Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - What interesting teachers have you encountered?

What interesting teachers have you encountered?

When I was in graduate school, I audited French classes.

At that time, the school offered two external courses for masters. I completed all my credits in the first year, and in the second year I had nothing to do, so I took classes.

In the first class, the music bell rang.

A little boy stood up from his seat, jumped to the podium, took out a piece of paper from his pocket, unfolded it, and said: "Let's roll the roll."

At this time, everyone's reaction should be like this

I saw this guy on the podium wearing a white T-shirt, nine-quarter pants, barefoot sandals, all ten toes exposed, big feet Ya is still very tall.

With his appearance, some people believe that he is a newly enrolled undergraduate student.

"Are you... the teacher?" A student asked weakly.

"Of course!"

"Why are you so young!" The students are sharp-eyed, they won't give us a fake teacher, right?

"I have been teaching for ten years. I am a fourth-year student!"

He, he, he tried to cover up his youth with age and emphasize his composure with experience.

In a normal class, students sit and listen while the teacher stands and teaches.

University teachers often schedule classes for a full half-day, with four classes in a row. Standing for a long time is really strenuous work.

I took several classes and became familiar with it. The French teacher is acting coquettishly with us. I am so tired from standing. Can I sit down in class?

Since everyone is so familiar with it, of course it’s ok.

However, how to sit is a problem!

Bring a chair and sit on the podium, it’s a bit far away from the students.

Sit down like the classmates, it won’t show that he is the boss.

There is only one solution. The teacher sits on the table! Stand on the chair and face the classmates.

Later, our French class maintained this posture for the entire school year.

At that time, Japanese and German courses were also offered at the Second Foreign Language School at the same time. They are all more prosperous than the French. Japanese classes also require seats, and if you arrive late, there will be no seats. There can be about twenty people in the German classroom, unlike the French class where there are only single digits at a time.

The French teacher will also comment with us on the future prospects of the two classes next door:

“German is hard to speak and hard to listen to! Girls must not learn it.”

“There are many people learning Japanese, which means it’s easy to get started. Just memorize hiragana and katakana at the beginning, but it becomes more and more difficult from now on. When learning Japanese, you start laughing while crying.”

What about French?

“Of course you go into French crying. Whether you can come out smiling depends on your luck.”

We teach French one text at a time. The teacher will lead you to read it through and mention the important grammar. Okay, you can memorize the rest slowly by yourself.

Basically, every time I take a French class, I can complete the teaching task in less than half an hour.

The rest of the day, haha, was spent talking about mountains and rivers.

People who study liberal arts know a lot about history and anecdotes. Most of the celebrity gossip I know now came from my French teacher.

"Hubble, who invented the Hubble Telescope, was a truly rich and handsome man. He could do all decathlons, read well, and he was even good at sports. His wife loved him so much that she took him Hidden, no one knows where Hubble’s body is.”

“Marie Curie is the only winner of the Nobel Prize in Physics and Chemistry, but the French Academy of Sciences did not give her the title of academician. Guess why? ...No, it's not sexism...because of style issues, she got together with a married man." Once talking about Maupassant, the teacher asked: "Do you know how Maupassant died? "?"

Since he asked that, he definitely didn't die of old age in a hospital bed.

How about being more passionate and dying on the battlefield like Byron?

Or be more romantic and die in a duel?

"Died of syphilis.

"The teacher said, "Do you know what syphilis is? Just..."

The people attending the lecture at that time were all graduate students. They had never eaten pork and had seen pigs running around. They knew something about what they should know and what they should not know.

But he , and he was afraid that we wouldn’t understand, so he taught earnestly and followed the instructions carefully, using the patience of a teacher to teach and explain to everyone, and popularize the transmission methods of syphilis.

It was posted on the school’s website at that time. There are many audio and video teaching resources. In layman’s terms, it’s music and movies.

The French teacher recommended us to watch a movie on the campus network. He wrote the name on the blackboard, a French movie. Two words. Then I laughed indescribably weirdly.

I saw that the second word is very common and means "I", which is equivalent to the first word in English. I didn't know the word, so I asked the teacher what it meant.

Unexpectedly, he pretended not to hear it and didn't answer.

I was stupid at that time and didn't know how to read words. He spoke in a low voice, but he didn't hear it clearly, so he spoke louder and asked, "Does the first word mean "lower"?" ”

A few days ago, when I was taking the test paper for French Level 4, I seemed to have seen this word, which means “to lower”. But the combination of “lower” and “I” makes no sense. There should be other meanings. .

"No. "He answered straightforwardly, but he didn't say what he meant.

I felt confused. Forget it, go back and look up the dictionary yourself.

Then he started to do the exercises. He He walked next to me and whispered to me: "Lower means baisse, two s's; this word has only one s, which means the same thing as... the word starting with f in English, which has four letters. ”

A four-letter word starting with f in English. Dear friends, have you guessed it?

Come and translate the name of this movie into English, Baise moi=f*** me

Well, is it really good for you to teach students this?

Du Niang can search for that movie

I don’t know. How many students, in the spirit of respecting teachers, watched the movie from beginning to end?

Basically, we have a French film appreciation class every two months. This content is about audio-visual experience of French culture.

The video entered the scene where two French people were swearing and swearing. The teacher pressed pause. This is authentic French that cannot be learned in books.

He wrote down this "dialogue" and taught it to everyone, filling it up on the whole blackboard.

After class, everyone just patted their butts and left, and no one thought about wiping the blackboard.

The next person to come to this classroom is a French foreign teacher. **The proprietress of a multinational luxury hotel volunteered to be a foreign teacher at a university during her short stay in China. p>It is said that this beautiful woman with an angelic face from the French upper class, this noble lady who chatted and laughed with celebrities from all walks of life in the salon and exuded elegance and charm in her movements, stared blankly at the mother tongue on the blackboard and trembled. Ask the students who walked into the classroom, do you also teach this in French?

What? You said that such a guy is worthy of being a teacher, and he should be allowed to correct his teaching attitude and pay attention to teaching results?

Haha, after taking his class for one school year, I passed CET-4 in French (please ignore that I have always had good luck in taking exams and got everything right.)

I left school a lot. In 2008, I had almost forgotten all the French vocabulary texts I had memorized, but I had not forgotten any of the gossip and anecdotes I heard in class. I would occasionally share them with my friends. Whenever I saw a slightly famous or famous person in a book, I would You can also smile ghostly, haha, I also know your dark history.

I also wrote the French teacher into one of my novels. Of course, the protagonist will be Gao Fushuai. Yes!

You know, the male protagonist in YY’s novel must be a man of great beauty, and he cannot be that funny. p>The novel is still being updated.

My best friends come here every now and then to help me increase the number of reading clicks to show their support.

My best friend is an out-and-out Chinese fan. The one he chooses to support always fails to live up to expectations. No matter how many opportunities he is given, he can never create a miracle.

My novels are always criticized by my best friends.

"People write novels with 5,000 updates a day, but you still update every week."

"The heroine is too pale, and they write about White Lotus, but you write It’s white cotton.”

“You wrote the male protagonist into a book-slinging, frigid character.”

One day, my best friend finally complimented me: “This is your novel. The supporting characters are the best written, and they are a bit angry like human beings."

Our university teachers are all jokers!

1. The microbiology teacher said: E. coli reproduces very quickly, as fast as one generation in twenty minutes. That is, in the first half of your class (45 minutes), the first E. coli will be Grandpa.

2. Teacher Xiandai: I have never been able to sing, but a few days ago the school organized a chorus competition, and it was impossible not to go on stage, so I just opened my mouth without making a sound. Let me tell you, the best singer The state is - silence.

3. The safety teacher said: In fact, yogurt does not have the function of losing weight, it is very high in calories; it does not have the function of moisturizing the intestines and laxatives. If you think it does, the possible reason is that you are drinking it. Cooler.

4. Teacher Xiao Yang: Don’t be afraid when you see a will-o’-the-wisp in the future. You can also say hello to him, just say "HELLO, I know you, you are white phosphorus."

5. The line teacher said: Ring the bell after class before leaving. Now the school is very strict about checking early departures. School leaders are checking every day. Otherwise, you will all go to eat in a while, and I will be here to talk to the leaders. .

6. The safety teacher said: In ancient times, emperors ate two meals. In fact, eating dinner now has no use. It is just for storing fat.

7. In the penultimate green food class, the teacher finished speaking what was supposed to be said, and then asked us to read the textbooks by ourselves. He suddenly walked off the stage, and there was a sound of people hurriedly hiding their mobile phones. It turned out that the teacher was just It's to borrow a pen.

The teacher said: I won’t call your name!

We:. . . . . . .

8. Our experimental teacher will not compensate us if he breaks the instrument, but he will deduct our usual grades. Once the teacher pointed a condenser tube to us and explained the experimental steps, and we heard a sound At the sound of the collision, we all shouted "deduct points, deduct points". The teacher smiled and said, "It's not broken, it's not broken."

9. Our Marxist teacher Grandpa Wang asked "How to describe a person who is very rich?" , how should we say? "We are as rich as a country"... "No, how to describe us as very poor?" The teacher concluded, "We are so poor that we are so rich!" ..."

10. Our line teacher suspected that a classmate in our class skipped class last period, so he asked him, "Can you tell me the names of some martial arts people I mentioned in the last class? If you get three, you will be here!"

True memories: 1. The fourth grade of elementary school. The head teacher's surname is He, who is as loving as a father. He was very naughty when he was young, but his academic performance was excellent.

During a weekly meeting, the dean pulled me and another student to the front desk to show us.

He Kefan climbed a tall tree to dig out bird eggs, and the teacher warned him for the safety of his students.

But I have a weird appearance: short, dark complexion. What's more, the whole body (except the buttocks), including the face and ears, are stamped with special seals of lotus root joints dipped in blue and black ink.

My sister goes to the same school and wishes she could crawl into the ground. I was only nine years old at the time. I had a naughty and nonchalant nature, and I would lead the way and count all the students in the school repeatedly. Everyone laughs till they burst into laughter.

After standing there for more than ten minutes, the head teacher asked the dean for instructions and then pulled him into his dormitory. He was washed and cleaned with soap repeatedly.

Afterwards, the teacher asked me: Is it glorious to be on the platform? Answer: I don’t think so.

Ask again: Why do you nod like a chicken pecking at rice?

I asked the teacher: Teacher, how many people are there in our school?

Answer: There are 454 students, excluding teachers.

Then why did I count only more than 420 people?

The teacher suddenly realized: Do you still have the nerve to count on your students?

2. The same class teacher in the same year and the same period.

Before the summer vacation, all subjects must have final exams. First, Chinese, arithmetic, history, geography, nature, art, and physical education. The last thing is singing.

There is an episode: the essay topic "Someone Who Makes You Unforgettable" in the Chinese language exam.

I have a deep affection for my class teacher, so I wrote down the teacher’s care, help, and teachings truthfully.

I am not showing off, I am very confident in my composition.

During the cross-marking, the teacher of his class planned to use it as a model essay script. The full score of the essay was 40 points, and the competition allowed 38 points. So the head teacher was very proud and told me the results privately.

Singing lessons are also taught by the head teacher.

The exam songs are chosen by the students and accompanied by the teacher's organ.

What I chose is "Returning from Target Shooting":

The sunset is red and the mountains are flying,

The soldiers are returning from target shooting...

At the end of the song, a person cheered up and shouted categorically: 1! 2! 3! 4!

The first time I tried my best, the teacher favored me and gave me a score of 95.

Feeling proud, I applied for a duet.

The teacher thought that he was striving for excellence and praised him in front of the whole class:

Students! Please look at Grandpa Grape, your requirements are higher, please applaud!

The teacher was wrong! I'm so sorry, teacher...

The aria is still very popular. The ending disappointed the teacher.

4! 3! 2! 1!

Rating: 59 points. Failed.

At the beginning of this century, the retired head teacher majored in "He Family Genealogy". My father-in-law, whose surname is also He, is very famous in the local area. The class teacher did not give out five services.

The teacher accepted Ding into the clan, visited people who were interested in the clan, and visited his father-in-law's house. I happened to be there too.

My father-in-law knew that I had some education and recommended me to the teacher to participate in editing. Shi and his teacher had been separated for several years, but something changed, (going to the countryside, moving to the countryside), and the teacher and the student actually didn't recognize each other when they met.

My father-in-law introduced me to me as the son of Mr. So-and-so (my parents moved here in the early days of liberation. They were also famous and talented people). Of course the teacher knew my late father. (May the departed ancestors rest in peace!) Question: Are you Guangzhi?

I said yes. At that time, the father and son hoped that their son would become a dragon, but now they have changed their names.

The teacher said, do you still remember your class teacher when you were in fourth grade in Shinan (school name)?

There is no need to go into detail about what happened next. Anyway, I sigh and sigh with tears.

It is a pity that I did not accept the teacher’s sincere invitation, and I feel guilty.

Because, when I was still on the job, I could no longer follow the master to saddle the horse in front and behind, pedal and hold the whip, and do the work of the dog and horse.

I still remember the last Chinese class. The teacher said: "Take out a piece of paper and write silently." There was a sound of tearing paper in the whole class. The teacher said: "If you make a mistake a hundred times, if you miss a mistake two hundred times," the whole class complained, "Teacher, why are you silent?" "The whole class Classmate’s name”. As time passes, we will never be separated!

The funniest teacher I have ever met, he is now a permanent resident of Hunan TV Mars Intelligence Bureau.

The teacher I met when I was in junior high school often punished the children corporally, and each one took turns to slap the mouth.

I remember that was my university teacher. He didn’t teach me originally. , I later took the initiative to skip class and go to his classroom to attend classes.

I was a sophomore in college at the time. When I was taking physics class, I found that the teacher here was messy and made no sense in his lectures. The physics class in the next class was very interesting, and the whole class burst into laughter. As a result, I Taking advantage of the gap between the two classes, I sneaked next door to listen to the class.

The teacher was a middle-aged man wearing a suit. He was not afraid of anyone who came and welcomed us.

This teacher was very interesting. When we were a little sleepy after listening, he asked us: "What are you going to eat for lunch? Let's go to the cafeteria to see if there is beer and fried chicken?" The hit "Descendants of the Sun" happened to have this gag, and the whole class burst into laughter. He also always asked his classmates to come to the podium to answer questions. If they answered correctly, they would be given extra points. Every time they answered correctly, they would perform a short show in class. During class, they often use a lot of little jokes and jokes to interact with us.

Anyway, when I take physics classes in the future, I won’t go back to the original classroom and go directly to their room. Later we became friends, and he even led me on a scientific research project.

During the Cultural Revolution, labor representatives moved into the school to work as teachers. The teacher said there was no smell of excrement, so how could the smell of rice be there? I said what the teacher said was wrong. The smell of feces comes only after eating rice. The teacher spanked me. It was more than 40 years ago and the teacher can no longer be found. If you meet me one day, you will have to fight back.

Back in high school, a guy farted during evening self-study. It was a little tactful. The four people around him kept laughing. The new female teacher was angry. It broke, and he shouted to stop it, but with little effect. Then in anger, he asked the four of them to write a checkup each. After a while, they still felt uneasy and asked the one who farted to write one too. The child stood up and said aggrievedly. : "How can you fart and still have to write a test?"

The summer Mathematical Olympiad class has started, and I have been assigned to Teacher Xu's class. I don't want you to come to the classroom. Teacher Xu is wearing glasses. Not tall. As soon as class started, Teacher Xu said to the girl behind her, please run over at a speed of 180 meters per second. The whole class laughed loudly and then Teacher Xu introduced the class rules: "Please don't be late. I think I am talking about the key point. You can come in by knocking, or you can come in without knocking, or you can come in by knocking." At this time, a classmate When he walked in, the whole class started to stir up trouble. The girls were lying on the table laughing so hard that they were crying. The boys were holding their stomachs and laughing so hard.

Mr. The cover died heroically, and the first page was gone on the fourth day. I will bring a clip with me next time. If I don’t bring it with me, I will go downstairs and buy you 5 yuan. I will buy you 10 yuan, and I will earn 5 yuan for travel expenses.” Then Teacher Xu began to give a lecture, and the classroom was extremely quiet. Then Teacher Xu asked everyone to discuss, and the classroom was suddenly filled with discussion. Everyone talked to each other, and the discussion began. Finally, Teacher Xu said that the Mathematical Olympiad is to use Use the simplest method to do the most difficult questions. Don't inherit. Use the most difficult method to do the simplest questions. Be sure to complete your homework today, otherwise there will be unexpected surprises.

This class is really interesting. I started to like the Mathematical Olympiad class and the humorous and interesting teacher Xu.