Selected centaur jokes

1, always has been. There is a landlord named Monday, who is cruel and abnormal! Killed my brother on Saturday and Sunday, and betrothed my sister to a vicious landlord Jia in a neighboring village on Friday! Not only that, he also runs wild in the countryside every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, killing people. His crimes are numerous and outrageous! Let people in dire straits!

2. A rich woman leads a dog for a walk, while a beggar in Lu Yu. The rich woman proudly said to the beggar, "You call my dog dad and I'll give you a hundred dollars!" " The beggar said, "What if I scream ten times?" The rich woman replied happily, "then I will give you 1000 yuan!" " ! ""The beggar shouted at the dog ten times at once, which attracted the audience like a cloud. In full view, the rich woman had to pay the beggar. After receiving the money, the beggar repeatedly shouted, "Thank you, Mom! Thank you, mom!

According to the law, men can only get married at the age of 23, but they can be soldiers at the age of 18. This illustrates three problems: first, it is easier to be a husband; Second, it is more difficult to live than to fight; Third, women are more difficult to deal with than enemies. ~

4. Last time our class came back from a spring outing, and then someone in the car voted: Which do you think is more handsome, Jesus or Buddha? Then I asked some classmates, and the Buddha was very handsome. Ask me, I thought about it and said: Jesus. Then up to now, my mother was ill and didn't attend a key school. Luck, that's called a plunge. A buddy chose Buddha, and now he has moved to a new home ... I really want to hack the person who initiated the vote. ...

The foot of my bed is shining so brightly-there is no window, is it already frosted? -There's no door. Looking up, I found it was moonlight-the house had no roof, and it sank again, and I suddenly thought of home-very hurt. Appreciate:

This poem reflects the poet's painful feeling of becoming a house slave as a China native …

6. Grandma can't understand high technology. She complained to me: "Why do you young people want to get an iPhone? Isn't the telephone eye (homophonic I) full? "

"No, Grandma, you misunderstood," I explained. "The iPhone is not for watching, but for installing."

7. Teachers teach kindergarten children to learn English and read ABC. There is a child who just doesn't want to die. The teacher asked him why, and the children replied, "Mom said that if B is * *, you can't talk!" " "The teacher said angrily," Your mother's B is different from the teacher's B! Your mother's B is * *, and the teacher's B is for foreigners! ! "

8. My friend bought a camera recently. My friend said that this camera can remind you whether you blink when taking pictures. I thought it was fresh, so I borrowed his camera. I tried to take a selfie with it first, and the camera really showed "Did you blink just now?" I quickly switched to preview. No, obviously I'm wearing glasses.

I complained to my friend, "Your camera is really broken! I obviously opened my eyes, and it said I blinked. "

My friend took the camera, looked at the picture on the screen, looked at me again and said, "That's because your eyes are too small."

Me: @ # $ @! @*^#。

9. A foreigner eats hot pot alone in a Chinese restaurant. His husband ate all the dishes, then drank the soup in the hot pot and ate it with relish. Finally, he said to the waiter, "This dish is good, much like our western food."

10, Lao Wang in the city wrote on the wall: "Animals urinate here."

The next day, he found a farmer leading cattle and horses in the back row of the house and said, "People in the city are really particular, and animals also have places to shit."

1 1, the Chinese word "where where" means modesty as a response to a friend's compliment. Foreigners unfamiliar with China attend the wedding of a young couple in China. He praised the bride's beauty politely, but the groom said modestly, "Where?"

Foreigners think that the groom thinks he is unclear, so they continue to say in blunt Chinese: "The bride's eyebrows, eyes, nose and mouth are all beautiful!"

The furthest distance in the world is not the ends of the earth, not where you will go, but I am standing at the door of a bus, but you can't get on it. ...

13, all three brothers in the family have a successful career. The eldest runs a private enterprise, the second is the boss of a state-owned enterprise, and the third works in the National Development and Reform Commission. On his deathbed, the old man said he had a last wish. He hoped that everyone would put 10 thousand yuan to accompany him on the road when he was cremated, and all three brothers agreed. When the old man died, the three brothers stepped forward in turn: the boss put in 10 thousand cash, the second put in 10 thousand check, and the third put in 30 thousand check while crying, and exchanged the cash with the second check.

14, the bridge collapsed, and experts said it had nothing to do with quality! High housing prices, experts say it has nothing to do with land prices! Debris flow, experts say it has nothing to do with vegetation! Early development, experts say it has nothing to do with milk powder! The expert's wife is pregnant, and everyone says it has nothing to do with the expert …

15, drinking is the bottom of society, and drinking and watching cards is the top of society;

It is the bottom of society that wants a wife, and it is the top of society that wants a lover;

Farming is the bottom of society, and buying and selling land is the top of society;

Pigs are the bottom of society and dogs are the top.

16, the old man went to buy vegetables and was picking vegetables. Suddenly, the vegetable seller said, "Hurry up, the city management will come soon."

The old man said, "I want to hurry, too." I came late, afraid that the house would be demolished. "

17, don't call me. If all the girls in the world look like you, my matchmaker will drink northwest wind.

18, you should watch cartoons, which is more in line with your IQ.

19, what happened to your face? You are 50 years old, and you still have so many zits?

20. I know the reason why you are light. There are two things missing from your stomach.

2 1, your appearance makes it easy for the police to shoot you.

22. I threw a bone. What are you robbing?

23. If eating fish can increase your intelligence, you should at least eat a whale.

24. You are the best for training dogs. You have a natural affinity for dogs.

If you were thinner, you wouldn't be mistaken for Japanese.

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