Who has a cold joke?

1: Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.

Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat.

The man said, well, let me ask you a few questions.

Squid is very happy to say: you take the exam!

Then the man roasted the squid. ..

2: I used to have schizophrenia, and now we have recovered.

An international student is taking a driver's license test in America, and the road sign ahead prompts him to turn left. He is not sure, ask the examiner:

"Turn left?"

A: "Yes"

So ... hang up. ..

4: One day, Mung Bean committed suicide, jumped down from the fifth floor, shed a lot of blood and became a red bean; It has been squeezed dry and turned into soybeans; The wound was scarred and finally turned into black beans.

Xiaoming cut his hair and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head is a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. Crying and crying ~ he flew away ...

6: There is a man who looks like an onion, crying while walking.

7. Little Penguin asked Grandma one day, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong? " "But, but why do I feel so cold?"

8: A pair of corn fell in love …

So they decided to get married …

On the wedding day ...

One corn can't find another corn …

This corn asks the popcorn next to it: Have you seen our corn?

Popcorn: Honey, I'm wearing a wedding dress.

9: In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.

Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaohua: "Piano."

10: Q: Two people fell into a trap. The dead call the dead, but what is the living?

A: Call for help!

1 1: Question: What are cloth and paper afraid of?

A: cloth is afraid of 10 thousand, paper is afraid of one thousand.

Reason: not (cloth) afraid of 10 thousand, just (paper) afraid of one thousand.

12: One day there was a mother-in-law in the car …

Sitting halfway, my mother-in-law doesn't know the way.

My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this?

Driver: This is my ass … ..

13: An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea, and turned into a tea egg; An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it became a preserved egg. An egg went to Shandong and became a Lu (halogen) egg; An egg was homeless and turned into a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road and fell to the ground, causing a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and became an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and became a hydrogen bomb. An egg got sick and turned into a bad egg; An egg got married and became an asshole; An egg swam in the river and became a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and became Hua Dan; An egg is riding a horse with a knife. It turns out that he is a Beijing opera blues. An egg is female and ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg; An egg is a man, and his wife commits adultery with other eggs outside, and as a result, he becomes an illegitimate child; An egg ...

14: The host asked: Can cats climb trees? The eagle replied first: Yes! Compere: Give an example! The eagle burst into tears: that year, I fell asleep, the cat climbed the tree … and then there was the owl …

15: Two dung beetles are discussing the welfare lottery. A said: If I win the lottery, I will buy all the toilets within 50 miles of Fiona Fang and eat enough every day! B said: you are too vulgar! If I win the lottery, I will pack a living person and eat fresh food every day!

Why do chickens cross the street?

Get the other side of the answer.

What is that man doing?

He's shaking.

Why is he shaking?

He's cold.

A: Oh, shivering doesn't lead to cold drawing.

A: ...

18: A banana gentleman is dating his girlfriend and walking down the street. It was very hot, so Mr banana took off his clothes, and then his girlfriend fell down. ...

19: There is a sausage in the refrigerator.

I felt very cold, and then I looked at the other one next to me, and I felt a little comforted. I said, "Look at you, frozen like this, covered in ice!" " "As a result, the root of the tree said," Sorry, I'm a popsicle. "

Once upon a time, a cotton candy went to play with a ball for a long time. He said, I'm so tired, I think I'm weak. ...

2 1: This diver's movements are very difficult. He turns three times, then somersaults three and a half times, and then somersaults for a month.

22: mm got lost looking for a university. Meet a gentle professor.

Excuse me, how can I get to the university?

Professor: Only by studying hard can you go to college.

23: The director and the section chief take the elevator. After farting, the director said to the section chief, You farted! The section chief said: I didn't let it go ... Soon the section chief was dismissed, and the director said at the meeting: You can't afford to fart. What's your use?

Miss: Business is bad now!

Boss: Why?

Miss: "Bird flu ..."

25: A woman trembled when she met a robber and said, "I am from XX school. I just graduated and haven't found a job yet. I really have no money ... "

The robber cried bitterly after hearing this. "Elder sister, I am also from XX school. You take the student ID card. Don't worry, Allah will never rob his own people! "

26. I want to talk to my girlfriend ML. My girlfriend says I can't do it without taking a shower. She promised that it would be "biased" when it was cold. After washing, my girlfriend said shyly, "Honey, you are lazy, where can you wash ..." I even fainted after listening to it. I just brushed my teeth.

27: A blind beggar is begging in the street wearing sunglasses.

A drunk came up and felt sorry for him, so he threw him a hundred dollars.

After walking for a while, the drunk turned around and happened to see the blind man with his back to the sun to distinguish the authenticity of a hundred-dollar bill.

The drunk came over and took the money back and said, "You fucking don't want to live, how dare you lie to me!" " "

The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said, "Brother, I'm really sorry. I'm looking for a friend. He was blind and went to the toilet. In fact, I am dumb. "

"Oh, I see," so the drunk dropped his money and staggered away again. ...

28: bird flu-it's all caused by "paradise shit"! ! !

There are two kinds of people who have a high probability of getting bird flu-1. "animals"; 2. People who are "worse than animals".

29: A: Hey, how did you learn to smoke?

I will, when I steal the forbidden fruit from Adam and Eve ~

Do you know why Adam and Eve stole the forbidden fruit?

AB: I don't know!

Because Adam has no cigarettes! (hint: homophonic words)

30: Someone has just been abandoned by his girlfriend and happened to meet his ex-girlfriend flirting with his new lover in the street. The more he watched it, the angrier he became, trying to humiliate them. So I made a polite greeting and said contemptuously to my girlfriend's new love, "You don't dislike my second-hand goods!" " Just when he was proud of his creativity, his ex-girlfriend smiled and said, "One inch outside is old, and the inside is brand new!" "

3 1: She gave me a kiss when we broke up, and it felt as real as People's Daily. ...

32: I just saw something similar to a news scroll bar on the top of my senior computer screen, and the words on it passed quickly.

I am curious to ask: Is this the lyrics?

Senior: Yes!

Senior: How did it pass so quickly? I didn't even see it clearly!

Senior: From Jay Chou! !

Wife: I'm really blind. I'll marry you when I step in shit.

Husband: I was really blind enough to step on shit before I married you.

Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you both stepped on it. ......

34. College entrance examination chemistry questions: A and B can be transformed into each other, B can generate C in boiling water, C can be oxidized into D in the air, and D smells like rotten eggs. What are a, b, c and d?

I replied: A is a chicken, B is a raw egg, C is a cooked egg, and D is of course a rotten egg!

35: Which is the worst, rubber, tiger skin or lion skin?

A: Eraser.

Because of the eraser

36: Q: 3 What is that with only one head and one foot?

Answer: Three monsters with one head and one foot! ! ! ! ! !

37: The ants went to the desert. Why didn't he leave footprints on the beach, but only a line?

Answer: Because it rides a bike!

The ant came home from the desert. He didn't inform anyone, but his family knew he was back! Why ah!

Answer: I saw his bike parked downstairs.

38: One day, a female drug addict was taken into the police station. The police saw a tattoo on her hand and asked her why she had her boyfriend's name tattooed on her hand. Is his name Liang Xiao ... Ah ... isn't it? Come on, say ... Is he taking drugs? Let's go

I saw the female drug addict raise her head with angry eyes.

Say to the police

This is hatred. ...

40: One day, Xiaomei and her boyfriend went out for a ride.

The car is running out of gas, and there is a gas station next to it. When driving by, a sudden gust of wind blew my boyfriend's hat away.

Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her:

"I'll get my hat, you help me to refuel. 」

Not far from her boyfriend, she heard Xiaomei shout behind her:

"come on Come on! 」