Collect jokes about the importance of Putonghua suitable for primary school students.

Tang Xiao went to Guangzhou on business. When his money ran out, he went to the bank to withdraw money. A woman in her early forties works for Tang Xiao. Tang Xiao shouted affectionately through the glass in Mandarin, which he had just trained for two weeks: "Elder sister, I'll get the money." The female staff of the bank immediately changed their faces and began to tremble like a sunken ship. Tang Xiao thought, calling my sister is so exciting. Am I too handsome? So he shouted even more arrogantly: "Sister, I withdraw money!" " Suddenly I felt my head humming, and Tang Xiao was knocked down by the bank security guard and fainted. In the hospital, the police asked Tang Xiao, who had just woken up, "Why did you rob the bank?" Tang Xiao is silly: "What bank am I robbing?" The female comrade of that bank pointed to Tang Xiao in the hospital bed and said, "You are still quibbling and shouting' robbery, I am short of money' through the glass. Isn't it robbery but deposit? " Now Tang Xiao reminds us every day: "Brothers, speak Mandarin well, so it's safe!"

2. A notice was posted at the door of a monk temple. Passers-by thought that something important had happened in the temple and crowded to the door to watch. I saw the first sentence of the notice saying, "This is a temple."

Passers-by know it's nothing at first sight. But the second sentence is written like this: "No sightseeing; Passers-by want to know why people are not allowed to visit the temple. Probably for some special reason, everyone bowed their heads and said, "If you want to visit,"

Seeing this, passers-by were secretly surprised. What would happen if they wanted to visit? You want to ... look down and it turns out to be: "Look elsewhere!"

The headmaster and the English teacher visited a middle school in France. The headmaster spoke in the auditorium and the English teacher translated.

Principal: "Teachers and students!"

English teacher: "Ladies and gentlemen!"

Principal: "Ladies and gentlemen!"

English teacher-_-! Thought for a moment and said, "Good morning!"

Principal: "Good morning!"

English teacher: ... = = "Sweat.

It is said that there is a polar bear. Because the snow is too dazzling, he wants to wear sunglasses to see things, but he can't find them, so he crawls around on the ground with his eyes closed, crawling with his hands and feet until he finds them. Put on sunglasses and look in the mirror, only to find: Oh, I'm a panda.

One day, three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". According to legend, as long as you stand on the edge of the valley and shout out what you want, and then jump into the valley, you will get what you want. So the three of them decided to have a try.

The first one was a goat, so he shouted "Woman! Woman! " The next jump is really full of beautiful women waiting for him.

The second is a bookworm, shouting "Book Book Book Book Book Book!" Then, jump into the valley and get books full of pits and valleys.

The third kind is an indecisive person, who can't decide what he likes after thinking about it. After an hour, he finally made up his mind that money is the most useful thing, so he went to the valley. He accidentally kicked a stone and scolded, "Shit!" Unexpectedly, an unstable center of gravity fell into the valley.

6. What about Xiaoming? He will have an exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV in the evening.

Xiao Ming's mother asked anxiously: Have you finished all the books? There will be an exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming replied brightly: Mom, I finished reading it.

Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming happily: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming cried and said, Mom, I mean,' Mom, I think it's over'.

7. One day, a university teacher asked a student that there were ten birds in the tree, one was shot dead, how many were left?

The student asked: Is it silent pistol? No, how loud was the shot? 80- 100 decibel. Is it illegal to shoot birds in this city? No offense. Are you sure that bird was really killed? Of course. At this time, the teacher was impatient: "Will you just tell me how many birds are left?" Are there some deaf birds in the tree? No. Have you ever been caged and hung from a tree? No. Are there any other trees nearby? Are there any other birds in the tree? No, if a bird is pregnant, is it a bird in its belly? Not exactly. Is there a flower in the bird photographer's eye? There are no flowers, only ten. The teacher was sweating all over, and the bell rang, but the students continued to ask: Are there any stupid birds that are not afraid of death? Fear of death. Would you kill two with one shot? No, the student said confidently, if your answer is not a lie, "if the bird that was killed hangs on the tree and doesn't fall, there is only one left." If it falls, there will be none left. " . The teacher immediately foaming at the mouth fell to the ground!

7. A man climbed over the wall and went out of school, and was caught by the headmaster. The headmaster asked: Why not go from the school gate? Answer: Meters, Bang Wei and Bang Wei don't take the usual road. The headmaster asked again: how did such a high wall cross over? He pointed to his trousers and said, Li Ning, anything is possible.

The headmaster asked again: What's it like to climb over the wall? He pointed to his shoes and said, Xtep, it feels like flying. The next day he entered the school from the main entrance, and the principal asked, why don't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore a gangster costume. The headmaster said: You can't wear a gangster costume! He said, you are what you wear, Mason. On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school, and the principal said that he could not wear a vest to school. He said, man, simple is good, love fort clothes. The headmaster said I would give you a bigger score. He said: Why? The headmaster said, M-Zone, my site is my decision.

8. "Mandarin"

A: Leaders and teachers.

Dear students.

Qi: Good evening, everyone!

Come to the lecture hall today.

B: Ah!

A: I'm here to tell you cross talk.

B: Yes, after eating, go to the canteen.

A: Our crosstalk name is Mandarin.

B: That's the name.

What is Mandarin?

Let her explain it to you.

A: Mandarin! !

B: Ah!

A: It's this big. Thin and stuffed. Take a sip of oil. ...

B: Let's go! You are a steamed stuffed bun!

A: Yes! ! Say this steamed stuffed bun! It's delicious. Take a bite, a bite of oil ...

Stop biting! ! ! That's more like it, you! We speak Mandarin today.

A: I speak Mandarin!

B: What's the matter?

A: Do you ... dare to say that what I just said is the local dialect?

Wow, such Mandarin! I mean, you have to explain!

Do you need an explanation? Everyone knows this scene except you who are so stupid! Don't think that others don't know what you don't know. Known known, unknown unknown. Ah! Do you think it's useless to blame the beautiful appearance? How many times have I said that modesty makes people progress and pride makes people fall behind! Ah! Is it because I don't know what Mandarin is?

B: (with his head down, he said nothing)

A: Because I am modest and prudent. The so-called Putonghua, ah, (memorizing hands) means ordinary speaking.

B: Huh? Don't you want to take it literally

A: That's not right!

You scared me!

Give you a chance to show. Tell everyone what Mandarin is.

B: Oh! (Timid) Putonghua is a modern Chinese with Beijing dialect as the standard, northern dialect as the basis and typical modern vernacular as the grammatical norm. Am I right?

Ah, yes! You speak very well. If you correct your mistakes, you are still good comrades! Ah, Mandarin is ... this ... ah ah * * homophonic.

B: Ah!

A: Both! The pronunciation of Putonghua should be standardized.

B: That's right.

A: We all talk with our mouths.

B: How fresh! Use your nose ... That's snoring!

A: But few of our female classmates have bad pronunciation habits.

What are your bad habits?

A: Don't be a good person in order to appear clever, cute and likable!

Oh, what did they say?

A: Some boys praised you for your beauty. What did you say?/Sorry?

Sure, thank you!

A: It has gone bad at their place!

What do you mean?

A: SIE·SIE!

SIE·SIE？

You look lovely, innocent girl!

Really?

A: and abusing disyllabic words!

Oh, what is a disyllabic word?

You are like father, mother, grandfather and grandmother. These are disyllabic words.

B: Oh, what are the disadvantages?

What do we call that bite of oil?

B: Steamed buns.

A: They call it "steamed buns".

B: I changed it to Japanese food.

A: We don't care whether the two tips are wide or not. What is the name of the food?

B: jiaozi.

A: They are called "Jiao Jiao".

Is that understandable?

A: No matter what you don't understand, the syllables are clear and the tone is soft, which is good to listen to.

I don't believe it. This is their language style.

A: If you don't believe me, we will learn from you!

How?

You are the boy who is chasing me.

B: I'm a woman,

A: Not acting!

B: Acting? I'm an actress, too!

A: If, if you are a man. Is this time all right?

If I were a man,

A: Yes!

B: Then why should I pursue you?

A: ... how can I ... find such a partner? ..... you don't want to chase me. Some people want to chase me, such as Huang Hong and Zhao Benshan, especially Pan Changjiang, crying to chase me! ..... you want it back!

B: (silent, arrogant)

A: No acting skills! If there is a classmate at the scene who wants to be my partner, just stand up and I'll treat you to steamed buns after the performance!

B: Hey! Hey hey! Did I say I'm not playing?

You changed your mind?

I will always be on your side!

Well, now you are my boyfriend.

B: Hmm! How should I play?

You must sweet talk.

B: sweet talk?

It's your boyfriend ... the rest of the text >>

9. Walking in the square, four five-or six-year-old children, three boys and a girl ran over and made a bet to see who could push me. Three shota didn't push me. The little girl said, look at me. She raised her leg and kicked me. I fell straight to the ground! . . . .

10, the state should promote putonghua. The county party secretary and county magistrate of a county in Ningbo, Zhejiang responded positively to the national call and decided to speak in Mandarin at the county rural work conference, which made a good start. County Party Secretary: "Rabbit, shrimp, pigtail! Without pickles, pickles are too expensive! " Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! After the secretary of the county party Committee finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!" (Translation: Now please speak to the county magistrate! The county magistrate said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is chinemys reevesii!" " "Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! County magistrate: "Don't be a pickle, I'll lick a piece of shit for you." Stop it, I'll tell you a story. County magistrate: This shit may be eaten by someone. Some people may know this story. County magistrate: Don't worry about not eating (don't worry about not understanding) County magistrate: I'll pull it for you now-

1 1. A new headmaster with a strong accent comes from a university in Guangxi. One day, he walked into the office and said to his secretary seriously, "I'm going to kill someone!" " "The words sound just fell and a female assistant from Ningxia turned pale with fear. After a long time, it turned out that the principal couldn't distinguish between "sand" and "check", but actually wanted to say "I want to check someone"

12. Miss Shi, who works in a certain unit on the road, is on a business trip and shares a room with a lady in another unit. In the evening, the lady smiled and asked her, "Are you dead? I'll die first if you don't die. " Miss Shi was shocked at once. After some gestures, she realized that it was this lady's "dialect version" of Mandarin that made "xi" in the shower often become "death" in death. She actually wanted to ask, "Did you take a shower? If you don't wash, I'll wash first. "

13, a big brother in Shandong squatted in the market with a basket full of big cocks to sell. At this time, a middle-aged woman came over, and Shandong's eldest brother immediately greeted him and said, "Big pick, big pick, how many to buy?" The eldest sister-in-law with red head and black hair said angrily, "rogue!" " Brother Shandong said, "Sixty cents, sixty cents, you buy a basket (meaning testicles)."

14, Lao Dong, from Henan, came to the south for breakfast. As soon as I entered the door, I asked, "Miss, how much is it to sleep (bowl) in jiaozi for one night?" The waiter was very unhappy and said, "No, only steamed bread." Old Dong said, "Oh, just touch (steamed bread)." The waiter was so angry that he scolded, "Rogue!" Lao Dong was extremely surprised: "Sixty cents? Too cheap! "

15, a soldier was captured, and the officer promised to grant him three wishes before killing him.

The soldier said I want to have a word with my horse. The enemy agreed.

The next day, the horse came back with a beautiful woman, a soldier and a woman.

The police officer said there were two more wishes. The soldier said I want to have a word with my horse. The enemy agreed.

The next day, the horse came back and brought back a beautiful woman. That soldier is also a rabbit? Grab the flail?

The officer said you had one last wish. The soldier still said I wanted to talk to my horse.

The officer was very surprised and went to the stable to eavesdrop. He saw the soldier holding the horse's ear and shouted, "I told you to take a woman (brigade), not a woman!" "

16, when friends are far away, they usually eat a plate of snails for dinner. The host picked up one and said, man! He abandoned it, picked up the other one and said, it's a male again! A long whisper: it's a man again! My friend was surprised and thought: awesome! Guangxi people are too powerful! Even the male and female snails can see it! I also invited my friends to dinner. People in Guangxi have a little cold and find themselves sitting under the air outlet of the air conditioner. They said, I have a cold and can't sit next to a mad dog. I changed my seat after I finished, and my friends were unhappy. What do you mean? I am a mad dog?