the tree, the tree fell down and killed the bitch. The male dog was very scared when he saw it. .....

From then on, every time the male dog urinates under the tree, he will put out a foot and push hard.

Trees in case they fall.

Why did dinosaurs become extinct?

It is said that Noah's ark, drifting in the flood, was crushed by too many animals and had to sacrifice some animals? So Noah asked all animals except poultry to draw lots to tell jokes. If the joke doesn't make all the livestock and poultry laugh,

Just throw it into the flood?

The first joke teller was a dinosaur. He tried his best to recite a joke he saw in the coconut grove? Say that finish, all the animals laughed loudly, but Lian Xiao the pig didn't laugh; As a result, dinosaurs were thrown into the flood and became extinct …

Kirin won the second prize and is famous as the king of jokes in the animal world? He told a wonderful joke, and all the animals laughed their heads off! However, the pig is still unmoved. So Kirin was also thrown into the flood …

Soon, the shy ostrich appeared? He was too nervous to speak. Just as all the animals held their breath, the pig burst out laughing! Other animals asked strangely, "The ostrich hasn't spoken yet. What are you laughing at? " ? "

"Ha ha ha ha! The joke told by the dinosaur just now is so funny! " The pig said with a smile.

1. A farmer asked the vet about the pig's condition.

Farmer: "My pig seems to be sick recently and doesn't eat feed. What should I do? "

The vet said, "sell them while they look good!" " ! "

2. A man kept a pig. He was annoyed with it and wanted to throw it away, but the pig knew the way home and threw it many times without success. One day, the man abandoned the pig and took a bus. He called his wife that night and asked, "Does the pig return?" His wife said, "Go home." The man was very angry and shouted, "put it on the phone quickly, I'm lost."

Lao Wang was driving in the mountain area to enjoy the scenery when he suddenly saw another car turning out of the front corner and coming towards him. The driver of the car leaned out and shouted to him, "Pig!" "If you don't slow down, you will leave. He turned to the back of the car in confusion and shouted, "You are the pig!" " "Just then, his car hit a pig.

A naughty boy nicknamed a girl in the class "Fat Pig", and the girl cried and complained to the teacher, who promised to criticize and educate the boy. The next day in class, the teacher spoke in class: one of our classmates is so rude that we can call other students nicknames at will, but we can't call him anything.

A couple visited the farm and watched it ... The owner of the ranch came up to them and said, "Do you want to see the bronze pigs in our ranch?" The husband and wife went to see it with the rancher ~ ~ The wife asked the owner, "Why is it a bronze pig?" The rancher said, "It? Mating once every three days! " The wife said to her husband a little angrily, "Look, look. Pigs once every three days! " , husband ...

6. Wife: "Hurry up and post a pig-seeking notice, or go to the radio to broadcast it. Our pig is gone. "

Husband: "What's the use? You Zhu can't understand you, let alone study. "

7. One day, Xiaohua said to Xiaoming, "I dreamed of you yesterday. Xiao Ming said, "What about me? Xiaohua: You chased a pig, and then you came to a dead alley. The pig spoke. Xiaoming: What did you say? Xiaohua: "The pig said: We are born from the same root. What's the hurry? Xiao Ming: "@ # $%&; 」

8. There was a man whose sow was in estrus. He decided to find a boar to breed with his sow, but his sow jumped up and bit at the sight of the boar, so anxious that even seven or eight boars were not worthy, he invited the village veterinarian to see his sow. The vet looked at it, listened to the farmer and said, "Your sow is really not suitable for direct breeding with boars, so I think it should be artificially fertilized.". There is nothing to consider! ] The farmer thought for a while and finally spoke: [If it's right, I'm afraid she will bite me! ! ]

9. A young lawyer appeared in court for his first case. His client's 24 pigs were run over by a train and killed.

In order to emphasize the huge loss, he said excitedly, "gentlemen, think about it, 24 pigs!" " 24 heads! Twice as many as our jury.

10. A company killed a pig during the festival, and the company commander called a meeting of the company to show democracy.

The company commander asked, how many company commanders are there in the whole company?

Everyone replied: one.

The company commander asked again, how many heads does a pig have?

Answer: One.

The company commander asked, and his comrades said, who should eat this pig head?

Answer: company commander!

It is the instructor's turn to speak. Ask comrades, how many instructors does a company have?

Answer: one!

How many hearts and livers does that pig have?

Answer: One. .......

When it was the platoon leader's turn to be on duty, the platoon leader asked, How many platoon leaders are there in our company?

Answer: Four.

How many hooves does a pig have?

Answer: Four. ......

In the last round, only a few recruits and a pig's tail were left.

The veteran asked, how many recruits are there in our company?

Answer: Ten!

The veteran asked again, how many pieces does a pig tail have?

The recruits didn't even think about it, and they all said: Ten! ......