Find some funny jokes. Who has them? Thank you.

Guan Yu: He had a drink in a bar and suddenly found that someone had stolen his mobile phone. He immediately flew out and beat up the thief, and finally the thief's mobile phone was snatched back. Then he went back to continue drinking, and Cao Cao praised him: "The clouds are really powerful, and the wine is still warm!" " (Just one word-quick! ) Zhang Fei: The mobile phone was stolen on the bus. Before the thief got off the bus, he shouted, "Put it down for me!" "Many people fainted in the car, and a dozen people threw their mobile phones on the ground. Zhang Fei picked one and took it home. Who can stand his 180 decibel roar? Zhao Yun: His mobile phone was accidentally stolen. He made up his mind to catch the thief even if he died. So he waited for seven days in a row, arrested more than 50 thieves, smashed two criminal gangs and got back three mobile phones. Finally, he was awarded the title of "being a brave Zhao Zilong" and presented with the banner of "anti-pickpocketing expert". (anti-hero+thief nemesis! Zhuge Liang: After the mobile phone was stolen, he wrote an article called "Mobile Watch": "The mobile phone is useless and the middle road is stolen; The price tag is 3000 yuan today, and I am ashamed of my money. This is really a crucial autumn ... "The last article won the prize, with a bonus of 5,000 yuan and a new mobile phone. An old frontiersman loses his horse—a blessing in disguise. ) Liu Bei: After the mobile phone was stolen, I cried for three days and three nights ... Finally Zhuge Liang couldn't stand it. I bought him the latest mobile phone, and he burst into tears and smiled ... Cao Cao: When the mobile phone was stolen in a restaurant, he sighed, "I would rather complain than complain!" "Then take people unprepared, grabbed someone else's mobile phone and flew away. (No wonder people call him "cao thief") Zhou Yu: I got separated from Xiao Qiao when I was shopping. When they wanted to make a phone call, they found that their mobile phones were missing. Later, they were ridiculed and said, "Zhou Lang has a clever plan to make the world safe and accompany his wife to lose her mobile phone!"! "Meng Huo: My mobile phone was stolen, but I caught the thief on the spot and scolded loudly:" If you dare to steal me, you don't have to ask. I can' go in' seven times, and it is fatal. ""(Thief meets thief) The Story Of Diu Sim: It doesn't matter if the mobile phone is stolen. Back the next day, a large group of people rushed to buy her a new mobile phone. Facing more than a dozen mobile phones, The Story Of Diu Sim said with a smile: "It's good to be a woman in this life!" (It's a beauty, otherwise ...) Lu Bu: I went for a ride in a BMW. When I came back, I found my mobile phone stolen. I sighed: "My mobile phone was stolen today, and I am the dragon among people. When I recognize michel platini again, I want to ask michel platini to buy another one. " 1. Tang Priest: You should find a shortcut to learn from the scriptures this time! Wukong: Flying is faster than riding! Bajie: Shenzhou VI is faster! Friar Sand pulled out his gun and said, I heard this thing will be sent to the west at once. 2. Motorcyclists like to wear clothes backwards, that is, buckle their buttons at the back to keep out the wind. One day, he drove under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the side of the road. When the police arrived ... Policeman A: What a terrible car accident. Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back. Officer A: Well, he's still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back. Policeman B: OK ... One, two, push, turn around. Policeman A: Well, I'm not breathing ... 3. You said: I love you 52 1+ You said: 365-every day. What's the result = 886. 4. A: A centipede with beriberi. The manager of a company asked the secretary to forward the official document to the boss: "Tell the boss that there will be a batch of orders in Europe next month, and I think the company needs to bring someone to have a meeting with them." The boss simply signed "go to the head" at the back of the official document. After receiving it, the manager immediately instructed his subordinates to buy a plane and plan their trip, while he was packing. On the day of departure, I was stopped by my secretary. Secretary: "What are you going to do?" Manager: "Go to Europe for a meeting!" " "Secretary:" Does the boss agree? Manager: "Didn't the boss say to give me a head start?" "Secretary:" You have been in the company for so long, don't you know the English level of the boss? "The boss means: go to the head!" 6. A brother likes to eat fish. Wal-Mart's perch costs 9 yuan a catty, and when it dies, it costs 7 yuan and two pieces of ice, just as fresh. A brother rushed to buy it after work, but it was often bought. One brother stood in front of the fish tank and waited, sometimes one died for a long time. A brother fished it in with a net and hit the fish on the head with his hand. The waiter couldn't stand it anymore. He came over to his brother and said, "Sir, fainting doesn't count ..." After eighty-one difficulties, Tang Priest and his disciples finally met the Tathagata to learn from them. The Tathagata asked, "Did you bring the USB flash drive?" . . . . The Tathagata asked again, "What about the mobile hard disk?" . . . . . The Tathagata continued to ask, "You can also use the IPOD." Wukong pulled out his ear and the Tathagata sighed, "Then you can go back the same way. I used QQ to send it to Tang Priest: Shit, I knew it would be over if I added your QQ. Why did I walk so far? The four of them were about to leave when the Buddha suddenly asked, "Do you have a PSP?" Four people answered, "No". The Buddha was surprised: how boring! How did you get here? The four men looked at each other and said, "We have been trying to upgrade (2)| smash (0)| reply | report that you have commented!"! Kiki on the second floor was published at 09: 54: 49 on August 2, 2009 ... When Tang Priest returned, he added Tathagata QQ, and found it very slow. Tathagata calls: Hey, Tang Xiao, you are 56k Tietong. Tang Xiao: Yes, it was installed only last year. Tathagata: You'd better come again. Top (2)| Smash (0)| Reply | The report you commented on! Gigi on the 3rd Floor was published at 09: 55: 34 on August 2nd, 2009, so Tang Priest and his disciples experienced it again with a USB flash drive. When I finally saw the Tathagata, I asked, "Did you bring the USB flash drive?" Tang Priest and Master: "Yes" Tathagata continued to ask: "How big is it? "Tang Priest and Master:" 2G "Tathagata sighed deeply:" The Buddhist scriptures are too big and the USB flash drive is too small. Go back and bring a 4G one. "So the Taoist Master Tang brought a mobile hard disk when he went back, but he still thought of 1000G: How many Buddhist scriptures did I bring back to you this fucking time and experienced it again? The 81-year-old finally met the Tathagata and asked, "Why did you come again? "Tang Priest and Master:" Didn't you say you should bring a bigger USB flash drive? We brought a 1000G hard drive. "Tathagata continued to ask," Didn't you open QQ when you went back? "Tang Priest and Master:" We bought the hard disk directly after we went back. " Tathagata sighed deeply: "Shit, a group of idiots, I left a message for you in QQ, and the classic has been put in my server, so you can download it casually!" "The Tang Priest went back, opened the Tathagata's server to download, and found a Trojan horse in the server, so he took the 1000G hard drive and continued on his way, thinking: If I had known this, I would have baked it back long ago, and I will bake it back anyway this time. After eighty-one difficulties, I finally met the Tathagata and asked, "Do you have any paper? " .。 . . . The Tathagata continued: "Hey, this time there was a Trojan horse in the server, and the electronic version of the scriptures was completely destroyed. I think you should copy it by hand! " "Tang's monk mentoring learned this lesson, bought paper, took the hard disk and set off. I used QQ to send a message to Tathagata to confirm before. In case it changes after the 81 ST difficulty, I will see Tathagata. The Tang Priest spoke first: "Has the Trojan horse been cracked?" Tathagata: "No" Tang Priest: "Then can we copy?" Tathagata: "Yes" Tang Yan's master and disciples finally copied the scriptures after 10 years, and prepared to bid farewell to Tang Yan's master and disciples: "We finished copying the scriptures in 10 years, and now we bid farewell to the Buddha and return to the Tang Dynasty". . . . . ","a group of idiots, why don't you use the copier? "The five most annoying jokes in Japan (1) Four surgeons sit around and talk about who they like to operate on. The first doctor said, "I like operating on librarians best." When you open their bodies, everything inside is arranged alphabetically. The second doctor said, "I like operating on accountants best." When you open their bodies, everything is arranged in numerical order. The third doctor said, "I like operating on electricians best." When you open their bodies, everything is color coded. The fourth doctor said, "I like operating on Japanese best." The other three doctors looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked what. The fourth doctor said, because they have no heart and no spine, and their butts and heads are interchangeable. Five jokes that little Japan hates most (2) A man called a Japanese businessman and said, "I'm looking for Mr. Taro. The operator said, "I'm sorry, he died last week." . "The next day, the man called again and wanted to talk to Kazutaro. This time the operator was a little annoyed and said, "I always told you that he died last week." Why are you calling? " The man said, "Because I just like listening. "Five jokes that little Japan hates most (3) A Japanese is eating in a restaurant in China. When the waiter brought a panlong shrimp, the Japanese asked, what should I do with the remaining shrimp shells? " "Of course," said the waiter. "no! Don't! No! " The Japanese shook his head and said, "In Japan, the leftover shrimp shells are sent to the factory, made into shrimp cakes, and then sold to you in China." After a while, the waiter brought another plate of fruit. The Japanese pointed to one of the lemons and asked, "What should I do with the remaining lemon peel?" "Of course," said the waiter. "no! Don't! No! " The Japanese shook his head and said, "In Japan, the leftover lemon peel is sent to the factory and then sold to you in China." When checking out, the Japanese asked the waiter with a smile while chewing gum, "What do you do with the leftover gum?" "Of course I threw up," said the waiter. "no! Don't! No! " The Japanese shook his head and said proudly, "Another taxi passed by." Look, Nissan! It's made in Japan! Too soon! "Another taxi passed by." Hey! It's Mitsubishi made in Japan! Very fast! "Taxi drivers are 100% Americans. Seeing that so many Japanese cars have surpassed their American cars, coupled with the arrogant language of the Japanese, he can't help but feel a little annoyed. When another taxi overtook it, the taxi pulled into the airport parking lot. It's Honda Made in Japan! Very fast! There is no cure! "The taxi driver stopped and pointed angrily at the meter and said," 1500 dollars. " "So close to 1500 dollars? ！” "Forget it! Made in Japan! Very fast! There is no cure! Five jokes that little Japan hates most (5) There is an American, a German, a Japanese and a China on a plane. Halfway through the plane, the captain suddenly ran out of gas. The captain announced that someone had to jump off the plane to reduce the weight, so the American went to the hatch of the plane with his heroism and shouted: Long live the United States and other countries! ! Then I jumped! The plane continued to fly ... at this moment, the captain announced that the weight was still too heavy, and one person had to jump! So the German took a look at the Japanese, stood up and walked to the door of the plane. The Japanese quickly came over and shook hands with the China people: Good brother, I won't forget you! The people of China shouted: Long live the people and country of China! ! Then I kicked the Japanese down with one foot! ! ...... When the school began to call the roll, a class teacher was ingenious and said to the students, "I'll look at the student number, so you can report your own names and get to know each other, okay?" "No.0065438 +0!" "Teacher, my name is Jiao, my name is Jiao Pei. "The teacher was a little dizzy and asked," Who gave this to you? " "My dad." "What does your father do?" "Open a pig farm!" "No.002!" A girl stood up and said, "Teacher, my name is Zhang and my name is Zhang Dekai." "No.003!" "Teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother. My name is Zhang. " "Who gave you this name?" "It's my dad. He sells pliers. "The teacher quickly took a sip of water." 004! ""Report teacher, my name is Qu (pronounced "ou") and my name is Qu Ye (oh yeah). This is the name my mother gave me. She said that a computer game crashed when she gave birth to me. "The teacher is a little uncomfortable." 005! ""report to the teacher, foster mother! " "How do you call names? ！” "no! Teacher, I mean my last name is Gan, and my name is foster mother. My father makes wine. "The teacher took a pill." 006! ""Teacher, my surname is Gou, and I was told to ignore it. " "Your dad is a steamed stuffed bun shop? ！” "Teacher, you are so smart! "The teacher has been a little shaken." 007! ""My name is Kuai (read fast and pronounce the third time. ) This is called goods. " "Don't tell me your father runs a warehouse." "Teacher, you are too old-fashioned. My father is a pimp. "Blood oozed from the teacher's mouth." 008! ""go to hell, teacher! " "What? what did you say ? /Excuse me? ！” "I mean, my name is Ni, and I'm going to the temple. My mother is a Buddhist. Is my name interesting? " "Interesting, interesting. "The teacher is about to cry." 009! ""Teacher, let's talk about it next time. " "Why do you want to say it next time, you say it now!" "no! Teacher, my surname is Xia, and my name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. "The teacher has already felt dizzy." 0 10! ""Teacher, my last name is Gao. " "My name is Mei, and my name is Mei Conscience." "My name is Wu, and my name is Kate." "My name is Mao, called Mao Rongrong. "The teacher vomiting blood fell to the ground and died. One day, the devil took the princess away, and she kept shouting. The devil said, "Just scream at your throat ... and no one will come to save you ..." The princess said, "Break your throat ..." No one said, "Princess ... I will save you ..." The devil said, "Speak of the devil and he will come ..." Cao said, "Monster. "It was discovered .." *: "Ghost, you can see me ..." Devil: "Oh, my God!" God: "Who told me?" Who: "Nobody told you …" Nobody: "Where am I? Play dumb! " Garlic: "Who is pretending to be me?" Who: "It's me again? Are you looking for trouble? " Trouble: "which one is looking for me?" Which one: "Looking for you? I didn't ... hey, there are so many people here. " Many people: "I just arrived ... who are you?" Which one: I'm not who. Who: He is not me. " Princess: "has everyone come to save me?" Everyone: "I'm not here to save you, I'm here to watch the fun." "Lively:" What do I have to see? "God:" It's none of my business. I have to go first. Devil: You answer a question before you go. Why do so many people save the princess? How can I play this demon king? " Then he said, "You good devil won't do it. What should I do?"? Princess: If no one plays the devil, I can go. No one: "If I play the devil, how can I let you go …" How can I: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the fun. Lively: "What am I doing? What: You want to fuck me? Rogue! "How dare you:" Where am I? Me: What's it to me? Demon: *! I'm going crazy. "*:" What do you want me to do! ... "Madman:" What do you want me to do? You want me to say, I don't know anything! I don't know anything: I don't know! I don't know: I'm here! Is someone calling me? Someone said, "I didn't call you!" " I didn't: "Who called him? Who: "I didn't ..." I didn't: "I didn't ..." You: "I dare you. "I dare you:" Who says I dare not! ? Who: Please ... I didn't say anything. I said nothing: what do you want me to say? I am nothing: "... you ... aren't you my long-lost brother?" My long-lost brother: "Kao ... my & is too long ... I will be called …" Who: "... I want to leave this troublesome place quickly" Right or wrong: "So this is my place …" I have nothing &; No: "Stop it, we're talking …" Stop it: "I'm not talking …" I didn't: "I'm not talking! ... "I don't do anything:"-"... let's go out and talk ..." Go: "I'm embarrassed ... (wriggle)" I don't do anything: "It's none of your business ... get out of here ..." (Two brothers go out angrily) It's none of your business: "Boo-hoo ... Why did you kick me out? "Someone called me? Someone: "who wants to call you ... who:" I really have to go. " I'm really embarrassed ... * v.v. * ("Who" broke down) It's none of your business: "... aren't you my cousin? It's none of my business: "... cousin (or cousin) ... long time no see ..." Long time: "I'm here ..." Devil: "Are you finished? Endless: "He didn't have me" You: "I didn't have him" I just: "Who said that? Who: What am I doing? : "Do you want to fuck me? You: "I won't fuck him." I just said, "Who said I wouldn't?" Who: "Wrong! I didn't say ... "I said," What do you want me to do? " : "You two are shameless!" You two: "I want it! I want it! " Face: "Who wants me? Who: "I don't want it" Devil: "Hurry up, I'm going to kick someone out" Man: "Kick me out? Looking for k "k: "Who wants to see me? Who: aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name, mention me again! He: "Don't K me" I: "Who wants K me?" Who: "Let me finally catch one, and kill it ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… Who: "Look at my eighteen dragons! Me: Look at my nine yin bones and claws! " Eighteen hands of the dragon: "What do I have to see? Jiuyin Baiguzhao: What am I looking at? What's there to see: brother, I finally found you! " What is beauty? "Brother, let's go out and talk. Devil: "Shit ... this is an engagement party ..." Can you give me some?