Various jokes (except cross talk)

Aries girl: Is this your first blind date?

Male: Yes.

Aries girl: Actually this is the advice my friend gave me: if there are no major dissatisfactions during the first blind date, it is best to marry the person you are dating for the first time...

Male: Oh? Why? (What is she hinting to me?)

Aries girl: According to my friend’s experience, the more blind dates you have, the less satisfied you are with the other person.

Male: (Looks like there’s something going on this time)...

Aries Girl: Each blind date is worse than the last, but in the end I realize that the first one is the best.

Male: That’s right. (Am I his first?)

Aries girl: Yes! Now I realize that I wish I had listened to their advice earlier! (A look of regret.)

Taurus: A Taurus girl can barely be considered a middle-aged girl, but she feels quite good about herself.

Because of her big mouth and square jaw, everyone secretly called her "Grasshopper".

On the National Day, the Taurus girl signed up to participate in a ballroom dance performance.

When I was putting on makeup, I asked everyone: How can I make my mouth smaller?

We all said: Why draw small? Look at Julia Roberts, she just relies on her big sexy mouth to confuse all living beings...

Your problem is that your lips are thin, so you have to make them as thick as possible. She will definitely compete with Jolin Tsai.

So JJ expanded the border of the mouth by about 5mm on the original basis, and emphasized the outline with pink.

In the melody of "Auld Lang Syne", in addition to the flying white train, the Taurus girl's flaming red lips are particularly eye-catching

On the third day, with her The boy who was dancing with him finally got up from the bed and said that he had been suffering from sleep panic for the past few days. "There was only a bloody mouth shaking in front of me."

The Cancer girl brought her boyfriend home: the three-year-old nephew: "Uncle, I doubt you were born by my grandma." Mom: "Xiao Chen, sit down, why are you so polite? This is also true. Your family." Sister-in-law: "Such a handsome uncle, from Tsinghua University? He really needs to have character and talent." Dad: "Xiao Chen, you're welcome...Dandan, you told me not to say anything yesterday. ?" Brother: "Is this Xiao Chen? Hey, my sister's eyesight has improved. Xiao Chen, let's have a few drinks tonight." Grandma, who was still alive at the time, said, "Young man, are you interested?" /p>

Lion: The Lion girl and the boy were buying apples at the place with a meal card in the north of No. 3 School. The apples there were really devastated, and there were almost no good ones. They worked hard for a long time, and finally picked three that looked pretty good. Little by little, the lion girl picked the big one, and the boy jumped two small ones. When he went back and looked, he found that the big one was bad and the two small ones were good. The boy complained about the lion girl and said: "You can't do it." I don’t know how to pick anything, let’s see how good I am at picking.” The Leo girl said: Yes, otherwise how could I pick you, how could you pick me.

Virgin: A virgin boy, 23 years old, good girl, driving home by train one day, sitting on a hard seat, opposite a beautiful girl. The boy was very much in love and thought hard about ways to attract the girl's attention. Soon, he came up with a clever idea: act cool! Then he stared at the roof of the car and said slowly: "Ask what love is in the world, and you can tell me whether life and death are together." His tone was extremely sad and deep, and his face was ashen. The girl's expression seemed to be moving, and her classmates were overjoyed. Then he recited it more than twenty times. After a while, the girl left her seat. When she returned, there was a policeman beside her, who said to the virgin boy: Where is your discharge certificate?

Libra: When you walk into the coffee shop, you see your friend sitting with two girls from a distance. The Libra girl is slim and although not a beauty, she is pretty, while the other one can only be... Describe it in two words - dinosaur. You take a deep breath, believing that you have always been lucky, and walk over to say hello to your friend. After being introduced by a friend, he didn’t say which one was the heroine. You think that if you want to trust your friend's vision, it must be a Libra girl, so you start to show your attentiveness to the Libra girl. At this time, the Libra girl's cell phone rang. She smiled brightly and picked up the phone: "Hey, hubby, I'm on a blind date with my sister..."

Scorpio: The home of Uncle Zhang, a close friend of her father's. The Scorpio girl went on a blind date wearing the long dress designated by her mother. She was as elegant and virtuous as an old Barbie doll; when she saw the male protagonist, she felt familiar, and it seemed that he felt the same way. The two looked at each other for a long time, and everyone smiled broadly. They must have felt that the situation was great and very actionable.

But in less than 3 minutes, "I remembered", the tea in his mouth almost spurted out, "You...you are so smart!" "MY GOD! You are a tomboy." It turned out that they were rivals in middle school, and enemies met, Extremely jealous.

It didn’t take long for the elders to realize that there was no hope, but they wanted to resolve the conflict, but the more they talked about it, the mother discovered that the Scorpio girl was a bully in middle school and had a little Taibo boyfriend; Uncle Zhang Only then did I realize that the doctor’s grandson had cheated on exams and peeked at pornographic books and periodicals in class... "My family is unlucky, my family is unlucky..." When I got home, I was scolded again.

Sagittarius: The Sagittarius boy was diligent in going to the cafeteria to eat. One day he finally discovered a pattern. No one was eating around the pretty girl and the dinosaur girl. Maybe it was to maintain his appetite. So the boy had an opportunity. He found a beautiful girl and sat across from her. I didn't expect this girl to be so proactive. Before I sat down, I started to smile at the boy and then blushed and started talking to the boy. Although I didn't say much, I still left a deep impression on the boy: She said: I'm sorry, this table is occupied. . . .

Capricorn: Capricorn boy’s experience: There are several things that I advise you not to give to your girlfriend

1. Shoes. After she puts them on, she will run farther and farther away.

2. Fan. It will get cooler the more you fan it

3. Umbrella. It will fall apart.

Unfortunately, I have given these away, and the result is just okay. Just imagine.

Aquarius: When I was at work, a boy in the unit said to the Aquarius girl, "I want to chase you." The Aquarius girl looked at his serious face and said calmly: "I am "Practice long-distance running."

Pisces: One day, the Pisces girl and the boy were walking and chatting about their respective ideals. The girl said, "I want a red convertible sports car, and then wear a white suit, and run on the grassland at sunset. Sitting next to me is a yellow dog with erect ears... The girl wondered why the boy didn't respond, and turned around to find his His face turned red from holding back, and he asked him what was wrong. The boy replied: Just as I was about to say, I am sitting next to you...

Below, the twelve zodiac signs after encountering gangsters.

Leo: Hello!

Gangster: You have to give the money within three days...

Leo: Shut up! I tell you, you have 2 hours to put my family in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs, otherwise I will kill your whole family! ! !

(It seems... reversed)

Aquarius: Who are you looking for?

Gangster: You have to put the money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs within three days, otherwise I will kill your whole family! ! !

(After putting down the phone, Aquarius immediately called the police. He is really the calmest zodiac sign)

Virgo: Hello!

Gangster: I...limit you to put the money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs within three days, otherwise...

Virgo: Oh, okay! Ask my brother to answer the phone! Brother! Did you eat vegetables or not more than 200 grams of meat for dinner? Wash your feet after eating and wash your nails too! ! !

(The gangster on the phone was already sweating)

Pisces (cryingly): Who are you looking for?

Gangster: You have three days to put the money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs...

Pisces: Wow...Dad...Mom...Wow... Wow...

Gangster (also wanting to cry): Stop crying, uncle will buy you candy!

Pisces: Wow... I want my mother... I want my father... Wow...

Gangster (gritting his teeth and stamping his feet): Come on, I can’t let your whole family go. !

Aries: Hello!

Gangster: You have three days to put the money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs...

Aries: West Suburb? It’s better to go to the eastern suburbs! There@&(_)(*%$&%$&^%##!@#!@%$~!@#

(The gangster has already packed his luggage to travel to the eastern suburbs)

Cancer: Hello...

Gangster: You have three days to put the money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs...

Cancer: I'll discuss it with my dad!

Gangster: Your dad is in my hands!

Cancer: Then I'll discuss it with my mother!

Gangster: Your mother too! In my hands!

Cancer: I will discuss it with my grandpa (grandma, uncle, aunt, brother, sister, uncle, grandma, grandpa)

Gangster: They are all with me! In hand!

Cancer: Then me and...

(Can’t you? Cancer is the only one in the family)

Taurus: Hello!

Gangster: Gangster: You have three days to put the money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs...

Taurus: Don't worry! I will arrive on time! Please don't hurt my dog, it is a very important member of my family...

(Niu Niu who loves family members is so silly and cute, but the gangster is too stupid)

Gemini: Hello! May I ask you...

Gangster: You have three days to put the money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs...

Gemini: But I Why should I listen to you? Don’t you know that it’s not easy for me to make money? I started going to school when I was six, and I didn’t find a job until I was 20. I still have to pass the probation period before I can make money...

(Please , the other party has already hung up the phone)

Libra: Hi!

Gangster: You have three days to put the money in the trash can on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs...

I believe you are not like this. You must be in trouble, right? But don’t lose confidence in life! I have 500 yuan here, take it first...

(The gangster was already moved to tears)

Scorpio: Please speak!

Gangster: You have only three days to put the money on the left side of X Street in the western suburbs. In the trash can...

Scorpio: Well, OK!

(The next day, when the gangster opened the trash can, he found a policeman inside. A row of police cars, Scorpio holding his family and waving to him not far away)

Sagittarius: Hello!

Gangster: You have only three days to put the money on X Street in the western suburbs. In the trash can on the left...

Shooter:

Can you be a little more efficient? Get your watch, I'll be there in 5 minutes! (Throw down the phone and rush out of the room)

Gangster: I... I haven’t said the location yet...

Gangster: You have three days to put the money in the western suburbs In the trash can on the left side of the street...

Mogaizao: But I still have something to do... Let's wait another day!

Gangster: Hey - don’t hang up! Hello! Hello! ……