Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Chapter 3: The Story of Third Uncle
Chapter 3: The Story of Third Uncle
My name is Shen La, and the Shen Yuanchao I mentioned before is my third uncle. That year, he was promoted three levels in a row because of his "bravery in fighting the fires in Daxinganling", and he was promoted from a small squad leader to a full company-level cadre. Not long after, he was promoted to another level and became deputy battalion commander. However, since the beating, the third uncle has never been promoted. He worked as a deputy battalion commander for more than ten years until he changed his job and returned to the local area at the age of 42. He worked as the deputy director of the security department of a state-owned enterprise in the Northeast (it was said that he was a deputy director, but in fact he was treated at the department level).
My third uncle has been married twice. That year he just became the deputy battalion commander, and my grandfather arranged for him a wife in his hometown. Even though the third uncle is an armed police cadre, his thinking is still old-school, and my grandfather has to make the final decision on marriage matters. After seeing each other two or three times when we went home to visit relatives, we decided to get married.
Half a year after their marriage, when the third aunt went to visit her third uncle in the army, the car fell off a cliff, and no one of the forty-four people in the car survived. When the bad news came, the third uncle was heartbroken. Although he and the third aunt were not in a free relationship, they had not known each other for a long time. But after all, they were still newlyweds, and no one could accept it if they just left like this.
Later, when I became wiser, my biological father and second uncle also talked about my third aunt. In the words of my second uncle: "If the third aunt hadn't been too tough, Xiuzhi (my third aunt) wouldn't have been born." Aunt) That girl has a good life for decades."
In the blink of an eye, my third aunt has been gone for almost a year, and my energetic grandfather has started to work on the remarriage of my third uncle. Come. This time, the third uncle said that he would not do anything anymore. It had only been a year since his wife left, and he couldn't bear to prepare for a second marriage. If he said it, his comrades would laugh.
No matter how my grandfather beat and scolded me, my third uncle would not let go. In the end, there was no other way, so my grandfather resorted to his trump card.
As the New Year approaches, the anniversary of the death of the third aunt comes, and the third uncle specially asks for leave to go back to his hometown to hold an anniversary memorial ceremony for his deceased wife. On that day, my grandfather gathered all the three elders and four young men in the clan (my grandfather was the head of the local Shen clan, the surname Shen was a common surname in the area, and more than 60% of the people in the county had the surname Shen) and other prominent figures in the village.
As soon as Third Uncle came back from the cemetery, a group of fifty or sixty people surrounded him in the yard. The elders of these clans and the main leaders of the village (the four major teams present, the village chief, accountant, security director and women's director) began to persuade and educate the third uncle like a storm.
From the story of father and son Tsunasu, he talked about the great significance of getting married and having children as early as possible in building a new socialist countryside. It also started from the story of how lonely a person cannot be born and how long a person can live, to the happy life of the widow Shen in the east of the village after her remarriage.
Finally, the village chief made a concluding speech quoting classics: "To aid Korea, we buddies are all naked kids who grew up together (actually the village chief is eleven years older than the third uncle. Since the third uncle, My uncle mentioned the deputy battalion commander. When they met again, they were "bare-butt babies who grew up together"). They were not outsiders. There were some things that a brother couldn't help but say. Just look at Liu Laoliu, who runs an oil shop in our village. , someone ordered him sixty-six baskets of oil a few years ago. At that time, he was not married, had children, and had no helpers. He could not squeeze out the sixty-six baskets of oil, and he could not earn the sixty-six baskets of oil. A few years later, he married. His wife and children had helpers, and someone came to order sixty-six baskets of oil. He easily squeezed out these sixty-six baskets of oil in less than half a month..." The village chief had learned a few things from the cultural team that went to the countryside. In Tianxiangsheng, these few sentences are said in one go, rhyming with each other, and speaking clearly.
The accountant and the current village chief ran for village chief years ago, but unfortunately the accountant lost by three votes. Now the two are still fighting fiercely secretly. The accountant went to the capital in his early years. Although he didn't make a big splash, he came back with a Beijing accent and a Beijing style. Seeing the village chief holding my third uncle's hand and still talking nonsense, the accountant poked the security director next to him and sneered: "This grandson used to talk fast."
The village chief is a famous thief. Er, when he heard the accountant mocking him, he couldn't help but became furious. He grabbed the accountant by the collar and said loudly: "My grandson, who are you scolding?" The two of them struggled together.
The director of security had a good relationship with the accountant, and when he saw that he was suffering a loss, he also joined in to fight the accountant one-on-one, and beat the village chief hard. The female director quit her job (it was said that she had a harmonious personal relationship with the village chief). With a sound of "ouch", she jumped onto the security director and scratched his face with her fingernails, leaving ten bloody channels. People present who had good relations with the village chief and accountant also joined the fight. Suddenly, the yard of my grandfather’s house was filled with weapons and the shouts of killing were loud.
My grandfather saw that what was originally a good "mobilization meeting to persuade educationally backward elements to get married and have children as soon as possible" was turned into a pot of porridge by these few ingredients. He was so angry that he trembled on the spot, "Stop it!" Get the fuck out of here!" The real decision-maker in the village was not the nominal village chief, but my grandfather, the patriarch of the Shen clan. The ultimate boss of the village broke out, and everyone could only leave my grandfather's house in disgrace.
After the place was cleared, my grandfather began to help educate his third uncle one-on-one. Unexpectedly, my grandfather's eyes turned red, and he burst into tears: "Lao San, you are the battalion commander now. When has our old Shen family ever produced an official as big as yours? (They did during the land reform before." A deputy township head was dismissed because of his work style. He spent two years squatting on the fence because of this. This matter became known to the whole county. Until I was in elementary school, I was laughed at by my classmates and couldn't hold my head up. My poor childhood .) If you don’t marry and have children in the future, I won’t be able to see your grandfather until I die!” The third uncle was the most filial man, so he could only nod his head and agreed to remarry when he saw this scene. My grandfather was overjoyed and started making arrangements for his third uncle's remarriage. Although the third uncle was married for the second time, his identity as battalion commander was there. Where in the world have I seen such a big official? When my third uncle brought up the deputy battalion commander to go home to visit relatives, the county armed forces minister personally accompanied him. He walked around several villages before returning to my grandfather's house. Who in the area didn't know that there was a battalion commander in the old Shen family? His third son?
As soon as the news came out that my third uncle was going to remarry, all the matchmakers from all over the country gathered at my grandfather’s house. Even later, some old bachelors complained: "That year, I fell in love with that girl from that old family, and we were about to get married, but we couldn't find a matchmaker to propose the marriage. Only after asking around did we know the whole story. All the matchmakers in the county have gone to Lao Shen's house. Alas, if things drag on, the marriage will be ruined. Otherwise, my son will have graduated from elementary school."
With the experience last time, this time. The wedding went much more smoothly. The new third aunt was chosen by my grandfather for my third uncle. The third uncle just looked at each other and went through the motions when visiting relatives. The wedding day was quite grand, and my grandpa was really good at it. Two million firecrackers were fired just for the bride's entrance (in the early 1990s, two million firecrackers were already quite earth-shattering).
I had already remembered it at that time, and I could still vaguely recall the appearance of the new third aunt when she came in. She has a tall and slender figure, a melon-shaped face with two small dimples, and big eyes that are no different from those of movie stars.
Shortly after the marriage, two pieces of good news came. First, the political commissar of the army had talked to the third uncle and was planning to promote him to a full-time battalion commander and send him to the military academy for further study. Good things come in pairs, and not long after, good news came from my hometown. The third aunt was already two months pregnant.
Compared to my third uncle, the happiest person was my grandfather. He was so happy that he couldn’t open his mouth from ear to ear after learning the news that his third uncle had a baby. (I was seven or eight years old at the time, and my second uncle’s family also gave birth to a son, but he had an extra grandson or granddaughter. I don’t know how happy the old man was?) For this reason, my grandfather even went to my great-grandfather’s grave. He burned the paper and muttered something about having someone who received the official seal.
Two months later, the third uncle asked for leave from the army and wanted to take the new third aunt to a large hospital in the city for a pregnancy check-up. When the long-distance bus that the third uncle was riding entered the station (long-distance buses at that time drove very fast, and the driver's salary was linked to the number of trips), he saw the new third aunt already standing in front of the platform.
Suddenly there was a "bang" sound from underneath the car, and the third uncle felt the car veer to the right. The driver turned the steering wheel fiercely, "Damn it, hold on tight, the tire is flat!" In panic, the driver stepped on the wrong brake. The out-of-control car hit the platform. At that time, the new third aunt was so frightened that she forgot to dodge and was pushed against the wall behind the platform by the car.
When everyone was busy carrying the new third aunt into the car and taking her to the hospital, she was still conscious, tightly holding the third uncle's hand and shouting his name. Halfway through the journey, the third aunt Xin stopped breathing, and her last words were: "Yuanchao, don't leave, I'm afraid..."
The third uncle was already mad and returned to the long-distance station. Beat the driver half to death. Still feeling unable to vent his anger, he found an iron rod and smashed several cars parked in the station. The staff at the station watched my uncle smash four or five cars and didn't dare to stop him. Not long after, my grandfather got the news and arrived with people from the Shen clan. He did an even better job and set fire to the station.
At this time, news came from the hospital that Xin San My aunt was pregnant with a boy, and my grandfather spurted out a mouthful of blood on the spot.
Finally, the county magistrate and county party committee secretary arrived with the county public security director. Seeing that there were more and more people named Shen filling the station, it took a lot of effort to calm the situation down.
The result of the Public Security Bureau’s decision was that my grandfather was detained for fifteen days for violating public security regulations (considering the old man’s physical condition, my biological father took him to be punished. In fact, he went to the detention center every day to sign a name). The murderer who set fire to the long-distance station has not been found (no one dared to identify my grandfather), and the station itself will handle the damage. The station compensated the third uncle for 200,000 yuan. Because the third uncle is a military armed police cadre, the local government has no power to punish and can only report the incident to the armed police garrison where the third uncle is located.
A month later, the army issued a decision on the punishment of the third uncle: Comrade Shen Yuanchao was given a major offense, his appointment to be promoted to a full-time battalion cadre was revoked, and his qualification to enter the military academy was cancelled.
Uncle San himself couldn’t believe it when he saw this result. This punishment seems quite severe, but it only goes so far if you look carefully. Withdrawing his appointment as a battalion commander, the third uncle was not the battalion commander in the first place. It would be even more interesting to cancel the qualification to study at the military academy. Third uncle has never actively applied to study. Besides, the academy recruits students every year. If you can't go this year, you can go in a few years.
The slightly more lethal one is the major demerit. According to the military punishment regulations, those who commit two serious offenses within one year will be automatically discharged from the military and sent home. Having said that, two serious mistakes - how can it be so easy?
The third uncle had packed his bags and was ready to leave. The government in his hometown determined that Shen Yuanchao beat up the innocent driver (whether the grandson was innocent or not is a matter of opinion), smashed four long-distance buses, and set them on fire. Long-distance station (this crime fell on the third uncle, anyway, he couldn't write two characters in one sentence, and besides, it was a father and son). Even if there were causes for the tragic death of the new third aunt, these crimes were enough to enter the military court, let alone early discharge. To have such an ending now is really blessed by Amitabha and our ancestors.
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