Civilized jokes

1． Son: Dad, I need to pee.

Dad: Speak in a civilized manner.

Son: I want to relieve myself.

Dad: Miss, that sounds awful.

Son: I want to pull out my drain pipe and release the sewage.

2. A: My wife and I have slept in separate beds for a long time.

B: You are separated from your wife and your relationship is in crisis.

A: There is no crisis in my relationship. I am just trying to accumulate energy.

B: Have you always been separated? Is it okay for three years?

A: Three years should be enough.

B: Your wife raises you as a soldier, three years and a thousand days.

A: I am satisfied if my wife can use me for a while, because I have broken my own record.

3. A: Let me tell you, never let your daughter-in-law go to a class reunion alone. This is how many people easily have relationships after attending a class reunion.

B: Really? Not to mention, I have to go back quickly and keep an eye on my wife.

A: Oh, is she going to attend the class reunion?

B: No, she is going on a business trip these two days. I have to let her go on a business trip quickly so that I can attend the class reunion the day after tomorrow!

4. Good Voice Live,

Host: Next is a group of bands. It is said that everyone will cry when they hear them singing.

........

After the band finished singing, the audience applauded and all the instructors turned their chairs.

Jay Chou: It was so good, I even shed tears!

Na Ying: I cried too.

Wang Feng: Come, introduce your band.

Band boss: Hello everyone, we are the Onion, Ginger, Garlic and Onion band!

5. Teacher: Xiao Ming, why do you sleep on the first day of school?

Xiao Ming: I dreamed of a god yesterday and told me that I would be in trouble today, so I was in a bad mental state.

Teacher: Oh, what kind of disaster is it?

Xiao Ming: On the first day of school, you will be punished by being left behind to clean the house.

Teacher: How can you take your dreams seriously? Don’t worry, it’s okay, I won’t punish you.

Xiao Ming: Really? Thank you teacher, but I lost my summer homework.

Teacher: If you stay after school, you will be punished for cleaning!

Xiao Ming: Hey, the gods are so accurate, but the teacher is still such a beast.

Teacher: Get out...

[Scene 1]

Teacher: Honestly, do you smoke?

Boy a: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: Don’t smoke? Well, let's eat some root fries.

a naturally stretched out his two fingers to take it...

Teacher: Don't want to suck? ! Call parents...

[Scenario 2]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy B: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: Don’t smoke? Well, let's eat some root fries.

B heard the situation of a, so he carefully took the fries with his palm.

Teacher: Why don’t you dip it in ketchup?

b accidentally dipped too much, so he immediately flicked it with his fingers...

Teacher: You are very skilled in flicking the ash. Call parents...

[Scenario 3]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy c: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: If you don’t want to smoke, okay, let’s eat some French fries.

cBecause of the previous two examples, I finished eating the French fries very carefully and sweating.

Teacher: Why don’t you take the roots back to your classmates?

c After taking the fries, he easily clamped it on his ears...

Teacher: Don’t want to suck it? Call parents...

[Scenario 4]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy d: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: Very good, let’s eat some French fries.

d finished the fries with fear.

Teacher: Why don’t you take the roots back to your classmates?

d carefully put the fries into his coat pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted: The principal is here!

d quickly took out the chips from his pocket and threw them on the ground, stamping them hard with his feet...

Teacher: Don’t suck? ! Call parents...

[Scenario 5]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy e: No,

Teacher: Very good, let’s eat French fries.

e just took the fries, and the teacher said: Don’t you want me to eat?

e quickly handed over the fries with both hands, and then took out the lighter...

Teacher: Don’t smoke? ! Call parents...

[Scene 6]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy F: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: Very good, let’s eat some French fries.

f finished eating with fear.

Teacher: Suddenly shouted: The principal is here!

f’s palms were sweating, but he still lowered his head calmly and said: Hello, principal!

Teacher: The principal will smell your mouth.

f took out French fries: No, it’s still here, the fire hasn’t even started yet...

[Scene 7]

Teacher: What the hell are you doing? Do you smoke or not?

Boy g: Promise to God, I will never smoke.

Teacher: You really don’t smoke? OK, let's eat some root fries.

g took the fries very naturally and ate them all.

Teacher: What a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like?

g(getting carried away): Greater China...

[Scene 8]

Teacher: Let’s eat French fries.

Boy n: Thank you, I won’t eat it.

1. The family eats together. At the end of the meal, the adults want to tease the children: "Who should eat this last piece of meat?"

Child: "Here." Mom, eat it!"

Mom: "Give it to mom!"

Grandma: "Give it to grandpa!"

The child was anxious at this time. , and said loudly: "Since no one is willing to eat it, let's give it to mom's prescription!"

2. A certain hospital's annual chorus competition, with each department as a group. When arranging the seats at the venue, I heard the host calling: Those for general surgery are over there in rows one to three, those for cardiac surgery are on rows four to six, those for breathing are on rows six to eight, those for urology are over there, and those for neurology are here!

3. Lao Wang went to pick up his granddaughter Lanlan who was going to kindergarten on the first day.

I could only hear Lan Lan and Xiao Ming, a new classmate in the class, introducing each other.

Granddaughter Lanlan asked Xiao Ming: "How old are you?"

Xiao Ming thought for a long time before slowly answering: "Four...and a half years old."

Lanlan touched her head and asked innocently: "Four years old? Why are you still mixing it?"

4. When Lao Li saw Da Zhang Zheng walking out of the house with a depressed face, he asked him: "What's wrong? You look listless? Did you quarrel with your wife?"

"Oh." Da Zhang sighed longly, "She is angry with me."

Lao Li continued to ask: "Aren't you and your wife doing well in normal times?"

Dazhang explained: "My wife is losing weight recently, and I can't stand it when she looks sallow and thin..." ··”

“What then?” Lao Li continued to ask.

"Then I advised her to eat a little." Da Zhang looked innocent.

"How did you persuade me?" "'Honey, if you don't eat more fat, how will you have the strength to lose weight...!'"